Frodo's Mistake Chapter 2, a lord of the rings fanfic

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything familiar.

A/N: Sorry for not updating for a really long time. There's this thing I have to go to. It's called SCHOOL. And I have a procrastination problem. Sorry. But maybe if you all review a lot more I'll be more compelled to update…(hint)

Chapter Two

"I think I can see the shire from here!" Frodo exclaimed. His face was pressed against the window of the helicopter, making it seem like his nose was squashed.

"That is SO unattractive." Sam said.

"Are you still mad at me…schnookums?"

"Don't even try it." Sam held his palm in Frodo's face, "I'm so not in the mood."

"Could you two please shut up!" Legolas had two cucumbers covering his eyes, "Some of us are trying to get some well deserved but not technically needed beauty sleep!"

"Yeah, I need to look extra sexy for Butterbur's sexy dance party." Gimli added.

"Enough with the sexy!" Aragorn shouted, "If I hear you say- Sam, is that a purse?"

"NO!" Sam said defensively, "It's a man purse."

"Dawg, real men don't have purses, foo'," P-Dizzle was listening to 50 Cent.

"Real men don't wear penny loafers either…" Legolas said as he adjusted his cucumbers.

"They wear tights!"

"SHUT UP FRODO!" Aragorn said, "I wear penny loafers, so real men wear penny loafers!" He growled. They shrank away.

"What. Ever." Legolas made a 'w' with his fingers.

"SHUT UP ALREADY! What do you know anyway! All you ever do is stand around, state the obvious and look pretty!"

"Yo, are we there yet G-Unit-izzle?" M-dawg asked as he took off his headphones, "My batteries is dead."

"Can you see Bree yet, Legolas?" Gandalf asked. He took yet another aspirin, which was the last one in his fortieth bottle.

"How should I know?" Legolas said sarcastically, "All I ever do is look pretty!"

"And you do a very good job of it…" said Frodo. Sam smacked him hard across the face. "Did I say that out loud…?"

"Would you all shut up!" screamed Gimli, "Don't you guys get it? I NEED to do the sexy regime before the super sexy dance party tonight!"

"Yo G-Unit," Pippin said, "what kind of dance party is it?"

"A dance party, and all the HOTTEST celebrities will be there." Gimli said, sounding very much like an ET correspondent.

"Is there going to be DDR?" asked Frodo.

"Typical." Sam said, sitting beside him, arms crossed and looking very surly. "You and your stupid DDR." Sam rolled his eyes. Everyone stared at Sam, confused.

"Uh, yes Frodo. There will be DDR." Answered Gimli.

"Good." Frodo said, "Because I suck at real dancing."

"YOU SUCK AT LIFE!" Sam screamed at Frodo, unable to control his anger anymore. And in a fit of rage, he ran to the window sobbing, and jumped out.

"Finally!" said Frodo, "I'm a free man!"

A single tear ran down M-Dawg's cheek.

"Yo, G," said P-Dizzle alarmingly, "WTF."

"It's just sad, okay!"

The bouncers were at their stations, the drinks were made, and DDR was hooked up. The party was starting.

Gimli strutted his stuff around the dance floor. Frodo was getting his DDR on. Legolas was flicking his hair, again, which made all the girls swoon. (Note: Legolas isn't gay, he's just extremely metro-sexual. I think.) P-Dizzle was having a rap battle out back. Everyone was having a good time.

Everyone except M-Dawg. He was sitting at the bar, drinking his second pint. He sighed sadly. He was drinking the alcohol when someone sat down beside him. Merry looked over and his eyes went as wide as dinner plates.

"OH MY HOLY GOLD FRONTS!" Merry exclaimed. In his excitement, he knocked over his drink and fell out of his chair.

"That's a waste of good drink, mate." The man beside him was bedecked in a tri-corner hat and a red bandana. Beads littered his dark hair and…okay, if you haven't guessed who it is yet, it's Jack Sparrow. And Will Turner.

"Are you really Jack Sparrow?" Merry asked.

"Last time I checked I was."

"Holy. Crap." P-Dizzle said. Legolas, Frodo, Gimli and Gandalf had also noticed the two misplaced movie characters.

"You look really familiar…" Legolas said to Will, "Have we met?"

"No…do I smell Herbal Essences?" the pirate/blacksmith asked.

"Heck yes!"

"What kind do you use? I have passion fruit and strawberries and crème." Will said.

"I prefer tropical coconut, actually."

"Oh bloody hell…" Jack sighed, "Here we go again."

"What are you doing here?" Gandalf asked, "You're in the wrong movie, you know."

"Competing in the dance contest." Jack said, "What else would we be doing?"

"Trying to save Elizabeth from impending doom?" Frodo suggested, "Bedding a whore?"

"Let's keep it PG, shall we?"

"Ladies, gentlemen, and other miscellaneous peoples of Middle Earth!" Butterbur boomed over the loud speaker, "Our dance contest is about to begin!"

"That's my cue," Jack dashed off behind the stage, leaving the confused fellowship behind.

"Our first contestant is…Wait a minute, Jack Sparrow?"

"CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!"

"Isn't he in the wrong movie…? Well, anyway, our next contestant is J-Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"Thank you, thank you!" Jack said as he stepped out on to the dance floor. Much to everyone's dismay-or fantasy, depending on how you look at it…argh, PG! - Jack was wearing a tightly fitted red body suit.

"Hey isn't that the suit that-" M-Dawg tried to finish, but was interrupted by Oops! I did it Again by Britney Spears.

Jack turned his back to the audience and shook his booty to the beat of the song. He twirled and pirouetted, making one question Jack's masculinity. When it got to the chorus, Jack did a back flip and bodysurfed through the audience. Once he got back to the stage. He seriously broke it down. The crowd cheered when the song ended.

"CAPTAIN JACK!" Frodo shouted, "SIGN MY BOXERS!"

"Our next contestant is…Aragorn! Son of Arathorn!"

"OH! That's me!" Aragorn ran out to the stage. He put on weird looking boots, aviator glasses and for some odd reason, a yellow feather boa. Aragorn took off his shirt, at which many of the women present screamed…in horror, only to reveal…

"Vote for Pedro?" P-Dizzle said, "Who the crap is Pedro?"

The song Canned Heat by Jamiroquai came on and Aragorn stepped back and forth. He tossed back his head and started to rock the dance floor.

"Raise the barn!" Aragorn shouted as he turned so his back was facing the audience and raised his hands in the air while shaking his bum at the same time.

"Oh! He's pulling a Snappy Dresser!" Pippin said. Aragorn snapped his fingers and shuffled back and forth. He was on FIRE.

"No…he wouldn't…" Gimli said, "HE DID! The Hail to the King!" Keeping it PG…

Aragorn's dance ended abruptly. He stood there awkwardly for a few moments, and then ran offstage as the crowd cheered wildly.

"Now, I'll be announcing the winners as the other contestants died in a freak can opener accident," Butterbur opened the envelope, "And the winner is…Aragorn! Son of Arathorn!"

"YES!" Aragorn punched the air in triumph. Jack threw down his hat in anger.

"It's a fix!" Jack exclaimed, "I'm SO much hotter than him!"

"Look, Captain 'Yes That Is a Pistol In My Pocket," Aragorn was getting angry again, "YOU SUCK. And Britney Spears is so last season!"

"Whatever! I've got a ship to claim!" With that, Jack and Will disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Whoa. Trippy." Frodo said.

"Now who am I going to discuss hair care products with?" Legolas whined.

"ME!" A thousand fan girls crowded the elf, "I love Herbal Essences!"

"I love it more!"

"No you don't, Head and Shoulders FREAK."

"Take that back…ROGAINE WHORE!"

Legolas slipped out of the mob of fangirls unnoticed and retreated to the back alley. It was then that Gandalf remembered their real purpose for being in Bree.

"IDIOTS! We need to look for the One Ring!" But no one was listening to the wizard. "Fine. I'll find it myself." He went to find Butterbur. "Did you happen to find a small gold ring here a couple months ago?"

"Which one?" Butterbur asked.

"What?"

"We get hundreds of small gold rings here." Butterbur placed a box full of gold rings on the counter. Gandalf looked through them. They were all the same. They all even had the inscription engraved on the band.

"So everyone has one now?"

"Yup." Butterbur showed him the gold bands on all ten of his fingers. "You can get them off of bookmarks. And online at Noble hahahahhhahhahahahhahahhahahahahhahahhahahhahahhahhhahhahaahahaahah

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Adrienne and I are so awesome.