Chapter Nine: The Best Deceptions (Part One)
I woke up the next morning in Sean's arms. Sean? Wow, I don't even remember falling asleep. This is something I haven't done with anyone besides Marco. I turned my head towards him and watched him sleep. He must have felt me watching him because he opened his eyes a few minutes later. He yawned and smiled at me.
"Hungry?" he asked. I nodded my head and we both got up. Well, at least it had been completely innocent. We were both still wearing our clothes from the day before. I followed Sean to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and studied its contents. "Well…" he began.
"Let me look. I'll find something. Since you got breakfast yesterday, I'll cook today," I told him and playfully shoved him aside. "You like pancakes?" I asked him a few minutes later.
"Yeah, but we don't have any frozen ones."
"Eww, I wouldn't eat those if you paid me. I can make my own you know." I grabbed everything I needed to make pancakes and mixed it all together. I put a pan on the stove, turning it on. Memories flashed into my head. My house on fire. My mother wheeled out, covered by a sheet. I stumbled back from the stove.
"Are you okay?" Sean asked me.
"Um yeah," I said, regaining my composure. "Why don't you go get a shower and they'll be ready when you're done," I suggested. If I was going to freak out about this, I might as well do it in private.
"You got it." I watched Sean walk away, and then turned back to the stove, taking a deep breath. I burned the first pancake, not wanting to go near the pan to flip it over. That one I threw in the trash.
Come on Ellie, you're being dumb, I told myself. Just make the damn pancakes.
When I finally did finish, I put them all on a big plate in the middle of the table. I took out butter, syrup, milk, and orange juice, and put plates and silverware down. Sean still wasn't out of the bathroom yet. I walked down the hall and knocked on the door. I was resisting the strong urge to just burst in there and see him naked. Wow, our little talk last night really got to my head, didn't it? Sean opened the door right then, and stood in front of me with just a towel around his waist. Why does he have to torture me like this?
"Hurry up and get dressed before your breakfast gets cold," I told him and started back towards the kitchen. I felt Sean grab my arm and he spun me around. Then he kissed me. Hard. And I felt something. Did I actually like kissing Sean Cameron? I pulled away. "I can't." I said, shaking my head and walking back to the kitchen. I'm still in love with Marco. And I'm such an idiot.
Instead of going into his bedroom to change, Sean followed me.
"I'll just get dressed after breakfast. I wouldn't want it to get cold," he said, with a big grin on his face. He sat down at the table and poured himself a cup of milk. I did the same. We both loaded our plates and began to eat. "You know, I really enjoyed that," he said all of a sudden.
"Enjoyed what?" I asked. Was he talking about the kiss, or breakfast?
"The kiss." Oh. Great. "And I think you did too." How would he know?
"I can't do this Sean," I said. Why did I say that?
"Because you're in love with Marco, right? I know that you still love him, but you have to let him go sometime. He's gay, and he won't be able to change that, not even for you. I've only known you for a few days now, and I think I…" he trailed off. "Never mind. Just forget it." I pushed my chair away from the table and stood up.
"I'm going to get ready now." Why do I always run from my problems? But, was this really a problem? I might like someone who isn't Marco. Is that good or bad? Marco is my soul mate, but he's gay. Sean was right, in a way. But I just don't feel like starting this now. I'm going to have Marco's baby. Once again, I feel like such an idiot.
I heard about your trip
I heard about your souvenirs
I heard about the cool breeze,
In the cool nights,
And the cool guys,
That you spent them with
Well, I guess I should have heard of them from you
I guess I should have heard of them from you.
Don't you see, don't you see
That the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions"
And the "Clever Cover Story" awards
Go to you.
So kiss me hard,
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips
Will be of service
To keeping you away.
I heard about your regrets
I heard that you were feeling sorry
I heard from someone that you wish you could
Set things right between us.
Well, I guess I should have heard of that from you
I guess I should have heard of that from you.
Don't you see, don't you see
That the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions"
And the "Clever Cover Story" awards
Go to you.
So kiss me hard,
'Cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips
Will be of service
To keeping you away.
I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers
I'll be all right when my hands get warm
Ignoring the phone, I'd rather say nothing
I'd rather you never heard my voice.
You're calling too late,
Too late to be gracious,
And you do not warrant long goodbyes.
You're calling too late
You're calling too late
You're calling too late.
Six months passed since our kiss. And Sean hadn't tried anything since then. We forgot about falling asleep together. We went to school like nothing had ever happened.
Of course, now that I'm seven months pregnant, everyone knows it. Some people have voiced their suspicions that Sean is the father, but I have reassured them all that he isn't. Sometimes I catch him looking at me in the hallways. It doesn't matter, because Marco and I have still been able to keep our secret. Not even Sean knows, and that makes me feel relieved.
Marco did come out to everyone though. About three months ago, he told all of his friends. I'm happy for him, I really am. But now I have to watch him flirt with guys. And it almost makes me sick to watch someone I love flirt with other people. It doesn't even matter that they're guys; just that he's doing it.
Anyway, Sean is throwing me a housewarming party. It's about time. Right now, I'm sitting on the couch. Everyone is here, but I don't feel like partying. Jay, Alex, Towerz, Craig, Paige, Marco, Jimmy, Spinner, and Ashley are here. Yeah, she came too. But at least she's being civil to me. Everyone's probably here for the beer, but at least they came. Among the people in our grade, Sean invited people from his grade too. He invited Emma, Manny, JT, Toby, and a few other people. Even Liberty is here. That's just weird. And of course, there are a bunch of people here that weren't even invited. But I don't care. Sean and I have both locked our bedrooms.
Everyone around me is drunk. I can't even drink because of the baby. I'm still staring at all the people, dancing and making out, when Sean sits down with me.
"Not having a very good time?" he asked me.
"I like the presents," I said, pointing to a pile of unwrapped gifts in front of me. Most of the people brought baby presents. But someone bought us a toaster. How cute. Well, we didn't have one anyway.
"I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not drinking. I thought you'd like some company who was sober," he said. I hadn't noticed. That was really sweet of him. Even Marco had gotten drunk, but not Sean. He stood by me no matter what. And I was just realizing this.
"Do you want to dance?" he asked me as a slow song came on. I took his hand and stood up, but then the doorbell rang. We exchanged weird looks, and both went to answer it.
"Ellie!" Oh my lord. My father showed up. Great timing Dad.
"Dad?" What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"I came back for a visit. I contacted the school and they told me your emergency contact. I got the address from her. I wanted to see my daughter," he said. I gave Sean a look and he walked away. I went outside with my dad and closed the door behind me.
"You picked now to come and see me? It's been six months Dad," I said, referring to my mother's death.
"I know, and I'm sorry. You didn't exactly tell me that you were pregnant," he said, putting a hand on my stomach.
"We never talked," I said coldly.
"Who's the lucky guy?" he asked, a grin on his face. I couldn't believe that my dad was happy about this!
"No one you would know," I said.
"Can I at least stay for the party?" he asked me. What? Did I hear him right?
"Why?"
"Because, I love you and this party looks like it's celebrating something for you. I want to celebrate. I can be just as cool as all of your friends," he told me. That means he wanted to get drunk.
"Whatever. Behave yourself okay?" I said, and went back inside. My dad followed me into the apartment.
"I won't even tell them I'm your dad," he whispered in my ear. Who wouldn't know he was my father? Did he think everyone was stupid? He was in his complete Battle Dress Uniform, with "Nash" stuck to his chest. I rolled my eyes as he walked over to the keg and got himself a cup. He looked in my direction and winked. I sighed and found Sean.
"I'm ready to dance," I told him. He went over to his stereo and put another slow song on. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he put his around my waist. He pulled me close to him and I could feel his breath on my neck. I rested my head on his shoulder and we danced for what seemed like hours. When the song was over, he whispered in my ear.
"Do you want to go somewhere and talk?" he asked. Wow. This was just like in a dumb movie where the girl follows the guy into a bedroom and they have sex. Not gonna happen! I'm already pregnant.
"Sure," I said. Did I really just say that? Sure? What kind of answer is that? Anyway, Sean led me to his bedroom. Even though I'd lived there for six months, I had never been in his room. There was a queen-sized bed in the middle of the room. It was actually in the middle, not touching any walls. Kind of cool but weird at the same time. He had some movie posters up and a few photos, but other than that, the room was a little plain. But I loved it.
"You like it?" he asked, as though he was reading my mind.
"Yeah, it's different," I said, laughing. I sat down on his bed and looked around some more. I slipped my shoes off and pulled my legs up under me. I was wearing a tight shirt that showed off the very bottom of my stomach, and a pair of black pants. Sean sat down next to me and put his hand on my stomach.
"Are you excited?"
"Well, I'm not sure yet. I just don't know if I'm ready to be a mom, you know? I'm still only fifteen. I won't even be sixteen until a few months after the baby is born. I'm kinda scared," I told him truthfully.
"You shouldn't be. You have a bunch of people to help you, including me. I think you'll be a great mother," he told me.
"Really?"
"Of course." He leaned towards me a little and playfully rubbed my hair, messing it up.
"Hey!" I squealed. Yes, I squealed. Weird huh? I reached over to him and did the same. His hair looked cute like that. Then he got up on his knees and tickled me. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't talk. Sean had me so I was lying down and he had one knee on either side of me. He was straddling my body, and if anyone came in, they would be suspicious.
I leaned up, trying to tickle him back. "Stop!" I managed to get out, still laughing. Sean ignored me and kept at it. He leaned down even further and we stayed like that for a minute. Our faces were so close. Sean stopped tickling me and I kissed him. I kissed him this time. It was a long, passionate kiss that seemed like it lasted forever.
"Sean, I…" I started to say when we finally pulled away.
"What is it Ellie?" he asked. He knew what I almost said. But I couldn't do it. I love Marco, don't I? Do I love him anymore? We'd been hanging out every day after school still. He'd been going to doctor's appointments and I still wanted to be with him every second. But could I possibly have feelings for someone else?
"Sean, I…" I began to say again. "…have to pee," I finished.
"Huh?" he said, looking confused. He looked so cute like that. After a few seconds, I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing, and so did he. "Here, uh…" he got off of me and helped me up. "Hurry back," he said as I left the room.
A/N: I'll try to get Part Two of 'The Best Deceptions' done soon. There's just so much in this little section of the story that I want to write that I have to do it in two chapters. The song is "The Best Deceptions" by Dashboard Confessional. They own the song.