Chapter Thirteen: Every Word Was A Piece Of My Heart
Sean
I softly knocked on Ellie's bedroom door. She had been in there for a few hours and I left her alone. But this is the woman I love. And she just lost a child. I need to be there for her. I knocked for a second time and there was still no answer. I could hear her playing her Jon Bon Jovi CD. I sat down on the floor, leaned against the door, and listened to the song.
I've been staring at the page for what seems like days
I guess I put this one off for a while
Did I see a tear fall from your eyes?
Or did you laugh so hard that you cried?
When I served my secrets on a silver tray to you
Hey now, I guess the night's just bringing me down.
There's no love, there's no hate
I left them there for you to take
But know that every word was a piece of my heart
You've been the blood in my veins
The only one who knows my middle name
And the smiles, they came easy cause of you
You know that I love you, but I hate you
Cause I know I can never escape you
So let the choir sing for tonight I'm an easy mark
Hey now, am I acting just a little too proud?
There's no love, there's no hate
I left them there for you to take
But know that every word was a piece of my heart
Have I said too much?
Maybe I haven't said enough
But know that every word was a piece of my heart
Hush me darling, maybe I've lost my touch
Maybe I've lost my guts
There, is that truth enough?
You know these love letters mix with whisky
Just don't light a match when you kiss me
Though I'll blow away, you know I'll be back soon
Hey now, am I talking just a little too loud?
There's no love, there's no hate
I left them there for you to take
But know that every word was a piece of my heart
Have I said too much?
Maybe I haven't said enough
But know that every word was a piece of my heart
Hey now, am I talking just a little too proud?
Hey now, all the night's just bringing me down.
I didn't realize until a few minutes later that the song had ended. I wiped the tears from my face and stood up to knock on the door again.
"Ellie?" I called into her room. The music was off and I couldn't hear a sound. I tried the door and it was locked. I don't know why I was just now trying it for the first time. "I'll just wait out here all night," I yelled, sitting down again.
"Don't hold your breath!" she yelled back to me. I warily stood up and went into my own bedroom. I slammed the door behind me, imitating Ellie.
I woke up to the doorbell ringing. After looking at the clock and realizing it was only 7:30 in the morning, I dragged myself out of bed and to the front door. It was Marco.
"How is she?" he asked me.
"How do you think she is?"
"Look, I know you're still mad at me for blowing up at her, but we've made peace since then. I talked to her all night last night on the phone and she asked me to come over today."
"I'm happy for you," I said sarcastically. He pushed past me and walked into the apartment. "Last time I checked, this is my apartment!" I yelled. Marco ignored me and made his way to Ellie's room. The door opened quickly and she pulled him inside, closing and locking it behind her.
I don't know why she won't talk to me. I feel just as bad as she does. I was beginning to feel like the baby was mine. I was going to help her raise him. Tears began to stream down my face but I wiped them away. I pulled a beer out of the fridge and threw myself onto the couch in the living room, turning the TV on. I sat there all day, and Marco stayed in Ellie's room all day. I couldn't believe that she was acting this way. When Marco finally came out, Ellie stayed in.
"What were you guys doing?" I asked him.
"She'll tell you when she's ready," he replied. "She really needs you. I can't do anything more for her. She loves you now," he said sadly.
"How can I be there for her when she shuts me out?" I asked him angrily.
"She can't stay in there forever," was his answer.
Ellie
I haven't cut in a long time. Not since Marco, to be exact. I stood my ground when my dad had sex with Paige, and even when I found out about his whole other life. I stood my ground when he murdered my mother. Losing Zane was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He was going to be the beginning of my new family. A fresh new start. But now the ground has fallen out from under my feet. And I'm falling with it.
I pulled the compass out of my backpack. Was I really going to start this again? I'm better than this. At least, I think I am. Just when I was about to drag the sharp point across my arm, I yelled for Sean. He came right away, bursting through the door. He saw the compass in my hand and grabbed it from me, throwing it to the ground.
"Don't do it Ellie. You're better than this." I know! I wanted to yell it in his face.
"I want him back Sean. I just want him back," I told him, crying.
"I do too," he whispered in my ear.
"I want to show you something." I took his hand and led him over to my dresser. Marco and I made a memorial for our son. There were a few sonograms and the one photo that I have of him surrounded by plastic flowers that will never die like he did. Marco had a plaque made with his name on it.
"It's beautiful," Sean said, sighing.
"Do you think I'm crazy?" I whispered.
"Of course not. I love you El."
"I love you too Sean. I really do. This is just so hard and I promise that I'll try to get better." I led him back to my bed and kissed him before falling asleep in his arms.
A/N: The song is "Every Word Was a Piece of My Heart" by Jon Bon Jovi. He owns it. This is just a filler chapter. More drama to come.