Chapter Nineteen: Standard Lines

Which of the bold faced lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy, you really deserve it,
This will be the best for us both in the end.

But your taste still lingers on my lips
Like I just placed them upon yours
And I starve,
I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
And dulling to the senses.
And it's crude but it will do.

Which of the standard lines will we use?
I've been meaning to call you.
I've just been so busy.
We'll catch up soon.
Let's make it a point to.

And your taste still lingers on my lips
Like I just placed them upon yours
And I starve,
I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
And dulling to the senses.
And it's crude but it will do.

Ellie

I woke up the next morning feeling surprisingly happy. Jay's arms were still around me and he had been watching me sleep. I smiled and playfully messed up his hair. He kissed me in retaliation and then we lay on the bed for a few more minutes.

"I need a shower," he complained, finally breaking the silence.

"You know where the bathroom is," I told him, smiling. He got off the bed and headed towards the door. He turned back before leaving. "You coming?" he asked me. I couldn't tell if he was serious or joking, but I shook my head and he smiled, leaving the room. I was really tempted to follow him, but I stayed where I was. After five minutes of lying on my bed, I jumped up and quickly changed my clothes. I sprayed myself with perfume and put some deodorant on; hopping back on the bed just in time for Jay to stroll in, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

"Better?" I asked, trying not to stare.

"Much better," he replied. He walked towards the bed and flopped down next to me. "Now, where were we?"

I couldn't resist myself. I climbed right on top of him and began kissing him; from his lips, down to his stomach. I stopped myself at the edge of the towel. Without thinking, I reached down to unzip my jeans, but Jay put his hand on mine to stop me.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked.

"Positive." Jay's mouth spread into a grin and I let him take my pants off. But he didn't get very far. Right after my jeans had just passed over my hips, Sean appeared in the doorway. Apparently he was home.

"Wow, um...I'll come back later then."

I was so embarrassed. I mean, we were broken up and everything, but it seemed like it just happened. Maybe that's because it did.

"Sean, wait." But he didn't listen. He walked away, into his room. I started to follow him, but felt Jay's hands catch me around my waist.

"Are you really gonna follow him? After all that shit he put you through?"

"Jay, I need to end this," I said, staring him in the eye. I felt his hands slip down; I knew he trusted me.

I let my room, closing the door behind me. Then I walked across the hall and found Sean lying on his bed. I leaned against the door frame and sighed. He must not have notices I was there because his head snapped up in my direction.

"Listen Sean...about what you said last night..." I started to say, but he cut me off.

"I'm sorry," he said, sitting up on the edge of his bed. I sat next to him and held onto his hand. The gesture was merely a friendly one, but it still felt uncomfortable. I realized then how little contact we had even shared throughout our entire relationship.

"Actually, I needed to hear it. Thanks."

"You're thanking me?" he asked, extremely confused.

"Yeah, I am. Because I feel the same way. I do love you, but I'm not in love with you. It feels good to say it." I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Are you in love with Jay?" he asked me quite suddenly. I paused before answering.

"I think I might be," I told him.

"I never wanted to hurt you. You know that, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, I do." Sean let go of my hand and motioned toward my room.

"He's waiting for you in there," he said.

"Sean, promise me that we'll stay friends?" I asked, hopeful.

"I promise." He kissed me on the forehead and nudged me off the bed. I slowly made my way to my room and didn't look back.

Sean

Friends. That actually has a nice ring to it.

Ellie

I got back in my room and Jay was waiting for me by the door.

"You're not leaving, are you?" I asked him.

"Ellie, let's face it...the moment's over." He sighed and squeezed my hand. Then he kissed me at the top of my nose, right in between my eyes.

"Don't go," I whispered in his ear, pulling him close to me.

"I have to."

"You're leaving naked?" I asked, my lips forming into a smile.

"No, I'm taking the towel with me. And I have clothes in my car," he added.

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know. But there's a party tonight; you up for it?" he asked.

"Of course," I told him. I kissed him softly on the lips. He turned to leave, but stopped in the hallway and threw something at me. I caught it before it hit me in the face. His favorite shirt. I smiled and smelled it; taking all of his essence in. By the time I looked up, he was gone.

Jay

I drove home in silence, no music playing. The way Ellie liked it. But Ellie wasn't even there. What is this girl doing to me? What happened to the jay that went to the Ravine every night? The Jay that used girls and tossed them away. That cheated on his girlfriend with more than one person. Now that I think about it, that was never the real me. Except I'm the only one who knows it. Well, maybe Ellie does. And it sucks that it took my girlfriend cheating on me to bring the real Jay to the surface. But now I have Ellie. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ellie

I did something that I haven't done in the longest time. Immediately after taking a shower, I called Marco. It was so nice to hear his voice. Now I'm on my way to his house. I knocked on the door and Mrs. Del Rossi answered it.

"Ellie! It's so nice to see you. It's been so long and we've all missed you so much!"

"I missed you too," I told her, giving her a friendly hug.

"How have you been?" she asked me. "I hope that boy had been good to you. And you're being good over there," she added.

"Yes, he's been good to me. We're just friends; don't worry."

"Well, Marco is up in his room waiting for you. I hope you'll stay for dinner; we'd love to have you."

"That would be great; thanks," I replied and headed up to Marco's room. As soon as I walked in, he gave me a huge hug.

"I'm so glad you're here El. It seems like we haven't talked in such a long time," he told me.

"That's because we haven't," I said, sitting down on his bed.

"Tell me what you've been up to!" he squealed, sitting down next to me.

"Sean and I broke up yesterday," I said quietly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. What happened?" he asked, all concerned. I realized then how much I had missed being with Marco.

"He cheated on me with Emma. They had sex," I told him.

"What a little asshole! Here you are, going through so much, and he cheats on you?" Marco was really angry and looked like he wanted to punch someone.

"It's okay, really. Well, it's not okay that he cheated on me, but it's okay that we broke up. I'm in love with someone else." Marco's eyes got wide when I said that, and before he could ask, I told him. "No, it's not you."

"Then who is it?" he asked, eager to hear the gossip.

"Jay," I whispered, looking down at my hands.

"Jay Hogart? Ellie! He's disgusting; he's a bottom feeder, a low-life, pathetic little…"

"Just shut up already!" I yelled, tears forming behind my eyes. "He's the only one who's been completely there for me since Zane died!" I screamed. I though Marco would get mad, but he just stared at me. Then he threw his arms around me and squeezed me hard.

"El, I'm so sorry. I realize that I should have spent more time with you. I should have been there for you like any best friend would. You don't need him anymore though, I'll help you get back on track," he told me.

"Marco, don't you get it? I do need him and he's there for me. I love Jay, and those feelings aren't just gonna go away, whether you pay more attention to me or not. This isn't a cry for help; I'm just letting you know what's going on in my life. You're supposed to support me!" I let my tears out, causing Marco to feel worse. Before he could say anything else, his mom called up the stairs.

"Marco! Ellie! Dinner's ready." I shot off his bed and into the bathroom, wiping my eyes and fixing my makeup. I quickly walked downstairs and ate dinner in silence. I made up an excuse that I had to get home because Sean didn't have his key tonight, remembering to thank Mrs. Del Rossi for the wonderful dinner. I left as fast as I could, not bothering to look back at Marco. I walked home, and when I got there, I was relieved to find Jay's car parked outside the apartment building, waiting for me. I ran up to his car and he got out. I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight.

"What was that for?" he asked, smiling.

"I'll tell you about it later. Let's just go to the party." I jumped in the car and Jay shut the door behind me before getting in and driving away. I needed a break from my life. And I never knew the party would get so intense. But I was dying to fit in and dying to feel better.

A/N: The song is "Standard Lines" by Dashboard Confessional. They own it.