Summary: First night in rehab and it's raining. Kirsten cries.
Disclaimer: I don't own rain…or the O.C.
Just a little one shot I came up with last night…first night of school; depressive thoughts LOL!
Raindrops
Kirsten lay in bed and listened to the raindrops splattering on the tarmac outside. She didn't want to be here. Or anywhere like here.
It wasn't home.
It wasn't a place she ever thought she'd be.
Here was Suriak Drug and Alcohol Abuse Rehabilitation Centre.
Here was rehab.
It couldn't be real; this was some kind of nightmare, freakish mistake, parallel universe. She never thought it would come to this.
Here was her own personal hell.
No Sandy.
No boys.
No contact for 72 hours.
And no alcohol to get her through it. Obviously.
What the hell was she going to do?
Not having people, that's what caused this mess; no boys last summer, no Sandy because she pushed him away, no Carter; his departure tipping the scale, and no Dad; her father's death had really sealed the deal.
Her answer to being alone was alcohol and not just the large crystal glasses of chardonnay she used to sip late on an evening. She'd turned to something else; crystal clear vodka, deceptively innocent-looking but with the power to completely erase life, numb the pain but at the same time change someone. She wasn't herself when she was drinking, she knew that. It was as though the icy substance was running through her veins. The things she'd said to Sandy hardly registered at the time; alcohol talking, cliché but true. Now the guilt was like a thousand needles.
Guilt for a thousand things; what she'd said and the things she'd done as well as what she hadn't. She hadn't been there as a wife, a mother and then as a dag
She didn't think she could do this. She wasn't strong enough, not anymore. Life had chipped away her marriage and her family and she had to do this alone. If she'd been strong she wouldn't be here. Wouldn't have fallen this far.
She'd be at home.
With Sandy.
With her boys.
Not in this tiny, cramped little bed.
Alone.
Wondering how they were rather than knowing.
She would be in Sandy's arms, in their bed.
When she reached out now her hand met cold air and the emptiness surrounding the bed. There was no figure laid beside her, constant and comforting.
She wished everything could have been different. Wished she wasn't here right now.
But she was here. She had to be. She was an….. She still couldn't say it, admit it. But somewhere inside she knew. Knew she had to face it; it was the only way home and home was very far away right now.
Raindrops began to fall from Kirsten's eyes, gentle showers down her cheeks turning to stormy sobs and floods which soaked her pillow.
It was raining, literally, metaphorically (metaphysically? Lol) it didn't matter.