Chapter Twenty-Two: All My Fault

Ellie

I woke up lying down, my body bouncing around. I opened my eyes to find that I was in the back of an ambulance. I couldn't quite remember what happened. I remember that I broke down after seeing Zane's picture, and then I dove for the bag; that's it. Now my heart was racing and I felt really hot. I tried to turn my head to see if anyone was with me, but I was too weak to move. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Jay

When the doctor finally talked to us, he said that there was nothing more he could do for her. We just had to wait it out or something. She suffered from mass cocaine consumption or whatever words he had used. He told us how much coke she had in her, but I don't remember. I wasn't even paying too close attention; I just wanted to see her. Come to think of it, I don't even remember his name. He gave her some type of medication to lower her blood pressure, and something for pain.

"I only want family in to visit her," he said when we asked where she was.

"We are family," I said. "The only family she's got."

"And what's the relation?" he asked, an eyebrow raised. I thought as quickly as I could, and this is what I came up with:

"I'm her husband and they are her brothers," I said. Marco and Sean went right along with it.

"They don't look much like brothers," he said, motioning towards Sean and Marco.

"We're all adopted," Marco told him, looking down as if ashamed. Sean followed suit. The doctor almost let us by, but then he stopped me.

"Aren't you a little young to be married?" he asked.

"Well, you see Sir, she got pregnant unexpectedly, and I did the right thing. But we lost the baby," I told him, looking as if I were going to cry. And I almost did. It was partially true; minus the marriage part and the fact that Marco was the father.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Now normally, we'd ask for proof of identification, but if she has no one else…" he trailed off. "Go on in," he said, stepping aside. I was thankful that he didn't ask anything else; or raise suspicions about my lack of a wedding ring.

"Husband?" Marco asked once we were out of earshot. He suppressed a laugh.

"Well, I was afraid that if I told him I was her boyfriend that it wouldn't be enough."

"Are you here boyfriend?" Sean asked. He didn't sound mad or anything, but I was caught off guard by the question.

"I'm not sure," I replied. By that time we were standing in front of her room. I was relieved to be able to cut the conversation short, but also scared about the state we'd find Ellie in. Pushing open the door, I reluctantly stepped into the room, with Marco and Sean close behind.

Sean

Ellie looked bad. She was just lying there on the bed, eyes closed. She was pale and looked so fragile. Jay ran straight over to the bed and sat down on it, hugging her. I almost wished it was me instead of him. But Jay is better for her. He's in love with her. I can tell. I walked over and sat down in one of the two chairs next to her bed and Marco did the same. I saw Jay holding onto her hand that was closest to him, and I wanted to do the same, but Marco beat me to it.

"Ellie, wake up," Jay said, well, whined really. He kissed her on her forehead and then laid his head against hers. Still feeling jealous, I looked at the machines hooked up to her. They measured her heart rate and her breathing. She looked so sad and lost. And I couldn't help thinking that most of this was my fault. I never paid attention to her, never saw her hurting, and never saw her doing drugs.

As I thought about these things, tears came to my eyes. I couldn't let Marco and Jay see me cry. Especially not Jay. I still wasn't sure if we were friends or not, but I didn't need to give him a reason to make fun of me. Then I looked up and realized that both of them were silently crying. I let a few tears fall, but then brushed them away.

"I'm gonna go down to the gift shop and get her something," I said, breaking the silence. Jay and Marco wiped their tears away too, as if they just realized we were all in the room together.

"I'll come too," Marco said, getting up.

"I might as well go," Jay added. "Hopefully she'll wake up when we get back. So instead of me getting some alone time, all three of us went down to the gift shop. We passed a pay phone on the way in, and it gave me an idea.

"I'll be right there," I said. Marco and Jay went in without me, and I went over to the phone. After putting in some money, I dialed her number.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Emma, it's Sean. Please don't hang up, this is really important," I blurted out. I listened for the click of the phone, and when it didn't come, I kept talking. "It's Ellie. She's in the hospital."

"What happened?" Emma asked, shocked.

"She'll probably get mad at me for telling you this, but she was doing drugs. Cocaine. She had too much. We found her on her bedroom floor. She was hallucinating and then had a seizure," I explained. "We're going to the gift shop now to get her stuff.

"I'll be there in five minutes," she said and hung up the phone. I walked into the shop to find Jay and Marco being indecisive.

"What should we get her?" Marco said.

"Well, I'm not sure really. I mean…" Jay trailed off. We both knew what he was going to say. What do you give to someone who took too much cocaine? After a few minutes, we all decided on a teddy bear that said 'Get Well' on it and a huge card that we all signed. Emma showed up and signed the card too, and then we were all on our way back to her room.

"Wait, we should get her some chocolate doughnuts," I said. "They're her favorite."

"And coffee," Marco added. We all went to the cafeteria, bought the stuff for Ellie, and got some food for all of us. Then it was time to face her. From outside her door, we could see that she was sitting up, staring out the window. Just when we were all about to go in, the doctor popped up.

"One visitor at a time please," he said. "This is a very stressful time for her. And who are you?" he asked, looking at Emma.

"Her sister," Jay said without looking at her. I noticed that he refused to acknowledge her at all until now.

"You adopted too?" the doctor asked. Emma simply nodded her head. He sighed and walked away.

"Jay should go in first," Marco said.

"Then you can go," I told him.

"Then Sean after that," Jay added.

"And then Emma," I said. We all agreed that this was a logical order. We handed over the presents to Jay to give to Ellie. He went in the room and closed the door behind him.

Ellie

When I saw Jay come in with all the presents, I was grateful. I didn't really want to talk to anyone but him. I smiled a little, but that was all I did. I was still feeling weak.

"What happened Jay?" I asked him. His smile instantly dropped.

"You took too much cocaine," he said angrily, sitting down in a chair next to me. He put the presents on my bed.

"I'm sorry. Thanks for these," I added.

"They're from all of us," I motioned towards the door. "And all you can say is that you're sorry?" he asked. I could tell his was really upset. I wasn't sure if he was pissed or just worried. Or maybe both. "I can't believe I couldn't tell you were addicted. I feel like this is partly my fault."

"Jay, none of this is your fault at all. Don't say that," I told him. How could he blame himself? Didn't he see how messed up I was? He had a fucked up girlfriend, and he blamed himself. Wait, am I his girlfriend? I don't even know. "I'm not addicted," I added.

"We have a lot to talk about when you get out of here," he said.

"I know we do. I want to tell you everything the minute I leave. I love you too much to lose you," I told him. He stood up to leave.

"Marco's coming in next," he told me. Turning his back on me, he walked away. When he got to the door, he said one more thing. "I love you too." Then he left. It was the first time he'd ever said it.

Marco

I walked into Ellie's room. Now that she was awake, I was unsure of what I should do or say. I already tried talking to her about the drugs, and this is what happened. Maybe this is my fault.

"Tell me the truth," I said, sitting down next to her.

"Okay," she said.

"Did you do this because of me? Because of what's happened lately?" I asked.

"Of course not!" she said. Actually, she pretty much yelled it. "Marco, you can't blame yourself for my mistakes, I won't let you."

"You're stopping this now, right? No more drugs?" I asked, hopeful.

"No more drugs," she agreed.

"And no more Ryder?" I added.

"No more Ryder. You're hotter anyway." I had to laugh. It was true.

"I guess I'll let Sean come in then. Visiting hours are almost over. Apparently on Sundays, they end at noon. Doesn't make any sense if you ask me." I bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "Bye El."

Sean

I wrung my hands together as I sat next to Ellie. I had been in there for a few minutes and neither of us had said a word.

"Do you hate me?" I finally asked. It just came out. I didn't even mean to say it. But I was dying to hear the answer.

"No Sean. Why would you even say that?" she replied.

"Well, you didn't even talk when I came in here," I told her.

"I was waiting for you to start."

"Oh. I can't believe I didn't see it Ellie. I'm so sorry that I didn't help you out. I never paid enough attention to you. This is all my fault," I groaned. "How can I even begin to make it up to you?"

"Sean, it's not your fault. I don't know why everyone keeps blaming themselves. This is my fault and only mine. I'm going to stop, I promise. As soon as I get out of here, it's over."

"I'm glad to hear that. Well, I'm not sure if you want to see her, but I called Emma. I thought you two should talk," I squeezed her hand and walked away.

"Thanks Sean," she said after me.

Emma

Time to finally face the music. Ellie was one of my good friends, but then I had to go and have sex with her boyfriend. Maybe this is my fault. I mean, if I hadn't done that, we'd still be talking every day, and I would have noticed that she was taking drugs.

"Okay, before you say anything, I know this is my fault," I said. "If I hadn't had sex with Sean, none of this would have happened."

"Emma, that's not true and you know that," she said. I just sat there, dumbstruck. I expected Ellie to blame me, tell me I was right, yell and scream. But I didn't expect this.

"It's not?" I asked quietly.

"Of course not!" she said. "All of the things that have happened to me in my life led up to this moment. I should have never turned to drugs, but I did. And I don't blame you for what you did with Sean. I was never in love with him; he knows that now. And it's okay, because he was never in love with me either. I really love Jay, and I was hoping you wouldn't be mad at me now that we're together," she explained.

"How could I be mad? It was at least my fault that he broke up with me," I told her.

"Yeah, I guess it was," she agreed. We both laughed.

"I actually have a new boyfriend now…" I trailed off.

"Who?" she asked. "You gotta tell me!"

"Well…it's Spinner…" Ellie stared at me for a minute.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Yeah. I got a job at The Dot and things sorta moved on from there," I gushed.

"I thought he was with Paige…"

"Not anymore. Well, they were broken up before we started going out, I promise." Ellie laughed again. "I guess I should be going before your doctor comes and starts yelling. We have to hang out when you get out of here. Call me," I told her.

"I will," she said. I gave her a hug before I left.

Ellie

I can't believe no one blamed me. This is all my fault; not theirs. It's nice to have so many people who care about me. I had no idea. Well, maybe I did, but I was too blind to see it. I've promised them that I'm going to stop with the drug. But can I really do that? I'm already feeling sick because I want it. I need it.

A/N: Wow, three chapters in one day and I'm exhausted! lol…these are also the longest three chapters. This one's actually the longest I've ever written if you don't count lyrics because I don't write those. Tell me what you think.