Disclaimer: Hmmm…fanfiction, or owning Ron and keeping him in my closet? I'll let you decide.
A/N: Okay, because of everything that's been going on, with classes and whatnot, I've been bumped down to doing oneshots. I know I promised to re-do a fic a while back, but the truth is…it's probably not going to happen. I just don't have the time like I used to in the summer to write to my heart's content.
HOWEVER, I will keep writing, probably oneshots or something…and if I do another full fledged fic, it'll take longer to write and update. I'm really sorry about this, but…its all I can do right now.
All I Can Do
Hermione…what can I say about her? She's a super genius, the bossiest girl on the planet, annoying as hell, can yell louder than any girl I have ever heard (and I lived with Mum), she's a complete know-it-all, oh, and did I mention she likes to torment me whenever she opens her mouth?
But…she's also the most beautiful girl I have ever known.
Yeah, okay, so falling for a bushy haired, geeky, bossy, know-it-all wasn't exactly what I had planned on, but I dealt with it…
Sort of.
Oh, who am I kidding? I haven't done a DAMN THING about it. I mean, it's not like I can just walk up to her and make a move or anything. I mean, we're talking about HERMIONE here, not just some random girl, HERMIONE.
Plus there's the fact that:
1. We've been friends since first year
2. She's way better at me in everything (except Quidditch!)
3. To her, I'm just her friend and she'll never see me as anything else.
So, as you see, I just can't walk up to her and tell her how I feel. Or just randomly kiss her. Or even just ask her out. I just can't do that. I'm not the bravest guy on this earth, if you haven't noticed.
The closest we've ever gotten to having "a moment", if you will, is when I found her crying her eyes out because that cow Pansy Parkinson called her ugly. Usually, she just said, "Ignore them.", but I guess this was one too many. All I did was tell her that she wasn't ugly.
And she smiled.
Okay, its not like we were snogging, or anything like that, but to me, it was something. Seeing a smile from her because I put it there…it was the best feeling in the world.
But the moment was short-lived because just at that second when I felt the urge to say something, Harry just HAD to barge into the common room, looking for his broomstick.
I don't think he ever figured out why I was so mad at him.
Speaking of Harry, after a while, around our sixth year, I was pretty sure he knew. After all, Fred and George knew for years. They even knew before I did. But Harry…I don't know. It wasn't like it was ever brought up in a conversation.
Because around that time he was chasing around my sister.
I don't want to talk about that right now…let me just say, if Harry doesn't know by now, then he's even more daft than I thought. Probably even more clueless than Hermione claims I am.
But take note on the "claims".
One of the reasons I never "made a move", was probably because of the circumstances. First year, all we did was fought and we were just friends. Second year, the mad basilisk came after everyone, including her. Third year, Sirius Black was supposedly after Harry. Forth year, when I realized I liked her, she was hanging around Krum. Fifth year, we were both too caught up in O.W.L. and the D.A., Sixth year, I was stupid enough to try and make her jealous rather than try to actually win her over. And Seventh year…
Or, what was supposed to be our Seventh year, I should say, the war got in the way.
And that brings me back to my main point. I wish, oh how I wish I could have told her sooner! I wish I could have said something before all this happened. Even though I know it would have gotten me no where, still…
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO COWARDLY?
That's the whole problem. I've been afraid because I think—I know—that she is way above me. I mean, look at me! I've got no money, I'm not the best looker, I have horrible grades, I am known as "Harry's friend", if it weren't for quidditch, I'd question why I'm alive at all, Hermione told me about something called "natural selection".
Which brings me back to Hermione. You know, I can't go an entire minute without thinking about her? Yeah, she's on my mind THAT much.
And I won't even tell you about the dreams. They are NOT something for anyone else to hear.
At times, I've been told by Fred and George that I moan in my sleep, going "Mio…nee…". But I take this as a lie on their part. I seriously doubt I would let my thoughts leave my head like that.
I also seriously doubt I said, "Do…that…againnnn…" in my sleep as well.
At least, I HOPE I didn't say that. It would require a LOT of explaining.
But…its hard, you know? Being around her all the time, knowing I like her. Staring at her absent mindedly in class and then turning away to look at the wall whenever she notices. Having to do a quick cover-up when I accidentally say something, or to jump away when our bodies accidentally touch.
It's just…hard.
I wish there was someone I could consult on this, but the only guy I know who had this problem was Harry, and I do NOT want to discuss my love life plus what he's been doing to my sister.
I'd rather not imagine it. Check that, think about it. Or even stray anywhere NEAR the subject. In fact, I prefer to ignore it all together.
Or go off in my own little world and pretend it doesn't exist, and Harry and Ginny DON'T like each other and NEVER ended up snogging.
Whichever works at the time. Depends on what I've seen them doing.
I've been this crazy ever since forth year, when I found out I liked her. I don't know when it hit me; I think it was when I saw her in the arms of Krum.
Krum. I STILL don't like him. What did she SEE in that Bulgarian nethanderal anyway? The git, couldn't even say her name right…
Anyway, when I found out…I admit it, I was shocked. After four years of thinking of her as a bushy-haired know-it-all…I had fallen for her. What a realization, eh? It was really hard ever since then, to be around her and keep things normal. But things weren't normal. Things were never normal again.
But…even though back then I was (and still am) nothing compared to her…I had some hope. A tiny, miniscule hope, but a hope nonetheless. Like, when she turned down going to see Krum in Bulgaria in order to stay with us at the Burrow. That was the first thing that got me thinking.
And then those times in Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place before Harry arrived. How we would see each other in the hallway, we would talk, but since the hallway was VERY narrow…well, before long, a blush would be plastered on both our faces and we'd run in opposite directions.
The time when she kissed me on the cheek when I went to play quidditch for the first time (I still blush whenever I think of that…).
And those times in sixth year, before we both tried to make the other jealous (Harry FINALLY told me about that McLaggen thing, WHY COULDN'T HE HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE?"), when we made up, and the thing at Dumbledore's Funeral when she was crying all over me…
So, as you can see, I do have some hope.
But even with this hope, there's still that feeling there. The feeling that I know she'll reject me. Why? Because I'm a red-haired, poor, prat of a boy, who's never done anything to prove himself worthy of her.
Until today.
This year was supposed to be our Seventh, but with everything that happened with Dumbledore and Voldemort…we never got it. Harry went off in the search or horcruxes, and Hermione and I followed, not caring about what he said.
But things got more dangerous, and I realized that Hermione…she might…she might get hurt. And if there's one thing I don't want, is her hurt. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to her.
So, tonight, all three of us are waiting in a hotel in Albania, because tomorrow, we're going after the last Horcrux…and Voldemort. It's early; Harry already tried to leave without me twice, but I'm not going to let him. I'm going with him no matter what.
Hermione is still sleeping, even though Harry won't like it, I have to wake her up. I have to tell her that I'm leaving with Harry. I have to tell her that I'm doing this for her. I would willingly sacrifice my life for hers anyway. It's all I can do…all I can do to make myself worthy of her…
After I tell her that, I'll hold her close, letting her tears fall on me as I know they will. I'll try to calm her down best I can, but I know it will be hard. I know a part of me will want to stay with her, and not leave for the unknown. But I can't do that.
After her crying fit is finished, the hardest part is last. I'll ask her to return to England…and wait for me. Even though I doubt it, I have to promise her I'll be back. It the only thing I can do to keep her from crying.
And then, I walk back to her door, just as I get in the doorframe, I'll utter those three little words I've been longing to say for so long,
"I love you."
And then I'll shut the door and leave her behind, knowing she won't want to chase after me after that.
But…I hope…I hope that even if I do die, I hope that she'll always remember the words of the now-worthy Ronald Weasley;
"Hermione…this is all I can do for you. I'm sorry, and…I love you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember."
"Goodbye."
Fin
A/N: This turned out more angsty than I intended…oh well. It got the point across, at least. Anyway, I might get another oneshot or something, since I'm going to be on my sickbed all weekend and probably on Monday. Somehow, I get my greatest inspiration from colds.