Thank you all so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it, and I'm so happy with the response I've gotten to this fic (on here and livejournal.)

To JadeLilyMalfoy: I suggest looking up a Mary-Sue since I wouldn't do a good job of explaining it ): I'd just ramble on for a bit and probably not tell you much of anything. Or confuse you. If you google it it's not a hard thing to find out

Note: I totally imagined Harry singing this in a William Hung sort of way. Enjoy XD

Harry Potter and the Freakishly OC Everybody: Chapter 7

"Talk to me, Tell me your name. You blow me off like it's all the same." Harry sang as he headed towards Dumbledore's office.

"What the fuck are you singing, Potter?" Malfoy asked from behind Harry, disgust evident in his voice.

"That's none of your business. Ricky Martin." Harry said without pausing, "It's a Muggle tune; you wouldn't know it. It's the coolest thing ever in the Muggle world."

"I know absolutely nothing about Muggles except that I hate them, and even I know you're telling me a big fat lie filled with doody as black as your soul is pink."

"Shut up. Why are you here anyway?"

"No reason."

"I know nothing about you, except that I hate you yet find you extremely sexy, and I too know that you're lying." Harry said, secretly wondering if Malfoy was telling the truth. He was an awfully good liar.

"Huh. Wow, Potter. You've really outdone yourself this time. I guess you deserve a reward. Okay, I was following you to see what you were up to; I wouldn't have let you know I was here except I couldn't stand to hear any more of that awful song."

"It's not awful," Harry said, wounded, "It's quite catchy, actually."

"Right." Malfoy snorted.

"Well?"

"Well what, Potter?" Malfoy said exasperatedly, wondering when he'd be able to get back to studying Potter intensely from behind; he looked better that way. After all, Malfoy hadn't come out at 8:30, waaaay past his bedtime, to play games with Potter. He was there to look at his bottom, make sure Potter was going to be very far away from wherever he was going to be, and then continue work on his mission for Voldemort, who he had received a letter from earlier in the day.

Samantha,

I hope you are receiving this in ill health. And I hope it's while you're on the loo or snogging one of your "gentleman friends." I love to inconvenience you. Confused? Well, I'll explain. I have decided to put this letter in code, just in case it falls into the wrong hands. I have changed all the Zs to Qs. EAT THAT DOUBLEPOOP NO ONE WILL DECODE MY LETTER NOW, MONKEY-SPAGHETTI! HaHa! You like my insults? I thought so.

I trust the quest is…n't going well? Good. As I'd hoped. All is going according to the plan that I sort of had. With you out of the way, Narcissa will be my wife, and I will put her in a trophy case since my ding-dong has long since stopped working right. It was a sacrifice I made when I decided to be immortal. Besides, ew, cooties! I can't have any of that. It might put my fantabulous-immortal-ness in jeopardy.

Remember, you have until the end of the year. That's a whole lot of time for you to waste, so what are you waiting for? Go waste it!

Oh, and besides having Narcissa, the plans of Harry Potter may be slightly thwarted. Don't think I don't know about them. No one with a behind like that could possibly not have anything up the sleeves of his trousers. It's just unthinkable. And with that Doublepoop always whispering ideas in his head…I bet he'd give HIM the DADA job! It's not FAIR! I want the DADA job NOW. It was the only thing I ever really wanted besides my own Pimple Popper and a Sorcerers Stone and an Oompa Loompa…but, nooo I was denied. First by my father, then by Dumbledore. This is why I must defeat them all.

The Velveeta cheese will be mine soon. Then they'll see. THEN THEY'LL SEE!
--Sheila

P.S. Did Nagini look good in that bikini? I wasn't sure if the color matched my eyes.

P.P.S. Did you do your summer reading? Your mother was worried and I sort of promised her I'd scare you into doing it, but since I was too busy hating you, I forgot. Cover for me if she asks you about it and you haven't done it. Thanks so much.

P.P.P.S When you're at Hogsmede could you pick me up some cream? My Ding-Dong's been bothering me lately and I'm too embarrassed to ask any of my real Death Eaters to do it. Since you'll be dying soon it won't matter if you know.

We'll be in touch. Make good choices!

"Well?" Harry repeated, seeing Malfoy was having a moment of remembrance.

"Well what?"

"What's my reward?" Harry said, furrowing his brow, not getting how Malfoy could possibly forget something so important.

Malfoy gave his eyes a long and exaggerated roll, sighed, and shoved Harry up against the nearest wall.

"What are you going to do now, Malfoy? Huh? Put your knee between my legs, thrust your hips against me, and dry hump me until we both come and soil our robes? Then tomorrow you'll thrust your hips against the Slytherin table, and we'll never talk about it? Well?"

"No. Why would I do that when I can do this?"

Malfoy begin caressing Harry's cheek.

"Malfoy," Harry breathed…breathily.

"You have soft cheeks, Potter." Malfoy said, then reached a hand down the back of Harry's trousers and caressed his other cheeks. "There we go." Malfoy pulled away from Harry and smirked; he'd gotten exactly what he'd been after.

"I…I feel so used!"

"Good." Malfoy said and started to walk away.

"WAIT!" Harry cried.

"What now?"

"I kind of liked it."

Malfoy studied Harry for a moment then walked off into the sunset.

"Gandalf, that was beautiful." Harry said, watching the sunset inside the halls. "Perverse, how come there's a sunset?" Harry asked Perverse, Peeve's cousin who generally liked to watch boys and girls from different houses snog in the halls.

"With magic anything is possible," Perverse said, trying to slip a hand down Harry's pants.

"Nice try, Perverse." Harry clucked and waved a finger at Perverse.

XxXx

Harry was about to get into Dumbledore's office when he was stopped by a Snape. Harry squinted and was able to make out a mustache in the darkness. It was Sneverous, the good Wizard of the East.

"Hello, Professor." Harry smiled.

"Hello, Harry. 800 points to Gryffindor because I like you so much."

"Thanks!"

"Harry, I was patrolling the halls tonight and I'm so glad I was because I'd been meaning to invite you to dinner tomorrow night since this afternoon."

Harry, not wanting to go if there wasn't going to be a slamming-wicked-cool group of people, but also not wanting to be rude, asked tactfully, "Who's going to be there?"

"Erm, probably you, some random people who have never been mentioned, Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Oliver Wood…"

"Oliver Wood?"

"Yes. He says my parties are all the rage. He's going to be bringing some cool cats from the big quidditch teams."
"Oooh coolio. I'll be there."

"Don't be square."

They laughed awkwardly and Sneverous walked away.

Harry shrugged and skipped all the way to Dumbledore's office…two feet away.

"Stinky fish." Harry said and a gargoyle reached his hand down the back of Harry's trousers as Harry walked by.

"Good evening, Harry." Dumbledore greeting from the small chair he was sitting in. Harry was extremely perplexed when he saw that there was a multitude of strange stuffed animals sitting around the table with Dumbledore.

"Well, Harry, take a seat." Dumbledore said, gesturing towards the empty pink chair across from him. Harry did as he was told.

"Erm, Professor, aren't we going to be having a lesson?"

"Yes, Harry, but what lesson is complete without a tea-party?"

"One that I would greatly enjoy?" Harry tried.

"Haha oh you slay me, Harry."

Harry briefly wondered why Dumbledore couldn't seem to speak to him without using his name in every sentence before gingerly lifting a tiny pink cup to his lips. Imaginary tea tasted quite good.

"May I have some more tea please?"

"There isn't enough." Dumbledore said with annoyance. "I only made enough imaginary tea for everyone to have one cup."

"…I believe the imaginary tea is unlimited, Professor." Harry said kindly.

"Why, Harry, I do believe you're right. You've past your first test. Let us begin with the lesson." And before Harry could even take another sip of his extraordinary imaginary tea, the table disappeared and was replaced by a pensive.

"Time for another random memory that you've been keeping from me for years?"

"Precisely."

TBC!