The Title of Titles

By Sheik Lovin' "Augh is the best non-word ever" Rose-chan

Disclaimer: Not mine, you vultures.

I figured I should probably end this instead of letting it fester forever and you hating me more and more as the months go by, so here you go. I didn't have any other plot in mind either, so it's the best of both worlds! Yay! A cookie to anyone who guesses the ending without cheating.

Oak hummed to himself as he checked over his work and did Professor-Like Things, because the author is too lazy to describe what he does in any great detail. The old, robust radio – he'd never had the heart to replace it, even though it looked terribly out of place in the spotless Lab – clicked on of it's own accord, because it happens all the time in the movies and this is a Vital Piece Of Information.

"Reports of increasing seismic activity in the Mount Moon region have been coming in steadily for the last few days. Whether it's a natural occurrence or a disturbance caused by a rogue Pokemon is unknown, but all trainers are advised to stay well out of the area until the situation has been investigated more thoroughly. Professor Ivy, what do you make of this situation?"

"Stupid," he muttered to himself. "Of course they'll go in if they think it's a new Pokemon…" he couldn't blame them; he'd have gone himself if he were ten years younger, but this only looked like a large amount of young people getting themselves killed in the hope of discovering a new type of species that might not even exist. That sentence didn't make sense. Oak shook his head and toddled off to do whatever it is he does. Use your imagination, dammit.

Gratuitous Scene Change! (It's big and important, so it's in bold! And underlined! Just try and ignore it!)

Vanatessa proudly held up her brand new and oh-so-shiny Boulder Badge, after an epic battle that will never be spoken of again; it is That Of Which We Do Not Speak. Fear my laziness.

"That was so awesome!" our Sueoine exclaimed as she jauntily headed off to the Pokecenter to make sure her team would be ready for the trip through Mount Moon. Upon arriving, though, it wasn't that easy; due to the announcement, trainers had started gathering at the Pewter Center, to seek out this supposed new Pokemon.

"This is insane," Dan muttered as he elbowed his way towards the reception. "We should just wait it out, and…Tess?" he was suddenly standing in nothing, engulfed in darkness. "Hello? Anyone?" Oh, God. Was he dead? Not possible, there was no way-

"Oh, hey! Hello! I don't know how long it's been since I've heard someone else's voice!" a young man had come unnoticed behind him, grinning in a relieved way.

"Who are you? What's going on?"

"Ah, sorry. My name's Tracey; I think this some kind of weird dimension or something. I was just cataloguing the Pokemon one day and I just ended up here…"

The Plot Hole continued serenely on its way, content in the knowledge of a job well done.

Back at the Center, the smart and beautiful Vanatessa had no concern for her missing companion; he'd show up later. She had better things to contend with, such as her newfound Rival Sue. Boo, hiss.

"My name's Naiad," she declared prissily, flipping her red-gold hair over her shoulder. There's always one with red-gold hair. And violet eyes which she, coincidentally, also has. Never mind that my inner voice is screaming 'colour clash! It looks terrible! Ngaugh!'

"I'm Vanatessa Moonsylph, and I have two badges and four Pokemon, when I only started two weeks ago!" Ego much?

Naiad wasn't impressed. "My mother is Karen, the greatest trainer in Johto, although I doubt you Kanto people know of her."

"My mother was the greatest Sue to ever live!"

"My father's Pokemon won the Hoenn Beauty Contest three years running!"

Etc, etc. Repeat for several hours.

Vanatessa checked to make sure everyone was still asleep before she headed out. And by 'checked to make sure', I mean 'glanced once around the room'. It was roughly four AM, and Vanny wanted a head start on the other trainers. Mystical new Pokemon? It was so hers. Dan still hadn't turned up, but he was a big boy and he could handle himself (eternity with Tracey was an entirely different matter).

Skip all the walking-up-to-Mount-Moon scenes because nothing interesting happens and I, as has been stated many times, am frigging lazy if nothing else. It's pitch black, and she's hiking up to a mountain, but she doesn't trip and kill or otherwise seriously injure herself on random rocks, or even the occasional Geodude, because they're smarter than to get in a Sue's way. Yes, even the rocks.

Inside the cave, Vanatessa would have been wishing she had brought a torch, but as it turned out she had night vision. However, not even a Zubat was in sight, and certainly not an unknown Pokemon. Well, naturally; it must be further back in the caverns. (I think I'm starting to abuse semi-colons here. I am A Bad Person).

Making her way to the furthermost reaches of Mount Moon – let's ignore that you'd come out on Cerulean's side for the sake of the story – Vanatessa felt the ground shake. This must be it! Preparing herself, she entered the final cave, and was met with a shock. This was not a new Pokemon. This was not a Pokemon found in the wild. This was not a Pokemon that normally had pitch-black eyes.

This was a Machamp.

This Machamp, after a lot of bad experiences, did not take lightly to humans and had finally found peace. This Machamp did not appreciate its new home being invaded. This was also a Machamp who happened to know Rock Slide.

They never found the body.

IT'S OVER!

…Or is it? Dun dun dun.

No really, it's over. Come on, we all wanted her to die anyway.

Thanks to all who reviewed! I love you all. But not you seven hundred other guys who didn't. I shake my fist at you!

Yay, first multi-chapter fic I've ever actually finished. Fear.