CHAPTER THREE
THE UPSHOT
The next morning I woke up, and the one thing, one Draco Malfoy, that had clouded my thoughts and my dreams, seemed to have left my mind. Until I had gathered myself, and remembered where I was. And why I was there.
But I didn't think I even had any more tears to shed. I always found it easier to cry, because when you're crying, you have no time to think about it. You just...cry. But now, when I can't seem to do it, I just don't seem to know how to cry anymore: I have to face the reality of my problems, and my life, and just how to live with myself.
I was humiliated. And scared. I felt nervous and confused and helpless all at once. I never wanted to see Draco Malfoy's face again. Seeing him in the first place had been unpleasant all the same, but this was different. I'd have to fight to keep my face straight every time I heard his name, or saw his face. What he'd done to be was horrible and frightening, and I don't think I could live another day knowing that I had fallen victim to something so awful, so crude, from the one person I despised most.
I heard the hushed voices and quickening footsteps in and out of the hospital wing, muffled by the fluff of my pillow. Though I don't think they were what woke me up. Oh, well. The day was bright and sunny already; I couldn't have fallen back asleep if I'd tried. But I had to admit, clouds, wind, some rain might have added to the mood of the day. But, no. It just had to be sunny. Which made me feel even worse, ironically.
"Miss Granger, are you awake?" Madame Pomfrey said tentatively, leaning over my body to tousle my sheets a little, before smiling at me and returning, not smiling, towards Dumbledore, McGonnagall, Snape, and Malfoy, all of whom were gathered in the middle of the room, waiting for something, maybe someone – oh, right. Me.
"Dearie, your professors have got a few questions for you. Are you feeling up to it?"
"Yes," I said unnecessarily. As if I could have refused, anyway.
They all situated themselves around my bed. Malfoy, one of the last, finally sat down with the rest, as far away from my bed as possible, in a chair, looking much like the defendant, and I the plaintiff – all seeming to add to the seriousness of the situation. The last thing I needed.
"Miss Granger, we have received confirmation that you and Mister Malfoy were involved in sexual activity last night," Dumbledore spoke finally, calmly.
"Professor, I –"
"Against your will."
"Yes."
"Mister Malfoy forced you to your bed against your will, in a drunken fashion."
"Yes." The humiliation of the situation was rising in my cheeks. I could feel it. The rest of the room could see it.
"And you tried to call for help."
"I.... Well, I couldn't, professor."
"I see," he whipped his half-moon spectacles off the bridge of his nose and inspected them carefully. "Exactly how long had Mister Malfoy held you prisoner until Professor Snape came in?"
"I don't remember."
"Thank you, Miss Granger," he said, smiling at me, though I didn't feel like returning it. "Mister Malfoy."
The blond man looked up at his name. He'd been staring at the floor while Dumbledore had been inquiring me: not, I concluded, as an expression of anxiety, just boredom.
"You admit to having sexually assaulted Miss Granger?"
He returned his gaze to the floor.
He said nothing.
"And, if you wouldn't mind telling us, Mister Malfoy, how many drinks you had last night, at the Prefects' Party?"
He mumbled something inaudible to the floor that sounded oddly like "seven".
"Seven drinks, Mister Malfoy."
The man said nothing. And finally, slowly, he nodded.
"Thank you, Mister Malfoy," he said. He did not smile at him. "That will be all. We are to discuss your punishments in my office, tomorrow evening. Eight o' clock sharp. Miss Granger joining us, if you will," he added, to which I nodded. "Until then, Mister Malfoy, I don't want to see you anywhere near Miss Granger or her bedroom."
I followed Malfoy's gaze to Dumbledore, which read distinctly: 'Like I'd ever WANT to go near her.'
And with that, Dumbledore left the hospital wing, McGonnagall and Snape following suit.
"Are you OKAY?"
"What did he do to you?"
"Drunk bastard -"
"You didn't DO anything with him, did you - ?"
"I heard he slept with Pansy Parkinson just last week!"
"Wow, did he hurt you?"
"That's just sick..."
Harry and Ron were obviously worried about me. When they had received the news from Professor Dumbledore, they got permission to leave class to visit me. They, my professors, and of course, Draco Malfoy and myself, were the only ones who knew what had happened.
"You guys, I'm fine. And no, Ron, I didn't do anything with him. Why would I?"
He looked relieved and highly embarrassed at the same time. The pink of his face had reached the tips of his ears before I said anything more.
"And besides, Dumbledore has banned him to go anywhere near me or my bedroom until we've figured out his punishments."
"Think that'll stop him?" Harry looked concerned, too. It was getting harder for me to keep a positive look on things, especially how the look on his face made my heart sink.
"I don't know."
I tried to retain my usual bossy and huffy mien, but it was thrown off when my voice started shaking. I knew they could see straight through me.
"'Mione, just know we'll always be here for you. If that bastard comes near you again..."
"No, Harry, he won't. I promise."
There was a pause.
"Just...just don't interfere with this, OK?"
"OK, Hermione."
Harry looked over at Ron. He didn't say anything.
I silently prayed that Ron wasn't going to go and do anything stupid, as I made my way, at 8:25, to Dumbledore's office. I carefully and cleverly avoided the path that took me through the dungeons. That way, I wouldn't have to face Malfoy until I absolutely had to. I wasn't looking forward to it.
"Miss Granger, thank you for joining us."
I nodded at my Headmaster and sat down in a seat far, well as far away as possible in such a small room, from Draco Malfoy.
"Now. Mister Malfoy, I do not think we have to go over your charges again."
He nodded, looking at something out the window.
"So I think you will find it is only fair that, with the given, your privileges as Head Boy of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry have been removed."
It was almost surprising how little this seemed to mean to the boy. Again, he nodded. Dumbledore paused to wait for some sort of reaction.
"Ahem, yes, well, you will also find that we will be selecting a new Head Boy, and that no less than two hundred points have been taken away from the Slytherin House."
At this, the boy looked up.
"Yes, Mister Malfoy. Two hundred points. And if I see you again anywhere near Miss Granger or her friends, that number will change."
The expression on Malfoy's face was priceless. I would have laughed if not for the seriousness of the situation.
"T-two hundred points, did I hear, Professor?" he managed weakly. I could tell he had to muster up a lot of that Malfoy charm to get that out so sweetly.
"Yes, Mister Malfoy. And I won't repeat myself again. Two hundred points from Slytherin House. You may go, Mister Malfoy."
His blue eyes followed a stumbling Malfoy all the way out the doors. They fell upon me.
"Miss Granger, I would like, if you don't mind, a detailed reencountered version of what happened last night."
Well, the truth was, I DID mind. Very much. But I couldn't shake the feeling of those big, blue eyes boring into my head. Dumbledore knew I wouldn't want to. I had no choice, you see.
"I...went to the Prefects' Party."
"Yes."
"And...and I came back."
"I gathered as much, Miss Granger."
"Oh. Yes. Sorry. I came back, and he came in my room, and forced me to my bed."
"Yes."
"And...and he took off my nightgown."
"..."
"And...and he undressed, and...well, he trapped me with his arms, and I couldn't move -"
The words sounded worse when I heard them for the first time.
"And Professor Snape came in just as he was – just as Malfoy was – "
I choked on my words. No, not crying. My throat was just dry.
"Thank you Miss Granger, you may go."
And without another word, I gathered my things and left the room. I felt him watching me out, just as he had done to Malfoy.
I was very lucky to know my way around the castle. Otherwise, I think I wouldn't have been paying enough attention to where I was going to notice taking a wrong turn into the Slytherin common room, perhaps the hippogriff patches. Several times along the way I had to ask a nearby portrait which way I was going, and I was lucky enough to run into Parvati Patil, just as I was turning down the steps to the dungeons. She eyed me closely before I turned around.
"Hermione?"
"Oh, hi Parvati!"
"What were you doing down there? So late?"
Her large, dark eyes narrowed.
"Oh, I just, well, it's late. I'm tired, I didn't really know where I was going."
"Oh."
She blinked.
"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"Right. Yes. See you tomorrow. 'Bye!"
I scurried off in the direction of the Heads' Common Room and finally focused enough to identify what it was that was keeping me from concentrating. Who was going to be the new Head Boy?
I wasn't even sure that it felt right returning to that bed. Sleeping there again would bring back all of the feelings I had last night: I wouldn't feel safe. I'd be vulnerable and afraid. And if one day sharing a common room with a boy was going to be like that, I didn't know if I could handle ten months.
With that, I think I made up my mind. I stopped in the middle of the hallway and immediately turned around, back to Dumbledore's office to resign as Head Girl.
THE UPSHOT
The next morning I woke up, and the one thing, one Draco Malfoy, that had clouded my thoughts and my dreams, seemed to have left my mind. Until I had gathered myself, and remembered where I was. And why I was there.
But I didn't think I even had any more tears to shed. I always found it easier to cry, because when you're crying, you have no time to think about it. You just...cry. But now, when I can't seem to do it, I just don't seem to know how to cry anymore: I have to face the reality of my problems, and my life, and just how to live with myself.
I was humiliated. And scared. I felt nervous and confused and helpless all at once. I never wanted to see Draco Malfoy's face again. Seeing him in the first place had been unpleasant all the same, but this was different. I'd have to fight to keep my face straight every time I heard his name, or saw his face. What he'd done to be was horrible and frightening, and I don't think I could live another day knowing that I had fallen victim to something so awful, so crude, from the one person I despised most.
I heard the hushed voices and quickening footsteps in and out of the hospital wing, muffled by the fluff of my pillow. Though I don't think they were what woke me up. Oh, well. The day was bright and sunny already; I couldn't have fallen back asleep if I'd tried. But I had to admit, clouds, wind, some rain might have added to the mood of the day. But, no. It just had to be sunny. Which made me feel even worse, ironically.
"Miss Granger, are you awake?" Madame Pomfrey said tentatively, leaning over my body to tousle my sheets a little, before smiling at me and returning, not smiling, towards Dumbledore, McGonnagall, Snape, and Malfoy, all of whom were gathered in the middle of the room, waiting for something, maybe someone – oh, right. Me.
"Dearie, your professors have got a few questions for you. Are you feeling up to it?"
"Yes," I said unnecessarily. As if I could have refused, anyway.
They all situated themselves around my bed. Malfoy, one of the last, finally sat down with the rest, as far away from my bed as possible, in a chair, looking much like the defendant, and I the plaintiff – all seeming to add to the seriousness of the situation. The last thing I needed.
"Miss Granger, we have received confirmation that you and Mister Malfoy were involved in sexual activity last night," Dumbledore spoke finally, calmly.
"Professor, I –"
"Against your will."
"Yes."
"Mister Malfoy forced you to your bed against your will, in a drunken fashion."
"Yes." The humiliation of the situation was rising in my cheeks. I could feel it. The rest of the room could see it.
"And you tried to call for help."
"I.... Well, I couldn't, professor."
"I see," he whipped his half-moon spectacles off the bridge of his nose and inspected them carefully. "Exactly how long had Mister Malfoy held you prisoner until Professor Snape came in?"
"I don't remember."
"Thank you, Miss Granger," he said, smiling at me, though I didn't feel like returning it. "Mister Malfoy."
The blond man looked up at his name. He'd been staring at the floor while Dumbledore had been inquiring me: not, I concluded, as an expression of anxiety, just boredom.
"You admit to having sexually assaulted Miss Granger?"
He returned his gaze to the floor.
He said nothing.
"And, if you wouldn't mind telling us, Mister Malfoy, how many drinks you had last night, at the Prefects' Party?"
He mumbled something inaudible to the floor that sounded oddly like "seven".
"Seven drinks, Mister Malfoy."
The man said nothing. And finally, slowly, he nodded.
"Thank you, Mister Malfoy," he said. He did not smile at him. "That will be all. We are to discuss your punishments in my office, tomorrow evening. Eight o' clock sharp. Miss Granger joining us, if you will," he added, to which I nodded. "Until then, Mister Malfoy, I don't want to see you anywhere near Miss Granger or her bedroom."
I followed Malfoy's gaze to Dumbledore, which read distinctly: 'Like I'd ever WANT to go near her.'
And with that, Dumbledore left the hospital wing, McGonnagall and Snape following suit.
"Are you OKAY?"
"What did he do to you?"
"Drunk bastard -"
"You didn't DO anything with him, did you - ?"
"I heard he slept with Pansy Parkinson just last week!"
"Wow, did he hurt you?"
"That's just sick..."
Harry and Ron were obviously worried about me. When they had received the news from Professor Dumbledore, they got permission to leave class to visit me. They, my professors, and of course, Draco Malfoy and myself, were the only ones who knew what had happened.
"You guys, I'm fine. And no, Ron, I didn't do anything with him. Why would I?"
He looked relieved and highly embarrassed at the same time. The pink of his face had reached the tips of his ears before I said anything more.
"And besides, Dumbledore has banned him to go anywhere near me or my bedroom until we've figured out his punishments."
"Think that'll stop him?" Harry looked concerned, too. It was getting harder for me to keep a positive look on things, especially how the look on his face made my heart sink.
"I don't know."
I tried to retain my usual bossy and huffy mien, but it was thrown off when my voice started shaking. I knew they could see straight through me.
"'Mione, just know we'll always be here for you. If that bastard comes near you again..."
"No, Harry, he won't. I promise."
There was a pause.
"Just...just don't interfere with this, OK?"
"OK, Hermione."
Harry looked over at Ron. He didn't say anything.
I silently prayed that Ron wasn't going to go and do anything stupid, as I made my way, at 8:25, to Dumbledore's office. I carefully and cleverly avoided the path that took me through the dungeons. That way, I wouldn't have to face Malfoy until I absolutely had to. I wasn't looking forward to it.
"Miss Granger, thank you for joining us."
I nodded at my Headmaster and sat down in a seat far, well as far away as possible in such a small room, from Draco Malfoy.
"Now. Mister Malfoy, I do not think we have to go over your charges again."
He nodded, looking at something out the window.
"So I think you will find it is only fair that, with the given, your privileges as Head Boy of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry have been removed."
It was almost surprising how little this seemed to mean to the boy. Again, he nodded. Dumbledore paused to wait for some sort of reaction.
"Ahem, yes, well, you will also find that we will be selecting a new Head Boy, and that no less than two hundred points have been taken away from the Slytherin House."
At this, the boy looked up.
"Yes, Mister Malfoy. Two hundred points. And if I see you again anywhere near Miss Granger or her friends, that number will change."
The expression on Malfoy's face was priceless. I would have laughed if not for the seriousness of the situation.
"T-two hundred points, did I hear, Professor?" he managed weakly. I could tell he had to muster up a lot of that Malfoy charm to get that out so sweetly.
"Yes, Mister Malfoy. And I won't repeat myself again. Two hundred points from Slytherin House. You may go, Mister Malfoy."
His blue eyes followed a stumbling Malfoy all the way out the doors. They fell upon me.
"Miss Granger, I would like, if you don't mind, a detailed reencountered version of what happened last night."
Well, the truth was, I DID mind. Very much. But I couldn't shake the feeling of those big, blue eyes boring into my head. Dumbledore knew I wouldn't want to. I had no choice, you see.
"I...went to the Prefects' Party."
"Yes."
"And...and I came back."
"I gathered as much, Miss Granger."
"Oh. Yes. Sorry. I came back, and he came in my room, and forced me to my bed."
"Yes."
"And...and he took off my nightgown."
"..."
"And...and he undressed, and...well, he trapped me with his arms, and I couldn't move -"
The words sounded worse when I heard them for the first time.
"And Professor Snape came in just as he was – just as Malfoy was – "
I choked on my words. No, not crying. My throat was just dry.
"Thank you Miss Granger, you may go."
And without another word, I gathered my things and left the room. I felt him watching me out, just as he had done to Malfoy.
I was very lucky to know my way around the castle. Otherwise, I think I wouldn't have been paying enough attention to where I was going to notice taking a wrong turn into the Slytherin common room, perhaps the hippogriff patches. Several times along the way I had to ask a nearby portrait which way I was going, and I was lucky enough to run into Parvati Patil, just as I was turning down the steps to the dungeons. She eyed me closely before I turned around.
"Hermione?"
"Oh, hi Parvati!"
"What were you doing down there? So late?"
Her large, dark eyes narrowed.
"Oh, I just, well, it's late. I'm tired, I didn't really know where I was going."
"Oh."
She blinked.
"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"Right. Yes. See you tomorrow. 'Bye!"
I scurried off in the direction of the Heads' Common Room and finally focused enough to identify what it was that was keeping me from concentrating. Who was going to be the new Head Boy?
I wasn't even sure that it felt right returning to that bed. Sleeping there again would bring back all of the feelings I had last night: I wouldn't feel safe. I'd be vulnerable and afraid. And if one day sharing a common room with a boy was going to be like that, I didn't know if I could handle ten months.
With that, I think I made up my mind. I stopped in the middle of the hallway and immediately turned around, back to Dumbledore's office to resign as Head Girl.