Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.
I do not think I have stolen this idea from anyone, so if any thinks that I would just like to say that I have never read a story like this before. I don't want to be called a copy write…err…criminal.
Special Thanks To: Kage Ame for putting up with my horrible writing, and getting this story back so soon!
Warning: This story has an ambiguous ending. You have to tell me if you wish for an epilogue.
"You said you loved me, and never once did stamp you with the name of a liar, but that's what you were, a liar. To be in love, is to fight for it...you never fought for me." - Kamiya Kaoru. One-Shot!
-If anyone has a better summary, please let me know-
Memories of the Day
S.J. Kidd
I remember you use to laugh at me. Those once violet eyes crinkled in the corners giving away the coming laugh you tried to hold. I always made you laugh you said once-- that's why you loved me.
I never did believe you; my features shown to plain for faith in that word. I laughed when you talked. You were too handsome, too strong, and I was too ugly and too weak to be on your arm.
Your wife is perfect for you. She will fulfill you as I never would.
A few months ago, I received a wedding invitation along with a letter addressed by you. It was not long only a few sentences in length, but I understood the point. I'm sorry it indirectly stated.
Why you said this never shall I know. Was it because you loved me, that word I would not accept from your lips? If so, then it is I who should be sorry. I should ask for your forgiveness, but you knew me too well. Never would I, will I grasp why you said love to me.
Never once did I stamp you with the name of a liar, but that's what you were to me. To be in love is to fight for it, you never fought for my faith, and at the same time I should have freely given faith to you.
Love is faith. Faith is love.
I guess then neither of us really loved the other. Maybe it was just a fling that all people go through in the grand scheme of life. That is what I will label our experience as anything more would be too much.
The music starts. The melody is cliché, so well known that even a child can name its tune. I stand in the back of the church looking at the last pew bare of any soul. The large group of invitees are sitting closer to the alter, but I prefer the scenery back here where you cannot see.
With few awkward steps, I come to the pew and sit silently watching as the bride in white goes by.
I met her once, do you remember that day?
It was sunny, and for it I despise those bright days now. I remember how she smiled and gently held your hand. Tomoe, the name was on your smiling lips, and to not disappoint you I smiled in mirror to your own telling her my name.
Hers was better. All aspects of her surpassed my own. You were so happy, and so I was happy in anguish.
It rained that night.
The crowd sits and in conformity I follow in the same. I will not disturb your day, and I will not let you know that I'm here watching you and your bride seal your vows with a single kiss--a kiss bearing the promise of eternity.
You always wanted me apart of your life, and I was always eager to be apart of it.
I can still feel the weight of your sword in my hand, the arrogant smile on your face as you watched me glide my hand over it. That was the first competition I attended for you; it, of course, was followed by many more. Surprise; I was astonished really at how well you welded the metal object; my breath is still taken. I could never compare to you.
Do you ever think about the day at the Chinese restaurant?
Sano ate too much of that spicy chicken and ended up sick in the men's room. Do you remember having to drag him out with the help from Aoshi that night? I still laugh at it today. Misao never lets Sano live it down.
Ridding myself of my random memories, I smile in accordance to the people in front of me.
You and Tomoe are kneeling now, the priest blessing you. Farther up, in the second pew, I can see Tomoe's mother cry.
Do not worry, I will not cry. I never cried for you. You hated seeing me cry, and I do not wish to upset you. My vision comes a little closer to where you and Tomoe kneel and it is the first pew which catches my sight. Misao has a blank stare, Megumi, right next to her, has a rigid back; they are two of Tomoe's seven bride's maids. To the right, Aoshi and Sano look forward; I cannot see their faces.
I know Tomoe wished me to be her maid of honor; I declined much to your disappointment. I lied; I think you knew, saying I already had a prior engagement the day of your wedding. That is just another reason for you not to see me.
In a way, we are both liars. It comes easy after a while, does it not?
I watch as the priest stops his prayer and proceeds to the alter. I look away regarding you for the first time.
Your face is turned away from mine, but your back is in perfect view. I should have had the courage to tell you that I'm here, that your wedding is beautiful with these white flowers and yellow ribbons. I should tell you that this church is magnificent in its holiness and structure. I wish I could say to you that your wedding is perfect, but I will not. Instead, next week, I will write a letter and congratulate you, ask for pictures. Our only contact will be by letters, a letter was the last way I heard from you. That letter held an invitation; a cream colored one; it felt expensive.
The priest opens a book, the Bible it had to be, and smiling I think back to a time from a couple of years back. We were freshmen in college; you hated literature and asked me to help you.
Frustration was on that face of yours as I talked about Shakespeare, Fowles, and Hemmingway. You came to abhor those names. Math, not literature, was real education. I was, am, the opposite.
The following week, the tides turned and it was I who being tutored frustration on my face as you quoted math books and wrote formulas that I would never use. And I was right, I never use them.
I cannot get your face on those two occurrences out of my mind. Such a child you seemed at first, so cute and vulnerable, and contrasting, a manly arrogance that nearly suffocated me. I loved to observe you--you could be such an antithesis of yourself.
Another song starts and to the front of myself people are singing, some murmuring, and others shouting. Tomoe's face bends at a slight angle only enhancing her side smile, quirked quietly in the corners.
The smile is for you Kenshin, it was always for you. I wonder if that was what first attracted you to Tomoe, that what she gave was only for you. If so, then a wise choice you made. When in love the other should be the only person you preserve that significant smile for.
The song came to an end too soon. People's voices die down and then silence governs. The priest's voice is music now. It reminds me of a time long ago, the priest, the song...the time at the opera, for Megumi's birthday, the conductor silencing and continuing the music.
The priest is the conductor, the conductor is the priest.
The opera bored me though Sano was the only one to show the effect. I can still see your face turn red in the darkness as he started snoring, you, being next to him, tried to wake him up only for his head to fall in your lap.
Later that night, you had a word with him. It did nothing. Sano, as you stated, would always be Sano. Even still, I know I can still make you blush when I retell the story of how people snickered behind the both of you thinking the worst of the situation.
I cannot blame you however--what man would not blush in anger when people take him for something he is not? Actually the blush you carried made my feelings even more a burden to bear.
I look at my watch, in no more than twenty minutes a married man you will be. I wish you happiness, you know that do you not? I quench my feelings, they, in time, will fade away and become as I said…nothing but a past fling.
I hear mummers around me, to the front, I do not pay attention. I'm again somewhere in the past, the time at Sea World to be precise.
The day was some special event, and it was just you and me, the others had gone to get snacks, Misao was hungry. It was night with dark water flowing in front of us as we sat under an umbrella table. The family next to us was laughing, waiting for the fireworks and show to begin. I had never been to Sea World before.
You stared at me and I looked at you smiling asking a question which I cannot remember. I see your lips move in my mind, but words do not come. Again, my memory has lost your lexis, but I know it was funny because I laughed.
That night, by the family and the old couple on the other table, was the first time you admitted you loved me. I did not pay any heed to your words thinking them of the brotherly affection, but nevertheless, I felt a tinge of anxious excitement thinking that maybe you did love me. But, as always, I laughed it off.
You did not look hurt for in the next moment you grabbed my hand and pulled me to the railing where together we watched the fireworks. Later we returned to the table to find the others already back, and the food all but gone.
You never told me, Kenshin, how you proposed to Tomoe. I often wonder what took place, how Tomoe's face reacted. Did she cry, smile, or kiss you? Or did it take persuasion on your part to coerce her into marriage? To the latter, the very notion is doubtful; Tomoe probably jumped into your arms. I have never been so confidant as to do that. If it were me, I would have thought it a grand jest.
A baby wails and a mother gets up walking to the back of the church where I am, she does not look at me for her child needs her. She will apologize to Tomoe and Kenshin later, and I--in vain--try to hide behind the pew when you look back to see who made the noise.
I'm not sure if you saw me or not, but in caution I scoot over to a darker area of the wooden pew.
I try not to laugh. This reminds me of that time when we played hide and seek. It was a spring feeling day on campus, and our dorms were competing against one another in the annual Bronze Cup Race.
I was a member of my dorm, Rosalind, and you lived in North Tower so we, for a couple of hours, were bitter enemies. If you can imagine a bunch of college students play hide and seek then you would know our tricky ways.
Kenshin, you knew me to well, and thus found me too quickly. Rosalind lost that round, as did the other dorms having North Tower be the winner. I will continue to stand by my belief that North Tower cheated, and that you were the ring leader.
Oh, but I had my revenge, and it was so sweet. I do not think you expected that egg in you hair until it was too late, and not to mention the fact that I came up to hug you just to-- being a good sports woman that I am-- batter the egg in your hair.
You were so mad.
The same woman with the child comes and sits next to me. A warm smile is on her face as she nods at me.
"Beautiful wedding," She says. "Sorry about Christopher, right here, he loves attention." She leans over and whispers to me, holding her baby son gently in her arms. She has kind green eyes, I like her immediately.
I smile, "Tell Christopher that I harbor no ill will against him." She gives a quite laugh and faces forward once again her attention caught by the wedding.
My own is not so attentive, I do not wish to view it. I start to tap my foot wishing and dreading for the moment they would seal their vows with a kiss. The kiss would be the end; it would be my moment of truth, my signal to move on.
Did I want to?
No, I would not do something crazy like stand up and confess my immature feelings in front of all these people.
"I'm so happy for Tomoe." The woman whispers to me.
I guess I hid my facial expressions well, she does not see the building pain. I was okay until now. I accepted that my best friend was getting married. I do not love him, I do not. Only if I could make myself believe it. Memories tell me otherwise.
The woman, I notice, brings a tissue to her eyes. Never could I understand why people cried at weddings, unless they were in love with the bride or groom, yet here I was and I still did not cry and stutter. I would not be weak here, not here, never here.
"Yes, they will make a fantastic couple." I whisper back. She nods in agreement and then turns to me.
"I must get back to my husband," She holds out her hand and I take it. "I hope I will see you at the reception."
"Of course," I lie. She will not see me after she goes back to her respectful pew, and I will not go to the reception. I will go home, call up a friend, maybe go to the movies...
You always made movies fun, Kenshin, watching those infamous chick flicks with me. I can see now that sour face of yours after the end, but I can honestly bet that you cried once during the movie Beaches. The devil himself cried when he watched that movie.
We never were an item, but even so you always proclaimed you loved me. Once, randomly, while waiting in line to get tickets you whispered in my ear that you loved me. Lucky, our turn was next so I did not have to acknowledge the statement. The only response you received was, "What movie do you want to see, Kenshin?"
Another song starts; this is the last one that will be heard before the end. People voices rise, and I sit still in the back, fearful that someone might hear me. Over the others, I see Hiko, quite like I' am, with a expressionless look on his face.
I cannot stop my smirk from forming; many fond memories I have with him in them. His arrogance, his story telling, his mannerisms I always found myself enjoying immensely. Misao told me once that Tomoe, while not repulsed, was discomfited around him-- maybe she found his presence too overwhelming?
Kenshin, you never did have your adopted father's arrogance.
My attention is again on you. I never told you that you were handsome. I'm sorry for that. You, Kenshin, deserved to know. But my pride did not allow for such a thing. That red hair burns against your tuxedo, and it seems to me as if you stiffen when I look at you. Why is it that you were always able to feel my watchful eye? Do you feel it now, Kenshin? I hope not.
The priest is talking again, both of you stand. The moment is drawing nearer and with it my fate will be sealed. I think I will leave before the end, live my life without knowing what took place. Yet that would be a useless thing for me to do, of course you will say yes, and so will she. From now on I can hopefully move on.
"...speak now or forever hold you peace."
Silence fills the church, both you and Tomoe look around. Was that an expression of hope I see in your eyes, Kenshin?
I lower my head as your gaze comes to the back almost as if you're looking for someone. I avoid your gaze. I, for one, will hold my peace. Instead, I ponder about what the priest says. He too is a liar. Nothing last forever, not in this life. Kenshin, one day you will know my feelings, in Heaven people get to know everything. All will be healed then, right?
I see the priest turn to you and speak; I do not hear what he has to say.
My decision is made in less than a second. I walk out of the church, no longer hiding, and soon I'm outside in the cold December air. Snow is falling steadily now and I become cold, my nose turns red. A few cars pass and the lights on the intersection change from green to red.
Stop. Everything seems to stop.
It is silly for me to place my future on the outcome of a wedding. It is better that I not know what happens in that cold white church. I will grow stronger-- I have no need for this. My future will come no matter what happens, and it is up to me alone to face it and grow with it.
I turn back to the church, its frozen white structure rises before me both condemning and comforting. I smile and turn away to walk to my car.
The light is green now.
A/N: Please tell me what you think? Should I leave this as a one shot, or should I make an epilogue. I wrote this on the spur of the moment, so it might be so what horrible.
IMPORTANT: Please take into consideration the ambiguous ending of the story. It, in the end, could have gone either way. Did Kenshin marry Tomoe, or not?
Thank you, for reading my story, and please, if you would Review, because they make me happy!
Weather it's now or later, the kid inside will always return.
-S.J. Kidd