Chapter 12

The chill in the air was little compared to the last time she had ridden Escaflowne. The hot nights of southern city were different from the colder North that they had been before. Hitomi narrowed her eyes against the wind, watching as the castle fell away from them as he rushed over the city and out onto the dark harbour. When she could no longer see the patio that the king stood on, she let out a breath of relief she hadn't known she had been keeping.

Twisting against Van's legs, she glanced around him in search of Josceline. He was sitting right behind them, head bowed against the wind so she was unable to see his face. He was very still, and when she called to him in worry he did not reply.

She was about to reach out to him, touch him on the arm, but Van suddenly called from above that they had arrived at the ship.

Looking around in surprise she found that they had, indeed, found Dryden's merchant ship, anchored a long ways from the harbour, but they still had the city in view.

They flew over the ship for a moment, both Van and Josceline looking over the cargo hold and rest of the ship for any sign of ambush or if a fight had taken place. But upon finding none, Hitomi felt Van visibly relax against her side, his legs more strained now from the pressure of pulling Escaflowne into a land, his face set, but obviously less stressed.

He seemed to have sensed her watching him, and he looked down at her with a loving smile before he went back to the task at hand.

That one smile lifted some of the burden she had been feeling of her chest... but still some remained. Gods... was he mad at her for making him call Escaflowne? He was probably even more mad at the fact she had just thrown herself into such danger at the palace. Her great plan that threw her into the arms of a complete madman who obviously enjoyed their suffering.

She looked past Van's legs at Josceline again. He was withdrawn once more now that they knew the ship most still be a safe haven. Was he upset with her too? She had drawn his brother into their fight, and now he was...

She turned away from him, blinking back sudden tears. She felt she had betrayed Josceline, one of her closest friends. Even if he didn't like his brother at the moment, they were still family.

She always managed such devastation when she came to Gaea... she didn't want to be here any longer.

But placing a hand to her stomach, and looking up once more into Van's face as they landed, she knew she couldn't leave. Not Van, not her country, not Josceline... as much as she felt the need to. She needed to look after her family.

Van was just helping Hitomi step down off Escaflowne, one arm around her waist, when Dryden swooped down upon him. He looked tired... all his usual excitement seemed washed out of him. But as he approached he seemed to force on his usual happy smile, but the usual certain 'glow' he normally possessed was not present.

"I was beginning to think no one would ever show!" His voice was playful, but deep down he sounded worried. "I was wondering if I should just go home."

Van turned to the other king with a frown on his face, her brows knit together, his burgundy eyes flashing. "The others aren't here?"

Dryden shook his head as he reached them. "No. I was expecting them with you, but when I saw Escaflowne leave the harbour..." He flashed an enquiring look at Van, "I knew something was amiss."

"It was... and there is." Van turned to look at Escaflowne, a slightly pained expression on his face. "I don't know where the others are, but we were at the palace. We needed Escaflowne to escape." He turned back to Hitomi, giving her a look she wasn't quite sure how to interpret.

Hitomi turned away from him, not really knowing why, and was met with the grey eyes of the Celestial. He was standing off to the side of the conversation, just... watching her.

"Josceline..." She trailed off, not really sure what to say to him. Was there anything to say to him to make him feel better?

"Where are the rooms?" He ignored her, turning to look at Dryden. His voice was dry, emotionless. Hitomi felt her throat constrict.

Dryden looked at him for a moment before waving his hand in the direction of the corridor he came out of, the sleeves of his robes waving, "Down the hall, whatever one you want."

He turned and walked in the direction pointed out, and without another word or look back he was gone. Hitomi couldn't stop the tears from falling now and she looked away, seemingly watching the sea through the large windows of the cargo bay.

"Where did you get that?"

Hitomi turned back to the two men, her head facing downwards so not to give away her tears. Dryden was looking in interest at the sword now strapped to Van's side.

Van looked at it, as if forgetting it was there, then, with a quick look in Hitomi's direction he unlatched it from his belt and handed it over to the king.

"This is what we came to the castle for." She couldn't help but notice how snappy his reply was, as if, and she knew it, he thought the reason for going there was stupid. Even after he saw the power the sword possesses.

Dryden was turning the sword over in his hand, then pulled it from the sheath, gasping as the light from the hanger danced along the blade. "Beautiful... I have never seen a more perfect blade." He looked up at Van, suddenly eager. "Can I take a look at this."

Van shrugged, then headed in the direction Josceline went off in. Hitomi turned and followed them with Dryden on her heels, still muttering things under his breath as he looked over the sword.

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"Joscline..." Hitomi knocked unsurely on the Celestial's closed door.

Upon having no answer, she carefully pressed her ear to the door. It was silent within. With a small sigh she stood back and stared hard at the door, as if willing it to open.

To her complete surprise, it did.

Josceline looked down at her, his greys eyes dancing in the torch light of the hallway. She took a few hasty steps back so she could look up at him properly. It looked as if he had been crying, but she didn't comment.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come eat something with me and Van..."

His eyes narrowed slightly, then, with an audibly sigh, he stepped back; gesturing her into the room.

She brushed past him quickly, sweeping her eyes over the room that looked like it wasn't inhabited. The bed looked untouched and there were no clothes about. She turned back to face him as he went back to the small port window, looking over the sea.

"Josceline..." She thought hard for a moment, hoping the right words would come to her, just like her magic seemed to do, but nothing came.

"I'm sorry... if your worried about me." He didn't turn to her face her. "I'm fine."

She nodded, still watching his tense back, folding her arms against the wind coming through the window. "You don't have to lye to me, Josceline."

He turned to look at her, if only for a fraction of a second before turning away again, standing more rigid then before.

Walking forward, she wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her forehead against his solid back. He remained tense in her arms, but as she spoke next he seemed to relax slightly. "He did it to show you he cared. He just wanted you to look at him the same again."

"He betrayed me..."

She nodded against him, tightening her grip around him. "Yes... and he knew he did wrong to you. He wanted to make it better." She bit her lip. "Josceline... he knew he was going to die."

He slammed his fist hard in the window frame causing the thick glass to ring loudly, but not shatter. She backed away from him slightly, taking her hands from his waist and placing them on his back. "He always knows!" He sounded so pained, and she felt tears well up in her own eyes. "His gift..." He trailed off, seeming to loose all steam. "He always knew..."

"He just wanted you to be happy, Josceline..."

He made a small noise that sounded like a sob and she realized him, taking several steps back towards the door.

"I'll bring you food, if you want."

He shook his head. "No..."

With a small, shaky sigh, she turned and left the room, closing the door quickly behind her.

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Van took a small sip of the sweet juice that they had got from out of the ships kitchens, putting the glass down next to Hitomi for her to take a sip as well. He seemed set to not looking at her, keeping his eyes over the ocean and towards the harbour. The city seemed so quite.

Hitomi, not wanting to press him, lifted a piece of meat to her mouth on a silver fork, savouring the taste of it before swallowing, having decided to finally cut the silence. "Are you mad at me..." She asked quietly.

He shook his head, still not looking at her. "Not mad... just... disappointed." He looked down at his lap now, his brows furrowed together.

"That's worse." She muttered, moving the meat around on the plate she had in her lap.

He laughed slightly and looked up at her then. "You'd rather I was mad at you?"

She at up a little straighter. "Yes." She told him defiantly. "And it's all right, because I understand." She trailed off. "You should be mad at me."

He shook his head again. "It was a reckless plan is all." He looked her over now, as if rechecking to see if she has any injuries. His eyes fell once more on the fading bruise on her chin. "What happened there." He reached out and delicately trailed his fingers along the yellowing patch of skin. "He did this, didn't he?"

She touched the spot his fingers had just left, only just remembering. "Oh... he did yes... in the throne room." When his eyes narrowed suddenly she added, "It's fine."

"It's not fine, Hitomi." He sat back from her again, taking his feet from over the railing and turning to face her completely. "You put yourself in that situation. You could have gotten seriously hurt." His eyes flashed downward to her stomach and she felt a sudden surge of guilt. "And not just yourself either."

She inhaled a shaky breath and, taking the plate from her lap and moving the glass of juice, she inched closer to him. "I'm sorry, I know it was stupid." She shook her head, her long brown locks falling into her face. "It's just..." She felt tears spring to her eyes and watched as Van's face turned from stern to concerned. "I want to end this so badly."

"So do I."

"He killed my dad!" She shot out suddenly, and Van blinked in surprise as she anger came to her face. "He killed my dad... and he's destroying my country." She made a hand gesture towards the city. "He's trying to take everything away from me that means something!"

She choked suddenly on a sob and turned determinedly away from him, brushing her eyes against the sleeve of her robe. "And I'm just as powerless against it as always."

Van moved a bit closer to her, leaning his head down towards her face as he leaned slightly against her shoulder. "You beat him before, Hitomi... you can do it again."

"But I'll be putting myself at risk." She looked up at him, her face giving away her fear. "Our children at risk!"

Van's forehead creased slightly as he gave her an odd look. "Children?"

She ignored him. "It was different before! I didn't have anything to loose in the past! I wasn't in love, I wasn't pregnant, and I was a stronger person." She pulled her knees up to her chest and laid her head on them, wrapping her arms around them.

"I thought calling Escaflowne would make a difference... I thought having the sword would help... I'm feel out of control, like I'm not myself."

"Escaflowne got us out of there."

She nodded, but didn't look up. "Kaiomi still died."

Van was silent a moment. "I will fight with Escaflowne, for you."

She gave a dry sob and looked up, a slightly panicked look on her face. "That's exactly what I don't want you to do! I wasn't myself when I asked you to call it."

"You just have to listen to your other self... listen to your instincts." Her told her quietly, bending down to whisper in her ear.

"My instincts are crap."

He stifled a laugh and caused Hitomi to glare up at him. "Your instincts aren't 'crap', you've saved me more times then I can count because of them."

She made a small noise that sounded like a groan. "You like my other self, don't you?" She asked suddenly, watching him enquiringly.

He leaned back a bit. "Wha-"

"You like her." She gave a small sniff. "When I feel more like her is when we always have sex."

A very heavy blush surfaced across his tanned face. "It doesn't mean I like her better."

She watched him for a moment, half glaring before sighing and letting her eyes drift over the water again. "Sorry... It's my hormones."

Once again, Van had to hold back the urge to laugh, then realized with a small pang that she was doing this deliberately. "We're trying to have a serious conversation."

She didn't turn to look at him, but there was amusement in her voice now. "We are. I'm worried you like my other self's sexiness better then me."

He snorted. "This is stupid, considering she is you."

"It's not stupid to me, Van."

Sighing he leaned away from her again. "I see we've cast all serious discussion to the wind..." She stood, and in one quick motion had scooped her up into his arms. "We'll continue this discussion later then."

She laughed slightly, all thoughts blowing from her mind. She should just forget things for a moment. She wanted to be with Van. "And where are we going Mr. Fanel."

"I need to see who's sex I prefer better."

It was obvious he was holding down a blush.

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AN: lame ending... I know. Sorry it took so long, I was kinda stuck in a different mind frame with another fanfic and I couldn't get around to starting this chapter.

Hope you like it.

Reviews please!