After her conversation with Hoshi, T'Pol felt...tired. She was going to return to her quarters, but instead she found herself heading to Sickbay. The Sickbay lights were dimmed, and Phlox was no where to be seen. She crossed the room to Archer's bed, but hesitated as she was about to pull the curtains aside. She took a deep breath, parted the curtains and stepped inside. She as actually relieved to find him sleeping.
T'Pol pulled up a chair and sat down beside him. She studied his still form and winced. He did look broken and frail. A far cry from the strong, determined man she knew so well.
Her gaze slowly swept over the bandages on his face, the oxygen tube in his nose, the bandages on his hand. Apparently, the uniform had protected his arm from the blast. His right side was heavy bandaged due to the large laceration and the broken ribs. The blood soaked uniform had been removed and taken away. T'Pol watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. To her acute sense of hearing, his breathing sounded raspy and labored. She looked at some of the consoles. Hoshi was right, the Captain's condition was not improving.
T'Pol's gaze returned to the Captain's face. She looked at his closed eyes. Those piecing green eyes. Sometimes she felt like she could read his mind through those eyes. Often he felt like he had to hide his real emotions from the crew. But, after all these years, she could look deep into his eyes and tell exactly he was really feeling. When he was confronted with a hostile situation she could see the anger, the determination, the frustration, the fear. But, when he found a new alien species or a new natural wonder, she could also see the delight, the excitement, the childlike sense of wonder dancing in the back of his eyes.
But mostly she had grown "accustomed" to gazing into those clear green eyes as they discussed everything from the duty roster to the Vulcan view of the afterlife. Life aboard a starship necessitated daily and frequent contact just to get the work done. But in the last few years, their conversations had expanded as they found areas of common interest beyond the ship and the mission. They had found a mutual interest in music. She had taught him the Vulcan equivalent of chess. One time, they had even stayed up all "night" arguing about some finer point of Vulcan philosophy while listening to jazz. Yes, she had definitely grown "accustomed" to his presence.
But, now? Would he ever open his eyes again? Would she ever again see that ridiculous gleam in his eyes when he was teasing her? What if he died tonight?
Panic threatened to well up in her. "I need to meditate," she thought. She closed her eyes and concentrated on pushing her emotions down. She slowed her breathing as she imagined the panic floating away on the wind.
As she entered the Ready Room, she found Captain Archer standing with his back to the door, gazing out the window at the stars. So many times she had entered the room to find him like this. He enjoyed looking out into space.
"I was hoping you would come and see me," Archer said turning around, smiling. "I wanted to be sure I had a chance to talk to you."
T'Pol looked into his warm, welcoming face. He seemed happy and excited about something. But for some reason a feeling of foreboding crept over T'Pol.
"I don't think I have ever thanked you for your help in the Expanse," Archer continued. "It was not your problem and you didn't have to do it. But I'm glad you did. Your presence was invaluable to me…in more ways than you know." Archer gently took her hand.
T'Pol was surprised. Over the years Archer had learned to respect her dislike of physical contact. She quickly steeled herself against the flood of emotions. Warmth and affection flooded towards her. They were pleasant feelings and she carefully let them wash over her. She should have known that Archer would do nothing to hurt her. Yet, the foreboding did not go away.
"The universe is filled with countless wonders, don't you think?" Archer asked, his other arm making a sweeping arc across the window. "I feel very privileged to have the opportunity to glimpse even a tiny fraction of them. And I feel very lucky to have had you here to help me explore them." Archer's voice was soft with affection.
The feelings grew stronger. They turned to love! Yes, Archer loved her. The feeling was strong and passionate. But it was not the physical attraction that she and Trip had shared, years ago. It was a love that grew out of a long friendship. Mutual respect and shared interests.
And yes, she loved him too. She allowed the door on that part of her emotions to open. For the last couple of years it had been lurking there, but she had kept it tightly shut. After all, there was no logical way that the feelings could be fulfilled. As long as he was the Captain, the relationship could not progress any further. Now it felt good to let the feelings flow freely.
Archer leaned over and gently kissed her on the lips. T'Pol's whole body tingled with electricity. When he pulled back, it seemed to T'Pol that the wall of the ready room had dissolved away. Archer was surrounded by nothing but stars. Feelings of dread and panic began to creep over T'Pol. Archer was moving backward into the field of stars. He was at arms length. He was still smiling broadly at her.
"No!" T'Pol thought. She was could not speak or move. She could only shake her head from side to side.
Archer let go of her hand, turned and started walking into the star field. Tears were rolling down T'Pol's cheeks. Archer stopped and turned back to her.
"Remember…..I will always love you," he said. Then he turned back to the star field and continued walking. When he was just a speck of light among the millions of stars, T'Pol finally blurted out, "No! Don't go! Don't leave me!"
T'Pol's eyes flew open. She found herself staring at the blinking lights of the medical console. She quickly glanced over at Archer who was still sleeping on the biobed.
"What just happened?" T'Pol wondered. She must have been dreaming. That can happen sometimes in very deep meditative states. She stood up, stretched her back and ran her hand over her eyes. She felt very unsettled by the dream. Why was she dreaming that Archer loved her? She shook her head. These were crazy thoughts. The feeling of dread still clung to her.
"T'Pol." She started at the sound of Archer's voice. "Did I scare you?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I…didn't mean to disturb you, Captain," she stammered. "You should continue to rest."
Archer shifted his weight and grimaced.
"Are you in pain?" T'Pol asked starting to stand up. "I will get Dr Phlox."
"No!" said Archer. "I'm OK. I want to stay awake a little longer. He'll just give me another sedative. Please stay and…talk to me for a while." T'Pol sat back down.
"I was hoping you would come and see me," Archer said smiling weakly. "I wanted to be sure I had a chance to talk to you."
T'Pol froze. There was a long pause as Archer gathered the strength to speak again. T'Pol felt disembodied. It was as if she was standing off to the side watching the two of them.
"I don't think I have ever thanked you for your help in the Expanse," Archer continued. "It was not your problem and you didn't have to do it." Panic and dread were creeping over T'Pol.
"But I'm glad you did. Your presence was invaluable to me…in more ways than you know." Archer weakly lifted his hand towards her.
Involuntarily, T'Pol reached out and took his hand. It was as if someone else was controlling her body. She felt Archer's presence emulating from the touch. She felt his strong, compassionate, nature. She felt warmth, friendship and affection. She felt something stronger than affection…. The panic threatened to overwhelm her. She could only stare at him.
Archer had paused. He seemed to be having trouble breathing. Regaining his breath, he continued. "The universe is filled with countless wonders, don't you think? I feel very privileged to have the opportunity to glimpse even a tiny fraction of them. And I feel very lucky to have had you here to help me explore them."
Suddenly, Archer's eyes grew very wide. He was gasping for air. His body tensed with pain. Alarms started going off on all the medical consoles. He turned to T'Pol. He was squeezing her hand very hard, "Remember…" he gasped. But he could not finish the sentence. His eyes rolled back in his head as a convulsion gripped him.
T'Pol was paralyzed. She should have been calling for help. Yet, all she could do was clutch his hand. "No, no, no," she whispered. A single tear was rolling down her cheek.
Phlox and two medics rushed in. They began checking the consoles and scanning Archer's now limp body. "Please step aside!" Phlox said curtly. He looked up in annoyance when T'Pol did not move. "Ensign! Get her out of here!"
At that moment Trip had entered the room. He put his arm around her shoulders and tried to lead her away.
"Let go of me!" T'Pol growled loudly. For a moment Trip was shocked by the display of emotion. Then he said "Commander! Listen to me!" He pulled T'Pol around to face him. When her eyes focused on him, he continued "There is nothing we can do right now. We just have to wait."
Trip gently pulled her out the sickbay doors. T'Pol reluctantly walked out, but she was looking back. She could see Dr. Phlox and the medics working furiously. Several alarms were still beeping urgently. As the Sickbay doors shut, she heard "Cardiac stimulator! Quickly! We're loosing him!"