WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRINK TOO MUCH SCHWEPPES?
Once upon a time, there was a young ratty looking boy, who had black hair, and bent glasses; he lived in a pineapple under the sea, with his best mate, Spongebob. They had a pet snail called Ronaldo Grangerino. He liked cat food, grapes and dragonflies. Spongebobs best mate, the one who this story is based around, is called Harriette Pottette (nickname: Harry Potter).They liked to drink Schweppes.
When Harry went back to school at Hoggywarty Hogwarts in Germany schlapstick dancing! he met Pippin the exchange student from New Zealand. Pippin was a very tense looking guy, he had dark silver eyes and he always looked surprised. He had curly brown hair that was about ear length. He also has a monobrow. He liked sheep. Harry didn't like Pippin that much, but he fell in love with his feet, especially the little toe, but just the toe nail.
"Pippin! I just love your toe nail darling!" whispered Harry, into Pippins ear, on the Hoggywarty Express, heading back to their seventh year at school.
"Get away from me you fiend!" screeched Pippin, while waving a big, sharp, Spanish, sexist shovel around the compartment.
"AHHHH" screamed the Spanish shovel, El Dora Do, "THAT'S MY HANDLE! YOU SEXIST EXCHANGE STUDENT WITH HOT TOE NAILS! ANDALAY ANDALAY! I AM VERY SEXIST!"
"Shut up El Dora!" yelled Spongebob, who just suddenly jumped out of Harry's trunk.
"SPONGEY! What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't breathe out of water?" screamed Harry with delight.
"Well I can now, with my Magical Gonc Shell! I can go anywhere and be able to breathe. But not when there are horrible smells. Who did that!"
Just then the whole carriage started to shake; it was like some huge object was walking through the carriage, but apparently it was, because just at that second the door opened and Harry, Spongebob, Pippin and El Dora Do all dropped to the ground like dead flies. A few minutes later they woke up and looked at the door, where this hugemungus fat Scottish man was stuck in the doorway.
"Do you think you laddies could get up and help me out of this wee situation?" said Fat Bastard, in his Scottish accent.
"OH MY GOD! YOUR OFF THOSE AUSTIN POWERS MOVIES!" screamed Pippin.
"Aye, that's correct laddie! Now do you think you could get some fatty grease and get me out of hear, people are dropping down like dead flies all over the train because I smell so much. PLUS IM STARVING FOR SOME CHILLI BABY BACK RIBS!" mumbled Fat Bastard.
"Here Fat Bastard, have some apple cider from the best pub around, The Horses Alehouse!" said Harry, as he passed some of The Horses Alehouse's famous apple cider around, after they had all gotten Fat Bastard out of the door way.
Little did everyone know, but Harry had spiked the apple cider with some Vodka. Soon enough the compartment was drunkenly talking about their failed relationships and what-not.
"I once tried to kiss Patrick way back in Bikini Bottom. He wasn't very impressed. I got really angry when Ronaldo Grangerino came sliding in and started rubbing himself against my leg. HE RUINED MY CHANCES WITH PATRICK!" sobbed Spongebob.
"Well laddies, I once tried to kiss Scotty. I couldn't find him after I hugged him close to my sexy titties, but I swear I could still hear him. I found him 5 days later stuck in a roll of my sexy fat." exclaimed Fat Bastard.
"Yeah, well I can beat that!" said Harry. "I once tried to kiss that guy in Ravenclaw, Crispin Cockburn! He actually kissed me back, but then he got grossed out and ran away from me. HE LEFT ME ALL ALONE IN THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT!"
"What does he look like?" asked Fat Bastard
"He's that tall bloke, the one with blonde hair and hot sexy blue eyes." replied Harry
"Isn't he an unregistered Animagus?" asked Captain Feathersword, who suddenly appeared out of the hallway.
"CAPTAIN FEATHERSWORD!" shouted everyone.
So that included Harry, Spongebob, Pippin, El Dora Do and Fat Bastard. The compartment was getting quite full, it would of been alright, except fat bastard took up alot of space.
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" screamed everyone
"Ah har me heartys! Fruit Salad...yummy yummy!" sung Captain Feathersword.
"Here Captain, have some umm apple cider from The Horses Alehouse!" said Pippin, while polishing El Dora Do's long shovely handle. It was nice and shiny.
"A har me heartys! A thank you!" said Captain Feathersword, while tickling everyone with his Feathersword.
"MY SPANISH AMIGOS! WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE SPECTACULAR HOGGY WARTY HOGWARTS!" screamed El Dora Do
"WAHOO!" yelled everyone who was in the compartment at the time.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN AT THE WELCOMING FEAST? WHO WILL BE THE NEW TEACHERS? READ ON INTO CHAP CHAP CHAP CHAP CHAP CHAPTER TWOOO!