A/N: Thank you guys so much! I didn't really like last chapter too much… okay, okay, I liked writing Mimsy! She was fun! Thanks to you guys who reviewed. I'm going to respond to everyone at the end of this chapter. Sorry it took so long! As always, Read, Review, & Enjoy!

Legal Disclaimer: See Prologue.

This chapter is dedicated to vivphy05.


Chapter 7:

Confusion
and
Confessions…
Almost

Recap: "Stay close to me", he whispered… "I will", she said. Lily thought she had heard him sigh with a distinct note of longing in his voice, but couldn't be sure for they had started walking slowly and silently up the spiral staircase, closing in on the sobbing now ringing in her head.

As the two of them reached the stone archway that served as a doorway into the topmost landing of the Astronomy Tower, Lily let out an inaudible gasp of horror. She involuntarily laced her fingers through James's, frightened and somehow awed at the sight that lay before them.

Charity, beautiful, sweet Charity, was on lying the dusty floor of that old tower in the fetal position clutching a teacup in one hand and the same tattered journal Lily had seen her grab earlier in the other. She was sobbing so violently it seemed as though she wasn't able to breathe. James let out a barely breathed gasp, and squeezed Lily's hand.

This small amount of pressure on her fingers brought her down to reality: I'm standing under an invisibility cloak with James Potter. My best friend is having a conniption fit in an abandoned tower. What am I doing? She thought vaguely of running away, screaming, but was somehow rooted to the spot.

So there they stood, horror-stricken, for several long seconds before Lily realized Charity was choking out words.

"Can't be… No, it's wrong… It has to be wrong – Please let it be WRONG!" she screamed into the night, words half muddled with dry heaves that were now over taking her small frame. "NO! NO! NOOOO!"

Suddenly, like in a muggle horror movie, Charity sat straight up. Though her face was still wet with tears, the split second she had used to come up right seemed to have been time enough for her voice to turn away from the moist, lamented tone that comes when one cries to a voice that sounded terribly hardened, oddly strained.

"Why me?" she asked quietly. "Why am I… Why?" She picked up a saucer that looked as if it belonged to a set with her cup. She stared at it for a moment, and then hurled it into the opposite wall.

"WHY!" she screamed so loudly, Lily was amazed Dumbledore hadn't heard it in his office on the other end of the castle, three floors below.

Lily let out a soft whimper as James attempted to lead her away. "No", she whispered urgently. "We've got to help her, we've got to James, I can't leave her there!"

Charity was still babbling in the background, now seemingly talking to her teacup. Lily braced herself for more flying chinaware.

"She's not hurting herself, Lily. She's upset – How do you think she'd react if we just busted in on her while she's like that? All we'd succeed in doing is making whatever it is worse. Let's just not upset her more, okay, Lils? It's okay", he said gently, so gently Lily almost felt calm.

That is, almost until they heard it:

"Who's next? Huh? James? Lily? SIRIUS? ME! Why won't you tell me who you asshole, WHY!" she screamed.

James stiffened suddenly.

"What's going on?" Lily asked, terrified. It was not enough that she heard her name, but James, the calm one, was now looking almost as much in disbelief as she felt. And that didn't make her feel better. Not a tiny bit.

James didn't answer, but whipped around so fast he almost wrenched the cloak of the two of them. He seemed to have noticed nothing.

"…James?" she whispered tentivaly. No answer.

He was staring hard towards, but not at Charity. Lily followed his eyes, wondering what he was staring at, but before she had a chance to search the floor with her eyes, James had grabbed her arm and was leading her forcefully down the stairs, ignoring her questions:

"What were you looking at…? James…? JAMES!" she hissed, over and over again down the stairs, getting more and more angry as they went. What is going on? She thought.

At the bottom of the stairs, James whipped the cloak off of them and took Lily by her arms, looking deep into her eyes. His face was drawn.

"Lily, don't tell anyone what just happened", he said seriously. "Please, promise me you won't."

Lily felt enraged, confused, and, above all else, scared. Not only from what she had just seen, but from the look in his eyes right now. "Why?" she asked, fearfully.

"Please, Lily! Especially not Sirius."

"James", she started slowly, "you do realize we're going to be spending the entire day with the two of them tomorrow, don't you? Are you completely mad?" she yelped, her voice rose dangerously. Lily's eyes darted to the foot of the staircase four feet away from where she was standing. As if reading her mind, James walked ahead of her, once again, leading her down corridor and around a corner. Lily followed, still protesting.

"You want me to pretend I didn't see – no, FORGET what I've just seen!"

James nodded without looking at her. "Yeah, I do."

"James there was something seriously wrong!"

He looked t her for a moment before shaking his head. Lily thought he looked as though he was doing some fast thinking. "No, it's off, I know that, but it's normal for these times. People getting killed for no reason, you know? I know its scary, Lily, but you've got to understand it's normal." Something in his voice suggested he knew quite a bit more than he was letting on, she thought, but didn't press that particular point.

"Normal?" Lily screeched. "Okay James, if it's so normal then why is it so goddamned important not to tell anyone! Why James!" A tear trickled down her cheek as she yelled. James was simply staring at her like he had never plainly seen her before. It was unnerving. "There could be something wrong… she was talking to someone who wasn't there, or herself, or something, its not right! What was goi9ng on, James, I know you know, I know you do! Why won't you -"

But suddenly, she couldn't speak anymore. Not because she was overcome with emotion; no that wasn't it. She was overcome, but that had nothing to do with it.

It was because James had just clamped his mouth over her's.

All at once, the fear, the anger, all of it had melted away. She was left with nothing but serenity, although she was still very confused and upset, nothing seemed so bad anymore. Somehow, she felt… happy.

There were no fireworks, no orchestra in the background churning out romantic symphonies… Just James. Just the magnificent feeling of his lips taking her's and the sounds of gentle breathing filling the comfortable air between them.

It did not feel miraculous – It simply felt… right.

And comfortable.

And comforting.

James pulled away after a few seconds and looked down at Lily's face. When her eyes fluttered open, he looked deep into them once more. When he spoke, it still held every note of adamant it had before, but somehow it was much more convincing. "Lily, I know it sounds mental, but if you want to help Charity, you've got to promise not to mention this. Please? Trust me?"

Lily stared silently back into his eyes. After a long second, she nodded, mouth hanging slightly open in a daze.

"Thank you", he said sincerely.

Lily nodded again, quite aware she looked as though she were riding a horse, what with her neck jerking up and down with no sounds coming out of her mouth. She couldn't speak. Absolutely couldn't. Between Charity's behavior and James's kiss, Lily felt lucky to still have control over her motor skills. Perhaps she wouldn't speak again for days… or until Christmas?

"So", James said awkwardly, although a definite tinge of self-satisfaction hung form his voice, "You're not going to slap me, then?"

Lily's jaw dropped. She couldn't imagine what she'd want to slap him for…

Then she realized what had just happened.

He kissed me. James Potter kissed me and… and I let him, didn't I? I kissed him back… no, I didn't… Did I? YES, OH MY GOODNESS, JAMES POTTER KISSED ME AND I LET HIM! WHY DID I LET HIM DO THAT? She thought frantically.

James flushed red, as if having read her mind. "I won't do it again… I'm sorry", he said, shoulders slumping.

She nodded again. "Umm… okay. That's… good", she choked out, with much effort.

He smirked sadly.

Lily was about to say something, anything to make him feel better… she wasn't sure what, but as soon as she opened her mouth she would say the perfect thing that would make everything go away…

But James spoke first. "Well, I guess we should go back to the common room", he suggested.

But neither of them moved. They stared at each other for what seemed like several nights in silence. James sighed and turned away, but Lily grabbed his arm gently.

The moment was entirely electric.

He looked at her as she tilted her face upwards to meet his. A small sigh escaped his lips as he started to close his hazel eyes.

"What's going on here?" a strained voice interrupted.

Lily spun around, almost hitting James in the face with the back of her head. "Charity!"

Yes, Charity.

She was standing there, holding that notebook across her chest like a shield, a very blank smile upon her face.

They stared at her.

"I've, uh, I've just been for some tea", she stuttered. "I needed some time, you know, what with Nichole having to leave us… Absolutely dreadful thing that happened to her father – horrible." She looked around uneasily, as if for an escape. Her face was tense – much more so than Lily had ever seen it in seven years – and her smile… without a genuine smile, Lily thought, Charity just didn't look like Charity. Then she pulled a very Charity-like move: She tilted her head to the side, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. "What are you two doing here… all alone?" she finished with a forced smirk.

Lily gaped.

Charity was just standing there… like nothing had happened… like she'd HADN'T just been curled up and screaming on a dirty floor less than two minutes ago.

Lily was about to just come unglued at the seams and say all of this, laughing maniacally, when James stepped in front of her.

"I was looking for you, actually", he lied unblinkingly.

Charity raised an eyebrow, hands on hips, still glaring suspiciously. Lily had a difficult time not crying, seeing her now almost normal and remembering how pitifully scared and alone she looked a few minutes beforehand.

"I, uh… I couldn't find Sirius, and I figured you'd know where he'd gone, so I asked Lily for you. She told me that you'd just gone, so I convinced her to come with me to find you… So, do you know where he is?" he asked, completely straight faced. Lily was now looking between the two of them with her mouth hanging wide open.

Charity looked at him very funnily then… a look that seemed to suggest that he was insane – seriously mental. "I thought… He's with Remus, James. You know that."

James nearly jumped. He glanced sideways at Lily and shifted his feet. "Oh, I'd forgotten", he said lamely.

Now Lily was gaping at Charity and James and Charity was gaping at James alone… While James stood under the scrutiny of two of the most vicious females Hogwarts had ever seen.

Charity continued to stare at James, that same strange look on her face, as if willing him to start cutting flips to prove he was round the bend, for a long while.

Then she straightened her face and looked to Lily, whose feeling of utter confusion had just intensified rather painfully. What in bloody Hell is going on? She thought.

"Well", Charity said, breaking the silence that had fallen over the three of them. "I'm going to go back to the dormitory. You ought to come up soon as well. We've got to look good tomorrow, you know. You two kids behave yourselves", she added, laughing a sad, hollow laugh.

Lily felt as her temper rising dangerously as she watched Charity amble off. The events of the past hour played over and over again in her head in flashes.

"James", she said rounding on him, "Would you care to explain to me once more how and the hell I'm suppose to get through tomorrow without going mental?"

"She seemed normal to me just now", he said, not meeting her eyes.

That was it. She had had enough.

"You're insane. She's insane. All of you are bloody insane! There's something going on here, something's going on with her, and if I'm not mistaken – and I KNOW I'm not – something's going on with you, too! Why is everyone in the whole damn school acting like a complete nutter!" she screeched. She paused momentarily to gather her next assault.

"James, you've asked me to trust you somewhere around thirty times this evening. You're making it very difficult to do that when I know you're not telling me everything there is to tell."

James shifted guiltily. "Lily, I don't know what's going on. I don't know anything. I just… I honestly don't think there's anything 'wrong' with charity, so to speak. I just, I don't know, suspect, there's something going on, possibly, that we're not aware of, and maybe she's not either - not entirely, anyways. Something.. unusual, I guess would be the best word…"

"Okay" she said in the calmest voice she could muster, crossing her arms over her chest, "then what was all that mess about Sirius you two were just dancing around?"

"That", James said, "is Sirius's business. I wish I could tell you, but I can't. You've got to understand I can't. I'm sorry."

Lily, for some reason, believed him without question. This calmed her down immediately.

"So…", she said, "so you don't think Charity is in any kind of… I don't know… danger or anything? I'm so worried…"

James laughed. "No way. She's just sensitive… I don't know how sensitive, but… but, hey, you're a good friend to care so much."

Lily smiled genuinely. "Thanks", she said meekly. "So are you."

"Me?" James said surprised. "Why's that?"

"Because. Not many people would've tried to help me, but… I guess what I mean is I just kind of knew you'd help me. And that's really very cool."

James returned her smile. "Yeah, I guess so. Thanks."

They started walking towards the common room.

"Hey", Lily said suddenly, "What were you doing in the office to night?"

She saw a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. "That is none of your business", he said.

Lily laughed. "Okay, fine, but be aware; the Marauders aren't the only ones who have ways of finding things out."

James chuckled. "Don't worry, Lilkins, you'll know soon enough."

"You mean you're going to tell me?"

"Yeah. Eventually", he said, still grinning.

Seconds later, James was helping Lily through the portrait hole.

"Well…" he said when they were both standing in the common room.

Lily looked around. The room was empty, even though it was only ten pm. She supposed everyone decided to turn in early in anticipation for the Hogsmede trip the next morning. She looked at James. James looked at his shoes.

"Hey, Potter", she said smiling, "Thanks for everything."

He finally met her eyes. "You're welcome. Anytime you need something."

Lily blushed profusely under his intense gaze, but did not look away. She needed to say something, and he wasn't going to stop her. No matter how right it felt to say exactly the opposite.

"Uh, about earlier…" she needn't clarify. They both knew she was referring to 'the kiss'. He opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hand to stop him. "I don't think that should've happened."

She thought she saw his face twitch, but didn't falter her stare from his face. This had to be done. After everything she still didn't… trust him? Or…

'Trust me'…'Lily, trust me'… 'Trust me?'

His words played back in her mind.

I do trust him… I do. I trust him, and now…

"I understand", he said shortly. "I'll see you tomorrow, Lily. I'm tired tonight. Sleep well." He turned on his heel and headed for the stairs to his dormitory.

"James…!" she called softly, but he just held up a hand and waved it off, not looking back at her.

"… I shouldn't have said that. Trust me."

She stared at the empty staircase, hoping he'd come back. Hoping that he'd heard.

Why? The voice asked.

Because it was a lie, she replied.

It was?

Yes. It was.

Why'd you lie?

I don't know. I felt like I had to lie.

Why?

I don't know!

Sure you do. You lied because you're scared. Of being hurt. And rejected. And because you're worried… about other things as well.

What things?

What was Charity crying about?

About which of us was 'next'… Next to… die?

Bingo.

What does that have to do with anything, though?

Everything. Fear… is controlling you. Maybe you should give in for once.

"I don't know how", Lily said out loud, sadly. She plopped down into an armchair by the fire, which was still glowing bright in the otherwise dark common room.

"I don't know how not to be scared… or how to let go. I don't think I can. I think… I think I'll… always be alone."

She looked around, taking in every detail of this room, of this chair… of this feeling.

Another few months, and I'm outta here. Then what? Be an Auror? A Potion Maker? A Healer?

…Alone?

Lily groaned in frustration. She cast one last look at the fire before standing up and walking to the stairs that led up to her dormitory. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and looked at the matching staircase ten feet away.

"Goodnight James. I don't know what to do… but I'm sorry."

One foot at a time, one stair at a time… One day at a time, she chanted to herself up the stairs. One day at a time.

A/N: Hope you Enjoy it! I'm in the process of writing the next Chappy already – Hogsmede! Big things are happening… I have plans, oh yes, I have plans. Anyways, Review for me you guys! Thanks to the following people for getting me up off my butt. My mom is in Covington, which is about 20 minutes north of New Orleans right Now and I haven't been able to talk to her in two days, so I'm feeling a bit scared, ad I think it may have helped me get a genuine scary feeling for this time frame with Voldemort and all… Anyways, Review for me!

Thank you's and replies:

Anonymously Morgan: Hey, I updated! I liked the fluff as well. I always love your reviews so much!
Terrifictypingtrio: Thanks as always for your compliments! I do enjoy it – its spite for all the cliffys I've had to deal with, honestly, lol. It's a vicious cycle really.

Hpandfriendsruletheworld: I'm so glad you like Charity! I worked really hard on that character. You could be right about that 'thing' or I could be leading you on… you might be too clever for your own good, lol. Thanks for coming on board Brittany's review ship! ;)

Pink Luvin Goddess: I think I will become an author… if I ever write with my own characters… that's why I like Lily and James fics so much… there's so much room for playing, you know? Review again please! Thanks!

Vivphy05: Potential for the top! Me! Hot DAMN:does a happy dance: I'm glad you liked it :)
Juicy Love: Alice will be back soon. I'm so glad you like Charity! As before, I love her, she's my baby, and I'm trying very hard with her especially. Thanks!

Lo: Updated!

BlueJeanMistress: You are definitely in my top two favorite reviewers! Thanks so much for all your excellent support!

X.Little.Black.Cat.X: You scared me jumping out like that! Come back soon! I miss your reviews, they're always so good!

HazelOcean: Updated!

Madame-Knight: I hope you come back soon! I miss you!

James lover: Yay! More for Charity! I'm so glad so many people have commented on her! Thanks!

RustedFantasy: I'm glad you enjoy it… Now come back and tell me how my story is progressing!

Idancer: I'm sorry for neglecting you! I hope you come back! Thanks for the compliments, btw! Thanks!

Love, hugs and oreos for all!

BrittanyRose, the original 'Fleur'

Love, hugs and oreos for all! Love, hugs and oreos for all!