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The Mazoku Gameshow
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Disclaimer
The Slayers doesn't belong to me. I wish they did but they don't. All other character cameos from anime/video game or novel are the property of their respective owners as well. Oh, and I don't own the set of "The Weakest Link" either.
Mildly AU every now and then, mild swearing, perverted-ness, cheap shots at Lina's chest size, Anime babes appearing, mace throwing, mazoku bashing and all out weirdness.
You have been warned. If you dislike any part of the story, how a character is portrayed or the frequent Xellos bashing, say so in your review. Unless there is serious issue for your complaint, it will be noted but ignored.
Big hugs to Midori, Andi, Priya-chan, Sami and Mazoku-Xellos for your reviews! Thank-you so much! Send all comments to: UnearthlyEmpire@hotmail.com. Parts of this chapter are dedicated to Sammy and Possum because only they know how much fun lingerie can be!
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"Tonight's first game will be Truth or Dare!" Xellos said cheerfully. Truthfully, it was a bit of a struggle for him to keep a clear head. He was getting woozy off the deluge of emotions from the Slayers. "Okay Xellos, get a grip!" He told himself silently, his usual cheerful smile getting goofier and goofier.
Lina gave him a weird look and leaned over to Zelgadis. "Is Xellos looking a little…odd?" She asked. "When doesn't he?" The Chimera snapped. "Lina-san goes first!" Xellos exclaimed. "Truth or Dare?"
Up in the censor's box, the three censors were giving Xellos a critical look. "The damn monster looks like he's high!" Censor #2 exclaimed indignantly. Censors #1 looked over at #3 and raised an eyebrow. "Our host is getting high." #1 said calmly. #3 could only blush and laugh nervously.
Lina look nonplussed as she bravely chose "truth". "Lina, are you sure?" Gourry asked and shivered. He was getting cold being so under dressed. In the audience, Jillas was confused and had to ask what "Truth or Dare" was.
"It's a game that human teenagers play." Gravos explained. Baby Val waved his arms happily for Filia and for Xellos. "Lina-san, just what size are your breasts?" Xellos inquired. Zelgadis's, Amelia, Gourry and Filia's jaws dropped open. Was Xellos crazy?
Wait-What the hell were they saying? Of course he was crazy! Lina's eyes narrowed dangerously at Xellos. "Xellos-san, how could you ask that?" Amelia moaned. "Baka Namagomi." Filia muttered.
Gravos covered Val's ears; although it was unlikely the infant would understand what they were talking about. "Smaller than mine!" Martina exclaimed, thrusting her own chest out proudly. Gourry and Zelgadis practiced their "duck& cover" technique…just in case.
"And yours are smaller than Amelia's!" Someone in the audience called. Martina scowled, and turned to see just whom it was who had spoken, her Zomulgustar pendent readied. Amelia turned redder than a tomato, crossing her arms over her chest. "Lina-san?" Xellos prodded.
Lina smiled, winked at Xellos and wagged a finger at him. "Sore wa himitsu desu!" Gourry and Zelgadis breathed sighs of relief, as the audience cheered for the redheaded sorceress. Xellos blinked, Lina's answer trying to register in his increasingly fuzzy brain.
"Next contestant!" He exclaimed. "Zelgadis-san, you'll get to take a chance at-The Monster's Wheel Of Fortune!" Xellos announced. The Slayer's jaws dropped again as they saw who was pushing the gaudy, fluorescent painted wheel on stage.
Two male body builders, wearing black Speedos brought the wheel on stage. Amelia's eyes widened and she fainted dead away; again. Gourry paled and quickly averted his gaze, to none other than Lina's chest.
"GYAHH!!" Gourry cried, covering his eyes. Hearts appeared in Martina's eyes as she drooled over the men standing beside Xellos. Lina and Zelgadis could only stare blankly, until Filia's ear-splitting shriek brought them back to reality. "HEEEENNTAAAIIII!!" The Dragon-maiden screamed, covering her eyes. "Filia-san? Is there something wrong?" Xellos asked smiling. "YES THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG!" Filia shouted. Martina suddenly glomped onto one of the men and smiled. "Marry me? Please!" She pleaded.
Xellos looked around curiously. "Filia-san, I don't see anything wrong." "You have three nearly naked men on the stage!" Filia yelled. "Amelia? Amelia!" Zelgadis was unhappily trying to awake the princess of Seyruun.
Xellos shrugged. "I still don't see anything wrong, Filia-san." "Namagomi…" The Dragon Maiden growled. The mazoku smiled happily at Filia, noting how yummy and cute she was when pissed off. "What in the name of-" Xellos thought as he doubled over in pain.
"I just said Filia-san was-was-was-" He couldn't bring himself to utter the word again. Xellos needed someone to slap him-hard. "Someone help me!" Screamed the body builder Martina was smothering. Lina shook her head sadly at the chaos around her. Unhappily knowing it was her fault they were in this, made it worse.
Zelgadis's eyebrow was twitching dangerously. "Am I supposed to spin this damn thing or what?" He demanded an unconscious Amelia tucked under one arm. Xellos gritted his teeth against the pain and nodded. Zel stomped over to the wheel and spun it, stepping back to glare at the mazoku.
Amelia whimpered, the first sign she was back with the living. Gourry watched, entranced, as the wheel's spinning gradually slowed. It finally stopped, with the arrow pointing at a multi-colored picture. Two men in black uniforms pulled Martina off the horrified body builder. They handcuffed the former princess and dragged her back to her podium, struggling the entire time.
"I don't think you won, Zelgadis." Gourry remarked. "Good." The chimera muttered. Xellos looked over, noticing where his wheel-of-fortune had stopped. He glanced upward, then pulled a large umbrella out of nowhere and opened it. "Zelgadis-san…" Amelia asked woozily. The stage was quiet, and each of the Slayers looked up expectantly. The Censors held their breath, fearing what kind manifestation Xellos's sick mind had conjured.
A "pfft" noise was heard, and Xellos smiled as a pair of white lace panties drifted from the blackened ceiling. "It's raining." He said calmly. The panties landed on Zelgadis's head, and instantly the Chimera lost his temper.
He still had Amelia tucked under his arm, but the princess was staring at the panties on his head with wide, shocked eyes. Another pair of panties floated down, this pair was pink with red polka dots, followed by another pair, in a different pattern. "Un-uh-un-underwear?" Lina exclaimed as more lingerie began to fall.
"WHAT?" Censor #2 raged, heading towards the window over looking the stage. "One! Help!" #3 cried, grabbing #2 around the waist to keep the censor from jumping. #1 reluctantly helped drag #2 back to their seat. "Do you see what that fruitcake is doing?" #2 raged. #1 and #3 looked at each other and sighed.
Gourry was unsuccessfully trying to dodge the various colors of panties that were raining down, quite hard now. He was doing pretty good, until the pink, cheetah print thong landed on his head. As soon as poor Gourry saw the thong he abruptly passed out. Luckily the ever-growing pile of panties in the floor softened his fall.
Filia's face couldn't have gotten any redder. "Jillas! Gravos!" She shouted, whipping around to face the audience. "H-h-ha-hai Oneesan?" The foxman stammered. Gravos kept his mouth shut, lest he accidentally add fuel to Filia's rage.
"Val-sama's eyes are covered!" Jillas replied, making sure both his and Gravos's hands were shielding the infant from the deluge of women's undergarments. "Hentai Namagomi…" Filia growled under her breath, flicking some panties off her tail. Zelgadis finally put Amelia down, and stomped over to glare at Xellos. "What the hell is this?" He demanded.
"What the wheel stopped at!" The mazoku replied cheerfully. "What!" Lina, Amelia and Filia exclaimed. "Zelgadis spun the wheel and it stopped at-" Xellos frowned. Oh…damn. Xellos couldn't remember what he had named that piece of the wheel. His mind was so buzzed; all he was able to recall was that it obviously involved lingerie. Meanwhile Zelgadis struggled to remove the panties getting stuck in his hair.
Lina groaned, letting her head bang against her podium. Amelia hid behind hers, silently pleading to Cepheid that the rain of panties would end soon. Martina could only glare. (The security guards had tied her up, chained her to her podium and gagged her while they escorted the body-builders away.)
Xellos plucked a white lace thong out of the air and studied it, then glanced over at the fuming Dragon Maiden. "Ano…Filia-san?" He asked tentatively. "What?" Filia growled. "Do you wear happen to wear ones like these?" Xellos inquired, holding the thong aloft. Lina's head shot up and Gourry's eyes suddenly popped open.
Amelia jumped to her feet, Martina muffled something behind her gag, Zelgadis's hands dropped slowly away from his hair, and everyone else in the audience held their breath. Xellos's smile widened. "Ahh…I can see it right now…" He muttered drifting off into what the Slayers knew was a naughty fantasy about Filia.
Quick as lightening, Filia whipped out her mace and began beating Xellos senseless. "PERVERT!" "HENTAI!" "SICKO" "NAMAGOMI!" "BAKA!" Filia accentuated each insult with a blow to the mazoku's head. "F-f-f-Filia-san?" Amelia asked tentatively. Filia stood on stage beside Xellos's host pedestal, hair in disarray, seething with rage, and her mace hanging from one hand.
Gourry nonchalantly rushed to the side of the stage where Amelia had left his clothes and got dressed. "Is he dead?" Censor #3 asked. "I dunno…" #1 said quietly. "And the panties continue to fall." #2 muttered, watching the continual downpour of panties and thongs.