The Mazoku GameShow


Warnings: Bad humor, mild OOC, bad innuendo

Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers. I made no money off of this. Don't believe me look at my empty wallet.

A/N: Any problems or other comments leave in your review, or send to me at (Please read note at end)

Chapter Six

"Well? Let's get this over with." Filia griped. "If I had known you were so eager to play with me, I would've planned something a little more," Xellos glanced around the stage. "Intimate." Filia's face flamed red as he wagged a finger at her. "But since we're here we'll save that for another time." "We will not." She hissed. "Now what do I have to do?"

Xellos (noticeably wavering) smirked and produced a pink, lace teddy from behind his back. "What's he doing now?" Censor #2 asked dully. #1 blushed. "Uh-he-he-" "He's giving Filia a teddy." #3 stated. "Oh. How nice." #2 remarked. "What-what is that?" Filia demanded, her face so red it was glowing. "Something I borrowed from Zelas-sama." Xellos answered cheerfully. He was dying to see if Filia would look as good in it as he imagined. "This is the last time I listen to you." Zelgadis remarked, glaring at Lina.

She scowled in reply. She didn't know that this was what Xellos considered fun. "Why does he want Filia-san to wear that?" Amelia asked, blushing. Zel and Lina glanced at the princess. Neither was willing to volunteer to explain to the innocent girl. "Oi, Lina." Gourry whispered. "What is that thing?" He asked, pointing to the teddy. Lina turned red and slapped him. "Gourry-jellyfish!" She hissed. "It's a teddy!"

"That doesn't look like anything like a stuffed bear." The swordsman protested. Zel, Amelia and Lina fell over. "Gourry-san," Amelia began. Zel put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't bother." Gourry was and would always be a little slow. Nearby, Filia continued her refusal. "I am not wearing that." She said firmly. "Why not?" Xellos asked, studying the teddy. "Too much lace?" Filia ground her teeth in an attempt to keep her temper in check. She absolutely would not indulge the mazoku's dirty little fantasies. How dare he fantasize about her! The world would come to an end before Filia Ul Copt did anything like-like that with a dirty namagomi like Xellos. "I'd ask Lina-san to wear it," He remarked. "But Lina-san is just a little too-"

"A little too what?" Lina demanded sweetly. Xellos's smile twitched nervously. "You can't ask Lina-san to wear that!" Filia exclaimed. Zel, Gourry and Amelia watched with wide eyes. This wasn't going to turn out well for anyone. "Then you'll wear it, Filia-san?" He asked hopefully. "No!" "Oh well. That leaves Amelia-san then." "What?" The princess squeaked, staring at the teddy in horror. Zel made a strangled noise, blood spurted from his nose and he tumbled over. "Zelgadis-san!" Amelia cried.

She caught the chimera, unconsciously cuddling his face against her chest. "Zel?" Gourry asked. Zelgadis was lost somewhere between ecstasy and embarrassment. "But Filia-san," Xellos pouted. "Can't you imagine how nice it will look on you?" She blushed. "I don't want to imagine it and I don't want you too, either!" Xellos sighed. "Well, it's a little too late for that." His face lit up. "I could convince you." "Eh?" Filia froze."C-c-convince me?" Xellos nodded, advancing toward the dragoness.

"One thing first." He said, walking briskly to Lina. She backed away. "Lina-san, could you, Gourry-san, Amelia-san and Zelgadis-san give Filia-san and I some privacy?" Lina frowned at Xellos. "Privacy? Like getting us out of here?" Xellos smiled and nodded. "Lina-san, don't!" Filia cried. "Don't leave me alone with this namagomi!" It was a tempting offer. Gourry had somehow gotten a hold of the teddy and was trying to decipher what it was. Amelia stared at Lina with wide, frightened eyes, Zelgadis's face squashed against her ample chest.

"Lina-san…" Filia tried. What was the sorceress supposed to do? Lina didn't want to see Filia in a teddy, and she especially didn't want to see whatever Xellos had planned for the two of them. Lina sighed. This was best, for Amelia, Gourry, and Zelgadis. Maybe it would be good for Filia and Xellos to work out the obvious attraction they had for each other. (No matter how much Filia denied it) Anything to end this frightening glimpse inside Xellos's twisted, depraved mind.

Zelgadis's eyes fluttered, and he found himself staring straight at Amelia's breasts. "Gyah! Amelia!" "Zelgadis-san, you're all right." The princess smiled. He unwrapped the princess's arms from around his body and scooted away. "Ahem-yes. Um...thanks." He glanced at Xellos, Filia and Lina. "What's going on?" Amelia shrugged. "I don't know, but-," She gasped. "Gourry-san, put that down this instant!" Gourry dropped the teddy and blushed. "I'm just trying to figure out what it is." "It's underwear." Zel snapped.

"Underwear?" Gourry repeated, glancing at the various kinds of lingerie being crushed under his feet. "Yes," Zel grumbled. "Under-wear." "But-but how would a girl wear something like that?" Gourry asked quizzically. "Gourry-san, stop being a pervert!" Amelia shrieked, ramming her fist into the man's stomach. He yelled and went flying into the darkness surrounding the stage.

"I'm sorry, Filia." The sorceress said at last. Xellos's eyes slid open, and he fairly purred Lina his thanks. "Gourry! Gourry, come on. We're going." Lina announced. Gourry didn't answer. "Oi. Gourry." Zelgadis called. "Gourry-san!" Amelia hollered. The swordsman didn't answer. Lina and Zel's gaze slid to the tiny princess. "Amelia," Lina said somewhat calmly. "What did you do with Gourry?" "Hmm?" Xellos peered into the darkness. "Amelia-san, you may have thrown him out of this plane."

"Really?" She breathed, looking at her hands. She was really underestimating her strength these days. "Xellos." Lina spoke. "I didn't forget Lina-san." He replied. "Minna-san! Please." Filia sobbed. The three remaining slayers gave her apologetic looks. "Good luck, Filia-san." Amelia whispered. Zelgadis felt sorry for Filia. He recalled the few times Xellos had hit on him, andshuddered. "No. Please, no." She pleaded as they faded into the darkness surrounding them. "Minna-san!" Filia screamed.

Subsequently, Lina's eyes adjusted to the sudden light. Gourry sat next to her, stuffing his face. Amelia, in her usual spot across from Zelgadis, talking and eating while he drank his coffee, pretending not to listen. Lina's gaze swung from her plate to her companions. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something about this scene was very wrong. Lina kept seeing the same restaurant reduced to ashes, agreeing to play a game with Xellos and woman's under wear falling from the sky. Lots of women's underwear.

"Ne, Amelia," She said. The princess turned to her. "Yes?" "I blew this place up, didn't?" Amelia frowned. "No…I don't…think so…" She said slowly. Lina tapped her chin, drifting off in thought. "I'm sure I did. Gourry made a crack about my bust," Zelgadis's grip tightened on his cup.

"We just sat down for lunch." He stated, more to himself than Lina. "Really?" She asked. "Because I remember Xellos doing some really weird things…" Slowly, Gourry, Amelia and Zelgadis turned to a confused Lina. "What? What did I say?" Amelia glanced at Zelgadis, both of their faces, bright red. Gourry tugged at his clothes, relieved to find them safely on. "Amelia?" Lina nudged the younger girl, who turned, tears running down her cheeks.

"Lina-san, I think-I think-" Zelgadis's nose started to bleed. "I think I did something perverted to Zelgadis-san!" Amelia screeched. "Eh?" "Zel?" Gourry stared at the chimera with wide eyes. "I-" "I'm sorry!" Amelia sobbed. Zelgadis coughed in an effort to retain what dignity he had left. Instantly the events of the afternoon came back to him. No doubt the other three remembered as well.

"Amelia," Zelgadis said, napkins wadded up his nose. "It was Lina's fault." The princess's sobs broke off, and she, Gourry and Zel glared at Lina. She laughed nervously. "Haha…sorry?" "Sorry" wasn't going to help the chimera when Prince Phil heard what happened to his precious daughter. "Lina-san, how could you do this to us?" Amelia admonished. "Did you want to pay for the damages to that place?" Lina asked defensively. "You're the one who ruined it!" Zelgadis and Gourry cried. That was true, but in Lina Inverse's mind, she was justified because jellyfish Gourry provoked her. "Lina, what if Xellos comes back and wants to finish his game?" The swordsman asked in a small voice.

The four slayers looked at one another. They wouldn't put it past the mazoku. Amelia burst into tears. "I want my daddy!" "Jellyfish brain!" Lina screeched, grabbing Gourry's shirt and shaking the larger man with strength only the red-haired sorceress possessed. "You are not allowed to mention that ever again!" "Daddy!" Zelgadis comforted Amelia the best he could, patting her shoulder, and sighing. He wondered what Xellos had done with Martina and Filia…. "Filia!" Zelgadis gasped. "Wa-what's wrong Zel-Zelgadis-sa-san?" Amelia blubbered. "Filia." He stated. "Do you think we should trust Xellos alone with her?" "Of course!" Lina said, waving off his worry. "She knows how to handle Xellos."

In the Astral Plane however, Filia was desperately trying to think of a way to escape since Lina-san had abandoned her. Who knew what the namagomi had planned now they were alone. He took a step toward Filia and she instantly put a hand up. "Stay away." Xellos's smile brightened. "Filia-san, I promise. You don't have to wear the teddy." She blinked. "I don't?" He shook his head. "You don't have to wear anything like that." "Really?" Filia asked hopefully. The sudden surge of emotion made him queasy, but Xellos shook it off.

Filia had taken the bait so easily, and she was just so much fun to tease. "In fact, you don't have to wear anything at all." He answered, and Filia's face fell. The sudden shift in her emotions was something the mazoku would forever remember. "I win." Xellos sang to himself. "Namagomi…" She growled, reaching under her skirt for her mace. "I'm sorry Filia-san," He caught Filia's hand, trapping it against her inner thigh. "I'm not quite that masochistic." "Pervert!" She screamed, using her free hand to slap Xellos over the head.

His smile faded. "Filia-san," "Namagomi!" Slap. "Lush!" Another slap. "Dirty-minded-" A moan interrupted Filia's tirade. She stared at Xellos. He had his head snuggled between her breasts and looked very pleased with himself. "What do you think your do-" She stiffened. The hand beneath her skirt was very slowly stroking her thigh. Filia's face flamed. "Stop it!" She hissed. "Xellos!" Her embarrassment always tasted so nice. Xellos thought to himself, using his free hand to undo Filia's skirt. Not as good as her fear, but enjoyable nonetheless.

Filia was in a quandary. The mazoku's gentle caress hadn't stopped and was now climbing higher up her thigh. She squirmed in an attempt to get the horny mazoku off, and whimpered when he tightened his hold. "Ne, Filia-san," Xellos began. "Wouldn'tthis be more fun somewhere…private?" He had so many delicious things planned for his pet dragon. "No!" His smile faltered. Well if his dragon wanted to play hard to get, then Xellos had other ways of getting her where he wanted. "All right." Xellos agreed, dropping his hands and stepping away.

Filia stared. "I have a proposition for you," He began. "I am not a call girl." She snapped. Xellos paused. That brought up a nice little fantasy he had involving a delectable little maid uniform he'd picked up in Saillune. Xellos shook his head. There was time enough for fantasies afterward.

"We'll play a game." Xellos said cheerfully. Filia narrowed her eyes. "What kind of game?" She asked. " A guessing game. We'll take turns thinking of something," He explained. "We can ask questions, and give each other clues," "And?" Filia demanded. "If I guess right you have to take off a piece of clothing." Xellos said. "And if I guess right, you have to take off a piece of clothing." Filia regarded him warily. Xellos wasn't called "trickster" for no reason. She didn't trust him or this new "game", but if it got her away from him, Filia was willing to try anything. "So if I win, you send me home?" Xellos nodded. "If you win?" She asked.

His eyes slid open. "I get to have you." He watched his dragon as the emotions washed across her face. First there was fear, repulsion, a brief flash of desire and finally determination. Xellos sighed inwardly. It was pathetic going through such hoops to have one little dragon. He made a mental note not to go so long without getting laid next time. "I'm going first." Filia stated haughtily. "Of course, Filia-san." Xellos murmured.

Her brow wrinkled in thought and after a moment she nodded. "Got it." The mazoku fairly hummed with anticipation. "Eager to get me out of my clothes?" "Shove it, Namagomi." She grumbled. "Anywhere you'd like, Filia-san." Xellos answered. "Just ask your questions!" The dragoness ordered, turning red. Yes ma'am. He thought, but he intended to have some fun with her as well.

Xellos's staff materialized and he used it for leverage to lean forward and leer at Filia. Bring it on, namagomi. She thought. "Is it a thing?" He asked. "Yes." "What color is it?" Filia frowned. "It can be any color." "Hmm…" Xellos thought aloud. She was about snap at him when the staff caught her attention. A lavender gloved hand carefully stroked the staff up and down. Filia gulped, swiftly turning her face away.

She wouldn't allow Xellos to get to her. "Is it pottery?" He suggested. Filia scowled. "Yes. How did you know?" "Lucky guess." Xellos beamed. "Now remember-" "I remember!" Red with embarrassment and indignation, Filia removed her blouse. Xellos was disappointed to see she wore a white camisole underneath. "Your turn." She said, smirking. He was still stroking the staff. Filia shifted uncomfortably. "I'm thinking of a person…" Xellos said.

Hence so, their "game" continued. "Is it a dog?" Filia asked through clenched teeth. "No. Try again." Xellos replied. Filia didn't know how much time had passed but after several rounds she was stripped down to her camisole and panties, while Xellos had given up his gloves, boots and cape. He was still stroking that damn staff of his, and there was an unwanted heat in the pit of her stomach that was steadily growing stronger.

"Does it even have fur?" Filia demanded, racking her brain for an answer. The namagomi mazoku really had her stumped this time. "You're not giving up are you, Filia-san?" Xellos asked slyly. He hadn't missed the effect his actions were having on the dragoness. "No!" She yelled. "I refuse to lose to you!" Filia glared at him. "I'm going to win."

Secretly Xellos was rooting for her. Although he reveled in the thought of dominating his golden dragon, letting her dominate him was just as appealing. "Does it have fur?" Filia repeated. "No." It was tempting to answer with his trademark phrase, but he managed to resist. Sighing, Filia ran a hand through her hair. "Feathers?" Why wouldn't he stop stroking that damn staff? "Yes." Xellos answered happily. "Is it Val?" She asked dully. "Good job, Filia-san!" He set aside his staff, contemplating which piece of clothing to remove. Filia watched, licking her lips. She wondered what he looked like underneath the clothes. What am I thinking? This is Xellos! I do not want him. I am not attracted to a namagomi like him!

"Filia-san," Xellos's voice broke through her thoughts. "Its your turn." He purred. Oh no. Filia bit her lip. He had taken off his shirt, and she couldn't stop herself from admiring his chest. "I-" Xellos sidled up next to her, wrapping an arm around her. "Need a little help?" He asked. Filia let a small moan slip past her lips. "Filia-san…" "I'm…I'm thinking of a thing." She stammered, trying to keep herself under control. "Is it a body part?" Xellos nudged the strap of Filia's camisole down and began lightly kissing her shoulder.

She squirmed. "No." "Is it something here?" "No…" The mazoku had the camisole completely off Filia, and was now softly tracing the outline of one breast. Somewhere within the haze settling over her mind, Filia decided two could play this game. She gripped his staff and repeated what Xellos had been doing earlier. "Think harder, mazoku."

Inwardly Xellos jumped for joy. He knew deep down Filia wasn't as repressed as she appeared. He was definitely going to think about incorporating mace-sama in any and all future activities. "Xellos…." Filia said sweetly. The sudden lightening of her emotions made him wince. "Anymore guesses?" Yes, quite a few actually, the mazoku thought, unable to take his eyes away from his staff.

"Is it a bed?" Xellos asked, moaning when Filia ground her hips into the mazoku's crotch. "A bed? Xellos, whatthe hell are you talking about?" He froze. "Xellos?" He glanced behind him at a very irate Filia Ul Copt. "Filia-san…how?" "What are you doing?" She had been standing for Cepheid knew how long, watching Xellos molest a doll with long blonde hair. "If you're there…who?" Xellos looked at the "Filia" in his arms.

A blow-up doll smiled back at him. It had Filia's long blonde hair, and a stuffed gold tail glued to its backside. How did he mistake the doll for his pet dragon? "Xellos?" The real Filia asked. There was a note pinned to the doll's bra. "Hmm?" Xellos pulled it off and read:

Xellos,

Enjoyed the show. Stop playing with your "toys" and get your ass back here. Now.

- Z. Metallium

"Zelas-sama…." "Xellos, what are you doing?" Filia demanded coming up beside the shocked mazoku. "Nothing!" He exclaimed, shoving the blow-up doll behind his back. "What is that?" "Nothing." Xellos said hastily. "You know it isn't nice to pry, Filia-san." "Just show me what it is." She ordered. "No." "Now!" Filia was getting annoyed, and Xellos let himself enjoy the taste.

He was too distracted to notice her grabbing the doll from him. "Na…ma…go...mi…" Xellos snapped to attention. Filia held the doll and its fake tail aloft. "Just-just a joke, Filia-san." He explained. A joke Xellos was ready to get down and dirty with. "I see." The dragoness said at last. She tossed the doll away, and slowly advanced on the trickster priest. "I realize that no amount of physical force I inflict upon you will hurt," Filia remarked.

An unfamiliar sense of dread filled him. It unnerved him that despite the situation, Filia hadn't lost her temper. "So I think we'll try something much, much better." "Filia-san?" Xellos asked tentatively. She smiled. It was an expression similar to Amelia's right before the princess began one of her speeches about justice. Filia turned to the empty, lingerie-laden stage, hands clasped to her chest.

Xellos's eyes flew open. She wouldn't, she couldn't. Filia wasn't that sadistic. She took a deep breath and proclaimed: "Life is wonderful!" Xellos winced. "I'm so happy to be alive!" Filia gushed, joy rolling off of her in waves. He turned green. She whirled around to face him, smirking. Despite the pain, it made Xellos proud. "Aren't you happy too, Xellos-chan?" "Filia-san," He smiled painfully. "You can stop now." "Oh, but Xellos-chan," She protested.

"I want to let the whole world know how happy I am." He really was one sick bastard, Xellos decided. Even while Filia took out her vengeance in such a way, she still turned him on. "Isn't life wonderful, Xellos-san?" She asked. The sound of vomiting answered. "My, my." Filia stated. "I'm feeling much better," Xellos groaned. "So there's really only one thing left to say." He swallowed nervously.

Mace-sama appeared in her hands. An audible sigh of relief was heard from the mazoku seconds before the mace sent him flying across the stage. "Pervert!" Whack. "Disgusting!" Whack. "Depraved!" Whack. "NAMAGOMI!" Crashes, and indignant screams echoed across the demolished stage. "Hmph." Calmly, Filia tucked mace-sama safely back under her skirt, wondering which way took her back to the real world. "Baka namagomi." She muttered, disappearing into the darkness. Long after Filia had gone, a battered, shaking hand emerged from one of the craters. Xellos slowly sat up, looking thoroughly beat. "I forgot their prizes!" He gasped and fell backward.

In a small café nestled away from any large city, a tiny red-haired woman and a tall, blonde man ate their way through a small feast. Seated a few tables away a smiling, purple-haired man watched, sipping a cup of tea. A fight broke out between the man and woman over the last plate of dessert. "Its mine!" "You got it last time!" "Let go, Gourry!" "I keep telling you, Lina! Its not gonna help your breasts get bigger!" The purple-haired man beamed as the redhead smashed the blonde over the head with a large platter. "Say that again, Gourry?" She challenged. "You're perfect…just the way you are." Came the strained reply. The redhead smiled as she devoured the sweet. Xellos set his cup aside and approached the pair.

"Hello." He said cheerfully. The man and woman looked up sharply. The blonde's blue eyes were wide and scared. The redhead's were narrowed, regarding Xellos warily. "We're not playing anymore games with you." Lina Inverse announced. She hadn't forgiven the trickster priest for asking about her bust size. "No, no." He chuckled. "I came to give you and Gourry-san your prizes."

"Prizes?" Gourry asked. Xellos nodded. "Prizes." Lina stated cynically. She glanced at Gourry. "What did we win?" "Sore wa himitsu desu." Xellos replied, handing them two prettily wrapped boxes. "I specifically thought of Lina-san and Gourry-san when I…made them." "Thanks." Lina murmured. Gourry shook his prize. "Well, I must give Zelgadis-san and Amelia-san their prizes."

With that said Xellos walked off, whistling. Lina and Gourry glanced at one another. "What do you think he gave us?" The swordsman asked. "I don't know." Lina confessed. It was better to open the gifts and see what kind of horrors lie inside. Gourry opened his prize and found a thick folder addressed to him. Lina found one similar in her prize. "Xellos, what the heck?" Lina thought aloud, opening the folder. Out of it fell half a dozen photographs. She picked one up and blushed redder than her hair.

All of the pictures were of Gourry naked. She dropped them with a squeak, swinging her gaze to her companion. Gourry stared at the photos in his hand, unmoving. "Gourry?" Lina leaned across his arm for a better look. In the swordsman's hand were photos of Lina; similar to the ones she had of him.

Miles away, Xellos heard the scream and smiled. He hoped Zelgadis-san and Amelia-san enjoyed their prizes. He had worked so hard finding things that would suit each slayer. After all, he owed them for being such excellent playthings over the last few years. Xellos would make sure they all got to play together again soon. When Zelgadis-san and Amelia-san had their prizes, he was going shopping.

Xellos had to find the perfect gift for his pet dragon. Something they both could enjoy. Maybe some handcuffs and a whip. "Yes," He murmured. A whip was perfect. Let the silly dragon think she had him under control, and Xellos would have the chance to act out any and every fantasy he'd ever had about the dragoness. They could make a game out of it!

Words can't express how happy I am that this story is finally done. I am so sorry for the really long delay, but the past two years have been the hardest I have ever had to face. All I can say is thank-you for reading and thank-you for your reviews.

- Unearthly Emperor