Author: Jade Unicorn
Email: Title: Damn (part of the "Break of the Cycle" series)

AN: The name came from a Leann Rimes song "damn" from the "twisted angel" CD.

Ren sat on the edge of her bed crying still. Tawny pulled up a chair to sit in front of the girl. Carefully Tawny took Ren's hands within her own as if Ren were going to break apart from a rough touch.

"You can act like I don't know about the cutting if it makes you feel better." Tawny said sympathetically. "But you and I both know that I've known for a long time Ren."

Her head darted up quickly as her heart began to race, "How?" Was all she could force out of her mouth.

"I'm not stupid Ren. Look at your arms. I can see the cuts from a mile away. I know. I've been there myself." She proceeded to raise up her left sleeve enough to bare her wrist. At first Ren squinted, trying to see whatever it was that Tawny could see. "There." She ran her finger tip down a faint line that trailed off beneath her sleeve. "I even tried to killed myself. That's how bad the cutting had gotten to be."

"Oh my god." Ren shuddered. Was this the path she was heading down? She had already tried to commit suicide but failed because there was a piece of her shattered heart that wasn't ready to die.

"Just tell me why you of all people feel like you need to do this to yourself?"

"What does that mean?" Her voice became slightly offended at what Tawny might have been implying about her life.

"I mean, you're a perfect student, a perfect sister, and a perfect friend."

'Perfect' kept rolling over in her head until she exploded. "I'm not fucking perfect!" She quickly stood up and turned away from Tawny's pleading eyes. "If I was perfect I wouldn't have these problems."

"What problems?" She gently questioned afraid of what else might set the tense girl off.

"I'm tired of trying to hold this perfection level up. I am not happy. Why doesn't anyone see that?" She began to pace at the end of her bed.

"I see that Ren. Why else would I be worried about you all the time?" She scoffed. "Do you really think that I enjoy hanging around Louis and Twitty all the damn time? Why in the hell do you think I tolerate them?"

Her eyes were filled with confusion as she stared at Tawny who was looking at the floor. Tawny stood up and pushed the chair away with slight force. Ren was now kind of scared. She had never seen Tawny like this before. The once passive girl was now becoming agitated and aggressive.

"I know what you think about me." Tawny stated simply. "And I think the same thing about you."

"W-what a-a-are you t-talk-talking about?" Ren stuttered out fearfully. Did she know her other secret? The secret beyond the cutting? Could she possibly have a clue that Ren was falling for her fast?

"You know me better than anyone else in this world." Tawny took a step forward and grabbed Ren's hands between her own. She took a deep breath and leaned forward and placed a simple kiss on Ren's neck. "Sometimes I hate the way you know me. How you know what to do with me when no one else does. You touch my hand and I have to force myself to breathe. Then I start to sweat." She placed a kiss on the exposed skin of Ren's chest and worked her way up until she was at Ren's ear. "It scares me to death." She whispered.

Ren wrapped her arms around the girl's tiny frame pulling her closer into an embrace. "I've been fighting this for so long." Ren whispered. "And this whole time I didn't know that I was losing. You can see right through me no matter how hard I try. I want to give in."

They kissed chastely. Neither girl wanted to push the limits of the other one. Both girls feared that this moment would end if they pushed it too much. Slowly they moved to the bed and sat down. Ren stared into Tawny's eyes, pushing a lock of hair out of her way. Tawny bowed her head slightly to show that she was still scared.

"Can I see?" Tawny nodded towards Ren's arms. She wanted to see the damage this girl was doing to herself.

Carefully Ren raised her sleeve to expose all the tiny cuts. Some were deeper than others. While some were on the path to being fully healed, some were brand new with dried blood covering a growing scab. Softly, so as not to hurt her, Tawny ran her finger tips across them, feeling how rough the skin was. Ren closed her eyes half reeling in Tawny's soft touch and the other half in shame.

Just a small tear began to fall down Ren's face; Tawny caught it and kissed it away. "No more baby. Please?" She was genuine in her emotions. The honesty was something Ren appreciated. "Please?" She begged once more.

Ren nodded apprehensively. "It's going to be so hard though." Just the thought of having to give up her way of coping with emotions made her wants to run and hide again.

"Baby…"Tawny whispered like it was something she had been calling Ren all her life. "I'll be here to help you whenever you need me to. I'll hold you at night and kiss away your fears. I'll love you so much that you won't have to cut if you'll just let me."

The tears couldn't be stopped now as Ren began to sob. Ren began to shake slightly as her walls were coming tumbling down. She kissed Tawny forcefully, showing all the love she had been holding back all this time.

"I love you Tawny." She said for the first time.

"I love you too Ren."

They both crawled up to head of the bed and laid down to rest in each other's arms. Relaxing and unwinding, Ren's mind was racing with all that had just happened. And just before falling asleep, Ren tightened her grip on Tawny's body quietly saying, "Damn you. I can't believe you knew all this time."

Both girls drifted off into a much needed rest.