Disclaimer: see first post

Time: 0130
My brothers are dead. I cannot believe my brothers are dead. I saw Anakin die. I saw him fall. The blasted Vong took Jacen. I cannot feel him. He's dead.

Right now, I'm on Hapes. I can't sleep. Only nine of us survived.

I will start at the beginning. I can't talk to anyone about it without seeing sympathy and pain in their eyes. I need to recount the events, to honor my brothers' memory. As I write this, I am in a daze.

It was decided that Lando would turn us over to the Vong. Ganner was knocked unconcious. Jacen and Anakin... Jacen and Anakin got into it. While in the Vong graps, Ulaha was tortured. I had to open my big mouth and cause her more pain. I had to choose between Anakin and Jacen; I chose Jacen. Anakin and Jacen argued again after we took the shuttle. All during this, Zekk was trying to get a rise out of me. Sure when we were kids I had a crush on him, but not anymore. He doesn't make me feel the way I did went Jag came up to me.

Funny how the mere thought of him makes me feel a little better for a split second before I feel the pain of my brothers' deaths.

We made it off the shuttle. Ulaha sacrificed herself. It my fault she was tortured so badly. Jacen and I felt Vergere. I don't know if she felt us. I think she did. Anakin had sensed two Jedi. They were Welk and Lomi Plo, two Dark Jedi. Their presence messed up the battle meld Jacen was holding.

I hate this so much. This is all my fault. I was surrounded by the Vong. Anakin came to save me and was injured in his spleen. It was punctured. He refused to go into a healing trace. This is so hard to write. I am suppose to protect my little brother and I failed twice. Tesar had to carry Anakin he was so weak. Then Raynar...

I can't do it. I can't continue. I need some air. Time: 0345
Okay, I can continue, I think. We found a ship. Lowie worked on it with Raynar aboard. Then the Dark Jedi took it and left with Raynar. Then the fight.

Oh my Force, I don't want to do this. I don't want to write this. It makes it more real. I have to, though. I need to.

I tried to get Anakin to go back where Lowie was and go into a trance. He wouldn't. Then we felt what was I think Raynar's death.

I watched him fight the voxyn and the Vong. He was so weak! He fell many times, but got right back up. I saw him vomit blood. I felt him become the Force. There was an imposter Anakin warned us about. He told Jacen he was in charge. The voxyn was escaping. I told Anakin we couldn't get to her. He told me that the path would soon be cleared. He entered the empty voxyn pen. I saw him fight. I screamed for him. He told me to go. He was hit by a thudbug. He burned so brightly. He told me to go. I couldn't leave him. He told Jacen to take me away and kiss Tahiri for him. Jacen pulled me away as our brother died. He saved us all by destroying the voxyn tissue the imposter had. He is dead.

Anakin, I am so sorry I failed you. It was my job to protect you. I'm your older sister. I am so sorry.

I can't write at all. I'll come back later. I need to get out of here.

Time: 0500
I will finish this. I have to.

Jacen pulled me away. I blamed him for leaving Anakin. I about killed Tenel Ka. She mentioned that we were all hurting. She doesn't know what it's like to have emotions. She had no business saying anything to me.

I went after Anakin's body. Down in the pit I saw the horrible things the Vong do to their dead. I don't want to repeat them. If they had done any of it to Anakin's body, well, they would fear pain. He was taken. The Vong held a coufee up to his eye when I found him. I was so mad. His retched kind had already murdered my brother. They will pay. I dipped into my rage and tore Anakin's body away. I then struck the kriffing Vong with Force lightning. Zekk thought it was his job to lecture me on the Dark Side. Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I've heard it my whole life. The Vong deserve it.

Jacen went after the voxyn queen. He killed it, but he was captured. I don't know where he was taken too, but I feel horrible for what I last said to him. I can't find him in the Force, but I know he isn't dead. We had to leave him behind, but I swore I would return to find him.

Only nine of us survived. NINE. We made it to Corescant only to find out it had been taken over. Not only have I lost my brothers, but I lost my home. I hate the Vong so much.

We went to Gallinore in the Hapes Cluster. I had the pleasure of speaking with both Tsavong Lah and Harrar, a priest for the Trickster goddess Yun-Harla. I named my stolen shuttle the Trickster just to make him mad. I want to make them all mad. They stole my home, my brothers, tried to kill Aunt Mara, almost seperated my parents, killed Anni, and killed Chewie.

I HATE THEM.

Because of them, I feel again. Since Anni's death, I have been in almost a daze like state. I had that battle numbing. Now I am going through hell.

To make it worse, I thought Jacen was alive until this point. We sent Tenel Ka in an escape pod. That didn't work. Ta'a Chume spoke with us. She's up to something, but when isn't she? Anyway, on the way to get Tenel Ka, I felt the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. It was Jacen. Then it was gone. He was dead. My twin is dead. My other half is forever gone. There are huge holes in me now. I am empty, all because of the Vong.

Trust me, the Vong will pay. They claim to worship pain, I'll give them pain to worship.

Oh, how could I forget this extra piece of information? Before I felt Jacen die, I found out that we were wanted for a sacrifice. Twins are rare with the Vong. Now they want me, BAD. I don't know what they'll do. Jacen is dead, so no sacrifice. I'd love to find where they killed my twin and strangle the life out of each one. They don't deserve to live. They don't deserve anything but a horrid death.

One would think that all this would be enough, well it isn't. There is more. I was escorted in by Kyp, a Chiss pilot, and Jag. I had a strange feeling of joy when I heard his voice. I was just plain ticked to hear Kyp. What else do he want to use me for?

I saw my parents. It was horrible. My mother still believes Jacen is alive. Dad told me that I better not argue about Jacen being dead. He knows that he is dead, though. My parents looked so old. The Vong did that, too.

They will pay.

I have exhausted myself. More happened yesterday, but I can't write now. I am about to collapse.

Time: 1200
I have found some time alone. I met with Ta'a Chume. She pointed out that I want vengence. I do. It doesn't matter if I use the Dark Side or not. I did go lower than I ever thought I would. I quoted Kyp.

I've been invited to a dinner tonight. I was given a deep scarlet gown to wear. It is incrediablly tight. I wonder who all is going to attend? Time: 2250
Zekk is a jerk, I want to wring Kyp's neck, and Jag looks good in formal wear.

I will start at the beginning. I went to the dinner. Jag was there. He came up to me and complimented me on my appearance. I've been told I looked lovely by many people, most who were sucking up, but Jag's comment touched me in a way I cannot explain. I liked it. I could tell he liked what he saw. That dress showed off my figure nicely. I would never say this outloud, but I did enjoy how it looked on me. I know Jag did. He actually made a joke about Tenel Ka. I told him that she cut off heads to the men who stepped on her feet while dancing. I then offered to search for the trophy room with him. He took my arm and we went. His playfulness was a side I haven't seen before. I want to see more of it. Ta'a Chume interrupted us. She took my aside and mentioned replacing the current Queen Mother with my mother. Yeah, right. That would go over well with my father. She left me alone and I tried to find Jag. For some reason, I get a strong Force presence from him. I don't know why. I can't feel Vong, but I can feel him strongly, just like my dad.

I found Kyp, or rather, he found me. He informed me that he was taking my to Anakin's funeral. I did not want to go. If I had my lightsaber, I would have used it on him. He actually went to my room and took my blade. He gave me robes that were like his. I don't know if this was some plot by him of what.

Many people talked about Anakin. That kid mom and dad rescued looks so much like him, I can't look at him. Viqi Shesh made him look this way. I will deal with her too. Dad talked about Anakin and Sernpidal. I think he knows that Dad doesn't blame him. Kyp talked about how Anakin would change the Force. I was surprised he mentioned it. Watching Anakin burn was horrible. It was the final goodbye. Anakin is really gone. His death wasn't right. He wasn't suppose to die. He was suppose to save us all. Its just not fair.

Zekk came up to me afterwards. He's ticked about me and the Dark Side. I will use whatever is necessary to obtain my goals. He wants to act like a child and leave, fine. I don't care.

Time: 1300
I got into it with Jag. I somewhat enjoy arguing with him. I did get a nice view of his back side. He looks good from all angles. Lowie thought it was funny, I don't know why. I did get him back by covering him in goop. It was funny.

Got to go. Time: 1700

I spoke with mom today. Luckily she got my hint not to talk about Anakin or anything like that. If I wanted to talk, I would. I don't. Especially not to my mother. She still thinks Jacen is alive. I know its a false hope. Dad's not mad about me not wanting to go to the funeral. He didn't want to go to Chewie's. I am glad I went, though. I guess I should thank Kyp for that.

After she left, I got into it with Jag again. It was fun.

I met with Ta'a Chume. I found a traitor for her. I'm going to meet some scientists. I'm taking Kyp, Lowie, and Tenel Ka, as a guide.

Here's what I am going to do. I'm getting an implant from a prisoner. I am taking it to be manipulated to the Trickster's graviational signature. It will confused the Vong. I love it. Time: 2200
It's finished. I don't want to go into details. I am now Kyp's apprentice. I am only his apprentice because it suits my needs. His beliefs will work to my advantage in my revenge. Once my revenge is done, I have no use for him.

Ta'a Chume is plotting something for me, but I can't figure out what. It's really annoying me. Tenel Kad warned me, but I'm not too worried. It would not be wise to cross my path. Time: 2250
Dad got into a fight with the Hapens. He cracked his skull. I was amazed. Mother always said he had the thickest head. Jag stopped the fight. I'm very grateful. Apparently, it was for my mother. I told Ta'a Chume it wouldn't work.

I talked Lowie into getting some Wookies to help me. If they die, it's a necessary loss. I will not stop until I have my revenge. Time: 1500

The Trickster campaign is going very well. I have the Vong so confused and so mad. It makes killing them so much easier. Sure, I'm losing pilots, but oh well. Pilots know the risks. Their death is only helping me.

Kyp was irritated at me. I fought him with my lightsaber long enough for him to volunteer to take the next flight. My plan is working.

A highlight of the day, Jag thanked me for flying. He was grateful for more eyes. We did get into it again. He told me to keep my rank. What in the world does that mean?

Time: 1400

Jag complimented me. He said it was an honor to fly under my command. His Chiss friend was very upset about that. Oh well. Deal with it. I have to wonder why I care, but I do. I'm not going to dwell on it. It is a distraction, which I do not need.

Time: 2200

Ta'a Chume wanted me to be Queen. Yeah, right. No thank you. She had Teneial Djo killed. I had a vision that lead me to Jag. There was more to the vision, but I don't want to think about it. Jag, Kyp, and I went to stop the murder, but we were too late. Then the Vong attacked. Tenel Ka gave Jag control of the fleet and took the crown. She yelled at me saying I was dishonoring Jacen and Anakin with my vengence. I am not. I'm doing the right thing.

Time: 0822

I am Yun-Harla, the Trickster goddess. It worked. My plan worked. I have also been freed from the Dark Side. I can't explain how it happened, but I feel so much better now that I am free. Kyp is going to help me back. Jag is going to talk to Uncle Luke about working with the Jedi. I look forward to it.

I am so sorry, Jacen. I am so sorry, Anakin. I turned my grief into anger and turned. I dishonored you. I hope you can forgive me.

Time: 1100

Kyp is helping me return from the grip of the Dark Side. It's kind of strange. He is helping. I think we are helping eachother. I've noticed that he has become less arrogant and cocky.

I think Lowie came along with us to keep an eye on us. He isn't so much watchful of Kyp as he is me. It's kind of nice to have someone looking out for me.

We are returning to Borleias. We are finally ready to face everyone, I think.

Time: 1800

It's been hectic since I have arrived.

I told Wedge about my plan to make a squadron and making me Yun-Harla. Uncle Luke gave me his Twin Suns Squadron. I have to be treated like a goddess. Since not many people can know about me playing Yun-Harla. We don't want to the Vong to find out. Kyp and Jag are in my shield trio. Jag handed his squadron over to his second in command, Shawnkyr Nuruodo.

Since this is my personal squadron, each pilot is to make their craft to their own design. Jag had already come up with his. He knew I would make this decision. He wants to make his clawcraft with a black ball and the claws silver with bloodred splahes. The silver will mock machines to make the Vong mad.

We have developed a tactic where I pick a target, shoot it, Kyp, then Jag. Kyp can use the Force to tell which one I want, but not Jag. It's kind of funny when Jag gets it wrong. He is always so sure of himself. I was surprised that he and Kyp would allow me to command them.

During that practice run, a worldship appeared. I couldn't help but think of Anakin and Jacen. They died on a worldship. It wasn't the same one. It ejected twenty-two hostages. They were alive. Jag started gently bumping them away with his clacraft. Most of them survived.

Of course, as a Goddess I can't be chummy with my pilots. It's okay, though. With all these enemies I've made, I won't live much longer. Better I not get close to people so not as many will be upset with my death.

Uncle Luke is going to Corescant. I wanted to go to find Jacen. Mom says he's alive. I would have been able to prove he isn't. There is no way he can be alive. I'm his twin. I can't feel him. He has to be dead.

Stop, Jaina. Enough.

Tahiri talked me out of it. She says that it would be dangerous. She's right. She also pointed out that I'm avoiding mother. I can't help it. I just... there's just so much resentment. Tahiri pointed out that I needed to make amends before it was too late.

It won't get to that, will it?

Time: 1700

The Wraith, Sharr Latt and the Gamorrean, Voort "Piggy" saBinring, came to meet with me. Yes, a Gamorrean. I didn't believe it either. I still don't. I thought my Dad was lying when he told me about him.

According to Sharr, I do not work, only on my tricks. I do not carrying anything. I do not break a sweat. I am treated better than anyone. I can go and talk to anyone. I never ask, I order. My sqadron has their own ranks, not in my squadron. I am not ranked.

I get a manservant. I don't carry anything. I got to choose. Unfortunatly, Jag pointed out that Kyp would be better than he. Kyp is a Jedi Master. Seeing a Jedi bow to me would make me seem more powerful. He's right. I was really looking forward to having Jag at my beck and call. Oh well. Ordering Kyp around will due.

Kyp was my Master for a time. Now I can order him. He was never my true Master, that will always be Aunt Mara. Time: 1300

The children have gone into hiding. Aunt Mara feels so horrible. I felt her. It was so painful. She knows she has to to keep Ben safe. I think I'm finally starting to understand my mother's decision to keep us away. I'll have to talk to her about it sometime, when I know I'm ready.

Before I die. Time: 2230

My X-wing has been designed. It's glossy white. Each flank has a running voxyn on it. It confuses the Vong and any non-Insiders memeber.

The Insiders are a group fighting both the Vong and New Republic. The New Republic just doesn't know it yet. It's a secret.

Kyp's design of a star going supernova will remind the Vong of the world he destroyed.

Time to fly. Time: 1700

Something happened today. Something incrediable. I guess I should start at the beginning.

The Vong tried to capture me! I thought we were sunk. Jag told me he could get us out. He didn't have time to explain, just asked it I could trust him. I said yes. I trust him. The Squadron was out, but Jag was going to die. I couldn't leave him. Kyp helped me rescue Jag. I was ordered not to, but I couldn't leave him. I just wasn't able to.

Colonel Celchu was not happy. Wedge wanted to see me before he saw Jag. I figured as much. Wedge told me it would be five minutes. Jag stated he wanted to talk to me. We went to a conference room. I thought he would yell at me. He didn't. He just asked why. I told him that everyone was going away and I didn't want him to. He held me while I cried. Then he promised me he wouldn't go away, because he didn't want to. Then, he kissed me.

I can't begin to explain how I am feeling. It's wonderful, terrifying, and... just amazing. I feel liberated. I want to feel it again. I've been kissed before, but not like this...

Jag went to talk to Wedge for me. I don't know why. He just told me to go rest and he would sort it out. Yeah, right. Like I can rest after that. I will try though, just for him. Time: 2346

I finally talked with my mother. I was lying on her bed. She helped me realize that I should keep people close. I need to stop pushing people away. I told her I understand how much it hurt to send us away. I told my mother I love her. I haven't done that in far too long.

I feel so much better. I am going to sleep soundly for the first time in a long time.

Time: 0230

What a night! Wow! The battle went alright. I named my R2-B3 Cappie, after Anni. Lando made it back from taking Uncle Luke's team to Corescant. In Lando-style, he threw a party with pre-invasion brandy.

Jag waited for me to get out of my X-Wing. He asked if I wanted to go with him. I almost refused, but enough of that. I said yes. It was so much fun!

We got to Lando's. Mom and Dad were their. They were surprised to see me there with Jag. I think a lot of people were. Jag and I hung out with some pilots for awhile. We eventually found a cornor to sit by ourselves and just talked. It was great. I learned so much about him and he I. Kyp found us and made us join him in a game of sabacc. I did pretty good. Jag quit after two games. He went to go talk to his uncle for awhile. I found him later that night. We left the party and walked down into the lower, secluded parts of the base. His kisses are so sweet.

Finally, about 0200, we made our way back to our seperate quarters. I saw many of Lando's partygoers stumbling back to their quarters. I'm glad I wasn't like them.

I need to get some sleep. Good night.

Time: 2000

The Goddess scheme is going over well. Of course, every squadron leader, pilot, personel, well pretty much everyone hates my guts now.

There's a huge downside to being a Goddess. I can live with people hating me. Look at my parents. Look at my GRANDFATHER. I have a lot of work to do. I have to work on tricks with Sharr and Piggy. I have patrol and simulations. It's very hectic. Plus, since I am the Goddess, I get to sit in on those lovely meetings.

A year ago, I wouldn't have minded so much. Now I have other things I want to do. I would much rather spend my time with Jag. We don't get much time together.

Speaking of... time to meet him. Time: 1700

There was another attempt to capture me today. They aren't getting desperate yet.

Oh, I almost forgot. Wes Janson is here. He flirted with me over the comm. Wedge told me that Janson was embarrassed about it. I found it kind of funny, as did just about everyone else.

Shoot, there's my comlink. I'll come back later! Time: 2200

Jag and I are running out of conference rooms.

He caught me leaving Wedge's office. Of course, when he has time, I don't. I wish we could just disappear for a few hours... or days. I've never felt this way about anyone else before. Jag understands what I've gone through. One night we talked about losing siblings. It gets easier everyday. I want to hope my mother is right about Jacen, I really do. I just can't. I can't feel him. I'm his other half.

I am getting really frustrated with Kyp. He keeps pulling out of our Force bond. It's really messing me up. I don't understand what his deal is.

And there is my comm again. Time: 2200

I finally talked to Kyp. It was Jag's idea. I sent Piggy to get him for a Goddess never runs for someone. I swear, they should write a book called "How to Be A Goddess."

Anyway. I decided to have a picnic on the roof. I told him that he didn't have to be alone anymore. He was concerned about being in the way of me and "you know." Jag then stuck out his hand and said, "Colonel Jagged Fel. Glad to meet you." I thought it was funny. Jag then demostrated how dumb males were by drinking more of this drink we had to prove his point. I told Kyp that if he had a problem, leave now. We agreed we are partners and drank this nasty... well I don't really know what it was.

Hopefully everything is taken care of. Lucky for me, I have a little free time so I'm going to "summon" Jag. Time: 2000

It worked! Sharr and Piggy designed a missile with my X-Wing's gravatational reading. During the battle to leave Borleias, the Vong tried to capture me. Again. They failed. During the battle, I switched my comm sign. The Vong went after the Goddess missile. To make a long story short, it worked. The Vong suffered a huge loss. We got a victory.

Finally.