The Galaxy According to Jaina Chapter 5, a new jedi order fanfic

Disclaimer: see first post

Time: 1200

I am not very happy with the military.

All these new pilots showed up so what do they decided to do? Break up the squadrons and make new ones. So they pulled Kyp and Jag out of the Twin Suns. Oh sure, they made me Major, but I really don't care about that right now. Jag's gone. Kyp's gone. I don't want them out of my squadron. The three of us were a team! We were sucessful! Plus, now I see Jag even less. I don't like it one bit.

We're on Mon Calamari, by the way. What's left of the Senate is here, not that they really have any power. That idiot Pwoe has gone off to Kuat, I think. I don't really care.

I spent part of my morning teaching the new recuits different techniques. Anakin developed one. Fire three shots a a skip with a slightly diverging course. The dovin basal will curve at least one shot around and hit it. It was kind of hard to talk about who came up with up. The pain doesn't go away. I still have a hole where he should be.

The new pilots need me.

Time: 1200

I am not very happy with the military.

We're on Mon Calamari, by the way. What's left of the Senate is here, not that they really have any power. That idiot Pwoe has gone off to Kuat, I think. I don't really care.

The new pilots need me. Time: 2000

The New Republic Intelligence was wrong and I almost killed everyone.

They told us that Supreme Overlod Shimrra was going to Obroa-skai. My entire squadron, half of it rookies, were on the Trickster. The battle was going horribly wrong when I figured out that they were using two yammosks. I sent out my missiles that made the Vong shoot themselves. The Hapens joined us and we destroyed the flagship that ended holding Supreme Commander Komm Karsh. Tenel Ka led the Hapens personally. She took a big political risk.

For some reason, I felt Jacen. I don't know why. He's dead. Maybe my subconscious sparked a memory or something. I don't know.

Everything is okay with Kyp. He's been kind of like a parental figure to me as of late. I haven't seen him since before the battle, but that's no surprise. Nobody gets a break around him. It would nice if I could have just a whole two hours to myself, but that's not going to happen.

A Goddess's work calls. Time: 1500

Oh my Stars above. Holy Force. I do not believe it.

Jacen is alive.

I arrived at Kashyyyk and went to meet with Admiral Kre'fey with General Farlander. We gave him our report. He congratulated us. He then told me that Jacen is alive and on Mon Calamari. He also told us that the Bothans have declared ar'krai, which means they will totally destroy a specis. By the look in Kre'fey's eyes, I don't doubt it.

My twin is alive and I didn't feel him!

I can't believe I cut Jacen off. How long had he been calling to me? He must have thought I was dead! He must have felt awful, with Anakin gone and thinking I had joined him! I have to apologize to him. I was so bent on vengence I abandoned my brother. I failed both of them.

I keep learning more horrible things I did when I turned to the Dark Side. I understand Kyp's behavior a lot more now.

My shuttle is stopping to drop me off at my new quarters. Time: 1600

I recieved a message from Jacen. He told me that he didn't contact me through our twin bond so I wouldn't come after him. I guess he forgives me. I think he knows about my stint with the Dark Side. I don't know what I am going to tell him. It was hard enough confessing what I did to Mom. Still, I can't wait to see him!

I also recieved a message from Jag. He knew about Jacen. Was I the last person to find out? Jag's words made me feel so much better. I miss him. I miss his arms around me. I miss his lips on mine. I miss his gentle caresses.

I shouldn't be doing this. Being in love in this madness shouldn't happen. Even with Jacen back, my death will come. It's unavoidable.

I have to go. Time: 1645

What a minute. Am I really in love with Jag?

I need to think about that. Time: 0800

Kyp didn't know about Jacen's return! That's one person! I had a talk with him about what to say to Jacen. He was pretty insightful. We talked more about the Dark Side too. He's been really helpful.

My rookies went into battle. We lost two pilots. Thank the Force for those A-Wings. They took care of a lot of the skips toward the end. Its difficult working with all these rookies. I try to keep in mind how I was, but it's hard. I just expect them to know certain things and they don't. I get frustrated at them. I have to go meet with them now.

Time: 1800

Admiral Kre'fey has lost his mind. He gave this huge speech saying how everyday we need to ask ourselves How can I hurt the Vong today?. He talked about replacing all our losses. You cannot replace the dead. Chewie can't be replaced. Anni can't be replaced. Anakin can't be replaced. It's not possible. He is nuts.

The good news is that he is sending me to see Jacen. Yes, I have a mission to do, but I get to see my twin! I do feel guilty about leaving my squadron behind. I won't be there for two weeks to train them. I know Lowie will do a good job, but they need their leader. Will my lack of attendence for these two weeks cause any of my pilots to die?

I hope not.

I get to see Jacen! I am very nervous. What can I say to him? How will I tell him what I've done? Will he be any different towards me? He must have changed during capture. How much different will he be?

Calm down, Jaina, you will see him soon enough. Time: 1200

Cal Omas is the new Chief of State and there is a Jedi Council. I know that Lando and Karrde had something to do with his election, but I don't know what.

Anyway, onto more important matters, I've seen Jacen! There was a tiny part of me that was afraid that he wasn't alive. I know it doesn't make sense, but that's how I felt. Maybe the universe was playing some sick trick on me. Wouldn't that be ironic? The Trickster is stumped by another trick.

It was strange seeing him. We just looked at each other at first, then our twin bond connected and I embraced him. I had been afraid he would reject our bond for some reason. After all, I had shut him out. I couldn't stay long. I had to go to a meeting. That's all my life is. I go to meetings and I train. I don't have time for anything else. I hate it, but its what I have to do. Its what I will do until this war kills me.

Mom and Dad arrived early this morning. We all moved quarters. It was way to crowded at Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara's.

I meditated with Jacen a bit. I couldn't talk much with him. I want to, but I just can't. I can't let my emotions distract me. I have responsibilities. I have to keep my squadron alive. They are counting on me. Their lives are in my hands.

Now, it's time for another meeting. This is my life and I hate it.

Time: 2200

I am the Sword of the Jedi.

I will never know peace.

I hate it.

Today was the ceremony announcing Knighthood. All who died were honored. Ganner was honored. He died on Corescant with Jacen. When I heard this, it reminded me of a conversation I had with him. He told me a rumor about Jacen being alive. I denied it. I threatened him. I told him I would kill him if he told my mother. That was when I was under the Dark Side.

Anyways, back to my miserable destiny.

Uncle Luke went through everyone. I was last. He announced I was the Sword of the Jedi. I would know no peace. I would be in the front rank.

Thank you so muchi, Uncle Luke.

Oh and thank you, the Force.

Afterwards, I had to go to a stupid reception. I did not want to talk to anyone about it. Dad told everyone about his new move, the "Solo Slingshot." I managed to steer clear of everyone till Jacen came up to me. I told him not to talk about what Uncle Luke said. Instead, he mentioned a little about Danni and I admitted about Jag. Jacen called him stuck-up. I defended him. My dumb brother doesn't even know him.

I miss Jag. I know that I don't need distractions, but I miss him a lot.

Stop right there, Jaina, don't stray off topic.

See, distraction. Time: 2325

Drill after drill after drill. I'm back on Kashyyyk. I have been on here for a month. I am amazed I actually have time to write. My squadron is getting much better. I do talk some with my members, but I don't want to get close. It's too dangerous.

These are my days: Wake up, eat, patrol, meeting, drill, sims, drill, eat, sleep.

Lovely, isn't it?

Somewhere in there I always make time to check my messages from my family and Jag. Those keep me going.

Jag is still hunting for Vong on the Hydian Way. He is having the same problems with rookies I have been having. It's nice to have someone to talk to about it, I just wish he was here. My rational side tells its dangerous to get close, that I will be overwhelmed. I want to be overwhelmed by him.

There's an alarm. Time to fight again. I don't know when or if I will be able to write again. Time: 1400

I hate the High Command. Even though it worked, I did not like their plan, not one bit.

It's been months since I have been able to write. Here's what's been happening.

The Jedi fought in a meld, with Jacen, in all battles. We raided for three months to give our rookies expirence. Then my squardron was sent to Ebaq 9. We were bait, well technically, iI was bait. Jacen and I. I honestly can't remember the battle. I remember that I lost Vale, my wingmate. I remember heading back on to the base. I remeber the Vong hunting. They used voxyn. I hate those things. I want ever voxyn dead. My brother died on the mission to destroy them so they should be gone.

I remember sending my squadron away, save for Lowie and Tesar. I remember feeling their pride as I sent them away. I created that pride, that spirit. I did it all.

Vergere sacrificed herself to save Jacen. It's strange. I heard about everything she did to him, yet she saved him in the end. She was quite unusal. She killed all the Vong on Ebaq 9, save for Tsavong Lah.

He found me. He injured Lowie in the shoulder. Blorash jelly kept us rooted to the floor. I fought him. I lost my lightsaber and used Lowies to continue. I Sliced off two of, well I don't really know what they were, off of his claw. He was VERY angry by that point. I used the Force to get my lightsaber and plunge it into his throat. He is dead.

Whoa. I hadn't taken time to realize this.

I killed Tsavong Lah.

I killed the warmaster. The one who was after Jacen and I for a sacrifice. The one who hurt my mother. I killed him.

I've been promoted to Lieutenant Colonel.

I was stuck on Ebaq 9 for eight days. I reunited with the pilots I sent away. Lowie is okay. We were stuck there so long because it was too hot to get us out from whatever Vergere did. I still don't know all the details yet. I was taken out in a lead box. It was weird.

A lot of people died to keep me alive. I hate that. I know that I must honor their sacrifices. I saw almost everyone dear to me as I was let out of that box. I hugged my mother tightly. I was that little girl again who needed her mother's comfort.

I am that girl. Now, I am going to have dinner with my family. Then I think I will finally have a long talk with my brother.

Time: 1200

Last night I sat down and told Jacen everything I had done. He was ashamed of me at all. As a matter of fact, he did a lot of things he wasn't proud of either. I'm glad we finally talked. He doesn't blame me for cutting him off and I don't blame him for Anakin's death. I can't believe I told Jacen he left him to die. I still feel guilty about it. I probably always will.

It was nice to sit down for dinner with Mom, Dad, and Jacen. There were two holes, however. Nothing will ever replace Anakin and Chewie. My family was rarely all in one place after Chewie died. Until now, we haven't all been together to feel the loss in normal activities. We lost two family members. It felt so much smaller.

It's amazing how much my family's size has changed. Mom thought she was an orphan for the longest time, then when she discovered her real father, he died. Uncle Luke was the same way. They found out about being twins, then Dad married Mom. Of course, Chewie was an honorary member. Then came Jacen and I, then Anakin, Aunt Mara, and now Ben. Suddenly, we are down two. It's strange.

I can't believe how long this war has gone on. We won a huge victory against the Vong; we took out around one-third of their force, I've heard. They have to get a new warmaster. That will take time. I don't know what we are going to do next. Time: 2255

Jag's back!

His sqadron arrived early this morning. He found me as I was leaving a meeting. Jag disapproves of public displays of affection. He lead me to the office he had been given. I know he missed me. The instant the door closed he kissed me more deeply than ever before. I loved it. We stayed in his office until his uncle called him for a debriefing. Later we met up in a training room. We decided to spar. He's pretty good.

Afterwards, he went to Wedge and Iella's for dinner. That is where he is now. I'll see him tomorrow, I hope. I know I shouldn't be annoyed, it is his family, after all, but I am. I haven't seen him in months! My sensible side is still telling me not the get close to anyone, but I am ignoring it. I need to stop thinking that I am going to die. Yes, it may happen, but pushing everyone away isn't the right thing to do.

Comm is going off.

Time: 2200

Today will never happen again.

I spent most of my day with Jag.

I think my mother had a hand in this. She has been trying to get me to take a day off for a long time. I was walking out of Wedge's office where I had dropped off a report. He had told me I had the whole day off. Jag found me and asked if I would sim with him. It was fun. He kills me. He always has. I am going to beat him one day. After that, we went to eat. He had to go to some meeting. I went to the training room and worked out a little. Afterwards, I found Jag and stayed with him until he had to go to Wedge's for dinner.

Well, now I am going to take advantage of this rare of opportunity and sleep.

Time: 2245

Something is wrong with Tahiri. She sent me a message saying she wanted to talk to me. She sounded like something was really wrong with her. I was taking care of some business with the Twin Suns. I did find her. I'll start at the beginning how.

There was a meeting I was suppose to go to on Mon Cal, but I couldn't make it. Kyp said a lot was behind the scenes when he came to meet me. He asked about Tahiri, but I just didn't know. He did give me some good news. Jag was on Mon Cal at the meeting. Hopefully I can catch him later.

Kyp told me that a lot of people are talking about winning the war. Yes, we had a major victory at Ebaq 9, but that doesn't mean we are going to win. The people who aren't fighting always say stuff like that just to make them feel better. I can't stand it. Tell the people the truth. They can see it in front of them as their family is taken away by Vong.

Kyp dropped me off at the meeting. Everyone brought me up to speed. My squadron is accompanying Mom and Dad while they patch up communications. Yes, I was a little annoyed. I should be working with the military. I wasn't as upset as I acted. Jag is coming with me! He is flying with the Twin Suns. Chiss and my pilots are combining. Jag and I will take turns as the Leader.

Tahiri commed me. She was saying that Anakin was trying to kill her. I don't understand what she was talking about. Did she mean her grief or was she just delusional? We were able to find her. She had collasped. I was terrified of what had happened. Normally I don't make a big deal about Jag's public display of affection thing, but today I really needed him. I did have to hold onto his arm for support. Master Cighil and the medics couldn't find anything wrong with her.

I hope she's okay. Time: 1700

We're leaving tomorrow.

Today I sparred with Jag. I actually hurt him. I didn't mean to. I was irriated about being out of action. I still am.

Oh, I learn a really lame insult the Chiss use. It's moactan teel. It means fair-headed. I guess it works great in Chiss space. It's really bad. If you want a good insult or curse word, listen to my dad for five minutes while he is fixing the Falcon. I knew all there were to know before joining the Rogues. I knew them before I was ten.

I went and saw Tahiri before I met with my parents to go over everything. She didn't say much. I wish I knew what was going on with her. I just don't know. Nobody does. Time: 1200

Jacen, Aunt Mara, and Uncle Luke are gone. They left for the Unknown Regions to look for Zonama Sekot. I hope they find it quickly. Uncle Luke says it may end the war. I don't know. It's a living planet. Jacen believes its real from what Vergere said, but with her, who knows?

I hope Jacen settles his heart on this trip. I really want him back here, at peace. As Uncle Luke so eloquently put it, as the Sword of the Jedi, I won't know peace, but those around me will.

Danni went on the trip. I wonder if my dumb brother is going to do anything? Time: 1400

I had a reminder of my childhood today.

I heard my mother and father arguing about where to go first. Mom said the Koornacht Cluster. Dad did not want to go. Mom understood his fear. I kind of do. I don't remember a lot about it. Mom and Winter hid a lot from us. I remember hearing about a recording of Dad being brutely beaten. I never saw it. I don't want to. Mom told us as much as we needed to know. I remember Dad being in the MedCenter for a long time. We were all afraid of what would happen to him. It wasn't known if he would live. Only Mom could see him.

We're going there. We found out that the Empire had been attacked. That is were Jacen is heading for. He's safe, I can feel it. Kenth asked me to tell him if I felt anything different. I don't want to think about that.

Time to go! Time: 1500

The Fia talk too much. We arrived at Galantos. They asked I swear, at least a thousand questions. It was insane.

Jag went down to the surface. I do wish he had stayed up here with me, but someone does need to go with Mom and Dad. Oh yeah, Tahiri joined us too. I still don't know what is going on with her yet.

I have to go. Time: 1600

That's it. I have to talk to Tahiri. She had another... attack? I'm not sure what you call it. She was fighting... something with her lightsaber and clutching something to her chest. I don't know what is going on with her.

I am going shortly to the Yevetha to take a look. Dad wasn't happy about it. Niether was Jag. Jag was concerned about me. It's touching. He made sure I was taking pilots with me. I am- two Chiss, Miza and Jocell. Miza is the better pilot, but less reliable.

I put this off as long as I can. I was hoping to see Jag when he came back up here. Oh well. Time to go. Time: 2300

Holy Sith!

We poked around the system. The Yevethan are all dead. Every last one. We find a survivor. He blew himself up, killing Miza and damaging Jocell and I. We hurried back. The Vong were coming. The Fia had struck a deal- the Vong kill of the Yevethan, the Fia give resources. That explains the communication blackout. Of course, the Fia thought the Vong meant minerals, not beings. There was a slave ship ready for them.

When I came back to the squadron, we had to fight the Vong. We were outnumbered 3-1, but their yammosk was jammed so that helped a lot. Jag took a few off my back, thank the Force. My X-Wing was slightly charred from that Yevethan blowing up his ship.

The Fia joined us in fighting, without orders. Despite the seriousness of it, thinking about it I have to laugh. They made Jag call them by their correct color shades and were so techincal about everything.

Of course, I can't stand them! They are so ungrateful. Here we are trying to protect them, destroying the ships that would have taken them into slavery and they don't do anything.

I said that to Jag, something a long those lines. I felt kind of childish. He told me I was acting just like me- whoever that is. Pilot. Sword of the Jedi. That's me.

Jag did say to me that maybe "we should dock and debrief in person." I told him it was one of the most romantic things anyone has said to me in years, which is kind of true. We didn't get to talk much. I had a couple injuries treated them slept for awhile. I didn't sleep very well. I kept dreaming of Anakin's death, the voxyn queen's destruction, my dark path, and Jacen being in danger. I'm not sure why.

Jag came to wake me up. He told me about the Fia's turn around. I kind of wish I had seen Dad's face when Counciler Jobath appeared prefessed his undying love for the former New Republic. I heard about what Jacen had been up to. He is safe now, that's what matters most to me.

We walked to the mess. We are going to Bakura next. Mom and Dad heard something from a Ryn.

I have to wonder about if we win the war. I don't believe there will every be peace. Nothing will be the safe. So much has happened that everything is forever changed.

Jag showed me something of Tahiri's that I just don't know about. He found it after her collaspe. It was a little figure of Yun-Yammaka, The Slayer. I last saw a huge statue of him on the worldship on Myrkr. I hate it. That face has stayed in my memories. It was the worst statue there. Why did Tahiri have it? What does this all mean? If this is about Anakin, was it such a good idea for her to come with us? I know if Jag died I wouldn't want to be around his family. It would be too painful. I don't know what to say to her. Do I ask about the statue or what?

I wish I knew what it meant.