Here it is, and thanks for reading this! You all will be receiving an Order of Merlin, First Class!

May remained perched on top of her prize as Claire stormed out. She thought about following her out but then Ron wiggled like he was trying to get up and she thought she'd better not let him get away. Once his head started thinking, he might throw her off and she didn't want that at all. After all, at the meeting they had decided that Ron must be in love with Cho Chang.

So May continued with the kissing, the touching, the ooey gooey feeling inside.

Ron pushed her shoulders up so he could release his face.

"May!" he managed to gasp.

"What?"

"Um, I don't really know you and…"
"So?"

"So I don't want to get involved," Ron said with less force than he had wanted to convey.

"So we won't get serious," May said, slightly disappointed and suddenly a little bit embarrassed. But maybe if she made herself available, he would eventually come around? Maybe he would want a more serious relationship if she started out easy?

"But we can still, you know, see each other, like this…if you want," May said, trying to tempt him by whipping her hair around her shoulder so that Ron's eyes could follow her hair as it fell into the crease of her plunging neckline.

"Um…" Ron was considering the proposal.

"I think the muggles call it 'booty call,'" May said. "Thefacebook might call it 'random play'"

"Um…"

"Well maybe that's not what it's called. But I heard some people at the mall talking and it sounded like fun."

How many times does a hot blonde throw herself at you? No strings attached. Just for fun, no "relationship."

Ron was considering these odds and it was very likely that this would never happen again.

It was also very likely that this might upset Hermione…but she is probably off with Viktor Dumbass Krum.
What would Hermione do if their positions were reversed.

Dumbass Loser. Stupid. Moron. Krum-cake.

She would have gone to the ball with him, anyway.

Instead of giving May an answer, Ron ran a finger through her hair and then he started kissing her again, taking a much more active role this time, and slowly maneuvering himself on top.

Claire was ticked off.

She had slammed the door, kicked off her shoes, picked them up, wiped off any dirt, and then carried them as she walked bare foot in the streets.

She was unconsciously heading in the direction of her home but she did not want to go back. She wanted to make May pay. It wasn't so much that she liked Ron; she just wanted him because May did. Therefore, she didn't want May to have him.

This all makes perfect sense.

So now Claire just wanted revenge. May had hurt her personally. She had taken Ron when Claire had said she wanted him. Again, this logic makes perfect sense.

With a sudden stroke of genius (a very uncommon occurrence inside Claire's pretty head), she got an idea.

Claire would call on Harry and Ron's brilliant friend to interrupt the lunacy. Claire had a feeling that it was never Ron and Cho Chang. Claire had kept her mouth shut at the fan club meeting, but she had a suspicion that Ron's heart was aimed towards a different star.

Wouldn't Hermione make Ron squirm? Then wouldn't May receive the wrath of Hermione?

Hermione's parents were muggle dentists. Now Claire may be a sub-par witch, but she made up for a lack of magical gifts with muggle methods. Maybe all those muggle magazines were educational after all.

Anyway, Claire found her way to the nearest phone booth with a phone book in it.

She looked up "Granger" under "Dentists." She copied down the felly-tone number and vowed to call in the morning.

So while Harry and Millie were kissing on the swing set near Privet Drive,

Ron and May were kissing on the sofa,

And Claire was brewing over plans to make May angry,

One fan from the fan club was eagerly waiting until the morning to tell her boss the latest news about the boy who lived.

Being vigilant fanfiction readers, you all can probably guess who this rogue fan's boss is. SO rather than go into a few chapters of the boss lurking in shadows, I'll just reveal the big villain and give you a little heads up that the shit is this close to hitting the fan.

Gertrude Van Vilderwallenstein ran from May's house after the meeting. See was only fourteen years old, and was wearing a magical t-shirt that read "I love Harry Potter" and then the words would flash and change to a picture of Harry on his broomstick. She was in a hurry to tell Voldemort about Harry Potter's new muggle girlfriend.

Gertrude had been given a job so young because her whole family was very well trusted by the Dark Lord.

Her father, Otto Van Vilderwallenstein, was the first one in the family to join up with Voldemort. Otto was a tailor and he was the only one Voldemort trusted to make robes to fit him. Voldemort was very skinny you see, and he hated to feel like he was swimming in his clothes. And he couldn't very well show up on Diagon Alley for a fitting. Voldemort understood that a good power-suit can make a person look more intimidating and he needed to look intimidating.

Otto did such a good job fashioning him blood red pajamas that he was able to recommend his family members as trustworthy individuals as well.

Gertrude's mother, Katrina "Kitten" Holdenhackabrick-Van Vilderwallenstein, was Voldemort's personal chef, having once run the famous restaurant "Hungry Hungry Hippogriffs." Voldemort's favorite dish was her famous chicken kabobs.

Gertrude's half-brother, Jorge Sanchez, (Kitten had had a Latin-lover before she married Otto) was Voldemort's sidekick. Voldemort liked to go over his ideas for world domination with Jorge because Jorge would ask stupid questions that would make Voldemort feel smart and superior. Jorge also was in charge of walking Voldemort's two dogs: Sally (short for Salazar) and Barfy (he just liked the name).

Gertrude's job, as we just witnessed, was a spy. She subscribed to all Harry's fan club newsletters. She read every teen magazine that mentioned Harry. She was getting very good at detecting the useful information from the made-up stuff.

"So Harry has gone as got himself a girlfriend?"

"Yes, master," Gertrude said, as she knelt on the floor. Voldemort was sitting in a throne like chair and next to him Jorge was sitting on a stool.

"Is she pretty?" Jorge asked.

"That is a ridiculous question, Boy. When interrogating, The more important question is how much Harry likes her."

"Oh, I see, master. You are very wise."

Voldemort smiled, "I know. I've been told that by much smarter people than you."

Jorge just smiled and nodded. His job was just to make Voldemort look good.

"Harry has been spending most of his summer with her, sir. And he even declined going to the Burrow in order to stay with her."

"Did he now?"

"Yes. Instead he invited the Weasley boy to come to the muggle world to meet her," Gertrude said, stealing a glance at her master and then at her brother who smiled and waved.

"Well, he just handed his heart to us on a platter. He'll stay wherever she is. This means he'll go wherever she is taken to. Thank you, Gertrude, this is very good information. Now go tell your mother I'd like some pumpkin juice."

Hey guys. Sorry about teh delay. I've been lame. I got caught up watching the soap opera "General Hospital" in my free time. But anyway, please review and tell me if this new ridiculous family is a bit much. Personally, I think the idea of a Jorge Sanchez is hilarious. But that's just my taste. And like I said, I could be wrong, after all I did just spend the summer watching "General Hospital."