Waffles: Whee, a proper chapter! And, I, Waffles, have control of the keyboard! MWHAHAHAHAHA! AND NOTHING WILLOWWIND DOES CAN STOP ME 'CAUSE SHE'S NOT HERE! SHE'S IN SCHOOL! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! I SHALL DESTROY THE WORLD! Or maybe not. Not till we invade Mars, at least. I may have to stop at the Paperclip, for now.
Written much later:
Willowwind: Yes. I am back from school. And she's in bed. Which means I get to do the review responses! (blows raspberry) I've always thought it odd that raspberry has a 'p' in it, when there is clearly no 'p' when you say it. Try. It sounds like RAZBERRY. Which looks much more interesting than RASPBERRY, if I do say so myself. But now I'm going to get on topic again.
Review Responses:
Waffles4eva: …Do I know you?
Browneyedalbino: Muahaha. You shall have to read the whole fic to find out some things…but here is the newest chapter. Oh, and we cut down the disclaimer this time. So much, it isn't there right now. I should add one…. Ah, no. Silly me. Thar it is.
Scooby2408: I believe you're Waffles' friend, right? Yes, yes. Thank you for reading. She was very happy. And this one ocean between us is nothing. For a while, I was writing something with someone in Pakistan. But then they came back to Canada. Which was much better. And I shall stop burbling now before you think I'm as bad as her. Meaning Waffles.
Nachzes Black-Rider: Ignoring you? Well, you did say to ignore that bit after…and I stole it from NOBODY. My parents threatened to put me on Ritalin once when I was hyper, so I started yelling about how I would never take the 'confounded hyper-killer'. I yoinked it not. Maybe we just think alike….
And thar be the reviews! Four! I think that's what I started with on TSJOBTG….
Written much earlier:
Willowwind: (Runs in, panting)I'm here, I'm here!
Waffles: G'hey! How'd you get out of school!
Willowwind: Oh, I'm not Willowwind.
Waffles: …?
Willowwind: No, I'm just your perception of Willowwind. As you said, she's not here. I'm just a figment of your imagination. Which is why I don't sound remotely like her.
Waffles: …Okay, let's just pretend this makes some sort of sense…. So, do we have a My-Perception-Of-Willowwind's-Perception-of-Legolas to do the disclaimer?
Willowwind: 'Fraid not.
Waffles: (Sigh) Fine…. Maybe the real Willowwind will be back in time for the end. In the meantime, Smith can do it.
Smith: The day these two own anything that even sounds vaguely copyrighted, is the day that Willowwind stops signing reviews and E-mails.
Willowwind: As in…never.
Waffles: But I do that too!
Smith: I'm aware of that.
Culinary CapersChapter One: Milkshake Mayhem
"Bakura?"
"Yes?"
"I'm going out for a while. Téa's in charge. If I get back and hear any horror stories…." Ryou lifted a bottle full of liquid dishsoap warningly.
Bakura attempted to make puppy eyes. The result was…not what was intended. "Would I do anything to her?"
"You know you mumble in your sleep sometimes?"
"Do I?"
"Yes. And I better not come home to find that those plans to drown her you were discussing in your sleep have been carried out. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes."
"Good. I'm going now."
"Ryou?"
"Yes?"
"Out of curiosity, where are you going?"
The hikari smiled wryly. "To try to teach Seto Kaiba to cook."
Bakura fell off the bed. "Why?"
"I'm still trying to figure that out." And with that, he was gone.
o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o
When the door opened, Ryou was greeted by a hostile glare on the part of his soon-to-be student.
"You're late." Seto snarled.
"I wasn't prepared for a three hundred foot long driveway, I'm sorry." Ryou replied, already struggling to be polite. "Don't worry, next time I'll bring my bike. Or car, even."
"It might help." He sniffed, standing aside to let Ryou in.
Ryou didn't bother to react. He lived with Bakura. It was going to take a lot more then slight rudeness to get to him. Besides, it was possible that Kaiba was just nervous.
Yeah, right.
But it didn't matter. Kaiba was smart, plus he wouldn't want Ryou in his house any longer then necessary, so he would hopefully learn fast. Pity, really, because it would be a nice break from Bakura. Honestly, after his Yami, he could handle anything this guy threw at him. A walk in the park.
Kaiba showed him to the kitchen, and leant on the doorframe as he watched Ryou investigate the cupboards and gleaming counters.
"What are you doing?" He asked, as Ryou began to poke around in the fridge.
"Seeing what we have to work with." He replied easily. "Eww. Well, this can go straight away…. I'm not sure what it isbut it's definitely out of date…." He tossed the mysterious item into the bin.
Ryou couldn't see it, with his head in the fridge, but the look on Seto's face suggested he was dangerously close to having his head shut in the door.
"Okay…." He said, pulling out some milk and ice cream, shutting the fridge with his foot. He wasn't going to be popular with Seto if he continued like this, that was for sure. "Let's start easy with milkshakes. Ever made one before?"
Seto shook his head wordlessly, walking over to stand beside him.
"Oh, it's simple. My bunny could do it." Ryou told him confidently.
And so, they began.
o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o
A/N: Okay, this would be the part where I have to attempt Bakura's situation TSJOBTG style, isn't it? Oiy, this could be disastrous…. But, as George Bush once said "The ambitious should know that you are more likely to succeed with success then with failure." So, Willowwind, and all you, like me, who love TSJOBTG, forgive this sacrilege."
Meanwhile…Heh. I always said that rabbit was a good idea. She's distracted by 'the cute ickle bunny'. Â He's going to think I'm a traitor, but he should understand that it's for the sake of the World! Or, the sake of me, anyway. But I will rule the World someday! I will! So there!
I always thought I'd have to wait till I was in charge before I killed anyone, but I think Téa is the exception. I mean, who would miss her! They couldn't blame me. Not even my baka hikari, even if he did tell me not to kill her. They wouldn't put me in prison.
Would they?
NO, I'M NOT AFRAID! I FEAR NOTHING! BUT ONE DAY, WHEN I RULE THE WORLD, YOU WILL ALL FEAR ME! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU! YOU WILL LIVE ONLY TO ENTERTAIN ME AND….
…
…
Heh. At last. I CAN SAY WHAT I LIKE! SHE'S NOT HERE TO STOP ME! NO FOURTH WALL CAN HOLD ME, BECAUSE-
(A/N: AHHH! FOURTH WALL! I forgot! BAKURA! How could you! When it was going so well…. Willowwind's going to kill me! Or you! And don't think just because you can't die she won't try!)
FOUR WALLS! I meant FOUR WALLS! No, I'm not scared-
Oh, don't start that again. Stupid inanimate book. No! Don't try that! I'm not going to speak to you anymore! See how you get on without me!
Fine, be that way. I'm not speaking to you anymore.
No, starting now!
Bakura slammed the book shut angrily. He didn't know why he'd started writing in the stupid thing in the first place….
Out in the hallway, Téa heard the slight noise, and pulled open the cupboard door. Bakura- and a mop- tumbled out.
"What were you doing in there?" She asked quizzically. "And what are you doing with that mop?"
"Um…cleaning." Bakura lied.
"In the cupboard? With a mop?"
"Yes." Bakura replied. "…It was dirty."
"I see." Téa said slowly, clearly not seeing at all. "Well, I wish you'd said! I've been looking for you everywhere! Now, come on!" She began to walk away. Bakura was about to implement his original plan and beat her to death with the mop, but, as he raised the mop in preparation, she turned again.
"Now what are you doing?" She demanded.
"Mopping the…uh…ceiling."
She giggled. "You sure are weird, Bakura…." She smiled. "But you're harmless really, aren't you?"
Harmless! Bakura blinked in surprise, completely forgetting his 'mopping the ceiling' charade. She grabbed his arm with one hand, Bakura-Bunny under the other arm. The bunny in question was laughing hysterically at him. Bakura glared at his namesake.
"Come on!" Téa continued cheerily. This girl just talked sugar. "You must be bored, without Ryou here! But I have the best idea- we're going to go visit Yugi and Yami!" She began to drag him towards the front door. "Alright, I know you guys didn't get off on the right foot, but I just know that if you got to know each other properly you could be great friends! They just don't understand you!"
'They just don't understand you'!Bakura screamed mentally. Just what was this friendship-junkie smoking, and why wasn't it illegal!
He had to escape, that was clear.
And what better place to escape then outside?
"Okay, Téa." Bakura said, trying to sound pathetic. "But what if he's mean to me?"
"He won't! He's a nice guy, really! Come on!" And with even more eagerness, she dragged him outside. It was not a mistake you'd made twice.
o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o
"…."
"…What?"
"How did you do that?"
"Do what?" Seto surveyed the massacred kitchen calmly.
"What do you mean, what? Look around you! Milkshake! Everywhere! I thought you'd at least be able to manage making a simple vanilla milkshake!"
"And you're saying I didn't manage it."
"Yes. The only thing you have managed is to defyEVERY last thing I've EVER learned in Science class."
"Such as?"
"Kaiba. The milkshake. It BLEW UP. How did you manage to blow up a milkshake?"
Seto glanced around himself once more, not showing any hint of emotion.
"Well?"
"…Talent."
o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+o
Willowwind: Mweeheehee…. Now I have the keyboard, as Waffles is in bed. Or she better be. I should be in bed. But nooo…I had to go look for quotes on the internet. And then I couldn't find any. So I gave up. And decided it was high time I wrote something.
Willowwind's-interpretation-of-Waffles: Hi!
Willowwind: …I'm quite sure you don't look like Waffles. So apologies to the real one.
WIOW: Isn't it strange how we could use the acronym for both my name and Waffles' interpretation of you?
Willowwind: Yes, that is strange…. (muses)
WIOW: Anyhoo, there's another horribly short chapter done.
Willowwind: It's also very strange how I get this irresistible urge to write at about 10:30 pm…. Which was about when I started my bit, just fer the record books. But now it is late, and it is time for bed.
WIOW: N'night!
Willowwind: Yes, yes…. (wanders off to bed)
WIOW: So…REVIEW! Or we shall never come back! Muahahaha! (goes poof)
Willowwind: (voice heard from far away) She went poof…how strange….
(The Next Morning)
Waffles: Heh…. NONE OF YOU CAN BLAME ME FOR THE SLOW UPDATE! BLAME WILLOWWIND'S ENGLISH TEACHER IF YOU HAVE TO BLAME ANYONE! ... (calms down) That is, well, about the apology you're going to get for it taking so long to update. Me, I wrote this before I even went back to school, and now I have a ton of homework to, and I can't write WyG and my music coursework is impossible…. (Incoherent mumbling) …Blues… rock…IT'S A RECORDER! Ahem. I have to go shopping now. But please review, or Willowwind will poke you with a stick! Mwheeeheee! (Poofs off in vague direction of the shopping centre)