Oh wow…another long late chapter. Sorry about the wait. I really think this chapter is what a lot of you have been waiting for! My best friend laughed at me when I sent her this chapter to read. She goes "You really gotta passion for writing." ) Anyhow…I'm sorry about the lateness…life has just been buzzing by!
I'm also sorry that I won't be able to reply to your reviews. Most of them, I think, were fairly well answered or carried out by this chapter. Thank you everyone! Your support is AAAAAAWESOME!
(-August the first-)
Chapter Five: Jigsaw
Minerva arrived early on purpose. She wanted to explain; nay, she needed to explain. They would never understand; neither one of them. Her mother had found her only daughter distraught and heart broken the last time his name was mentioned. Her father had found her weak and ruined. Needless to say, their impression of him was not as wonderful as the remainder of the magical world. It was necessary for them to know everything before they made their judgments on him or her.
With Madelyn at her side, she knocked on the front door. It wasn't that floo was not an option; Minerva just found it easier to look more like visitors than intruders. There was always some discomfort when she just popped in on her family. They always seemed to be in the middle of something; a book, dinner, experiments. It was the way it had always been and she preferred it to stay at routine; they did not want their busy lives to be interrupted by the likes of anyone.
After a good three minutes, a familiar face opened the door. "We were wondering when you would have the courtesy to drop off our granddaughter," Minerva's mother smiled.
Minerva returned the gesture and followed Maddy into her childhood home. It was a large house; as a matter of fact, it really was not a house at all. The proper name was manor. Her parents lived comfortably in an estate that had well over one hundred rooms and an abundance of empty space. She swallowed slowly as she breathed in the cool air; an empty manor with empty rooms and high expectations. Merlin…she got cold every time she walked inside.
"Where is Pompom?" Maddy turned towards her Grandmother.
"His office. He will be down within the hour, I think. There were some figures that he needed to get to the bottom of."
The woman glanced at her mother. How many times had she told Minerva that same lie? It had to be creeping towards one million at least. Unlike Madelyn, however, she eventually understood the fact that he wouldn't be coming down.
Her mother turned towards Minerva and raised a wondering eyebrow. "Why was it that you wanted us to watch her today? You seemed quite adamant about it the other evening."
"There's something important that I need to speak with you about…and I needed to do it face to face without anyone around." She nudged her head over towards Maddy who was walking around with a boorish manner. Her mother nodded. Madelyn couldn't be present when she told her mother; there was too much that she could possibly find out. Besides that fact, she had no idea how her mom would react.
Her mother led them to the only room in the house that got any use at all; the living room. A settee stood in the middle of the space along with a fireplace. Pictures presented themselves on the mantel of times long since passed. She knew there to be one picture of her and Madelyn and that was certainly all that Minerva would be shown to any onlookers. Her daughter was there many times, but she was there once and once only.
"Maddy, dear," Minerva turned towards her daughter, "why don't you go and find one of the house elves? They always enjoy your company."
"Okay," she shrugged and ran off towards the kitchen.
The younger of the two lonely women in the lonely room turned towards the eldest after taking a very long sigh. "I have a meeting today with my new employer."
Her mother raised an eyebrow. "And you expect me to be angry over this?"
"I haven't told you where I'm employed." She glanced down at the ground towards the wooden floor. Maybe she could just turn to wood; then she wouldn't have to say anything that would create conflict. But then she looked back up at her mother who had a daring air upon her face.
"Well?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Hogwarts has hired me as the new Transfiguration Professor." She sat and waited for a response. What she received was not what she was expecting.
"That's wonderful dear!" A genuine smile crossed the woman's face. "You've always wanted to teach. Why on Earth would you believe me to think it a bad thing? It's what you have wanted to do for years."
She swallowed. "The Headmaster is Albus Dumbledore."
And the happy mother was gone. She just disappeared as was completely predictable. Her smile came to a defining frown while her arms crossed in some emotion or other. "Albus Dumbledore? The one that you promised you would never see again?"
Minerva nodded slowly. "He sent me a letter…asking me to apply for the position. I was already quitting for the paper, so I had asked myself 'why not?'. He hired me on the spot."
Her mother sat back in her seat for a fair few seconds before replying. "Well of course he hired you, Minerva. He knows that if he could manipulate you once, he can most certainly do it again." She stared at her cynically.
Anger started to grow on her face. "He isn't like that, Mother. We agreed that I would be there for the position, not to go back in time."
The woman rolled her eyes. "Have you learned nothing? Men like Albus Dumbledore do not agree to things, they make up their own rules and manipulate you to think you took part in them."
"Not him." She folded her arms. Why was she defending him? He broke her heart and suddenly she was telling her mother what a noble man he was. Oh Merlin the irony!
Her mother stood perfectly still upon the settee and looked Minerva in the eye. Had there been tea, she would have been sipping, seemingly prudent. But even she could see the fact that her daughter was not about to change her mind, no matter what she said. "Tell me, dear, what is it about this man that has made you agree to work under him? He violated you, impregnated you, and then did not keep his promise. Tell me, what sort of a woman are you to just crawl back underneath him?"
Slap. Minerva was speechless. There it was, right infront of her, the very reason why she had almost declined in the beginning. But then her mom made it worse…she was suddenly the stray animal looking for the owner who abandoned her. She was walking blindly, only to find the closest thing that was familiar.
The woman slowly sucked in cold, painful air. How could she possibly defend herself? She didn't know what she was doing. "I've wanted this job since I went to school. Albus has nothing to do with it."
"Then why did you mention him? Obviously there was a motive to your mentioning him."
She shrugged. "I wanted to know if you thought I was making a mistake."
"What was the point? You know what I think. That man is arsenic. You shouldn't be anywhere near him."
Quickly, she ran her fingers through her hair and bowed her head. It was true, she had come for an opinion…but she was in the hopes of things being different. She thought that perhaps if it was appealed to her mother in the proper manner, then her mind set may have been different; apparently not. But in the end, it didn't really matter. She had accepted the position and would be moving within a week.
"The fact is, Mother…I have already signed a contract. So I must work under him." She shrugged. "He doesn't know anything about Madelyn and Madelyn doesn't know anything about him. I thought it would be an act of kindness to let them have some sort of contact. I don't want Maddy resenting me for never letting her meet her father."
"Do not make this about Madelyn. It is about you and that rat poison everyone so fondly refers to as Albus Dumbledore."
She shook her head. "We will be working together, that is all. I do not see what the harm is in that," her voice rose.
"You think I do not know you, Minerva? You're my daughter, just like I was when I was young. You'll fall flat over in love with him again, and then where would we be? It will not be my responsibility to keep your pregnancy a secret again."
"I never asked you to keep a secret," her voice rose higher. "You and father were the ones who thought no one should know!"
"Be thankful," she said calmly, "you would have had a much harder time had we not kept you away from society."
She wanted to hit her. Minerva honestly felt like slapping her white gloved mother clear across the face. It was never her idea to be hidden. Never did she initiate the concept of being locked up in a house far away from all prying eyes. All the woman, back then a teenager, wanted was to be accepted. She did not even receive that from her parents.
Minerva took in a slow breath as she stared. There were no changing opinions and there never would be any. It was her decision to just get on with life until her family accepted her decisions. "I am late for my meeting. If you say anything about this to Madelyn, I swear, she won't be back again. I'll be back by five." Then she left without any sort of adieu.
She buried her face in her hands as she waited outside the Hogwarts entrance doors for Albus's appearance. It was horrible, all of it was. She didn't know what she stood for anymore; she was not the same person she was at the beginning of the summer.
It had always been her mind set that Albus was indeed a form of poison. She internally told herself that he was only out to hurt her; make her writhe in pain for as long as her soul was in existence. She still had found herself believing that fact, until she spoke with her mother; Minerva begun defending the man who she hated with all that was.
He was a man to be hated, especially by her. He had brought nothing but sadness onto her household. He made Minerva's excuse for the impregnation that followed her final year at Hogwarts; he never kept the promise he had made her believe; he seemed to be mocking her every time their eyes met. They twinkled and looked reassuring. Surely hers were filled with some sort of empathy, just because of him. She hated him.
Minerva loathed the way he was able to smile so well. She disliked the way he so gently was able to coax her. What the woman hated the most, however, was his ability to make her change her once made up mind so quickly.
It was true, she did make a promise years ago that she wouldn't dare even lay eyes on him, let alone actually have a civil conversation. She swore to herself that he was horrible in every possible way and to even look upon him would afflict her. His face, eyes, voice…even then she had known they would do her in if she dared to take the chance of seeing him again. "Merlin," she breathed out slowly as it dawned upon her. He had begun the affliction upon her already.
That first evening after they met…she sat up and cried for hours over his callous heart. Back and forth, she rocked as the tears streamed down her cold, lonely face. How was it that he had the ability to just look upon her like that? He made her feel silly in those moments that they stared, as if what she had told herself over the years meant nothing. That was the bewitchment he had placed upon her; already he had made her believe that what she stood for meant nil.
The woman knew he would continue if she went on with the path she begun walking. Every single time Minerva dared to look at him, spoke to him, thought about him, there would be less and less chance of escape. His arms may wrap around her, tighter and tighter until she was completely in his grasp. And then the inevitable may happen; he would leave her.
Once again, she could most certainly be alone…only by that time there may not be any sort of escape.
For a split second, Minerva forgot to breathe. Her body called for air, she could feel the pound in her chest and her brain, but no air seemed to be available. It all went gray for a fair few seconds and then it was as if a shock penetrated her entire body. She let out a strained cough as she attempted to inhale.
It was all quite suddenly clear. She couldn't do it. There was no right for her to work by, under, or near him. He would drown her. His memory would kill her if she stood by him longer than she needed.
Quickly, the woman started walking towards the Forbidden Forest so that she could have herself disapparated home. Alas, she was not even a quarter of the way before there was a familiar hand on her wrist. She turned to look at him, some negative trait or other was written on her face. Minerva hated him.
"Where are you going?" he whispered softly. Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle his eyes gleamed under the sunlight.
"I can't do this," she shook her head violently; "we're running around without our heads. I can't." Minerva attempted to pull herself away from him. His grip was too strong. He wasn't about to let her leave, she knew it just from his facial expression.
"Can't do what? You agreed to meet me today."
"Albus!" she spoke a wee bit louder than she had anticipated. "I should not be working with you. It isn't right."
"In what way is it not right?" he whispered back harshly.
"There is too much of a history! We happened and I just couldn't stand it if it were to happen again. This just isn't an option."
He looked at her confused for quite a few seconds and then he did quite the unthinkable. He pulled her close and kissed her. She wanted to pull away. She wanted to keep her bearings. But she wanted him to kiss her.
For the following seconds, her thoughts swirled in every possible direction. Hate him. Kiss. Slap him. Love. Hate. Kiss. Slap. Affliction. Hate. Love. Hate. Kiss. And then it was over. Her eyes were initially closed; she didn't want to see what had just happened. But then he slid his finger underneath her chin and she had to look him in the eyes. Only he could make her feel so silly, only his eyes.
She didn't dare let herself speak. She knew what would fly out of her mouth. Minerva would confess, say thousands of impractical things that she never had considered telling him for years. She had always said strange things in the presence of him; juvenile, dramatic, emotional things.
"Why did you do it?" he whispered softly.
She blinked. "I beg your pardon?"
"This. Why did you agree to work for me? Why did you kiss me back? Why did you fall in love?"
Speechless. Minerva stared at him, suddenly becoming a mute. She had no answers for him. She did not know the reason for anything. The woman knew absolutely nothing.
Albus shook his head slowly. "Alright, one question and then you don't have to face this fear you apparently have. Why did you not write back, Minerva? I waited for you."
She peered at him closely. He couldn't possibly be talking about what she had thought of. He could not be referring to the letters that she never received. He was not talking about him waiting for her. What a thought that was! Minerva stepped back, away from him. He continued to grasp her wrists firmly so there would be no escape.
"What are you talking about, Albus?" she blinked.
"I wrote to you every day for over half of the summer ten years ago. I was inquiring as to why I did not get a reply from you."
Minerva didn't take her eyes off of him. She couldn't. God, she wanted to. The woman wanted to run away and never look back. Instead she stared.
He was lying. He always lied to her. There was not a day that he did not feed her some new fictitious truth. The man enjoyed seeing her break. He liked to look upon her face and to see pain. It made him feel good when he saw her hurt only because he had no one else who would go along with him so easily. He was lying…lying…lying.
She swallowed. It was her promise onto herself to always stay strong. No man, even if it was him, was able to bring her down again, to let her show the weak creature that she really was. Minerva would not fall for it. He could only break her once. Twice would be redundant and most certainly would do her in. So she swore to herself…she swore his lies would not get to her again.
The woman spoke to him boldly with her head held up high. "You did no such thing."
"Yes I did. You sent me one back and I am assuming that you burned the lot of them. Or have you forgotten already? Just tell me why and then we both can pretend it never happened…like you wanted to."
"No," she said simply. She had never imagined him to make up such a story. Of all the nerve! Why would she not reply to him? Once, long ago, Minerva loved him. She would have written her heart and soul back. He was lying and she was not about to stand it. Things needed to be known for her to be free. "I did not receive one letter from you, so don't feed me that hot water. You left me alone."
He stared at her closely for a fair few seconds. Why, Minerva could not understand. That story should be quite old to him. He knew the truth. He knew that he stood her up; he knew that he broke her. His face grew slightly gentle and his lips relaxed a little. "I wrote you, Minerva."
The woman shook her head. She wasn't about to believe it. Once fallen she had been, twice fallen was not to come by any means. "Please don't lie to me," Minerva said softly.
"I'm not," he shook his head. "I wrote you. There were over fifty letters that I sent. Fifty!" He tugged at her wrists forcefully, not losing eye contact. Then he grew soft again, his eyes starting to look glazy. "I have the only one you sent back in my quarters."
"I refuse to believe you," she whispered. "You ruined my life. I won't let you ruin it again."
"I never stopped loving you," he said gently, "never. Why would I ruin the life of someone that I love?"
That was it. Those were the words. They were the reason in some mystical way why she had come in the first place. They were the reason that she decided to leave. It all swirled down quickly into one awful reality made up of a magical web. And she was suddenly a woman with a man, nothing more, nothing less.
"If you loved me, then why did it take an accidental meeting for you to speak to me? It's been ten years, Albus," her stomach turned dreadfully at the use of his name, "ten years." Minerva had gone from very strong to very fragile in a manner of seconds. She felt as if she were pleading with him, begging for him to stop…yet she was asking him for so much at the same time.
"You fell in love with someone else," he shrugged. "I thought…I thought I was out of the picture. I wanted to see you. I wanted to."
She blinked. "And who, pray tell, did I fall in love with?"
"Madelyn's father, whoever he may be."
Her breath caught the way a sharp edge catches on cotton; quickly, secondly, damage done. She could not make herself inhale one more tidbit of oxygen. It was her fault. It was all her fault. If she would have told him…just wrote him a simple letter…then maybe they would have had a chance. Maybe she could still love him the way she once did.
She stared up at him. His eyes looked as glossy as hers must have for she felt a tiniest bit of salt water falling down her face. His face looked just as despaired as only hers must have. He stood erect, however. She was close to falling down in the agony of realization. It was her fault.
Her voice cracked, "I never received a letter."
"I wrote. Even when I didn't get a reply, I kept writing. I wouldn't let you go."
Minerva's throat was constricted with the need to cry out. Her vision was blurry from the tears that had begun to form. And her face was sad because she was losing a battle she had tried so hard to fight in. She believed him.
"Albus," she shook her head as water leaked down her face. "Why? You could have come. You could have seen me and everything would have been...so wonderful."
He came up to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She buried her face into his chest, smelling that long since forgotten scent that was the love of her life. She knew that the second she looked up, there would be tear stains on his robes; tears over him. But then she could stare into his eyes and be happy again. Minerva could be happy with him.
"Shhh," he whispered softly to her. "I'm here." He rocked her softly, just back and forth, back and forth until her tears subsided. Even then, they continued to move in the broad daylight. She looked up at him. He was smiling.
"Are you alright?" he asked gently.
"Yes," she whispered and inhaled deeply. It was the first time in a long time she was really able to breathe. She had been living for a very long time, but one must truly be at peace in order to live as if it were going to be the last breath. That was how Minerva felt. She could have died in his arms, only because she had finally exhaled what she knew.
"This does put us in an awkward position, my dear."
Minerva looked up at him. It had been years since she had been referred to as 'my dear' by anyone. "And what might that be?" she questioned.
"I believe you were about to decline your position here when I came to you. You said something about there being too much history between us?"
She shook her head with a smile. "No, I want to stay and find out what happened ten years ago. And…well…" she shrugged, "perhaps we can start over as friends?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Friends?"
"To start," she whispered, "There's too much time that's passed to just pick up where we left off."
He nodded. "Friends it is. Do you want the letter?"
Minerva looked at him closely and then shook her head. "Perhaps someday; for now I just want to know what happened."
Albus bobbed his head. "You didn't receive any of them?"
"No," she shook her head, "and you wrote them?"
"Yes," he nodded. "I would not lie to you."
The woman blinked as she stared at him. He wouldn't lie…he never would lie to her. He had loved her for as long as she had loved him. When she had dreamed of his lips, he fantasized about hers. When she cried over him, he cried because he knew they could not be together. When she looked at Maddy, she thought of Albus. Minerva's mind darted to one and only one thought; she had always lied to him.
She swallowed, skipping her thought for later. "Shall we get this meeting started, then?"
"Of course," he grinned. "To your new office, then we can be ready for the start of term."
Slowly she nodded her head. "Yes…the start of term…in your old office."
When they got there, she was amazed at how much it did not change. Minerva could still smell that same old book smell, see the same old tables, and almost even hear the same old silence. It was so familiar, that it was almost eerie. She could have walked across the room blind and still make it safely to the front of the room. The woman looked beside at her towards the man who was unmistakably staring at her.
"This is yours now," he said softly. "What you've always wanted."
Minerva swallowed. There was that hint in his voice that made her stomach churn. It was kindness. He was so incredibly wonderful to her and she could do nothing but deny him. She had to say no.
By this point in time, she had plenty of time to consider. The woman knew exactly what was to come, what she had promised him in one way or another. She also had decided that it was perpetually out of the question. Minerva had lied to him. Couples do not lie. And there was no turning back. When she told him the truth, told him that he had a child, then there would be a squabble and he would resolve to hate her for her naïve mistake. The girl that she was had a fear deep inside; that he loved her but let her leave nonetheless. Minerva did not want to leave him. But neither did she want to put herself in the horrible situation where he learned the truth. She needed to deny it all.
"It's the same as it always was," she whispered, "You didn't change a thing."
"I prefer to keep things in repetition, therefore nothing would be changed, would it, Miss McGonagall?"
She stared at him. By all means, it was her name; she was Miss McGonagall, but there was that horrid implication that it made. It stated quite simply that she was alone. And the only man that had ever caught her eye was the one saying it.
"I suppose not," she whispered.
Infront of her, several meters up, there stood a desk. It was a familiar piece of furniture to her and Albus both. Not too long ago to remember, they had been quite comfortable on it. She couldn't count the times she had sat on it with her lips locked with his. She could not put a number to the amount of times she whispered his name atop it. And Minerva was not able to get the images out of her head.
She saw herself with him, kissing his lips. His hands glided across her back, neck, chest while she moaned in pleasure. Minerva saw herself smiling as she teased his wanting mouth by moving away. The woman could see his frustration as he thrust his face towards hers. She, above all, could hear the pound of her heart. He was the only man who ever made her heart speed; it was quite a common occurrence, no matter what state the two were in.
"What are you thinking about?" his voice came slowly in a low manner.
Minerva blinked, trying to beat out the image. Instead of seeing them together, she stared at him. He was handsome still; very much so. His hair was longer, not too long of course, but it had certainly gained some length. Albus had the slightest bit of fuzz growing on his chin to match the redness of his hair. And his eyes…they were so incredibly blue. How could anyone not get lost in them?
She spoke with a dazed tint to her words, "Everything."
Albus went to one of the tables and sat himself on it. He stared right back at her with fragility on his face. "I don't understand it. How could you have not…gotten my letters?"
The woman shrugged. To be honest, she did not really know. There was not a hint of anything that she could think of. No one out there could possibly have denied them being together. The two of them were perfect for each other.
Minerva blinked quickly, attempting to rid herself of the thought. They were perfect for eachother. Now, they were just trying to put back the pieces and be done with it.
"I don't know who would have done such a thing as not let us keep in contact. Everyone who I was familiar with knew that we had an attachment."
"Attachment?" he questioned her wording.
No, she was perfectly right in the way she phrased it. All it may have been was an attachment. That's all they ever were. Both of them were attached to the other, like the way an apple is latched onto a tree.
"Yes, an attachment."
Albus shook his head sadly. "Really now, I think it was a bit more than that. We were in love; head over heels in love; runaway and get married in love."
Minerva stepped away from him, not taking her eyes from his face. Anger, sadness, and surprise seemed to come out all at once in her mind. She hated him for saying that; things would have been so different if he had said it years before. She was saddened by him that he did not ever ask. If he had asked her to marry him, then she would have done it. And the woman was surprised. It had never occurred to her that he would ever take the plunge with a girl less than half his age. God, she had wanted it back then, but she had never truly considered the magnitude of such a thing.
"A good thing you didn't," she whispered, "I think I would have died of happiness. Then where would we be?"
He blinked. "You've changed."
She was taken aback for a second. The only reason she had ever been changed was because of him. It was him. Him. Him. Him. "In what way have I changed, Albus?"
"You're more…temperamental."
"Am I?" she questioned. She knew it to be a fact that she had always been very high-strung, but the ordeal that she went through had made it worse when she allowed it. Most of the time she built herself up and kept it hidden; on occasion it would bring out the weakest part of her. Minerva would much rather be strong than weak.
"You were so different outside. You smiled and gave in. When we came in here, you sort of…grew rigid."
She nodded slowly. "There is a time and a place for everything."
Albus sighed and shook his head. "And why is it that the change has occurred? What might be your reasoning?"
Minerva looked back at the desk, then at Albus. "This is where it started."
He seemed to follow her gaze and stared at the desk before turning to stare her straight in the eye. His blues stared at her greens. "Does this hurt as bad for you as it does for me?"
The woman continued to gawk at him. Madelyn had his ears…and his humor…and his ability to be quite blunt. She was able to connect the pieces of the puzzle so easily it should have condemned her. It was so simple. Without ever before meeting her father, Maddy was already so much like him that it was unbelievable.
She nodded. "Yes. It hurts…more than you know." The woman took a second to reflect on the room and Albus before suggesting the end to the conversation. "Shall we decide on the details for the school term?"
He stared at her for a fair few seconds but then nodded after obvious consideration. "Yes, let's get the must-dos out of the way."
Albus watched her leave the school grounds and eventually disapparate from the edge of the forest. His reddened eyes were on her the entire time.
She had become rigid. The woman walked as if she had a board nailed to the backside. And she talked as if he were nothing more than her old professor, also current employer. He did not believe it would be like the other conversations, not once he had kissed her. It was his belief that a kiss had always meant something to any woman; apparently not to one Minerva McGonagall.
The woman had claimed that their meeting hurt. Albus truly believed her on that note; he could see it in her eyes and with the way she looked around the room. But she did not act it. Minerva…sweet, beautiful, happy Minerva had acted cruel. The beauty was not cruel in the whip and blade sort of way, but rather something more hurtful than that. She had become aloof.
He was a stranger in her eyes; in her engaging green eyes, he was the common man walking past her on a daily basis. He could look upon her from afar, but she would never actually see him. He could hand her the sickle that she dropped with a smile, but by the next day, he would be just another man. Or…he could be the old love that she chose to blend with, once upon a time. A woman like Minerva, perhaps, was just the forgive-and-forget type.
Albus shook his head sadly. She did not hurt nearly as bad as he did. He longed for release, to find out what had happened, or what could have happened. There was so much that needed to be explained and he did not know where to start from.
The man began to tap his foot on the cold stone floor. What could have possibly happened to the letter? Had he mailed all fifty love notes to the wrong address? Could it have been some horrible fluke? No, that was all wrong. He used the correct house number and besides that, the owl he had used was very dependable. Therefore, the fault could not possibly lie with him.
Then there were two options left. One, someone had intercepted the letters; two, she had received the notes, but not replied. He truly could not seem to believe either circumstance. The later of the two was utterly unbelievable, only because he had seen the look in her eyes when he told her. A lot could be told by the eyes, when they dilate to the size they had on Minerva's, it often comes from real shock. And the first…where someone intercepted the letters, that concept was nearly laughable. Who could possibly not want them together? There was only one answer and yet again…it seemed so far fetched, it was hardly worth noting. Her parents could have possibly stopped her from getting the letters. He rolled his eyes. Minerva's parents wanted her to succeed, always; marriage was not any form of defeat.
Albus dropped his head slowly to where there was no pressure taking place on his neck and looked through the window towards the Hogwarts grounds. He had once looked at the green lawn in hopes of getting a glimpse of a certain student. Contradictory to what she had ever told him, he knew she had often gone there for the sheer purpose of being within view of him. They liked to stare when they could back then. For those last few months, staring was all that could possibly be allowed.
And then what a thought staring was! He liked to gawk at Minerva; he did it for the better part of the meeting. The man had looked over her features and reactions to what he said in their short time together. He had to admit, there was one very interesting reaction that he needed to consider before devising a plan to get the woman back into his arms. She had been taken aback when he mentioned marriage. Oh, Albus hadn't said it word for word, but she most certainly got the message. Minerva knew that he would have done it too…if he had been given the chance, he would have proposed. But there was no need to beat himself up about what may have happened, so he considered what crossed her face when he had mentioned the concept of being bound eternally to one another.
She had stared at him closely; a little too close for such a short period of time. Her green eyes had been locked with his for a long time. He could have almost counted in his head, one gillywater, two gillywater, three gillywater, and so on until he reached probably near seven or eight. It took her far too long to reply; it was such a simple statement yet it obviously had quite a lot of impact upon her.
He wondered diligently about Minerva. What was she playing at? The woman had kissed him and it most certainly did not lack passion. "Passion? " He questioned himself. The man nodded his head. Passion was most definitely the right word. Their short lived kiss did not lack passion. And then it all left and she was stone cold. Why the change?
He shook his head sadly. Minerva was multidimensional and he had allowed himself to forget that fact. Too many years of fantasizing had caused him to deify the woman more than he should have. He had forgotten that she was just as human as anyone else. Minerva had emotions and flaws that could come to play at any possible time. She was capable of being angry, sad, or happy quite possibly all three within the same minute. Or the woman could constantly be in denial. Or perhaps…perhaps she could be happy with him some day.
She had alluded towards it when they were alone outside, after the breathtaking kiss. Minerva had most certainly hinted at a relationship sometime in the future. She had said they would be friends for the moment. That said so much to him. If all was true, then she felt something towards him, perhaps something as strong as he did; something worth trying again for. Minerva had promised to him that there would be some attempt at putting the puzzle of their lives together again. She had not quite said it word-for-word, but it was crystal clear to him that she, in that moment, had meant that there would be a future in one way or another.
But what was a moment? Just a time where one quick thought appeals to someone and then leaves? It seemed that Minerva was a 'momentary' person. One second she was hopeful, happy, and just as in love as he was. Then in the next glance she was pained, sad, and distant. But he could live with all of the bad emotions if he could dig deep enough to keep the happy, loving woman that he knew was there, long enough to get at her. He could hit a nerve; remind her until she gave in. Albus could see it in that beautiful woman's eyes that she still felt love for him, even if it was the tiniest fragment. He could find the spot and keep digging until she became what she had been as a teenager; a lover.
She loved him and he loved her no matter how much either one tried to deny it. There was just one problem that stood in the way besides Minerva's ability to change moods so quickly; what had happened a decade ago?
He shook his head violently. She did not receive the letters, did not deny him back then. Nor did he deny her in any way, shape, or form. Then what could have possibly happened? Something was utterly wrong in the gigantic puzzle that was his life; too many of the pieces were missing.
Minerva reappeared in front of her parent's home but chose not to knock on the door quite at that moment. Instead, she walked away from the house and onto the long grass where she fell to the ground to rest her throbbing head with its swollen eyes. Onto the horizon she stared bleary eyed. It was still bright outside as only it could be at four o'clock in the afternoon.
The woman sighed. Oh how she wished it could be evening! Then no one would be able to see that she had been crying. Not a soul out there would realize that she had been shedding tears over a very lost love if it were night. But alas, it was still in the middle of the day. And she was caught in purgatory. She could not go one way because people would see her sadness. And Minerva most certainly could not go the other way; too much might be left behind if she went back to him. What a cruel life it was!
She inhaled slowly. It had happened all too quickly, and then it took so incredibly long to come that she was still waiting. He kissed her. Albus Dumbledore had kissed the way that he used to; uncaring to the world and so endearing to her. How could she say no to him in those few seconds? He had swept her off of her feet the way he always had done.
But then the reason came in an atomic blast. She needed to say no. He may feel the same way as she did, he may even be able to forgive and forget about whatever happened years before, but he would not exonerate her for keeping important knowledge from him. They had a daughter. It no longer was just Minerva's child as she had always thought, but Maddy came from the both of them. Their love…their carelessness brought a little girl into the world and he did not know.
The woman swallowed. She couldn't inflict that sort of pain on him, not after what she found out in their meeting. Minerva could not hurt him by breaking his heart. And if by some cosmic chance she did go against her better judgment and agree to rekindle whatever was in their systems, someone's heart would most definitely be broken.
This time, there was more to think about than just her in a number of ways. There was of course, Albus to whom she had always loved, but now, the only time there was a choice, she needed to say no. Then there was Madelyn to whom she would always love no matter the outcome, but was irrevocably in the middle of the horrible crisis that was her life. Whatever Minerva chose, Maddy would be affected by it. If it was her decision to fall in love with Albus Dumbledore, then Madelyn may be subjected to far more than she already had been. If she chose to work at Hogwarts, then that meant her daughter went with her to a new home and new surroundings. If Minerva chose to keep the same secret from Maddy that she had kept from Albus, then she would not know the man that is her father was within stairs of her.
Minerva blinked and wiped away the thin residue that was left from crying before sitting up and looking at the old house. It was really a pretty home. The modest combination of brick, white, and forest green seemed to make it look so charming. But it was not like that inside; it was cold in there most of the time.
The woman gathered up her courage and began walking towards the door. When she knocked this time, Maddy was the one to answer the door with a huge grin. "Mum! I thought you would never get here!"
She couldn't help but smile back down. What a sweet thing her daughter was! "My meeting is all finished, if you want to go home."
Madelyn glanced inside the home and then back at her mother. "Okay, but Grammy wanted to talk to you about something; I think it's about Mr. Albus."
The woman's stomach churned for the worse. But she nodded none the less and walked inside her childhood home. It was dark inside, despite the fact that it was so bright outside the house. She had never really decided if the darkness was to blame merely on her parents, or the home which always seemed to come off quite dreary. Both sides of the teeter-tot thrived in night rather than day.
Minerva looked to her daughter. "Where is she?"
"I think in the sitting room."
She nodded. "Can you wait here?"
Madelyn nodded slowly, her eyes seemed to show the tiniest bit of a spark. Minerva rolled her own eyes; she knew that look. Maddy had that face in her possession since she was two. It meant quite simply "No, but you don't need to know that." But the woman didn't seem to care this time. If Madelyn was out of sight, there couldn't be any harm done.
So she made her way to the sitting room where her mother was waiting, sure enough, knitting a sock or something of that nature. She glanced up, put her yarns down to the floor, and gave her a death stare. "So, Albus Dumbledore?"
Minerva nodded. "Yes, Albus Dumbledore. What about him?" The woman stood erect with her head up. She may have made a mistake in her mother's eyes, but she most certainly would keep her dignity while getting a mental beating.
"You'll be working under him. Minerva, dear, you are aware of the mistake that you are making, are you not? I know quite well that you are as stubborn as your father, but you ought to stop and think before you rush off to do something that will affect you and Madelyn."
She blinked. "It's too late. I've already signed. I'm working at Hogwarts."
The woman opposite of Minerva bobbed her head slowly, comprehending. "I love you. Don't get in over your head again. Can you promise me that?"
She nodded. "I won't go and do anything rash. It's what I've always wanted to do," she shrugged, "I can't turn down a teaching position. Just because Albus is there doesn't mean that I will turn into what I was as a teenager." What was she saying? Minerva had already begun to lie. It didn't take long at all for her to mentally be back in her seventh year with him when he had kissed her. How many other times will there be that she is sucked back in time? Mentally, she slapped herself; the answer was none, her will was strong enough.
"You know, I am quite glad that you've gotten over that age. You're much better off without all of those romantic ideas floating around in your head."
Minerva nodded and a very distant thought floated into the abyss of her mind. It really should have been in the front, but there were other things that had pushed it aside. Letters; there was an unsolved mystery about the letters. The only thing that had caused her to even think about it was the phrase romantic. If it were true, what he said, and he did owl her some notes, they would have been about love…he had loved her.
A snake slithered in an out of her stomach, hitting each and every knot slowly. Did she really believe that? Did Minerva honestly believe that he had loved her? She swallowed. Whatever the answer was…it didn't matter. So the woman looked at her mother. "You never received any letter from him before Maddy was born, did you?"
"No," she said simply, quickly and then she went back down to grab her knitting. "And that is why the man is arsenic."
Minerva nodded her head, feeling another painful jolt in her stomach. Her mother had yet again punched all the air out of her. Albus was not poison. He was kind when he wanted to be and…and forgiving. Calling him poison was the wrong analogy. But she was not about to say that aloud. "Thank you, mother for your insight. And thank you for watching Maddy for me. I won't be able to get in contact with you for a while. I'll floo in when I can."
Her mother nodded. "Very well. And you're welcome. Madelyn just loves coming here. She enjoys playing outside with all of the insects."
"I'm sure she does," Minerva smiled. She glanced over her shoulder to see her daughter standing by the threshold looking meek as ever. Immediately, the woman frowned and reached out her hand for Maddy to take. She walked up slowly and grasped her hand.
"Did you thank Grammy yet, Madelyn?"
"Thank you for letting me come," she said.
"You're quite welcome dear," the eldest woman replied. "We love having you here."
Madelyn clenched her mother's hand tighter. Minerva continued to frown. "Goodbye mother."
"Goodbye."
And so, Minerva and Madelyn left the old house. However, she did not make a point to leave the estate. She led her daughter out towards the tall grass where she had originally gone before entering the house. No one would see them there; the curtains in the home were all completely shut. Besides that, it was a comfortable sit and talk spot.
Minerva glanced at Maddy. "Is there something wrong?"
"Grammy made me go outside because I broke some of Pompom's books."
The woman stared at her bewildered. "What did you do?"
She shrugged. "Grandma has a pensieve up at the top of Pompom's book shelf and I wanted to see what was in it. I…I…" and she shook her head, obviously afraid of whatever Minerva would say in response.
"What did you do?"
"I just wanted to climb up and get it." A tear came down the child's face as her voice cracked. Minerva's heart grew softer. Madelyn was still a child in many ways, but she did not cry often. She could be as strong as Minerva attempted to be if she wanted to.
"What happened?" she whispered softly as she pulled her daughter to her breast.
"I just wished for all the books to be gone. Then they all flew off and some broke. I didn't mean to, Mommy."
Minerva hugged her tightly and stared down at her daughter who cried onto her. It was a burden to the both of them; the talent she seemed to have already with magic. Madelyn could do anything without a wand if she thought about it hard enough; she'd attempted plenty of things plenty of times. There were hundreds of shattered china, several accounts of unintentionally broken dolls, and now ruined books. What was she to do with such a daughter?
It was no secret to anyone in the family where Madelyn received the power she had. She was the daughter of two of the most intentionally prominent people of the wizarding world. It was only natural that she received unnaturally powerful magic.
She rocked Maddy slowly and kissed her on the forehead after nearly twenty minutes of silence. "I think it's time to go. We need to start packing; Hogwarts is in a week."
Maddy nodded. "Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Grammy doesn't like Mr. Albus, does she?"
She thought for a second and then replied. "No, she doesn't."
"Why not? He was nice."
Minerva swallowed. That answer would be far more difficult to give than it was to ask about it. There was only so much that the girl ought to be able to learn…at least at one time. She decided to give her daughter the simple version first and then expand on it as the year went on. "Things happened a long time ago that she doesn't approve of. She thinks that he is a bad person because of something that happened with me and him."
The girl looked at her mother closely in the eyes, looking at her in such an honest manner. "Do you think he's bad?"
She blinked. Minerva could have told her 'yes' without a doubt a month ago. The woman could have almost even smiled at her decision back then. Now, she had changed her mind. She knew two things that made her decision positive for a definite; he gave her a job and he seemed to care for her…if not love her still.
"No. Albus is one of the best men you will ever meet."
grins. Well, there it is everyone! So much information, your brains should be bursting like mine! ) I really hope you enjoyed it.
Please review if you've gotten this far. It would make me soooo happy!