"Trudging through the Ashes"
In Loving Memory of Kinomoto Sakura
We Will Never Forget You
"We will never forget" The pale engraved words rang through infinite worlds as they all met in the same meaning, the same inevitable meaning. The one result he had been dreading the one result that tormented his soul, his entire being, all of his hope of finding her, all his wishes to be alongside her again, all the finalities of his destiny, engraved in rock and smeared in the mud.
I never wanted for you to know
Her voice, the voice that resonated through his dreams and his reality was somewhat assuring, though the last thing he wanted was reassurance, he would not face the truth he would not tell himself that Sakura, his rival, his friend, his very meaning was gone.
"Li-kun!" The panting voice drifted over the park grounds, carried by a light wind that caused the cherry blossoms to glisten, shimmering in the afternoon sunlight. He looked over his shoulder to see her thoroughly exhausted, her black straightened hair looked messy and her gentle pale face showed signs of stress.
"So now you know" Her voice holding masses of sympathy
"Yeah" his voice monotone, his expression completely neutral.
'I'm…sorry it had to be this way" Her eyes drooping downwards at the ground in apologies.
They stood there like that, leaves falling in bright circles of yellow and brown, their golden specks and auburn flurries falling gently onto his skin, and stabbing his heart leaving it to bleed with unshed tears.
"It was the same thing her mother had" She said calmly breaking the silence with her voice shaking as the thought of it all made the defenses she built crumbled into dust and flew away amongst the flying petals. "She didn't tell anyone about it" Slowly she began to weep for her fallen friend.
It was the same thing her mother had
The color of the leaves began to contrast leaving them grey with white specs dotted over them that spread like wildfire through the leaves and the tress, the pain in his chest swimming towards his head causing a cry of pain that would not have enough courage to escape his throat, and the clouds darkened beginning to rain, their drops adding touches of color to the leaves, returning them to their green precedent when suddenly he realized where he was.
The car sped through the streets at an absurdly agile speed, it's tires cutting through reservoirs of rain water left on the ground and shocking them to rise to his window, houses and trees blurred past them until there was no way to depict whether or not they ever existed.
The weight in his arms shifted, letting out a painfully weak cry.
And there she was lying in his arms, being held closely to his chest as to reassure her heartbeat would not betray her, although there would be little he could do if that were the case.
She continued to sob in pain, the pink blanket around her beginning to darken with blotches of dark red that flowed like a bottomless fountain from her mouth. Another splash of water rose to the window and its shadows dotted her tender face with dark impressions so unbefitting to her. She seemed so small and fragile in his arms, only shrinking as the sheets continued to darken and he cursed the color that endangered his hold on her life. He was afraid, never before had he been so deathly afraid of anything in his life. The small flower in his arms only shrinking and becoming paler and he did not want to see her shrink until there was nothing left of her.
They rushed her inside the white stale building, with teams of machines he could make no sense of and in that moment he so wished that it was him in that stretcher instead of her, he wished that he would be the one to have those final prayers but instead he stood there giving them instead of receiving.
It was the middle of the night when the doctors managed to stem the blood loss. And through the window he looked onto her body and never before had he wished he'd helped more and never before had he hated the feeling of death lingering in the air with the stale odor of sterilized upholstery.
"She'll only make it through the next two days on constant anesthetics and drugs" The tall man dressed in a long white uniform explained "She would only make it through the next few hours without them" There was a long pause in his dreaded words that echoed through the hallway and in the corner of his eye he could see her brother and father breaking down. The man sighed and continued "she's requested to be taken off medication and says she has a few last things she wanted to say"
Li Syaoran's world turned red as his words faded away into silence, and he wanted to tell him to get back into that room and try doing something right for once. But he could not find the words or the energy to speak instead tightly squeezing his hand around the tiny object in his pocket, smoothing his thumb over its surface.
The sun would rise in a matter of hours, but for now he waited in the dimly lit hallway as he watched her family and friends take their respective turns in the room with her. He stared at the messy carpeting that laid between the soft walls and he waited there both anxious for his turn to see her and dreading it.
He looked towards the calendar that hung neatly next to the chair, August 2 it read, he was supposed to meet her in the park tomorrow and they'd spend their weekend together without a worry in the world. Under the moonlit stars he intended to show her how much he truly cared for her.
"Li" The tall man he recognized to be the eldest Kinomoto spoke "it's time"
Slowly he stood and walked towards the door, its lever scratched by usage over the many years and he placed pressure onto the handle and squeezed his left fist so that the fine details embedded themselves in his hand.
He made his way into the room and could see the sun peering over the horizon giving promise to a new day; sadly he thought one she would not see to its end.
She laid there amidst white sheets, all white her small body barely making an impression amidst it's sheets and it seemed like the white went on forever, no walls, no floors no tangible objects, just white. But as far as he wished the white would continue it didn't, all of the slight curves and crevices in the immense sea of light led to the dark blotches that stained it's origin with a red haze.
Her eyes shone with a weary fatigue that disillusioned him to think that they still had plenty of life in their emerald green depths. She motioned for him to approach closer, and when he did he felt himself pulled towards in a tight emotionally painful embrace. All he could see was white with red spattered blotches that decorated her sheets and he could smell cherry blossoms and pillow fatigue and amongst the pain he could feel the magic in the air beginning to intensify.
"I'm sorry...I can't…I just can't…hold on" she spoke into his ear feeling her breath tingle past his senses and the vibrating waves beginning to take shape.
"Please don't" He spoke and for the first time since he was a young child standing by his father's side as he begun to slip from his hold, he begun to cry.
"I just can't go on without you...please stay" he pleaded, hoping his pleas alone could stop her from departing.
"I know, but please"
The pink waves intensified and stood stabilized in the air waiting for the command.
"Please forget about me"
"Please…just"
"forget"
The electrical energies began swirling around him when he finally realized what was happening.
"No! Sakura!"
And his world faded to black, and he collapsed on her side. Still putting up a valiant effort she mustered her last ounce of strength and leaned forward to his ear.
"I love you"
And their last drop of strength left them both, lying together amongst the screeching machinery the first rays of sunlight invaded the room and shone down upon them both…
…reflecting the tiny diamond ring that fell from his clutch and plummeted towards the darkness.