Disclaimer: I do not own Star wars, or any of its game affiliates, its all copyright Lucas Arts, and so "Oh well!" Its fic time!
Okays, well, here's my first go ever at a Star Wars fic, usually I try to stay away from these BUT I enjoyed KOTOR II so much and all the fics on swirling around it that I just had to write one. I hope everyone likes! Yes this will be an Exile story, but don't let the title fool you it'll be broader range, and takes place sometime after Kotor II. The Exile knows he must eventually leave to follow Revan once again to War past the Outer Rim…but first the Jedi order must return to the Galaxy and the Exile must once again become what he once was: a true Jedi. I hope you enjoy1 (and yes the Force is very philosophical so here's my approach to it in this fic)
Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: Tales of an Exile
"The Force lives in us all, indeed, it is the spark of life and brings one into the world…and the call to return to it when the time comes for that same life. This indeed is the Living Force: Life and Death."
Jedi teachings, Library of Ossus
A fountain flow, the water streaming off its mouth, much like the Force flows from a Jedi, streaming, or flowing, rippling or outright crashing against, this is the Force, and it is wonderful. To hold that power, the power of the Force, within oneself, is to hold the galaxy and everyone in it in ones hand. Life, Death, hopes, dreams, they are all part of the Force, and in turn, the Force is part of them. That is why Dacen Kai, a Jedi without the Force is not empty, hollow, dead. In truth a Jedi is NEVER without the Force. For even with one facing the Death of the Force there is life, you are proof of this. You live and breathe, you bleed and feel pain, and you EXIST. You are not the nothingness that one such as Nihulus was. You are still a part of the Force, never forget, you ARE the Force, dead or alive. Dead is such a trivial thing to call one who cannot feel the Force the same way many Jedi do, and your Masters were fools to believe such things, you are something greater than they could ever be. You have learned to live as they could not, without the Force, and still even as it returned to you, you bore its wound, its pain, a truly magnificent man among fools one who can look beyond the silence and hear what others cannot. Never forget Dacen, the Force will always be with you, in one form or another. This is all I can teach you, my final lesson to you, Dacen Kai.
Dacen Kai's eyes slowly opened as his mind found his way back through the events that seemed now only distant memories. Nearly a year had passed since Kreia and he had met in the heart of Malachor Five and cast aside all roles as Master and Apprentice. They were just that, two people who shared a common Bond, the Force felt dead to them and they to the Force. Yet, as Kreia reminded him before she was redeemed and became one with the very Force she felt had betrayed her, the Force lives on even if it may seem "dead" to others who are sensitive to its flows. Although death was part of the natural order of things, the Force worked in strange ways; this he knew, and where there was death, there was also life. The Force was just that: the Force; Life, and it could never truly die. Silenced perhaps, and possibly for a long time if the great wound of tragedy and death that caused such occurrences was deep enough like it was at Malachor, but it was still there, faint, quiet. One just had to listen. It had taken him nearly five years of Exile to finally realize that, and he had become a better Jedi for it.
Running a hand through his straight (yet somewhat unruly, he had to admit) brown hair he sighed and stood up form his kneeling position. He had always enjoyed meditating here, at the Room of a Thousand Fountains, at the Jedi Temple, even before he and his Master had gone to Dantooine to continue his training. It had been so long ago, yet, even now he always found himself at peace as the fountains cascaded down their tracks, their waters echoing in the room and causing a sense of peace and calm to come over even the slightest of Force Sensitive. It was ironic perhaps, that they had begun to flow once again when he and his friends returned to Coruscant from Malachor Five on the Ebon Hawk. To one who the Masters had deemed "dead to the Force" this occurrence seemed to say the opposite, the fountains and the Force heralding his return.
Or perhaps, maybe the Force was speaking to him? He didn't know but he was glad to see the Fountains again flowing freely as it meant something deeper to him. Death was not the end, and where there was Death there would always be the Force, even for one who still bore the wound of what he did, and he took comfort in that fact, his mind at peace with what once made him feel dead inside. Now, again the Force flowed through him, and he could feel it, and his mind sang as it did so. His journeys across the Galaxy had brought him closer to the Force than he ever had been before Malachor Five, and he was in some ways thankful for that. Yet, he still regretted every life that was silenced by his hands. He had killed so many to get to Malachor Five and when he reached out to through the Force as he fought to aid him, he could feel it, their deaths ringing through the Force. Killing was not the Jedi way, yet he was unable to avoid it. The Force truly seemed to say that battle would be his life, his call. This seemed to clash with all that he had been taught as a Jedi, that battle was not their way, HIS way, yet he found he could not escape it. His lightsaber had sliced through many enemies, and it would probably silence many more lives before he too became One with the Force.
It was these thoughts that brought Dacen back to his original problem and what had had him seek out the solace of the Room of a Thousand Fountains in the first place: He would again have to fight, to leave everything behind, because it was where the Force willed him to go: beyond the Outer Rim, to Revans side to fight the true Sith of the Galaxy, the true darkness behind the teachings of Korriban and the Trayus Academy. Kreia had said he must go and forsake all, but there was work to do and he knew it. He truly was now, one of the last Jedi Master alive, the Council having been felled by Kreia when they tried to separate him from the Force in an attempt to silence him forever, their judgment upon him that he was too dangerous to live with the Force and that he was better off once again in exile. He had not fought their decision, accepting in their guidance and wisdom, perhaps then he would have gotten some peace and be able to escape war and death. But it was not to happen, and they died, their lives ripped from them by a woman who revealed she was the very same person they were fighting so hard to stop. She wanted him to show the Jedi that one could live as he did, dead to the Force, yet able to wield it as they could. She wanted them to see what it was like to have the Force die within oneself, yet still be able to exist and live as normal as one who did not carry such a wound. And when they died, he became one of the last Masters left, the others either dead or long turned from the Order. And so such was his dilemma, the Order needed to return to the Republic, but he knew the Force would not let him stay on Coruscant, he had to go. He did not know when, but he knew it would probably be sooner or later.
Pacing Dacen did not see a silent figure glide into the room, its presence masked in the Force. Yet he was too busy to notice, or sense before the quiet female voice cut through the air. "Forgive me Mast…" the voice then hesitated for a second before changing what it was about to say, "Dacen, did...I interrupt your meditation? Your thoughts seemed…disturbed…and so I came to check on you."
Looking up from his pacing Dacen smiled a bit and shook his head waving the female Miraluka that stood before him off, "No, no Visas, you didn't. But…thank you for asking."
Visas Marr, the female Miraluka who had joined them first to bring him before Darth Nihilous and then as a trusted companion, nodded slightly. He could tell she was still somewhat reserved in her mannerisms, and often called him Master. He had told her not to, that he was just Dacen, and that she should call him that. (Despite what formal etiquette about Masters and their Padawans there was, he wasn't your ordinary Jedi.) She had protested stating that he still was her Master, but he had refused, stating that he was a Jedi first and foremost and Jedi did not own people: they trained, not enslaved. Beside the point, he didn't see her as his Padawan; she was a friend, one who had proved herself on the field of battle more than once. Everyone else who had returned to the Temple (excluding his crewmates) gave her a rather wide berth, and the mutters of her being a follower of the Dark Side once, before she turned back to the Light, could still be heard. Distrust was still high even among the newest of Padawans, the memories of the Sith and what they had wrought on the Galaxy still fresh in their minds. He was quick to caution against such hatreds and bigotry, saying that one who could turn from the Dark Side to again walk in the Light was one to be respected not feared, yet his own past was often brought up among Council debates and the subject was usually either quickly changed or dropped.
His chain of thoughts were again broken by Visas' quiet voice, as she said, "dacen, again your thoughts are…disturbed…tell me what troubles you. If not for yourself…but then for me." She then glided over to him and tilted her head up to where they would be eye to eye if she had eyes.
Dacen had to swallow hard, their Bond (next to his with Brianna Kae,) was one of the strongest and he knew lying to her was not only an impossibility, but such tendencies went against the Light and Jedi teachings. One was only to lie if it served the Force, and not ones own goals. And right now, if he lied, he would definitely be serving himself.
Sighing he turned and walked over to the balcony to stare at the Coruscant evening. Then turning around again he looked at her again and said, "I was…just remembering our journey and…some of the things Kreia said." Ok so it was a half-truth, but still it was the truth.
Visas had walked over again and also stared at the skyline. He knew she couldn't see it in its entirety, just the rippling shades of color of the Force that streamed off everyone. Seeing through the Force was something unique, something wonderful and when he had done it for the first time when she taught him he had felt more alive than ever. She then turned to look at him again, and stepped closer to him, "The past is the Past Dacen Kai, and it is just that…does she trouble you so? She…was…our enemy."
He shrugged and tried to step away from her, but she stayed close, her body reacting as quickly as he had stepped away. Closing his eyes he took in a deep breath and said through his small meditation: "there is no passion only peace"as she came closerHe could feel his pulse quicken as he looked at her through the Force, her skin was indeed a beautiful white, and she glowed with the energy of the Light side and it definitely was getting to him. As difficult as it was, he finally managed to say, "Yes, she was but…there is a part of me that does miss her…she was my teacher after all."
"But she was just trying to get you to do what she wanted." She countered
"I know, but…its hard to explain Visas…" he sighed again as he continued to recite the Jedi Code over and over in his head.
"Please tell me Exile, I wish to know, to see what it was you saw in her." she whispered quietly, and Dacen's pulse quickened even more. Knowing what she was asking she was wanting some time to meditate with him, so that they could transmit thought, emotions and feelings to one another through he Force. He had done it once before they had gone to fight Nihilous and the feeling had been indescribable. It was then that she admitted that she loved him, and would follow him anywhere. How in the Force he would never know, but she did have a rather interesting effect on him when they talked. Perhaps it was their Bond, but he couldn't be sure, all he knew is that she did, and there was little he could do to keep it from affecting him aside from reciting the Jedi Code. You may have been an Exile he reminded himself but you are a Jedi again and a example for future Jedi, and Jedi cannot love…we cannot.
He was about to answer when the comm. link he carried with him went off. Just in time he winced slightly, making sure to mask the thoughts from Visas. It was a simple Force technique, yet it was effective, especially on the very Force Sensitive.
"Go ahead." He said quickly as his old friend Atton Rands face showed up on the comm. at the controls of the Hawk.
"Hey Dacen, I'm about to bring the Hawk In for a landing with some new people for training." Atton grinned, then continued, "so you better warm up your pazaak deck it was a tough run this time had a rather well, interesting, run in with the Exchange at the pazaak den and so I had to cut my business at Nar Shadaa a bit…short." He shook his head, "I swear, the next time I almost get shot down again I'm going to quit." He then grinned his lopsided grin again over the link; "still, they couldn't fly like I could, so we'll see you soon. I hope your ready to loose a couple of credits because Im on fire! I'll be landing the Hawk in a few minutes out. Atton out."
"Doesn't he ever think of something else besides pazaak and…other things." Visas spoke up after Dacen put the comm. away. She had commented on Atton's …uniqueness as a Jedi to him more than once, especially for things he did that seemed to be less than Jedi-like. He had always grinned and shrugged and replied with a "Atton will be Atton."
This time was no different as Dacen cracked a smile and grinned at Visas, "can't blame him" his expression then shifted a little bit and feelings of sadness slipped out over the Bond. "I knew people like him during the war…they kept their mind off it by covering it up…forgetting, and well…pazaaks just one pf the vices they use…as well as…the other things you mention." He then grinned again and shrugged, "Don't worry about it Visas, you can't change a Scoundrel…even after they've become a Jedi." He hadn't told any of his companions about Attons past, that part he kept to himself, not wanting Atton to suffer for it.
"Very well Dacen." Visas nodded, replying quietly, she then turned to head down the nearby stairs then looked at Dacen again saying , "I'm…worried about Brianna…she always seems so intense when we spar with our lightsabers, I can see it streaming off her…especially when you are watching is she alright?"
Brianna and Visas, two names that always seemed to have an odd effect on him. She had been until he had trained her, the Last handmaiden, and a woman sworn to a Jedi who turned out to be the new Darth Treya. That name stirred old memories in him of a time long ago before the Mandalorian Wars. Atris had always been an angry individual and wore her emotions on her shoulders even as a member of the Jedi Council, even more so when he left her to go to war. She saw it as personal insult, and let her feelings for him get the best of her. Another instance where love had led another astray to the Dark Side. Yet both Visas and the former Handmaiden had admitted to him that they loved him and would follow wherever he led. And he found he could not escape the fact that he too felt strongly for them both; in ways he knew a good Jedi should not.
Kreia had always said he was a leader, yet the feelings that they had expressed had been so strong and his Bond with them as he spent time with them strengthened it even more. He could see through the Force that Brianna and Visas when they sparred as he taught them in the finer arts of the lightsaber combat arts that they almost competed with each other, their auras and the Force swirling around them in a fast dance of color and energy, as it flowed through them both, energizing them and clashing with the others. They almost became one through the combat they experienced, yet he could see it was clearly evident to him that they indeed abandoned all sense of peace and clam as they sparred, eager to defeat the other.
Shaking his head he said to Visas calmly, "I have noticed Jedi Marr." He said formally then shrugged his shoulders, "perhaps it is because all three of us are bonded to one another, that emotions are heightened and cause us to act…differently." He then sighed and then continued, "you should meditate upon this, and see if you can learn to control such passion and drive. Such learning would one day make you a rather formidable opponent. Just remember Jedi Marr the Jedi Code, though the Masters were somewhat flawed on their concept of the Force, such unchecked passions could lead to the Dark Side."
"Of course Master Kai, I shall mediate upon this in my chambers." She nodded to him then slowly retreated down the steps. Instinctively, yet masking his presence, he reached out with the Force to touch her minds surface, a technique that Kreia had taught him on their adventure. His breathing became deep, and his eyes closed as he let the Force fill him and reach out. Across their Bond he could feel her thoughts now, however there was nothing, just her emotions laid bare. He could feel her thoughts as they crossed his own presence in the Force, as they came streaming in. There was annoyance mixed in with a hint of sadness as again he had kept himself from her and said nothing to her, the unrequited love staying there flowing across the bond freely. He could tell she was having trouble with it, her mind struggling with peace and serenity yet the hurt of being unable to say anything and the feeling of love that seemed not to be felt back. Suddenly the feelings of sadness and hurt disappeared as she slipped into her meditative state as she walked, finding her center. He knew it well, it was a simple technique to clam oneself but sometimes, even he found it difficult to center himself, his own thoughts and memories proving difficult to master. He was Jedi, yet sometimes he felt like no Master.
Letting go of the Force, Dacen opened his eyes and sighed again, before reaching over and picking up his lightsaber where it had been resting during his meditation and his talk with Visas. It was time for some pazaak; he needed a break, and perhaps some Juma Juice as well. He grinned as he thought of Atton agreeing to that knowing all to well he'd probably wind up being the one who would have to pay in the end. Shaking his head, he left the room and the fountains behind him in search of pazaak and the company of a good friend.
However as he walked down the Main Hall of the Temple toward the docking bay, he frowned slightly and stopped. It was slight but it was out there, somewhere in the Force, tremors were mounting and something was stirring…
(End of Chapter One)
(Well hope you like! R&R if ya can: I don't know weather to make this exile/Brianna Handmaiden) or Exile/Visas, so I'll let you readers choose! If you review the fic tell me what you like for pairing between the two and I'll do it! Anyways hope you enjoy and sorry if there's any mistakes (esp. w. the Handmaidens real name, I forget if it was Brianna but ah well! Chp 2 when I can! Toodles! Oh yes, flames will be laughed at, I do enjoy a good laugh too ;P Oh yeah i know JKreia didn;t say that in the game but its my own little thing for part of the story)