DISCLAIMER: Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount and for some reason we must mention this above everything we write.
This is my second fanfic. I should have the next chapter up tomorrow or Saturday. Please R&R, suggestions are welcome. I am a big fan of JC fluff but I like to work in a reasonably decent storyline too... if you're seeking pure outright fluff have a look at my favourites list! ) I know this one is short, but it's late...
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Kathryn couldn't sleep. It was becoming an uncomfortably common occurrence. She sat with one leg folded beneath her and watched the stars stream by as she held her coffee cup to her lips with both hands. At least she could relax in her quarters. She always felt tense and stressed on the bridge. There was no doubt in her mind that she could maintain her stiff façade, but it still didn't make the doing of it any easier. Being Captain wasn't easy at the best of times, but it was positively wearing Kathryn into the ground at the moment. She was finding it increasingly difficult to separate her personal life from her working life. In Voyager's situation, with the crew becoming more and more like a family each day, there was a fine enough line between the two already. Yet it was somehow a Janeway trait to be able to maintain a stiff upper lip, no matter what the position. Captain Janeway and Kathryn were distinctly different and the Captain usually maintained the upper hand when it came to emotions. Even now, in the privacy of her own rooms, the Captain remained firmly in control. Kathryn would always be lost behind the Captain. In fact, she doubted that anyone even knew Kathryn well, except perhaps Chakotay. He was the only one who had ever been able to encourage her to open up and share her feelings since Voyager had become trapped in the Delta Quadrant. But she could not tell him what was troubling her now. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, or even that she didn't want to, but the weight of it was crushing her as it was and she couldn't bear to burden anyone else with concern for her. She sighed. It was all that she could do to keep her own mind off the situation. It is one thing to hide your worries from others, but to hide them from yourself is quite another. She knew however, that the safety of her ship and crew were to be her primary concern. Any personal needs would always be secondary. After two months, however, she knew that she was slowly losing the battle and her carefully maintained Captain's mask was cracking. She chided herself bitterly for the way she had snapped at Lieutenant Paris earlier that day. It would not do to let her personal life affect her crew, however inadvertently.
"Computer. Time."
"0408"
Kathryn sipped the last of her coffee and then headed for a shower. Her next shift started in less than two hours so it was pointless to try and get any more sleep. Coffee was not exactly conducive to sleep in the first place but it was her only indulgence. Perhaps a walk in the airponics bay would help to revive her a little. Also, the Doctor had recommended that she rest up and she loved to disobey his advice...
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Kathryn breathed deeply as she walked. It felt good to be moving around again. She was limping slightly but refused to let it bother her. Kathryn's reputation for being both stubborn and resilient was well earned.
She was just enjoying a brief sit down to relieve her now throbbing leg when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Chakotay coming in through the door and looking around as though he were searching for someone. Not wanting to be found nursing her illness, Kathryn bent to the ground under the premise of adjusting her boot. She was shocked as she realised in the same moment that she was still wearing her slippers and that Chakotay was peering down at her with a look of amused curiosity on his face.
"Hiding are we? And in adorable footwear, I must say!"
Kathryn blushed slightly as she heard the laughter in his voice.
"What gives you the impression that I was hiding Commander?" she asked, trying to make her voice sound as sincere as possible.
"Well, there is the fact that you disappeared from view directly after I came through the door and..."
Chakotay stopped in mid sentence and frowned. Kathryn had straightened up and as she stood up from the bench he was sure he saw a look of pain flash across her face.
"Are you feeling alright Kathryn?" he asked with concern.
"Fine thank you Commander" she replied snappily.
"Are you sure? You've been a bit off form lately. Is anything bothering you?"
"I assure you Commander, that if anything were the matter I would contact the Doctor. Thank you for your concern. If you'll excuse me, my shift begins at 0600."
With that, she walked stiffly from the bay without giving him a backwards glance. Chakotay sighed. Sometimes conversations with Kathryn gave you the odd feeling that you had just been bashing your head repeatedly off a wall. He was still worried about her. He noticed that she had been limping as she left and she had been surprisingly curt with him. Her demeanour had been strange lately. It was unlike Kathryn to be so uptight and angry. He resolved to try and speak with her after their shift.
