Disclaimer: I don't any material you recognize by J.K Rowling. I own nothing but the plot, so please don't sue.
A/N: This is my first Harry Potter fan fiction so please be kind.
The True Meaning of Falling in Love
Chapter 1: All alone in a world of thoughts
Love. A simple word that sparks such compassion, such hope. A desire that clouds the mind, impairs judgment, completely erases all thoughts of rationality or reason. So why do we do it? Why do we let the chemical imbalances in our brain get the best of us?... It's not as if I would know. I speak only from observation, not experience.
No, I don't expect cupid's arrow to strike my heart. I don't expect lightening to strike or even time to stop. All I want is the feeling that someone needs me, wants me, a feeling of absolute completeness. I suppose it's silly really. What kind of rational person would want such a thing? Who am I kidding? I want that and so does everyone else on the planet and if they say otherwise they are lying.
It's what leads me here to the top of the astronomy tower in the middle of the night. I go here to be alone with my thoughts, think of all the days gone by and wonder... will I ever fit in? Wizards can't love me and I'll never be loved by muggles. I have become so distanced from the world of muggles. As much as I try, as much as I want to I will never fit with the wizarding world either. So I just sit here and ponder who I am, who I might become. I will always be known as Harry Potters best friend, I assure you that will never change, but I'm not sure that's all I want to be known as. I suppose my true qualm is the fact I will never be known for me, for my true endeavors. I guess it is the price I must pay.
I've always loved the Astronomy tower, something about looking up at the stars in the cool night air. I've always loved the stars, the way they seem to be the only light shining through in a quilt of black. It's as if it's a ragged curtain will holes showing something behind the scene that you're not meant to see and yet it only allows for a glimpse. As if we're part of something so great it's incomprehensible to us.
We'll it's getting late, it's almost one in the morning, I've been up here for hours. I'll have to sneak back to the dorms; hopefully Snape isn't prowling the corridors. Sometimes I wonder about that man, why does he patrol the late night shifts? Does he get pleasure from taking points away? Or does he in fact really fear for the student's safety? All the reasons to those questions I may never know. Snape is a puzzle I have yet to figure out, perhaps I never will. As a professor I give him a deep and great respect, however he is one of the nastiest people I have ever met. I realize he must have seen a lot in his days here, and he has a duty to the order, which specifically means remaining loyal to his house and praise to the Malfoy brat, son of Malfoy Senior, boot licker of Voldemort. I understand he cannot be nice or reasonable to us for fear of blowing his cover, but at Grimmauld Place or even alone I cannot see why he cannot be civil. I suppose it would be asking too much of him anyway. Some tigers really can never change their stripes to spots.
My footsteps fall softly in the corridor. I have become a master of sneaking in the night, even without Harry's invisibility cloak. I know every secret passage and crevices from the astronomy tower to the dorms. They don't call me a know-it-all for nothing.
Of course as soon as the thought crossed my mind I heard footsteps marching down the hall. Damn! I spoke too soon. That'll teach me to be cocky, even if it's only in my head. I suppose it's for the best, after all I could end up like Malfoy. Gah! I shudder to even think such a thing!
I quickly do a concealment charm and squish into a crevice…its Snape. Bloody hell! Does that man just have a sixth sense for students who are out of bed late into the night? I suppose after all his years of teaching he must.
I hear him round the corner and my head instantly lashes over to where he should be, and in doing so loudly bang my head against the castle stone. "Damn" I mutter, a little too loudly apparently because Snape now knows there is someone else here and comes toward me. I touch the back of my head and my hand comes back with a wet stickiness…blood. I knew I hit my head hard but this is ridiculous. I'm not sure how my night could get any worse. As I contemplate how to get out of this mess, I barely hear Snape mutter the counter-charm for the concealment charm.
"Miss Granger?" Snape looks vaguely confused for a few moments but regains composure within an instant. "I expected better behavior from our Head Girl. Fifty points from Gryffindor for being out way past curfew. Now I shall escort you back to your dorms so to be sure you don't wander further." I stare at him blankly but slowly get up from my crouched position. I take one step toward him and immediately falter in my step. Entirely prepared to hit the ground it comes as a shock when I realize I never hit the ground and am in fact in someone's arms. I look up only to see concern flash across the face of Professor Snape. "Miss Granger what have you done to yourself? I'm taking you to the hospital wing immediately." He says as he picks me up and hauls me to the infirmary. It's all I can to nod; I must have it my head much harder than I had originally thought. I slowly let myself fall into darkness.
The next day I awoke to a blinding white light. Then I heard a voice say my name. "Am I dead?" I hear a chuckle come from the side of my bed.
"No Miss Granger, you merely have a slight sensitivity to light, the after affects of a concussion I'm afraid. Here, drink this, it'll heal you up right, quick." I recognize the voice and unless Madame Promfrey became God I'm just in the infirmary, apparently with a concussion. I sit up slowly and take the vial of potion from her and down it in one gulp.
"Bloody hell! I may not be in heaven but surely I must be in hell. That potion was utterly horrid!" I exclaimed, I mean what kind of cruel person subjects' people to that vile drink.
"Language Miss Granger, language." A silky voice from the other side of my bed comments. I'd know that voice from anywhere. Honestly I think the man lives to make my life a nightmare. If I wasn't in hell now I was somewhere pretty damn close. Madame Promfrey took this as her cue to leave. I looked over at him and he began to speak again. "Miss Granger I do believe we have things to discuss. What possessed you to be out at one in the morning?" I pondered his question for a few moments. "Miss Granger I do not have all day, you are wasting my valuable time!" I finally decide it was best to just answer him.
"Well you see sir, after I went out patrolling I decided to take a detour to the astronomy tower. After I got there I suppose I got lost in my thoughts and completely lost track of time." So I basically told most of the truth, at least I didn't totally lie.
"Miss Granger that is not a valid excuse and you know it. 20 more points from Gryffindor for lying and I expect to see you in my office at 8 sharp for detention. You will be joining Blaise Zabini for his detention and together you will gather some potions ingredients that I need from the forest." He said, I could see he meant to rile me but I refused to give in. Instead I fought back.
"But sir, wouldn't it just be easier if you went to Hogsmeade and bought the ingredients? I mean sending two students out alone in the forest entails that you put a lot of faith in them. Do you really trust Blaise and I that much?" I asked, knowing how worked up that would get him. After all he either said he trusted us and destroying his reputation or he realized his 'mistake' and thought up a less harsh punishment, preferably one that did not involve Blaise. Blaise is a Slytherin after all, and not one I really wish to know. He's very quiet and reserved, it seems he lacks the cockiness of Malfoy and yet there's just something so alluring about him. As if he has a secret only he knows and will never tell.
"Miss Granger I trust as Head Girl you will do as your told and get the job done. I trust that Mr. Zabini will also be able to get the job done. I put immense faith in you both by giving you this task; do NOT make me regret my decision. Be there at eight o'clock in my office!" Snape said and in a flurry of robes he left.
Damn him and his Slytherin knowledge of guilt and deceit. He knows exactly how to twist things so there is no way you cannot obey him. Damn…damn…. damn…damn…damn.
Well, on the bright side maybe I'll be able to get to know Zabini a little better; after all I've never actually held an entire conversation with him before. He's so mysterious. Other girls gossip sometimes and say he's gorgeous but he is generally quickly forgotten in wake of other 'important' news. I'd say he was fairly handsome, he has huge dark green eyes with honey brown rings in the center, dark brown hair and fairly tan skin, he was also about six foot three. I say he probably had a Bask/ Italian lineage. I think if he woke up one morning with the determination to go flirt and be careless and reckless like other boys he'd have a flock of girls noticing and following him in a week. He'd probably end up having a bigger fan club than Malfoy. I shudder to think that girls reduce themselves to mindless idiots for the sake of Malfoy; he's not even that cute!
Ahh, well, a day in the infirmary won't be so bad. I guess all I can do now is sit and wait for 8 o'clock to come round…lovely. I just hope Harry and Ron don't worry too much.