The look on Chakotay's face as he approached them was grim. Any hopes that Kathryn had had of her ship getting home safely were fading rapidly. He looked at her sadly. He was relieved to see that she was still reasonably healthy, but she looked like she was in a lot of pain.
"I'm sorry Captain."
He sat down heavily and stared at his feet. He had done what he thought was best, but how could he have known?
"What happened Chakotay?" she asked, more sharply than she had intended.
The voice that answered her came not from her First Officer, but from just inside the doorway. Tarnak had returned.
"Your First Officer here thought that it would be a good idea to beam myself and my pilot and navigator aboard your ship. No doubt he thought that he could interrogate us..." at this, he laughed. "He didn't count on our friends detecting the action and promptly beaming both us and him down to the surface. Your ship has been ordered to stay put and to cease any hostile activity."
Chakotay gave Kathryn a helpless look. Tuvok remained silent.
Tarnak was pleased with the way that things were going. He had intended to consult once more with his superiors before making the final decision, but he had concluded that he was making the right choice. They were risking the wrath of the Federation, but the reward would be great...
"Now Captain, I'm sure that we can be reasonable here."
Kathryn's heart sank... not only did he have her life in the palm of his hand, but also those of her entire crew. Her stubborn expression did not change.
"I will give you one more chance; tell us what you know and you and your crew will be permitted to leave."
Kathryn knew that Tarnak's hands were somewhat tied. The Jemarh'ka would not allow him to kill any of them, but she would be left to die from the virus. She was fully prepared to do so, but would Voyager be allowed to go if she did?
"It seems that I need to remind you of the possible consequences of your actions. It would be terrible if your crew were also to fall ill." The malice in his eyes was unmistakeable. "Or even worse, if they were to infect anyone on Earth when they return."
Kathryn's mind juddered to a halt. She knew what he was suggesting. Khalay or one of her kind could easily remain on Voyager and infect the entire crew. Tuvok knew about Khalay, but how could they possibly detect her presence? Kathryn had been scanned numerous times while the symbiote had been present in her body and it had never been detected. As for the virus, they barely knew what it was and they certainly had no cure or vaccine for it. It was not her right to sacrifice her entire crew. What if they did get home? They would be endangering the entire population of Earth. This was too great a decision for her to make... was this information really worth it? How could she know?
Tuvok and Chakotay were both watching Kathryn as she thought it over. Neither of them doubted that she was willing to sacrifice her life for this mission, but the Cardassian was threatening Voyager and Earth... Chakotay's face was twisted with hatred as he looked at Tarnak. It was all that he could do not to kill him with his bare hands. Tuvok was considering the most logical course of action and, judging by the look that was emerging across Kathryn's face; that was the course that she was taking.
"How does this mind meld work? Can this... symbiote of yours read my mind as soon as the information is unlocked?"
Tarnak smiled, he was just moments away from a great victory for his people. With this information, he could blackmail the Federation into returning control of the demilitarised zone to Cardassians.
"No. Khalay can only know your thoughts if you share them with her. The information will be yours to do with as you please, and you will tell us of your own free will."
"Then we can reach an agreement. I will perform the mind meld now but I'm not telling you a thing until my ship and her crew are safely back in the Alpha Quadrant."
She gave him a meaningful look. Tarnak could see that he had met his match in Captain Janeway. She wanted him to transport her crew safely through the wormhole to the Alpha Quadrant. He couldn't help but admire her bravery in staying behind. She was clearly intelligent enough to know that this situation gave no guarantees.
"Very well Captain, I'm sure that we can negotiate."
Kathryn was very familiar with what Cardassians meant by negotiate, but she had the upper hand once and for all and she knew it.
"Tuvok, if you would be so kind."
She turned to her Lieutenant and oldest friend. Tuvok realised exactly what this action meant. Once the mind meld was complete, he would never see Captain Janeway again. Slowly, he placed his hands on either side of her face and began.
"My mind with your mind..."
Tuvok didn't know what it was that they were searching for. Kathryn could feel a growing realisation that there was a part of her brain that she had not had access to before. As the mind meld proceeded, she focused her energy on opening that part of her subconscious... Suddenly, it all burst forth in a glorious river. There were co-ordinates; a remote corner of the Alpha Quadrant, and a stardate. She could see the entrance to a wormhole. There was a blinding light, and then something so bright and so beautiful that she could never have imagined it. There were colours that she hadn't known were possible and sounds that she never knew existed. Then, it all subsided and slowly faded to black.
She was out of breath, as though she had been running, and when she opened her eyes she realised that everyone present was looking at her expectantly. Kathryn had just had the most exhilarating experience of her entire life. She had seen what she had long ago dismissed as impossible... it denied all logic... Yet now she was certain of one thing; no one could ever know. Not the Cardassians, not even Starfleet.
She looked at each of her crewmates in turn, savouring the last time that she would see them. Tuvok's expression was the same as ever but she knew that he could feel the loss, if not as keenly as she could. She held Chakotay's gaze for a long time. They didn't need to say anything, they couldn't embrace, but that look contained everything that each of them needed to know.
Tarnak was getting impatient.
"Well Captain?"
"Return my crew to their ship and allow them to return to the Alpha Quadrant unharmed, then I will tell you what you need to know."
Tarnak smiled.
---------------
Chakotay and Tuvok didn't exchange a word as they walked onto the bridge. Each of them was dealing with the situation in their own way. Tuvok answered the crew's questions while Chakotay sat in his chair... it still didn't feel right to sit in Kathryn's... it was hers... He wouldn't allow it to sink in that she was gone. He told himself that he would somehow come back for her, rejecting the part of his brain that told him that she would be killed as soon as she had disclosed the necessary information.
As Voyager prepared to journey through the wormhole, he closed his eyes for a moment and tried hard to picture her face again. She was laughing with him in the mess hall at Neelix's attempts to making leola root sound appetising. She looked so alive; her eyes sparkled with amusement and her cheeks were flushed from laughing. Kathryn Janeway would never die; she would live on in the hearts of her crew forever.
"We are ready to leave Commander."
Tuvok's voice brought Chakotay back to the reality of the job at hand.
"Let's go Mr. Paris."
Voyager leapt through the stars and entered the mouth of the wormhole. The ship began to shake violently.
"Hull integrity has decreased 47 Sir."
"Modify the containment shields to compensate."
The shuddering lessened and Voyager emerged back into the inky blackness of space. The Alpha Quadrant. They were almost home.
"Status."
"All systems are fully operational Sir. No injuries reported. There are 17 Cardassian vessels flanking us."
"We don't need an escort. Can we shake them?"
"Yes Sir. Going to Warp 6."
Chakotay sat back in the chair and sighed. They were almost home. Kathryn had almost made it. They would never have gotten home without her, if only she had been here to see it.
"Doctor to Chakotay."
"Go ahead Doctor."
"You're needed in sickbay."
He got up stiffly and headed to sickbay. His head was foggy and he wanted time alone. His mind didn't register that there had been no injuries on board. When he walked through the doors the sight that met his eyes hit him like a blow to the head.
---------------
Kathryn smiled weakly as Chakotay looked at her dumbfounded.
"Come here Chakotay."
The past hour had been eventful to say the least.
Tarnak had begun to question her earnestly not long after Tuvok and Chakotay had left. She had demanded a guarantee that her vessel was safely in the Alpha Quadrant and he had refused to give it to her. She wouldn't tell him what she knew and he became increasingly angry. Then he made a fatal mistake; he hit her across the face. Kathryn had been thrown sideways by the force of the blow and fell to the floor. She was unable to get up and he was moving to hit her again when the door flew open. Kathryn's original assumption that she was being watched was correct; the Jemarh'ka had been monitoring their conversation telepathically. Several of them had entered the room and Tarnak fell to the floor clutching his head. Kathryn was astonished. She had assumed that because their society did imprison or torture anyone, they didn't have the ability but she was wrong.
Maral had followed the group into the room and introduced Kathryn to her father: Jalen. They had apologised for her treatment but asserted that they had not known that the Cardassians intended her any harm. While Kathryn found this hard to believe, they seemed to be sincerely bound by some code of honour and were eager to make it up to her. They did not know anything about her illness though and were unable to suggest a remedy. She had asked to be returned to Voyager and they had beamed her aboard just before the ship had entered the wormhole. The Jemarh'ka would keep Tarnak on their planet for a few more hours so that he could not alert the Cardassians and Voyager could pass safely through their space. They refused to imprison or punish him however and would return him unharmed to his ship afterwards.
---------------
"H...how?" was all that Chakotay managed to say.
He came to the head of her biobed and held her limp, unfeeling hand. Her voice was even weaker when she spoke again.
"I have a friend who will be able to tell you all that you need to know. Khalay, it's time."
The greyish smoke emerged from Kathryn's body again and Khalay materialised at the opposite side of the biobed and smiled half heartedly. As she had expected, Chakotay was not pleased.
"How can you let her be here? She's the reason..."
He stopped when he saw the pain in Kathryn's eyes...
"Chakotay. Trust me."
His expression softened.
"You'll die without her. If you trust her..." he cast a glance at Khalay "why not let her stay in your body?"
Chakotay knew the answer to this question even before he had asked it. What hope had been given to him in that brief moment when he first saw her lying in sickbay was now crushed.
"That is no way for either of us to live. The effects of the virus cannot be reversed, only halted. You know me well enough to know that I couldn't live like this. The Cardassians genetically engineered this virus; that much I know. I think you'll find that a cure will not be forthcoming."
He nodded, not trusting his voice. He squeezed her hand as he leaned in close to her. Kathryn could see the tears in his eyes and her voice cracked.
"We got them home. Together."
He clasped her hand in both of his and looked into her eyes pleadingly.
"Please don't go."
"I can't stay Chakotay."
It escaped her lips barely as a whisper.
"But now I am not afraid."
She smiled through the tears that were now filling her own eyes.
"I've seen it."
"Seen what?" he asked gently.
Her voice was now so weak that it was barely audible.
"The Kappa Anomaly... it... was... it was..." she took a laboured breath "heaven."
Kathryn exhaled heavily and a soft smile rested on her lips.
Chakotay cried out and buried his face in their clasped hands. The ghostly Khalay lowered her head.
As the starship Voyager finally came within sight of Earth, so passed her captain and the greatest captain that Starfleet has ever known.
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Don't hate me please! It broke my heart to kill her; she's my favourite character ever! Please let me know what you think though... I'll probably edit it later and a short epilogue may be in the works to tie up any loose ends...