A/U: Remember how Rikuo comments on Kazahaya's animal instincts in volume three? I thought of this fic, and the line wouldn't leave my head. One shot.
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Animal Instincts
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Rikuo has nightmares. He sees the bloody room, feels it seeping into his very being, staining his hands with red that won't wash away, filming over his vision with the scarlet color, sticking to him, permeating his every fiber. Tainting him. Corrupting him. Frightening him. He hears Tsukiko screaming, calling to him, begging him to find her, but the voice multiplies and he can't tell where it's coming from, and he's running away, but every hallway leads back to the horrific bloody room, and her voice gets louder and louder until he wakes up and claps a hand over his mouth, stopping himself from screaming.
He stares at the ceiling until his mind realizes where he is, and he can take his hand away. He's panting in fear, as if he had just run until the point of exhaustion. He lays there until he can calm his breath, and then slowly turns over, gets up, and walks to the bedside of his roommate.
He watches Kazahaya sleep, curled slightly, and snoring gently, the sound more like a cat's purr than anything else. He sighs, and eventually, he smiles. The moonlight coming through the window casts a light, milky glow on the sleeping boy's face, and the sight of him calms Rikuo, making him temporarily forget the nightmares that plague him almost every night. He reaches out a hand, wanting to stroke the cheek of the angelic figure lying before him, turned away from Rikuo.
But not tonight.
Tonight, like always, he doesn't dare. Tonight they had another pointless fight. Tonight it was, once again, Rikuo's fault. Tonight Rikuo was afraid that Kazahaya would have gone to bed without saying goodnight, without acknowledging him. He's always afraid of that, of apathy from the other boy. Fighting is better than nothing.
He drops his hand back to his side, and sighs. With one last glance at the sleeping figure that calms him nightly, he heads back to his own bed. He slides in between the covers as Kazahaya opens his eyes.
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Kazahaya has nightmares too. Kei is screaming at him, demanding the reason he left home, why he left her, and pleading for him to return. He tries to reason with her, tries to explain, but she's crying and can't hear him and won't listen and suddenly her face distorts and Kazahaya is revolted despite himself, and he tries to run away, but she clings to him, her face hideous, and then her whole body distorting into a grotesque shape he barely remembers upon waking, which he does with a start, reaching a hand up to wipe away the tears that have streamed down his face.
He lies there until he hears the familiar noises that accompany Rikuo's almost nightly routine. Kazahaya keeps his eyes closed and settles his breathing, feigning sleep as he feels Rikuo standing over him.
He doesn't know why his roommate does this, but he won't open his eyes to find out. Instead he deals with it in the only way he knows how, to ignore it, to not understand and not try. He doesn't realize that Rikuo is reaching his hand out, trying to touch him, almost asking permission to touch him, receiving no answer, and deeming himself unworthy.
No, Kazahaya doesn't know that Rikuo has been in love with him for weeks, months, years as time goes by. But he does know that Rikuo has nightmares. Oh yes, he knows.
Animals have good instincts, after all.