Claire held Charlotte in her arms, walking with her, singing, trying to keep it low so she didn't wake Tess. She kissed her daughter's forehead again, still hot. "Claire?" Tess asked from the doorway.
Claire turned to face her. "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."
"It's fine. Is she all right?"
"Got a bit of a fever."
Tess watched her niece rub her cheek and pull on her ear. "Is she sick?"
"Teething, I reckon. And she misses Alex."
"Yeah." Tess knew her sister missed him as well. "How much sleep have you had?"
"Three hours."
"Do you want me to walk with her? You could get some more sleep."
"Maybe later. Want to get her calmer before I pass her off." Claire kissed Charlotte's temple, rubbing her back, letting the little girl hold her finger against her gum.
"Right."
"You can stay up here if you want."
Tess nodded and Claire moved the rocking chair where she could get to it. "Claire...can I ask you something?"
"You just did." Claire smiled. "Sure. Must be bad; you never ask first."
Tess paused. "Did you know...I mean, were you..."
"Was I trying to have two babies almost in the same year?" Tess nodded. "No."
"I wondered. I mean, you know I love Charlotte, but...two babies at the same time? I don't know how mums of twins do it. I'd lose my mind." Claire's blue eyes sparkled at that, but stayed quiet. "It just seems like, with all that's happened, it's an awful lot of strain."
"On what?"
"On you." She knew Claire would hate it, but she still saw her sister as being fragile. The pregnancy was making recovery harder, as was the fact that Clairecouldn't do many of the things she enjoyed."On you and Alex. I mean, you're not even engaged yet and you already have two children."
"Yeah, I know. It's not something we planned and it's not something I can explain. It's not really an accident...more a surprise."
"You don't like surprises." Claire liked order, knowing exactly what the day would hold. Peter's marriage, their father's heart attack and death, had been surprises and both hadbroken her sister's heart.
"I don't know about that. Finding out I was in love with my best mate was a surprise. Finding my sister again was a definite surprise. I can't imagine not having Alex, not having you, just like, if I had it to do over again, I can't imagine which one I'd give up, I'd choose not to have. I'm not explaining it well."
"I think I understand." After dating Alex, finding out that she was in love with Nick was a surprise, scary, but not something she would change.
"One day, if I ever do this again, I would like to have a normal pregnancy though. I was in the hospital three months with Charlotte, five with this one."
"They're as stubborn and tough as their parents," Tess teased.
Charlotte finally fell to sleep and Claire carefully put her back down in her crib. "I'm going to get a few hours sleep."
"Do you mind if I stay here?"
Claire shook her head. "I don't mind." Tess watched her sister go back to her bedroom before covering herself up with one of Charlotte's blankets.
Claire got all of another hour's worth of sleep before she heard Tess call for her. "What is it? What happened?" Claire asked, going back to Charlotte's room.
"She's still hot."
"Okay." Claire picked her daughter up. "It's okay, Tess. She always runs a fever when she gets new teeth." Her sister reminded her of the time Alex had tried to take care of a little boy everyone had thought was his. "I need a bottle of cold water."
"I thought she used her cup." About a month before, they'd started Charlotte on the cup except for the one bottle that Alex gave her before putting her to sleep, part of their nighttime ritual that had started when Claire was in the hospital.
"The bottle has that nipple on the top that helps her gums." Claire kissed her daughter's head as she carried her to the sink, wetting a sponge.
Tess brought the bottle up as Claire gave Charlotte a sponge bath, put a clean diaper on her, and wrapped her loosely with a sheet. "It's okay now," Claire whispered, not sure if she was soothing her sister or her daughter.
"I wonder if Mum used to have days like today," Tess said.
"She did," Claire told her. "You used to scream so loud, had the worst earaches when you were teething. I used to hide outside."
Tess smiled. "So even then I was a pain, huh?"
"Oh, yeah." Claire smiled.
"I don't think I'd be a very good mother," Tess confessed as they went down for breakfast.
"You learn, Tess. You make mistakes, but you have good advice, family to help, and you learn." If it hadn't been for Meg's advice, Tess and Alex's help, she wasn't sure what she would have done.
"Remember Roger?" Claire nodded. "I got so frustrated. Of course, it didn't help that when I was taking care of him, Alex wouldn't even hold him, let alone do diapers or get up in the middle of the night." It had changed though. By the end of the time Alex had Roger, he hadn't wanted to let him go. Now, with Charlotte, he liked being involved in Charlotte's life, even before he and Claire had gotten together.
"Yeah, but Charlotte loves her Auntie Tess."
"But it's different. Like this morning. I could wake you up and give her back.If I had my ownbaby, I couldn't do that."
"Wake Nick up and give her to him," Claire teased.
"I'm serious, Claire. I'm terrified that I could end up like Liz." Nick and Alex's mother tied as her least favorite person in the world with Claire's ex-boyfriend, Peter.
"You won't." She grew tense just thinking about all the things Alex and Nick had to deal with from their parents, not to mention what Liz did to Tess."You're not that manipulative. Nick is not Harry. There is no way that your child could ever grow up in a house like that." She relaxed her voice a little. "Besides...you had Ruth as an example. Mum died when I was little...all I ever really had, long term, was Meg."
"That's a pretty good example too." Claire nodded, having to agree. "Bacon?"
Claire shook her head, making a face, getting out the chilled infant cereal for Charlotte, choosing to hold her instead of putting her in the high chair. Usually, the little girl would have a fight to feed herself, but when she was sick or teething, she wanted either Claire or Alex to do it. "I'll get some cereal in a minute."
"I'll do it." Tess poured Claire a bowl of her favorite cereal and put it where Claire could eat with one hand.
"What's all this interest in babies this morning anyway? Is it just Charlotte?"
Tess paused. "I'm pretty sure Nick's going to want kids."
Claire nodded. "Of course."
"The scare got me thinking..." She paused. "I'm in the high risk range for breast cancer. What if I do end up with a malignancy? What happens to Nick...our children?"
"Tess, if I thought that way, I'd never get back on a horse or drive down the road again. I'd be terrified to have children at all. Weren't you the one that told me I couldn't live my life hiding? If you and Nick decide you don't want to have children, I'll support that decision, I'm your sister, but it's not a one-person spur of the moment type decision. You really should be talking it over with Nick, not with me."