The silence was beginning to get on her nerves. Ever since Sephiroth had left, Vincent had remained motionless against the wall, staring fixedly at the floor, which Aeris was certain did not merit such attention. She knew that he had always been a quiet person and that they hadn't known each other well, but still, shouldn't he have had something to say to her? No one had said one word to her that had not been necessary.
She supposed that she would have to take the initiative, but Vincent was a hard one to speak to. She always felt as though she was intruding on something. That thought, of course, reminded her that she had seen some of his secrets; perhaps part of her discomfort was because of that guilt. "Vincent?" she asked.
At last his eyes moved from that spot on the floor, and he looked at her expectantly.
"I think it's only fair that I tell you," she began hesitantly. When he said nothing, she lowered her gaze and went on, "When I was watching... I saw your nightmare."
"I see," was all he said, his gaze leaving her.
"I'm sorry, but... Well, I never expected to see you again. Being dead, I didn't think it mattered. But now, I can see that I shouldn't have watched. Those memories were too personal."
He seemed to sense how much this bothered her, and his tone of voice softened slightly. "It doesn't matter, Aeris. All of that happened a long time ago."
"But even so, you can't seem to forget about it," she pointed out.
"Keeping those memories is my punishment," he stated, "and a far lighter one than I deserve."
"Lucrecia loved you, Vincent, and her death wasn't your fault."
Vincent shook his head. "She could not have loved me..."
"So you think she was lying when she said it?"
He did not reply.
"I guess... you have a hard time understanding why she chose Hojo," Aeris reflected. "I think she loved you best, but her feelings for Hojo gave her pause when you asked her. She must have felt guilty for turning you down, and she sought comfort from Hojo. Mistakes were made on all sides; you can't put all the blame on yourself."
"I should have protected her, regardless of her choice. I could see that the experiment was hurting her, and yet I did nothing. I can never forgive myself for that."
"Lucrecia didn't blame you, and she wouldn't want you to keep living in the past. Isn't that what matters?"
Vincent studied her carefully. "What difference does it make to you, Aeris? There is no reason for you to care what happens to me. I have done nothing for you."
"You know that's not true," she stated. "Or else why are you here now? I know you'd say that it's only logical for you to look after me, but I could have managed on my own. With considerable difficulty, yes, but you had no obligation to stay."
"What, then? Are you trying to return the favor?"
She shook her head. "No. It's just that it's not right to leave you to rot in your own guilt."
He closed his eyes, thoroughly unconvinced. "You may have seen my nightmares, but that does not mean that you know me. You can't be certain that I don't deserve this."
Aeris sighed in defeat. "I wish there was something I could say to convince you, Vincent, I really do, but I guess even Lucrecia would have a hard time of it."
Silence fell again between the two. Aeris leaned back against the headrest and briefly closed her eyes. Even after a night's rest, she still felt exhausted, and she found her thoughts drifting back to that fateful day in the City, where her first life had ended.
Much of it she recalled with a sort of haziness. Her mind had been drifting then, too, only then it had delved deep into the Planet, seeking aid from Holy. That mental journey, she no longer remembered. She only recalled that feeling of certainty that had accompanied Holy's reply. When her prayers had reached it, something inside of her had slid into place.
That was when she had come back to herself to find Cloud standing before her. She had smiled unconsciously, happy to have accomplished her purpose, happy that his mistakes could be so remedied, happy that he had come after her and that things could go on as before.
But then a slow-moving horror had touched his face, and she had sensed Sephiroth's presence--not the Sephiroth she had once known, but the man who had let Jenova corrupt him and act out her will through him. A chill had gone down her spine, but the smile had never left her face. Time had moved slowly, but even so she had not been able to keep up with it.
His blade had stabbed through her, and she had not even had time to cry out.
Aeris sat up with a start, her eyes flying open and her hand going instinctively to her abdomen. Her fingertips found only traces of the wound: a tear in her threadbare dress, and a shallow cut that had recently scabbed over. She sagged back, her eyes closing again in relief. She must have been drifting off to sleep, she realized. It had only been a memory, a dream that had found her just at the gate to sleep. She was alive.
"Are you all right?" came Vincent's voice.
She looked at him, but despite his question, neither his eyes nor his voice held any concern. He had certainly learned how to mask his emotions since Lucrecia's death. "Yes," she said, though she found her voice was a bit shaky. "Yes, I'm fine."
When his gaze remained on her, Aeris felt prompted to ask, "Is there something wrong?"
He shifted slightly, and his eyes left her face. "I don't know how much you know of what has come to pass, but I felt that you should know, before you..." He trailed off, and then met her gaze again. "Cloud--"
"Married Tifa, I know," Aeris finished quickly, looking down at her hands. She shook her head. "I tried not to think about it before, but you can't ignore the truth, can you? I guess you would know best. We're alike in that respect; the ones we love married someone else, hoping to protect them."
Her companion remained silent, and she went on, "Honestly, I don't know what to do either. I had always hoped to see him again, but now, wouldn't that just mess everything up?"
"You should visit him," Vincent told her. "He deserves to know that you are alive again, and I am sure that some resolution is necessary."
"I guess I'm just afraid of how they'll react. Cloud has been doing his best to forget me, for Tifa's sake. For me to come waltzing back into the picture..."
"You cannot avoid them forever."
"You're right," she sighed. "When I have enough energy... I'll go then."
The warm afternoon sun shone down on them from a cloudless sky, a sharp contrast to the weather in the far north, from whence they had come. The whole canyon was a study in warmth, with its beautiful red-brown rock that soaked up the sunlight and seemed to radiate heat on its own.
The village in the middle of the canyon was easily spotted, the metal-paneled observatory gleaming in the sun. Sephiroth reigned in their gold chocobo at the base of the stairs leading up to the entrance. The two of them dismounted, and Katrina started towards the gate. When she noticed that he was not following, however, she stopped and looked back.
"You're not coming?"
"Do you really think they'd let me in?" he asked.
"Won't you even give it a try?" Katrina asked. "Sometimes people can be more forgiving than you think."
She waited for his nod, and then they both went up the stairs together.
The gatekeeper gave a start upon seeing Sephiroth, but surprisingly, he stood his ground. He did not move aside to let them pass. "I'm sorry," he said, "but I cannot allow you to enter."
"Why not?" Katrina demanded.
"Oh, you can pass," the man told her obligingly, then turned a harsh gaze on Sephiroth. "But he can't."
"I assure you that I have no intention of causing any harm, and I will not trouble you long with my presence."
His words did not convince the gatekeeper, but he spared Katrina another look and apparently decided that she would not have chosen to travel with Sephiroth unless he had some merit. "Wait here," he told the two of them firmly. Calling a nearby villager over to watch them, the gatekeeper ran off up a set of stairs carved into the canyon.
They waited for several long minutes, Katrina stretching her legs, Sephiroth leaning motionless against the nearby wall, and the villager watching the both of them anxiously.
At last the gatekeeper returned, preceded by a large feline with fiery orange fur and a flame-tipped tail. This creature seemed familiar, and Sephiroth recalled Vincent mentioning such a being, one named Nanaki, but he knew that he would not have remembered the name on his own.
"It really is Sephiroth!" the creature breathed as he came to a stop at the gate. The villager keeping watch slowly backed away, lingering some paces behind.
"Yes, Nanaki," the gatekeeper replied. If he was at all afraid, he did not show it. "You did not believe me?"
Nanaki shook his head, staring at Sephiroth with his one good eye. "No, I did not, and I hesitate to trust my sight. We killed him five years ago; I'm sure of it!"
Sephiroth straightened and took a few steps closer to the feline, who tensed, claws extending in readiness. The gatekeeper took a step back.
"You did kill me," Sephiroth confirmed, "but it seems the Planet did not want me just yet."
"What do you want with our village?" Nanaki demanded warily.
"Only to enter it. I do not remember much of my past life, but Vincent has told me of my mistakes, and I have no wish to repeat them."
"I apologize if you are telling the truth," the feline said carefully. He sat back on his haunches, but never took his eye off the swordsman. "The Sephiroth that I knew was a master of deception, and I find it hard to believe anything you say."
"I understand," Sephiroth sighed. "In that case, I will leave." He bowed his head and turned to go.
"Hey, wait a second!" Katrina caught him by the arm, startling him. "You're going to give up that easily? I'm sure they'll let you in eventually."
He looked past her over his shoulder, finding Nanaki's gaze. "I have reopened too many old wounds by just existing. It would be best for me to leave them be. Besides, what need have I of staying here?"
"It's a beautiful town," she pointed out. "You might enjoy it."
The swordsman raised an eyebrow.
"Look, even you can't just go through life with duty alone. It wouldn't surprise me if that's how you snapped the first time." When Sephiroth only stared at her, she turned back for the gate with a tug on his arm. "All right then, come on."
She let go of him when she reached Nanaki and planted her fists on her hips. "Listen, if he was going to be violent about it, wouldn't he have just killed the both of you and gone ahead to have his way with the town?"
Nanaki tilted his head to peer at her curiously, still watching Sephiroth out of the corner of his eye. "You have a point, but I must ask you: why are you defending him?"
"Well, obviously no one else is," she stated flatly. "Why won't you let him in? He's not going to hurt anyone."
"I am sorry for not trusting your word, but he once killed a very dear friend of mine. I cannot forgive him for that."
"No one's asking you to forgive him; just give him a chance. And anyway, Aeris is alive again; Sephiroth brought her back."
This caught the feline off-guard, and his eye widened. "He... what?"
"Revived her. To atone for killing her."
Nanaki studied the swordsman for a long time, and even Sephiroth began to feel uncomfortable under such scrutiny. "Is this true?" he asked at length.
Sephiroth nodded. "I felt I had an obligation to try. Vincent stayed behind to look after her. If you want proof, call him."
The feline slowly shook his head. "No, I think that I will accept your word on this." He turned to go, nodding to the gatekeeper in passing. "Ira, you may let him pass."
The gatekeeper stepped aside reluctantly to allow them passage.
Katrina smiled at Sephiroth. "See? I told you so." She turned and went on through the gate.
His gaze still following Nanaki, Sephiroth found himself hesitant to enter. He felt he should have said something, but Nanaki had already turned his back and was going back up to wherever he had come from.
"Oi, Seph!" Katrina called back, attracting his attention. "They're letting you in, so don't just stand there."
He walked over to join her, frowning. "'Seph'?"
"It's a nickname," she said. "You've never had one?"
He shook his head.
"It's just that 'Sephiroth' is too much of a mouthful sometimes," she explained. She took a deep breath and let it out, looking around the village, making note of its shops. "Well, now that we're here, why don't we get you some new clothes?"
"New clothes?" he queried, looking down at himself. He started to ask her what was wrong with the ones he had, but he stopped himself and shook his head. "I wouldn't blend in no matter what I was wearing."
Katrina frowned thoughtfully. "I guess you're right. That hair of yours gives you away in an instant. I mean, I guess you could dye it, but--"
"No."
"That's what I thought," she said with a slight grin. "A little vain about our hair, are we?"
"I simply see no point in hiding who I am."
"I don't know how you manage it, having to take responsibility for things you don't even remember doing," she said more seriously. "If I was in your place, I wouldn't be able to bear it."
He hesitated, feeling as though he ought to say something to her. He looked away. "It helps that... I mean, I don't know why you've stuck with me, but... I thank you for it."
Katrina looked at him in astonishment. "What's this, you're actually being polite?"
Sephiroth turned away. "Never mind."
She hurried around to stand in front of him before he could go anywhere. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean to tease. It's just... What brought this on?"
He shook his head. "If you don't know, then I won't explain. I am going to speak with the Elders. As long as I am here, I may as well try to learn something."
"All right..." she said uncertainly, half-poised to follow him.
"Do what you like," he told her, stepping around her to head for the stairs. She did not come after him, and while for the most part he felt relieved, part of him was disappointed. He followed the steps into the canyon's inner passages, tunnels and rooms cut into the rock. Numerous torches managed to give the place a surprising amount of light. His instinct took him to a more dimly-lit room where an aging man sat atop a wooden crate, book in hand and glasses perched on his nose.
"Elder Hargo?" Sephiroth asked.
The man looked up in surprise. "Yes... How did you know?"
"I feel as though we have met before."
Hargo sat up straighter, studying him over the rims of his glasses. "No, I'm sure I would have remembered it." He got to his feet. "You must be Sephiroth... What's the matter? You're staring at me as though I just grew horns."
"It's just that you are one of the few people I've come across who hasn't been afraid of me."
The Elder smiled warmly. "You haven't come here with murder on your mind, that much I can see. Now, did you want to ask me something?"
"What can you tell me about Jenova?"
"Jenova," Hargo pondered, testing out the name. "Oh, you mean the Crisis from the Sky? Yes, I know a little about it. What exactly did you want to know?"
"I have heard that it deceived the Cetra and killed many of them, but I have not heard why or how. I was hoping you could tell me."
"I dare say no one could tell you the why of it," Hargo said, "but why don't you have a seat, and I'll tell you what I can."
Sephiroth chose to remain standing, but the Elder did not remark on it.
"Now, the creature you call Jenova came down from the sky, and its arrival created the Northern Crater. At first, I don't think the Cetra knew about Jenova, just the wound it had inflicted on the Planet. They had been trying to help the Planet in what ways they could when Jenova came.
"The way the story goes, it disguised itself as the Cetra's kin. It first befriended them, and then gave them what is referred to as 'the virus.' This thing drove many of the Cetra mad and transformed them into monsters.
"Eventually, a small group of Cetra banded together and managed to defeat Jenova, but not kill it. They buried it deep in the ice, hoping that no one would find it."
Sephiroth nodded pensively. "So it seems that Jenova had no reason. It was a creature bent solely on the destruction of the Planet and its inhabitants."
"So it seems," Hargo agreed.
The swordsman frowned, folding his arms. "Elder Hargo, what would happen if Jenova's cells were injected into a human child?"
"You're asking the wrong person," he replied, raising his eyebrows. "I'm a historian, not a scientist."
"I am only asking for speculation. Do you think that the child would inherit Jenova's apparent tendency towards deception and betrayal?"
Hargo shook his head. "Somehow I don't think that those traits are genetic. Anyway, humans are born with souls and kind hearts, quite unlike the Jenova creature." He paused to study Sephiroth curiously. "Why do you ask?"
Sephiroth shifted his gaze to the far wall. "I don't suppose you've ever heard of the Jenova Project." He waited for a negative from Hargo, and then went on, "It used Jenova cells in precisely that manor, and that is how I was created."
"So... you wanted to know if your actions resulted from your genetics. You wanted to know if you behaved as you did because of what you were."
The swordsman nodded silently.
"Well, son, despite all I've heard about you, you don't seem particularly evil or cruel to me."
"But what if I am just a puppet that Jenova is using? Perhaps she only allows this persona as her method of deception. Perhaps she will only allow this so long as it is useful to her, and then the part of me that is Jenova will take control and give the people of this world 'the virus.' Perhaps this is the same way it began before."
Hargo shook his head. "I don't see that as a likely possibility. You're still basically human, else you wouldn't be having these doubts. The Jenova in you can't have that much control over you."
"Then why did I fight for her five years ago?"
"That, I don't have an answer for. Don't you remember it?"
Sephiroth looked down at the floor beneath his feet. "No. There is much that I do not remember."
"Well," Hargo said, his tone reassuring, "as long as you let yourself be human, you should be fine."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Don't lock away your emotions; they're a natural part of you, and certainly very human. Stifling something so essential can make a person snap."
Sephiroth's eyes strayed to the flickering flame of a wall torch, not knowing why he found it so fascinating. "What if you never had them to begin with...?" he wondered.
"Nonsense, boy," Hargo snorted. "Everyone has emotions. Even you."
The swordsman tore his gaze away from the flame and nodded to him. "Thank you for your time, Elder Hargo." Without waiting for a reply, he turned to leave the room.
If the Jenova had not caused him to make so many grievous errors, Sephiroth reflected, then there really was no one to blame but himself. He wondered how long it would be before he snapped again.
Author's Notes
Here we have one of the few Aeris/Vincent scenes that survived the rewrite. I started LFA with the intention of doing an AeriVin like "I Know What's Beneath the Snowfields," because I really admired that, but it just didn't work out that way. I don't have too much to say about this chapter, but I would like to point out that Katrina actually does something here in helping Seph get into the village. This is not a change from the original. Why didn't anyone notice it before? --;;