Chapter 5

Nathan had many questions as to why he came home that particular day to find that his mother had indeed signed the permission slip to let him play basketball. But he wasn't ready to push her for the answers as to why, quite yet. It was a big step for his mom to let him play, when for years both her and his father had looked upon the sport with abhorrence At times, Nathan was sure he saw glimpses of pure hatred flash through his mother's eyes at the mere mention of the game, as if it brought about some sort of bad luck. An evil plague.

In the scope of his life, Nathan and his mother weren't what you would call close. They'd talk, and even at times admit they loved each other, but that love was defined by the fact that they were mother and son. Nathan realized this more and more the older he became, which was why most of the time he would only push her so far. His father's death had affected her, sometimes he thought, even worse than him. There was a deep hole within his mother now, an emptiness that he wasn't sure anything could reach. And what troubled him the most was that part of him knew it actually had very little to do with his father's death, and more to do with the change brought about by their new life without his father.

It had been over two years since the accident on the bridge had occurred, and Nathan felt like his mother was still stuck in the grieving period. Unable to move on, unable to let go of the past. She'd quit working with her charities right after the accident, choosing to instead be a stay at home mom, but it wasn't fulfilling to her. In fact, if anything, the longer she stayed cooped up in the foreboding Scott mansion, the more Nathan could see her unhappiness grow. She wasn't trying to move on.

But he had to. And he was going to do that through basketball. His mother didn't have to support him playing ball, she certainly didn't have to be happy about it, all he needed from her was to agree to it. And with her signature on the permission slip she had given him that agreement. Deb Scott had finally given her son his chance to be free, and because of that reason Nathan chose not to question her motives, for he knew in time, everything would come to play. He just had to force himself to patient.

On Friday, a week and a half since he'd come home and found his signed permission slip, Nathan stood in the Tree Hill High gymnasium shooting hoops by himself. Tryouts that had started that Monday, and had finally ended earlier that afternoon, filling Nathan with relief and a large dose of uncertainty. Had he done everything he could? Had he made enough baskets? Had he showcased his defense and offense well enough? Had he played as well as all of the upperclassman? Had he done the best he could? Had he made his mark in Whitey's eyes?

Nathan just wasn't sure he could answer any of those questions with a definitive YES, and so he'd remained even after the rest of the guys had cleared out for the weekend, opting to stay behind and work on his conditioning. Sweat was streaking down his face in tiny rivers, his feet numb, and his lungs working over time as he sprinted back and forth down the court dribbling the ball. He got near the basket at the far end of the gym, and jumped up high, punching the ball into the net, before he landed back upon his feet.

From the open gym doors, Haley stood, leaning against the door jam, watching him with interest. She'd been at student council until four-thirty, and helping out in the tutoring center from then until seven. It was dark outside now, and the school was eerily quite. She'd heard from Nathan and Jake earlier in the week that tryouts usually lasted from 3:30 until 5:30, and yet here he still was. Playing his heart out like nothing else in the world mattered. Haley smiled to herself and shook her head.

"Hey all-star," she called out, crossing her arms over her chest, waiting for him to respond.

"Hey what," he smirked knowing she'd been there watching him. He bounced the ball a few more times before shooting it through the hoop once more. He turned around just in time to see Haley roll her eyes.

"Do you think you'll be done anytime soon? Because if not I'm gonna go ahead and walk home."

Nathan brushed a hand across his sweat soaked face, and jogged over to where his ball sat under the hoop. He snatched it up, securing it under his arm and began heading to the locker room to change.

"Hold on. Give me five minutes."

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Outside the school parking lot, heading for home ten minutes later, Haley and Nathan walked together. Unconsciously Haley fiddled with her hair, tucking it behind her ears every time the wind went and swept it up in her face. Casually she turned to Nathan, an inquisitive gleam in her eyes.

"So...how'd tryouts go?"

Nathan winced, his body going cold. The endless uncertainties in his head coming together and multiplying at her inquiry. He didn't want to get into any of it right now, but he forced himself to meet her gaze nonetheless, and instinctively his face softened."That's the million dollar question, isn't it," he blew out uneasily. "I guess we'll all find out on Monday. The coach said he's posting the results on the gym doors before first period."

Haley nodded, sensing the discomfort in his voice. Of all the things Nathan shared with her, of all the things he'd let her in on, basketball just wasn't one of them. It was as if there was some kind of invisible barrier between her and him when it came to this single topic. Haley figured it was because that was a part of Nathan's past that he shared with his father. Although he'd never really admitted or denied this claim, it had always been evident that this was something that he just didn't talk about to other people or her. Mostly, Haley thought, because if they talked about basketball then they'd have to talk about Nathan's father and her father and the accident that took them both away. Haley hoped one day they would, when Nathan was ready. Until then she'd stay away from the subject of his father at all costs, and only bring up basketball on his terms.

When she managed to catch his eye again, his face had twisted back into an unsettled mask, his jaw tight. Haley watched him for a while, noticing the lines in his forehead wrinkle together and then smoothen out. Once he took notice of her staring he met her eyes.

"What?"

"Don't look so worried Nathan. You know you made it."

A heavy smirk curled Nathan's lips, and drew his chin upward. His usual cocky facade coming into focus. "Of course I did. I'm me," he stated, and Haley rolled her eyes at his little show of arrogance.

"Ok. Then what's up?"

Nathan shrugged off his smirk and shook his head. "Nothing," he said, but Haley knew he wasn't telling her the truth.

"And I really believe that," she countered sarcastically. "Come on, something's bothering you. I can tell. Now spill."

Nathan let his head fall back as he puffed out a heavy breath of air. He wasn't in a sharing mood right now, and he didn't feel like regurgitating all of his worries to Haley. She always had this ability to calm any of his fears by a simple look or a few words. He didn't know how she managed it, or why she even tried sometimes, when he would've just given up if he was her. But Haley never had been the type to give up on anything. He'd seen it in her from the moment she'd sat down on the curb beside him the day they met. She could be relentless if she wanted, and Nathan didn't have the energy to challenge her tonight.

"It's just," he tried to find the right words. "Most of these guys are twice my size and seniors, and I... feel completely invisible around them."

He cringed once the words left his mouth and Haley knew it was because more than most, Nathan despised showing his insecurities in any way, shape or form, even to her. He lived by his emotions, his drive, but it was all carefully controlled. He didn't let you in unless he wanted. Haley found she had a difficult time not shutting people out as well, losing a loved one had this frightening capacity to shove doubt into what you thought was stable. It pulled the rug out from under your feet, leaving you against the hard unforgiving floor to pick up all the pieces you'd lost. They were still picking up the pieces. It was a slow process, but Haley was determined to find her way back to normal if it killed her. Her, Peyton and Nathan deserved the kind of happiness others had, and she wasn't going to give up hope that someday they all would have it.

"They've spent the last four years playing ball together Nathan. It's more about them knowing each other and being friends than trying to leave you out. Give it time, you'll fit in eventually," she placed a warm hand on his back and ran it up and down.

Nathan took in her words, trying to believe them, but still very much unsure of it all. "Yeah, but I don't even know if I'll be able to play at this point if I do make it on the team," he argued, hating what was coming out of this mouth. Hating that Haley was hearing him sound so weak.

In reliable Haley fashion, however, she simply shrugged it off and said, "You know I don't know a lot about this sport. As much as I've watched you play, I'm still not sure how it all works. But I figure you have to earn your place on a team, and that takes work, right? You can't expect to be the best player the first time you step onto the field."

"The court," Nathan corrected, cracking a grin.

"Whatever," she shook her head.

"Yeah...I guess you're right," he said, shoving his hands in his jean pockets and looking ahead down the street. He just wasn't so sure he believed it.

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Across town Peyton sat at her computer desk with her sketch pad in her lap, doodling little figurines of curly-headed girls in a progression chart, aging from five to fifteen years old. Inside her walk in closet, Jake stood reading the large collection of records Peyton and her father had collected for her over the years, trying to decide what in particular he was in the mood to listen to.

He squatted down to observe the bottom racks, his finger running across record after record. Nothing was really catching his eye. "Hey do you have any Bon Jovi," he called out randomly.

Peyton ran her thumb over a part of her drawing to smudge the girls curls, making them appear more unruly. She chuckled to herself at Jake's choice in music. "Try the second row from the top, all the way to your left."

Jake searched until he found what he wanted and pulled it out, with a triumphant smile. "How about Van Halen?"

Peyton, stopped what she was doing and burst out loud into laughter. "Van Halen? Are you serious?"

Jake came out from inside her closet and stood at the door, watching her laugh. "Don't begrudge a guy his 80's metal," he said, but Peyton rolled her eyes laughing again.

"What?" he squeaked, his expression turning to that of annoyance. "I can't help it if I have a weakness for the song "Jump", ok! It's catchy."

"Sure, whatever you say David Lee Roth," Peyton shook her head. "I think it's in the middle of the third row, but I'm not sure. It's my dad's... sooo I don't really listen to that one much, ya know," she teased, and Jake just ignored her going back to get the record as she let out another laugh.

After a few minutes had passed and she was throughly convinced that she no longer wanted to work on this particular drawing any longer, she slapped her sketch book shut and threw it on her desk with a thud. Striding over to her bed she plopped down next to Jake who was studying the album covers he'd picked out with interest. Swiftly Peyton snatched the Bon Jovi record from the boy beside her, sticking her tongue out at him and then spreading her body out across the bed, looking over the album for the hundredth time.

Ever since she was a little girl she could remember her father bringing her records home from his trips away. Sometimes he'd bring home stuff from the 70's and 80's such as Van Halen, Duran Duran and Fleetwood Mac. But even more often he'd bring home the classics like Nat King Cole, Fred Astaire or even on a rare occasion if he could get his hands on it, a swing record of the 1930's. It was their thing. Her and her dad's, and Peyton cherished it. She'd often use the album covers to give her ideas for drawings or sketches that she could send to her dad when he was away.

As he came to be, more and more the older Peyton got.

Jake knew Peyton had little to no family, and her grandmother could only make it down to see her a few times a week, leaving her alone the rest of the time until Larry Sawyer returned. So Haley would be there when she could, and Jake was there the rest of time. Not that his family much minded him being gone, not that they even noticed. Which was why he preferred being at Peyton's all the same. At least in her home they could be alone together.

Peyton caught Jake eyeing her, and she wondered what he was thinking. He was a pretty quiet kid, had always been from as far back as she could remember knowing him. He wasn't what you'd call shy, but he wasn't exactly outgoing either. He said what he wanted, when he felt that something was worth talking about. Other than that he kept to himself. Peyton appreciated this, although every now and then it frustrated her to no end that she couldn't figure out what was going through his head. Like now, and the way he'd been staring at her for the past five minutes. It unsettled her, and she didn't know why.

"Did tryouts go ok," she asked hoping to break him out of his thoughts. "Haley wouldn't shut up about it at student council. I actually had to 'shh' her. And I don't 'shh' people!"

An amused smile spread over Jake's face. "Since when are you in student council?"

Peyton flipped over on her front on the bed, picking at her nails."I'm not. Miss Join-every-after-school-activity dragged me there, mumbling something about me getting involved with things so that I don't sit in my room and brood alone. But newsflash--I like my room. And I do not brood."

Jake laughed at Peyton's petulant expression an squinted his eyes, tilting his head to the side. "You kinda do."

"I could kinda kick your ass, how about that,"she made a fist and pointed at Jake's face, but all he did was laugh harder and so she pulled it away frowning.

When Jake's laughter faded away he flopped down on his front on the bed next to her laying parallel with her body."I'm just saying….Maybe she has a point. I mean what are you going to do after school Peyt? If me and Nate are at practice and Haley's at student council slash tutoring slash whatever club she has that week-what are you doing? I hate the thought of you just hanging out here by yourself everyday."

Peyton refused to let Jake's worries get to her."Oh but I'm not alone Jake. I have my trusty web came to keep me company."

Jake grimaced, and realized they were probably on the damn thing right now. He hated that stupid web cam. Why anyone would want to put themselves on public display was beyond him. "Ok, so you're alone with other internet brooding artists and Phil Thompson the town pervert. Very reassuring."

"I'm NOT broody,"Peyton declared, and lightly punched him in the arm when he began laughing again. "And don't worry about it. I'll be fine."

Jake didn't really know if Peyton was feeding him a line of crap or if this was what she really wanted. Since Peyton had met Haley, and Haley had introduced her to himself and Nathan there had never been a significant amount of time when Peyton had been left alone, since her mother's death. But once her father had chosen to go back to work on the rigs full time that summer, it was a constant merry-go-round of who's hanging with Peyton tonight. He thought maybe she was starting get sick of the lack of privacy, or maybe she was to afraid to admit that she would be lonely. Jake didn't know, and he was unsure of how to ask. So he chose to take her answer for what it was.

"If you say so," he replied.

"I do,"she said simply and rolled off her bed returning to her computer desk and picking up her sketchbook.

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On Monday morning Peyton and Haley sat in second period Algebra impatiently awaiting Jake's arrival. On their walk to school that morning Haley could tell Nathan was in ONE of his untouchable moods. He'd obviously had a restless night of sleep, evidence by his disgruntled clothing and barely combed threw hair. When he got this way there was little she could do to bring him out of it. Usually she would talk about something completely pointless and amusing to take his mind off of what he was tumbling around in his head, but this morning had been different. He'd uttered a singular 'hey' to her when he'd picked her up from her house, but that was all and she could sense he was off kilter, would be, until he saw those posted results.

So once they'd arrived at the front of campus, Haley had placed a light hand on his shoulder running it down his arm until she grazed his hand, and the calloused pads of his fingertips. The touch caused his hand to twitch the second their skin connected, bringing him out of his thoughts. He'd glanced at her for a second cracking a small smirk.

"I'll see you at lunch,"she'd said and he'd nodded walking off toward the gym.

Neither she nor Peyton had come across Nathan or Jake since then and the suspense was crawling all over her skin like a spider, driving her insane. She was used to passing Nathan between first and second period, as he was going to study hall and she was going to Algebra, but today she hadn't even caught a glimpse of him.

"Where is he," Haley finally asked Peyton beside her in class. She was fidgeting uncontrollably in her chair, her eyes glued to the door as she simultaneously took quick glances at the clock, There was two minutes before the bell rang to start the period, but Haley was always the first person in class, her notebook and math book spread out open across her desk. She'd been waiting for Peyton and Jake to come in together, but it had been the blonde who had come in first and Haley had forced her self to be patient until he arrived. But it just wasn't working and the pen the that sat between her fingers tapped against the top of her books in nervous repetition.

Peyton gave her an annoyed look at the sound and blew out a sigh. "I don't know. I haven't seen him yet."

Haley began tapping her foot against the linoleum floor, opening her mouth to say something else when Jake treaded into class, taking his seat behind Peyton.

Trying to be as patient as was possible, Haley waited and watched as Jake took his dandy old time extracting his books from his backpack, adjusting them like so on his desk, and then situating himself in his chair until he was in the most comfortable position possible within the confines of his plastic seat. When he'd finally stopped moving, pleased with his position, he looked up to meet two very eager pairs of eyes staring back at him.

Wide-eyed and almost at the edge of strangling Jake for any information he might have, Haley leaned on the back of her chair, her body twisted at an angle so that she could face Jake behind her.

"Well," Peyton started first, her own curiosity beginning to eat away at her.

"Well what," Jake asked nonchalantly, giving nothing away. His face impassive on purpose.

"Well did Nathan make it," Haley through out bluntly.

Jake knew that was what was going to come out of Haley's mouth first, but he mocked hurt noneless."Thanks for the love Hales. Really I appreciate it. It's not like I tired out or anything."

"Did you make it," Peyton asked, sincerely curious and Jake nodded with a smile.

Peyton lifted out of her seat and rose her hand to give him a high-five. "Congrats dude!"

Haley's face went still, as she collected herself. "I'm sorry Jake. Congratulations on making it. Really. Now what about Nathan?"

Her two friends beside her rolled their eyes and she ignored them, waiting eagerly for an answer. As Haley stared anxiously forward the smile on Jake's face fell, his eyes flickering down to his desk. Haley suddenly felt her stomach flip flop. Her breathing growing shallow. Ready to hear the worst.

"Jake," she barked out nervously, needing to know what he knew, regardless of what the news was going to be.

"The thing is," he began in a somber tone, his posture stiff, ..."I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't--," Haley asked, at first unsure she'd heard him right, but when a large playful smile broke across the boy's face both her and Peyton realized they'd been played. Leaning over their chairs they smacked Jake on each of his arms and he laughed, while the bell rang around them signaling the beginning of the period. Their teacher Mr. Peterson entered the room and sat down at his desk to take attendance. But Haley and Peyton didn't move from their backward sitting positions, intent to finish the conversation.

"Yeah what do you mean you don't know," Peyton broke in, echoing Haley's words.

Jake continued to laugh to himself at their priceless expressions. "You guys are classic! CLASS-IC! You should see your faces."

"Remind me to have you take a picture later and I will. Now why the hell don't you know what happened to Nathan," Haley snit, irritated and anxious to find out what was going on. She wanted to kick herself for not just going with Nathan earlier that morning to see the results for herself when she'd had the chance.

"His name was on the list right," Peyton asked.

Jake sobered up quickly at the seriousness in Haley's eyes and in Peyton's voice. Not the time to joke around. "Yeah," he nodded somberly, " but all it said was to see Whitey. I have no idea what that means."

"Well it can't be bad news right? I mean if the coach wants to talk to him personally that has to be a good thing right," Haley babbled, a huge lump forming in her throat.

"I don't know Hales, I hope so," he said with a small smile, that did nothing to ease Haley's worries.

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At lunchshe sat with Jake Peyton, waiting for Nathan to arrive. He'd already missed half of lunch and they were all wondering if it was because he was talking to Whitey.

Haley took a small bite of her sandwich and the set it back down on her plastic tray, unsatisfied. She couldn't eat when she was this anxious and dwelling on where Nathan had disappeared to. It seemed like she'd managed to miss him at every turn that morning. They'd bump into each other at least once before lunch everyday, but today of all day's he'd managed to elude her.

Apprehensively she shifted in her seat again. It had been an endless cycle of crossing her legs, running her hands through her hair, and chewing her lip. She just couldn't stay still. Of everyone in their little group she was the one most likely to stay calm when something went wrong. She was the peacemaker, the problem solver, the go-to girl. She didn't get nervous or freak out. She knew how to keep her cool. Right then however, her mind was flying all over the place and her body would not stop moving. Peyton had to place a soothing hand on her back to keep her from fidgeting.

"Haley--breathe. It'll be ok. Whatever the answer is, it'll be ok."

Haley forced a plastic smile on her mouth, drawing her arms under the table to place them in her lap. "I know...I know," she nodded, her voice lowering. "He was just really closed off this morning Peyt, and I know how much this means to him. I just want him to be able to play. He deserves it."

Peyton's face softened, "I get it. I do. But you have to chill out. If he comes over here and says he didn't make it, he's gonna need you to be there for him. You can't do that if you're all wound up like this."

Haley took in Peyton's words and nodded again. "You're right," she said sucking in a deep breath of air and slowly exhaling.

Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of Nathan's figure coming from out of the cafeteria doors, a bottle of water in his hand. Haley immediately straightened in her seat, her body growing tense. Her eyes went to Nathan's, but she couldn't read what he was thinking or feeling. His steps were long, his stride even and relaxed. His face emotionless.

Haley held her breath as he approached their table and sat down beside her. She waited for him to speak first.