AN: Sorry about the wait. I've recently been on holiday and got back to find out about a serious illness in the family, so things have been a bit hectic.

Chapter Two

Jayne fell backwards in an effort to get away from her, hitting the hard deck with a thud. "What the hell you doing here? Git the hell outta my bunk!"

River giggled at his prone form as though he'd fallen just for her amusement. "Wife sleeps with the husband you said," she explained to the glowering mercenary.

"Yeah well we ain't married. So git the hell out," Jayne demanded once again as he picked himself up from the floor

River sighed. She'd tried to tell him last night, but he hadn't listened to her. No one ever listened to her. She turned around to pull the curtain from his wall mounted arsenal.

"Hey wait. You ain't s'posed to touch them," Jayne cried out, suddenly fearful that his yelling might have put her in a killing frame of mind.

River's goofy grin came back. She knew the rules. "Don't worry. Not touching guns," she assured him. Then very carefully, making sure she didn't lay one finger on Vera, she pulled out a piece of paper that had been stuffed in behind Jayne's favourite weapon. "Told you you'd forget, but you said we had the portrait so it didn't matter."

"Portrait?" Jayne asked distractedly. He'd just realized that he was standing butt naked in the same room as the crazy girl. His eyes darted around hunting for his pants. Wouldn't do to have Mal come along and see him in his birthday suit and Little Crazy in his bed.

He yanked on the first pair of cargos his eyes came across and looked up to see River waving a piece of paper in his face.

"See. I have a wedding dress and everything." River's mouth drew into a pout that almost made Jayne think twice about yelling at her. "You wouldn't dress up. Said I'd have to take you as you were."

Jayne grabbed the piece of paper from her outstretched hand. It was a marriage certificate signed by Shepherd Mark Donahue. There was his familiar scrawl beneath his name, and a like mark made by River beneath hers. Jayne's mouth went dry… and then his jaw dropped. He looked from the bit of paper to River's expectant face and then back again. He looked at River once more and then re-read the marriage certificate. It looked legit, which meant that he really was married to Simon's nutball sister. "Ni ta ma de tian xia suo you de ren dou gai si."

"What the hell happened last night?" he asked himself. Jayne's eyes turned to River. For some strange reason they'd got hitched. He mighta been out of it enough to not know what was going on but even the little nut job musta had some idea about what they were doing.

"Jayne? You alright in there?" Zoe knocked against the hatch to his bunk and Jayne almost hit the roof in shock.

"Ah shit." Zoe finding River in his room was just as bad as Mal finding out. Only difference was Zoe would chop his balls off before she shoved him out the airlock. Jayne glanced towards the hatch. "Fine Zoe," he called out, praying she'd drop it.

"I'm not a cow. No free milk. You said that was fine. You were in a buying mood," River told him, as though she was completely unaware of someone standing on the other side of the door.

"Ssh" Jayne urged her. He didn't need this. He really didn't need this.

"Jayne you got someone in there?" Zoe called from the hallway above.

Jayne looked around for inspiration, but all he could see was a half naked moonbrain in his bed, a blanket pulled up to cover her breasts.

"Yeah. Prairie Harpy followed me back here last night." Jayne said, hoping she wouldn't want to come down and see for herself. He didn't even see River's fist flying at his face, she moved so quickly. He staggered back a few paces. "What the hell?"

River poked her tongue out at him, and somewhere above him Zoe chuckled. "Well the Captain's wanting to leave soon, so best you send her on her way."

The first mate moved on and Jayne's fury swung back to River. "What the hell'd ya do that for girl?" He towered over her small form, his hands balling into fists. He never hit a woman unless she was physically threatening him in some way, and he could count the number of times that had happened on both hands. But he'd be damned if he let this little thing get away with it again.

"Not a Prairie Harpy… I'm your wife." River scolded.

"Hell girl I didn't call…" Jayne blustered. "I didn't mean… I was just trying to get Zoe gone without coming down here and finding ya."

River was unimpressed with his explanation. He was her husband, he was supposed to stand by her. That's what husbands and wives did for each other.

"And as for the wife thing," Jayne continued, the heat going out of his eyes as River's cool gaze chastised him. "I'm gonna go visit this Preacher and get this marriage thing sorted out."

River frowned. Marriage was for life. They were partners, always watching each other's backs, taking care of each other. Mother and Father wouldn't stand for a divorce. She had to make sure it didn't happen. "I'll come with you."

She got out of bed and gathered her clothes up, not noticing Jayne's jaw dropping as he took in her naked form. He remembered the feel of her against him as they slept and thanked god that he was now wearing pants. His breath shortened to shallow pants as she bent over to pick up her dress, his hands itched to reach out and pull her hips back against his.

Jayne turned around quickly to find a t-shirt, trying to ignore the way his body had tightened at the sight of her small breasts and long legs. He couldn't believe he'd just thought those things about River Tam. Couldn't believe how relaxed he'd felt when he woke up with her beside him…

"Ready," River chirped.

Jayne turned on his heal. "For what?" he asked, having momentarily forgotten her wish to go with him.

"Going to say thank you to the Preacher." River turned a somber gaze on him. "You were very rude to him last night. Should say sorry."

"You ain't goin' anywhere."

"Yes I am," River insisted, putting her hands on her hips.

"No you ain't."

"Yes. I. Am."

"No. You. Ain't."

Ten minutes later River and Jayne were striding down the well worn path from the field where Serenity had parked. It was midmorning in the small township, and despite the excesses of last night, most of the villagers were up and about. Jayne could smell fresh bread from the bakeries, ripe fruit in the market place, and somewhere meat was being stewed for the midday meal. He was glad that the alcohol of choice on this planet was Ambrosia, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to appreciate all these appetizing smells.

But as much as his mouth was watering and his stomach grumbling, he had another important task that couldn't wait. Little Crazy had followed him off the ship, and since he didn't want his crewmates alerted to their newly wedded state, Jayne had decided that the best course of action would be to just let her trail after him. And trailing she was. "Hey if you're wanting to come on this fieldtrip, you gotta keep up. If we're late back to the ship, Mal'll know something's up and I ain't in no mood to get spaced as we're leavin' atmo," he groused.

"Won't make a difference. Priest saw you were mine and I was yours. Just put pen to paper for the others."

Jayne turned away disgusted. How come she didn't seem put out by their crazy marriage – oh right, cos she was crazy.

He set his sights on the church up ahead. It was in the centre of town, and as usual, one of the nicest buildings there. The weatherboard exterior was whitewashed, and there was a cross high up on the roof proclaiming its significance. There was a neat little garden behind a white picket fence and behind the building, Jayne could see a small graveyard and another wing where the Preacher probably lived.

He knocked heavily on the church doors before letting River and himself in – churches were always open. "Hey Shepherd…" What was that guy's name?

"Shepherd Donahue," River piped up.

"Did I ask you?" Jayne snapped.

River poked her tongue out at him. Boys could be so annoying sometimes.

"Can I help you?" A voice from the far end of the chapel asked. Jayne turned towards the Shepherd. "Oh its you."

"You marry us last night, Shepherd?" Jayne asked, walking up the aisle towards the Preacher.

"That is what you asked me to do in the early hours of this morning." The Shepherd seemed totally unimpressed to find Jayne back in his church.

"Well you make a habit of marryin' folks what's drunk of their nut?" Jayne demanded to know.

"Not usually, but that large gun you had pointed at my head persuaded me otherwise."

Jayne blanched. He'd pulled a gun on a Shepherd? His ma would never forgive him. "Well listen, I'm real sorry about that, but like I said, I was drunker than drunk last night and I was wanting to get the marriage annulled."

The Shepherd's expression grew serious, his look passing from Jayne to River. He didn't normally marry girls as young as her either, but Cobb had been very insistent last night. The girl had a grin plastered all over her face, and Donahue could only hope that she had had an enjoyable wedding night. "Did you two spend the night together?" he directed his question at Jayne.

"Well yeah."

"Then I'm afraid I can't annul your marriage. If you're unhappy with your bride you'll have to get a divorce." The Preacher smirked, happy to get one up on the man who'd threatened his life.

"Look," Jayne grumbled. "There's certain parties who'd be keen to put a bullet in my brain if'n they found out about this."

"I'm sorry," Donahue said in a tone that indicated how very much he wasn't. "But I'll not let you dishonor this girl by granting an annulment. You made your bed," his eyes twinkled, "Now you'll have to sleep in it."

Translations
Ni ta ma de tian xia suo you de ren dou gai si - F everyone in the universe to death