Disclaimer: I own none of the original characters or the setting of this story... and I am pretty sure that even this disclaimer has been used before, but I don't know who did it... ;-)

Author's note: So this was a quick update so I wouldn't leave you with the cliffhanger for too long! I am an angel, ain't I? and again thanks to all my lovely reviewers! I love you all!

chapter sixteen

Seconds later the lights went on again and everyone looked at everyone else to see if something had happened in the meantime.

As soon as they had noticed that this short interruption was just for the author to make up her mind about how this story was meant to go on Voldemort cleared his throat.

„As I've already been wanting to say before someone interrupted me in a very rude manner, my last Horcrux is not Nagini but…" Voldemort started saying again.

Harry coughed and got hit over the head for this because he had interrupted Professor Riddle again when he was about to explain something.

"Ok… then again: My last Horcrux is…" You-Know-Who started again and looked into the audience to make sure everyone was listening: "Is…"

"If he had put as much tension as that into any of his lessons I wouldn't have fallen asleep so often!" Ron murmured and got hit over the head by Hermione who thought that one shouldn't sleep in lessons no matter what.

Suddenly everyone started hitting someone over the head for various reasons and so no one was interested into Voldy's story for a moment.

"…Snape!" Voldemort said.

"Pardon?" Harry asked. He was the only one standing near enough to have heard anything.

"SNAPE!" Voldemort shouted: "HE'S MY LAST HORCRUX! BUT YOU'LL NEVER EVER EVER EVER FIND OUT BECAUSE YOU'RE SO STUPID!"

Everyone fell silent immediately and looked at him but it took some moments before Hermione could speak: "Well, Sir, everyone in Great Britain knows that now, you were pretty loud… my ears hurt!"

Snape frowned and asked: "Why would I be your Horcrux?"

Voldemort put that A-REALLY-REALLY-LONG-STORY-IS-COMING expression on his face: "You know, when my mother was still young, she had a dog… oh, wait, that's another story… so, when I was trying to find my family to get rid of them I found out that my mother still had a great grand cousin left…"

"And I'm related to that one?" Severus asked impatiently as always.

"No… well, where was I?" Voldemort went on "Right, that great grand cousin had a sister who had a little baby boy…"

"And that's me?" Snape asked because he was fed up with the story slowly but steadily.

"NO! Now wait for a moment, will you? So, that boy had a best friend and that's you!" the Dark Lord finished.

Snape looked petrified and stunned at the same time and then he murmured: "I had a friend?"

Everyone raised an eyebrow.

Then Ginny spoke: "But doesn't that mean that Harry has to get rid of Snape…"

"Professor Snape!" Snape growled.

"Well, ok, get rid of Professor Snape in order to destroy the horcrux?" Ginny asked logical as always.

Voldemort nodded: "Well, either that or washing his hair until all the grease is gone!"

Snape tried to get away unnoticed when hearing this but it wouldn't work anyway.

Hermione smiled somewhat wickedly and pointed her wand at Professor Snape.

All he had to say to this was: "Eep!"

So Hermione put a spell on him which caused all the brooms in the castle to carry buckets of water to the room and pour them over Snape's head.

His two fan-girls moved their eyebrows up and down repeated times and grabbed pieces of soap starting to shampoo his hair.

Snape sat on the floor grumbling with crossed arms and an expression which could have killed someone.

The procedure seemed to last longer than anyone would have expected and so the audience got bored.

"Hey, I could start the duel with you in the meantime… just so something happens!" Harry suggested looking at Professor Riddle.

The other nodded and took his wand again.

"So, ready?" he asked.

Harry shook his head: "Just a second…"

"Hm… too bad I'm not supposed to play fair! Expelliarmus!" Voldemort shouted.

Harry's wand was sent flying yet again, and if it could have talked it might have quit its job.

One second before Voldemort could finish Harry however, Professor Trelawney opened the door and entered dramatically. "Don't do this, it's senseless!"

Everyone sighed and many people started talking at the same time so no one truly understood what anyone was saying until Snape shouted: "SOAP IN MY EYE! THE PAIN THE PAIN!"

"Thank you Severus!" Sybil said calmly and then added: "As everyone here said: Yes, I made the prophecy… but not the one you think I made!"

Ron sighed and said what everyone thought: "Dear, one real prophecy and even that one was fake… old fraud!"

Sybil blushed heavily: "Well, it was like that… I made a real prophecy, but that one was so boring… no one would have read a book about a prophecy saying that Voldemort would wear bunny slippers!"

Voldemort opened his eyes in shock and exclaimed: "That woman is a real seer! I AM WEARING BUNNY SLIPPERS TO BET EVERY NIGHT!"

Harry laughed loudly: "There goes my image of the overly evil Dark Lord!"

Professor Riddle looked at Harry and said: "Crucio!" but only just for a second.

"Ouch… there comes the image again!" Harry whined and hid behind Ginny.

"So, Harry doesn't have to kill me?" the Dark Lord asked finally.

Sybil nodded: "That's true, but you also don't have to be evil, Tom, you're a good boy deep down!"

Voldemort laughed: "In your dreams! I've got an army of Death Eaters, feared by everyone and evil to the core!"

Suddenly Lucius Malfoy ran in giggling and tagged Voldemort and ran off again.

Everyone around raised an eyebrow and looked at the Dark Lord.

Suddenly You-Know-Who broke down crying and whimpered: "It's true, we are not evil… well, not anymore! We were trying hard but it didn't work!"

Everyone faked some compassion until Hermione thought of something: "Wait, there were evil things going on lately… who did all these things if not Death Eaters?"

Voldemort sighed: "Hey, if you ask things like that at the end of a chapter you should know that this is the perfect possibility for an author to make a cliff-hanger and have the readers wait for the answer!"

Hermione rolled her eyes: "Well, I didn't know I could ask this before, now did I? So, who is it?"

Voldemort looked around scared for a moment and then whispered: "Luna Lovegood!"

"So that's why she wasn't in the story! It's not because the author forgot about her!" Harry exclaimed.

"I think this is a foul excuse for forgetting her and a really stupid reason to have a sequel eventually!" Ron complained and was hit by a brick immediately.

"But why would Luna…?" Ginny began her question but before anyone could answer the scene faded out and the chapter was over just in time to leave the readers wondering what was up with everything.