"What is it, Vinny?" Yuffie asked, trying to peer around him.
"Someone is coming," he answered softly, quickly moving from their cell out into the hallway, eyes scanning for a place to hide. There was none in sight; in one direction, the hallway dead-ended, in the other, it met a wider hall. Vincent felt sure that it was Talya; Minerva would not have made a sound. He glanced back at Yuffie, and she met his gaze, her grey eyes anxious.
"Shouldn't we run?"
"Where to?"
The ninja frowned and looked around. "Good question."
As he had expected, Talya strode around the bend, halting when she caught sight of them. "Huh," she said. "Should've known you'd get out."
Yuffie looked at Vincent questioningly.
"Talya," he identified for her, keeping a wary eye on his former colleague. "Do you intend to fight us?"
She tapped a finger against her lip, some nervousness entering her usually cool manner. "You guys want to free Seph, right?"
"Yes."
"Then hurry up and get out of here, before Hojo notices your door's open and sends Min to check it out." She grinned hesitantly and explained, "Hojo's got nothin' on me without her around. As long as he never finds out I let you go..."
"Understood." Vincent motioned to Yuffie. "Let's go."
The girl hesitated. "Um... yeah."
He strode swiftly past Talya and started down the main hall, hearing Yuffie's soft footsteps behind him.
Once they were beyond Talya's hearing range, she quickened her pace to walk beside him and whispered sharply, "What about the others?"
"We cannot go back for them now. They will have to take care of themselves."
Yuffie glanced back over her shoulder. "I guess," she conceded. "Hey, do you know the way out of this place?"
Vincent shook his head. "I was no more conscious than you when they brought us here." They came to an intersection of two hallways, and he paused, looking both ways, but both looked the same.
"Eenie, meenie, minie, mo," Yuffie muttered, shaking her head. "Let's try that way," she decided, pointing to her right.
"Any particular reason?"
"Because I feel like turning right?" she offered.
He shrugged, and they turned right down the corridor, listening carefully for footfalls and at the same time trying to silence their own. At length, after passing several more hallways, they came to a dead end--or, more precisely, a door reading 'Restricted Access' with a slot for a keycard beside it. Thinking he heard voices in the room beyond, Vincent pressed his ear up against it.
"...and the outer door has been forced open," Hojo was saying. "I want you to investigate."
"Yes, Professor," came Minerva's reply.
Vincent quickly drew back from the door, gestured to Yuffie, and darted down the corridor and into one of the side passages, finding a door with no lock and ducking inside.
Yuffie caught up to him a moment later and shut the door behind her, leaning against it. "You're too tall," she whispered reproachfully. Once she had caught her breath, she looked up at him quizzically. "What was that all about anyway?"
"Hojo and Minerva were talking behind that door," he answered. "I believe they have discovered our escape. However... he said something about an 'outer door.' Perhaps someone else has gotten out as well."
"Or Aeris lost her mind and came to rescue us."
Vincent glanced down at her with a raised eyebrow.
"That would be like her, wouldn't it?"
"Perhaps," he considered, letting his gaze wander the room in which they had shut themselves. A table sat in the center, a stack of manilla folders atop it, and lining the walls were a number of filing cabinets.
"Do you think she's passed us by now?" Yuffie wondered.
"We should wait a moment to be certain."
She nodded and hugged herself, shifting from foot to foot. "Why are labs always so cold?" she demanded of no one. She stopped abruptly and glanced up at him. "Hey, do you think Hojo would keep Sephiroth close to or far from his lab?"
"Close, I should think," Vincent answered slowly. "He was never a patient man."
"Then we should check the other hallways we passed on our way here."
He nodded in agreement, but he had to wonder... If they freed Sephiroth, what then? Without his powers, he could lead them to the exit, but he would not be able to get them past Minerva's wall. Without the girl's aid, they were stuck in this place.
"Vinny?"
"Hmm?"
"If we got out of our cell, why hasn't Sephiroth gotten outta his?"
"Likely he could if he wished to."
Yuffie looked incredulous. "What, you mean he wants to be here?"
Vincent shook his head. "He does not think highly of himself. It is possible he thinks he deserves this sort of punishment."
"Gee, that sounds familiar."
He cast her a sidelong glance, but did not reply.
"Anyway, I think we can go now."
He nodded in agreement, and they stepped back out into the hall, making a cursory inspection of its other rooms before moving on to check the myriad other passages. Eventually they came across a cell block similar to the one they had left behind. Only here, the locks were different, and one of the cells was missing a door.
Yuffie pushed past him to inspect it. "Woah... somebody pulled this door off. Do you think it was Sephiroth...?"
Vincent strode over to join her, noting that the door lay warped on the tile just inside the cell. He knelt to inspect it. "No. There's a label: M-A05-C23."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
He straightened, shaking his head. "I believe this was Minerva's cell. Perhaps she attempted to escape and was recaptured."
"Jeez... Minerva did this?"
"I suppose. In any case, Sephiroth's cell must be..." He trailed off, looking over his shoulder.
Yuffie's voice dropped to a whisper. "Is someone coming?"
Vincent nodded and slipped inside the open cell, hoping no one would notice. The young ninja followed him, and they stood in a tense silence as the footsteps grew closer. A lock clicked, and the door to the room beside them opened. More footsteps followed, but the door did not shut behind whoever entered. He listened for voices, but heard nothing for several minutes.
"Min, he isn't going to say anything no matter how long you stare at him," he heard Talya remark. "I mean, just look at him."
Minerva murmured something in reply.
"'Course not, compared to you two."
"Then why, why are you free, while we must suffer and die here?"
There was a pause, and Talya's voice grew subdued. "I'm not any more free than you are. You should know that by now."
"Hmph."
"Well. Min, you gonna go or not? The Professor's letting you out for a bit."
Another pause followed, and the door finally shut. Vincent heard no footsteps; he could not tell if the girl stood waiting outside or if she had disappeared down the hall. For all he knew, she had sensed their presence and was approaching. When a minute passed and nothing happened, Vincent moved to the adjoining wall in attempt to make out any voices.
"You should leave before I frighten you further," Sephiroth was saying, something cruel and broken in his voice. "But then, there is nothing more for you to do now, is there? Hojo can keep Minerva under control, and she can in turn keep me in check. No one needs you anymore. Or did Aeris manage to free anyone?"
Vincent blinked. Had Yuffie guessed right? Had Aeris come?
He only caught snatches of Talya's answer. "...got all her friends... Apparently... looking for you."
Sephiroth's reply was low and contemptuous, and Talya's uneasy voice followed.
"Surprise, surprise," the swordsman laughed in response. "This is who and what I really am." He added something else in a lower voice, and for a moment, he could make out nothing further of their conversation.
"I just hope," Talya said, almost too softly for him to hear, "...real you back. If anyone can..."
"Why so confident in her?" Sephiroth asked contemptuously. "She's only a Cetra."
He said something more, and Talya answered, and then the door opened. "Besides," she went on, "she lasted half an hour at least."
"What? Was Minerva playing with her?"
"Nope. And I don't think Min knows how to block her powers either," she added, sounding confident. "Don't scare her too much; she's probably the only one who can get us all out of this mess."
The door slid shut again, and the two waited for Talya's footsteps to fade away.
"Did you hear what they said?" Yuffie whispered.
"Some of it," Vincent answered. "It seems you were right about Aeris."
"Oh, no. Did they capture her, too?"
"Yes, but it seems she freed the others first. She may have been looking for Sephiroth when Minerva found her."
"So... is she in there with Sephiroth now?"
Vincent nodded. "But, I am worried about Sephiroth. He did not sound entirely sane..."
Yuffie's eyes widened, and she took a step towards the doorway, saying urgently, "Then we'd better hurry and get them outta there before he hurts her, or worse, kills her again."
"No," he said, putting a restraining hand on her arm. "If we intervene now, we will have to deal with a mentally-unbalanced Sephiroth. Aeris, I think, is the only one he'll listen to. She needs some time alone with him."
The ninja eyed him critically, twisting free of his grasp. "So you're saying we should just leave her in there?" she asked in a fierce whisper. "With her murderer?"
"I know Sephiroth better than you do," Vincent replied calmly. "He would not harm her now."
"But he killed her before!"
"And he's brought her back."
Yuffie bit off a sound of frustration. "But you say he's not sane now. The last time he was insane, he killed her! I wouldn't put it past him to do it again."
He caught her gaze and held it with his crimson one. "Aeris means something to him. He traded himself for her so that she would not have to come here, knowing that he would suffer in her stead. He is not about to change his mind about her so lightly."
"Are you saying he cares about her?" Yuffie asked incredulously.
"Yes. I am."
She shook her head. "That's not really very reassuring," she said.
"Trust them."
Yuffie sighed in defeat. "All right. So how long do we wait?"
"An hour?" he suggested.
The ninja hesitated, then agreed reluctantly. "Okay." She looked around, found the room empty of furniture, and sat down on the floor with her knees pulled up close against the cold. She motioned for him to join her, but he only moved away from the adjoining wall so as not to eavesdrop.
"So what're we gonna do while we wait?" she asked after several minutes had passed.
He glanced at her. "Think."
Yuffie shook her head. "Man, don't you ever get tired of that?"
He shook his head.
She shifted uneasily. "Well, waiting here when Minerva could find us any second is making me nervous. An hour's gonna seem like forever."
Vincent only shrugged, and Yuffie fell silent. He kept his ears trained for footsteps and his eyes on the wall. Soon, Lucrecia, he thought, soon, I will bring your son back to you, just as I promised.
His head shot up. Footsteps. A click. The door slid open, and Minerva stepped through, Aeris in her arms. The Cetra was unconscious, bleeding, her head tilted back to expose her neck, her hair tumbling down, threatening to touch the floor, her eyes closed and lashes casting tiny shadows on her face, slightly pained. She looked beautiful like that.
Sephiroth barely noticed Talya enter a few steps behind. He watched from his corner, motionless save for his emerald eyes. Minerva placed Aeris's limp form on the bed and turned to him. She struggled to keep her face blank, but she could hide nothing from him; he could see the ambivalence flickering in her blue-green eyes. She glanced at Talya.
She won't let me heal her, she said.
Do it anyway. You know I can't.
I know, I know... but...
His eyes flicked back to Aeris and a smirk twitched at his lips. Of course, if you leave her, I can watch her bleed.
Minerva had gained control over her expression, and her thoughts were calm. What has she done to you?
The same thing that she's been doing to you for years. I told you I wasn't strong enough.
Talya had been watching him with concern, but as soon as he looked at her directly, her stance became impatient. "Min, he isn't going to say anything no matter how long you stare at him. I mean, just look at him."
Minerva turned to her, saying coldly, "You know nothing."
The ex-Turk shrugged casually. "'Course not, compared to you two." What a weak way of dealing with the truth, Sephiroth thought with a sneer. Don't take it seriously, and it won't hurt you.
"Then why," Minerva demanded, "why are you free, while we must suffer and die here?"
Talya's gaze dropped. "I'm not any more free than you are. You should know that by now."
"Hmph."
But Talya never stayed down for long, even if she had to pretend. "Well," she said, lifting her head, that grin on her face. "Min, you gonna go or not? The Professor's letting you out for a bit."
The girl nodded and strode silently past her. The door slid shut behind her, leaving Talya alone with Sephiroth.
"...are you gonna be all right?" she asked after a moment of silence.
"You mean," he translated with a smirk, "will I be able to leave her alone?"
"Well, yeah."
He looked over at the Cetra appraisingly. "The same rule applies to her as applies to you. I have nothing sharp."
"Okay," Talya said uneasily. "That's more or less comforting."
"Meaning it disturbs you."
"Yeah..."
"You should leave before I frighten you further. But then, there is nothing more for you to do now, is there? Hojo can keep Minerva under control, and she can in turn keep me in check. No one needs you anymore. Or did Aeris manage to free anyone?"
She hesitated. "She got all of her friends out before Minerva found her. Apparently she was looking for you."
"Hmph." He glanced again at the unconscious Cetra. "She is such a fool. She has found me now, I suppose."
Talya met his gaze searchingly. "You used to care so much about her... What's happened to you?"
"Surprise, surprise, this is who and what I really am." He sat up and leaned across his knees, smiling coldly. "Frightening, isn't it?"
She looked away, her gaze settling on Aeris. "This isn't you."
"Isn't it?"
"No, it's not. I just hope... that she can bring the real you back. If anyone can, it's her."
"Why so confident in her? She's only a Cetra," he sneered. "Minerva beat her--easily, too, I'll bet. How long did she last? Half a minute?"
"Don't be so cruel. You know as well as I do that fighting isn't her specialty." Talya opened the door and added over her shoulder, "Besides, she lasted half an hour at least."
"What? Was Minerva playing with her?"
"Nope. And I don't think Min knows how to block her powers either," she went on with a strange optimism. "Don't scare her too much; she's probably the only one who can get us all out of this mess."
Sephiroth looked at Aeris again, this time with uncertainty in his gaze. Had she found her true strength? he wondered. No. If she had, Minerva would not have beaten her so easily. Glancing back at the door, he found Talya gone. He did not blame her for leaving.
Climbing to his feet, he walked slowly, almost cautiously, to sit beside Aeris on the bed. She looked so innocent, he thought, so beautiful. He reached out a hand to touch a rather bad scratch on her face. She winced slightly, and he withdrew the hand. He hoped that the wound would not leave a scar. He wished he could heal it. A part of him wanted to try it anyway, but he knew he could not, and so he sat back to wait for her eyes to open. She could heal herself when she awoke.
His eyes slid over her body to take in the rest of her wounds. What if she couldn't?
What, you still want to try? Jenova scoffed. Minerva's sealed away all your power. You can't possibly--
Shut up. I'll do what I want. Of course, she was right, but he did not want to agree with her, ever, even if she was right.
You're a fool, she spat as his hand moved towards Aeris's face.
Foolish, or insane? he wondered, not certain of the answer himself. Besides, would it not please you to see me fail at helping her?
Jenova mulled this over for a moment. Fine. Go ahead and make yourself useless.
Sephiroth set his hand against Aeris's face, more firmly this time, and ignored her grimace. He willed her wounds to heal, having difficulty even recalling how to heal but willing it anyway. Just once in this cell, he wanted to prove Jenova wrong. He knew that this would not work, but--
His eyes widened, the green in them vanishing. Was it actually...? He jerked his hand away and stared at Aeris. A moment passed before he wiped the blood from her face with trembling fingers. There was no trace of the scratch that had been there before. He sat perfectly still, as though afraid to move, his hand hovering over the Cetra's face.
What... was that? Jenova asked, just as stunned as he.
I don't know. My power... is still sealed off... isn't it?
It is. I can tell.
Then how did I--
Aeris's eyes fluttered open, and he gave a start, practically leaping from the bed, the green back in his wide eyes.
Aeris pushed herself up on one elbow, her eyes downcast as she made a mental inspection of her wounds, only to find that she could not feel any of them. She sat up and looked herself over, finding only drying blood where the cuts and gashes had been. Had someone healed her? She blinked, sensing that someone was watching her.
Sephiroth stood several paces back from the bed, staring at her. He looked oddly afraid; she had never seen him frightened before.
"Sephiroth," she said, managing a wavering smile, "what's wrong? I didn't wake up that suddenly, did I?"
He shook his head slowly. "I... I shouldn't have been able to..." Taking another step back, he shook his head more vigorously.
"Able to what?" she asked in confusion. What had happened to him?
"Heal you."
She looked down at herself momentarily. "Oh... you did this? Maybe Minerva let you--?"
"She didn't," he cut in quickly.
Aeris faltered. "Well, however you did it, thank you."
"Don't. I only did it to spite her."
"'Her'?"
Sephiroth had calmed by now, though there remained something feral in his cool blue-green gaze. "Jenova."
Her eyes widened, and she pushed herself to the edge of the bed. "You mean she's talking to you again?"
"Yes," he answered, almost casually.
Aeris got to her feet and took a few steps towards him, stopping only when she noticed him backing up to the wall to keep the distance between them. "Are you all right?"
He averted his gaze and did not answer.
"Are you?" she prompted anxiously.
"Do you really care, or do you just want to comfort yourself?" he queried sharply.
She blinked, taken aback. "Of course I care..."
Sephiroth laughed abruptly, as though at a joke audible only to him. "Good point. She would say the same whether or not she meant it. How am I to know it's the truth?"
Aeris studied him with open concern. "What has Jenova been telling you?"
"Many things," he answered guardedly. "I do not want to believe them, but sometimes... they make too much sense." He looked back at her, his gaze piercing. "She said that I did not know you. That is true enough, isn't it? We've barely spoken, and then never at great lengths. How could I possibly know your true intentions?"
"But I just want to--"
"There you go again, trying to seem simple and innocent. It sounds very convincing, but it could easily be a lie. You've had to learn how to lie, haven't you? To conceal what you are."
She was at a loss. How could she convince him she meant it when he scarcely let her speak? "What's happened to you?"
Sephiroth looked at her directly and said softly, a tremor in his voice, "I remember now... I remember everything..."
"That couldn't change you this much, could it?"
"Oh, it could," he replied, laughing bitterly. "It brought me back to what I was, what I truly am."
Aeris dared to ask, "And what is that?"
"A murderer," he said darkly. "A killer."
"You're not--"
"I killed you!" he cut in, his voice nearly a shout. "I killed you and I loved it! I enjoyed it! I am a murderer, a freak, I loved it! The way the blade went clean through you, the blood, the power, the blood, the blood..." He stared at her, his eyes a frightening shade of green even deeper and brighter than her own as he studied her.
Aeris stepped backwards in spite of herself, fearful of the madness in those eyes, and sat down awkwardly when she bumped into the edge of the bed behind her.
"You would look even more beautiful... covered in crimson..." He slid down the wall until he found the floor and stared at his hands as though he had never seen them before.
"Sephiroth...?" she called hesitantly, trying to calm her pounding heart. She could not let him know that she was afraid; that would not help anything. Only, what could she possibly say to him now?
"Do not call me that," he snapped, looking up at her sharply.
"Then what am I supposed to call you?" she asked helplessly.
"Nothing," he replied, his voice surprisingly level. "I am not worthy of a name. Do not speak to me. Do not attempt to console me. I know you don't care anyway."
"But I do care," Aeris said forcefully. She could feel his bitterness like a wound in her heart, and the look in his eyes was some steps past resignation. There was no hope there, and she did not know how to give it to him.
"No, you don't," he insisted. "Probably the only that keeps you from enjoying the sight of me like this is your desire to keep up your pretense. Do you want to trick me? To give me hope and beat it out of me yourself? Would you enjoy that even more? Surely you must want some kind of revenge for my killing you."
"Wha--revenge?" she repeated as though struck. "How can you even suggest that?"
"It is human nature, is it not? Surely that applies to the ancestors of the humans as well. I know it applies to me. Everything I did five years ago was for my own enjoyment."
"I can't believe that," she managed.
"Believe it, Cetra, for it is true," he snapped, his eyes narrowing. "I won't pretend to be pure so that you feel safer in my presence. If I had my Masamune, I would kill you now."
"Then why did you bother healing me?"
"To prove Jenova wrong. She said I couldn't."
"Why did you suggest it in the first place? Surely you had a reason for that." She was desperate for something to hold on to, some known ground. He was like a stranger to her now, as he had been five years ago. But this was not him, she was sure of it!
Sephiroth considered this for a moment. "I don't know. It was nothing more than a whim." A snarl came to his features. "Oh, shut up, I am sick of carrying on two conversations at once."
Aeris hesitated, hoping that he had been talking to Jenova. "I don't think it was," she said awkwardly. "You're hiding something."
He turned his harsh gaze on her, and for a moment she thought she had been mistaken. "Why should it matter anyway?" he demanded.
"I can't help you without your cooperation; you need to help yourself a little, too."
"Why would I want to?"
She nearly burst into tears. "Do you really hate yourself that much?"
"Murderers are to be hated, are they not?"
"But you're not a murderer!" she cried in her frustration.
This seemed to tickle his fancy, and he laughed. "Oh, yes, my body just picked up the Masamune and killed those people on its own. I had nothing to do with it."
"Jenova misled you. You wouldn't have, had you been free of her influence."
His amusement soon faded. "You say this as though you know for certain. I was not so weak, back then. I had made up my mind to slaughter them even before Jenova spoke to me. She simply used my anger to her own advantage."
"If you enjoyed it so much, why haven't you tried to get out of here and kill more people?"
Sephiroth lowered his head. "I may have enjoyed the slaughter, but I do not condone it."
"How can you enjoy and despise something at the same time?"
"I do not think it right to kill, yet I wish to do it anyway. Haven't you ever had the feeling?"
Aeris shook her head helplessly.
"Hmm. Of course you haven't... Maybe you truly are who you claim to be..." He glanced up at her from hooded eyes. "I wish I could stop thinking of ways to kill you, but I cannot. They enter my mind no matter what I do, and I cannot but find them amusing."
She carefully got to her feet and took a few steps towards him. "You know right and wrong, and you want to be right, even if you can't. Isn't that enough to start from?"
Sephiroth lifted his head cautiously. "What do you mean?"
His expression gave her some confidence, and she strode over to kneel down before him. "You didn't always think that way; I know you didn't. I could try to bring you back to that, if you'll let me."
"I doubt you could," he scoffed. "You cannot make me forget it all."
"I shouldn't need to."
He regarded her skeptically. "I don't see how I could be free of it otherwise."
"You just have to accept that you don't have to be that way anymore. You can be whatever you want to be."
"No, I can't," he snorted. "I am an experiment, created from an altered human embryo. Jenova is as much a part of me as either of my human parents, perhaps more so." He stared down at his gloved hands. "Perhaps I should call her 'Mother.'"
"No," Aeris said urgently, sensing the danger in Sephiroth believing his own words and taking one of his hands. "Just because Hojo experimented with Jenova cells doesn't mean she's your mother. You're just as human as anyone else, more than me, if that counts for anything. You have your own purpose, not just what the Professor deems fit for you. You can do whatever you want to do to make yourself happy, just like the rest of us."
Sephiroth looked down at her hand, then freed his own from her grasp and scoffed loudly. "Happy?" he echoed. "What is it like to be happy? I don't know. I've never known it, and I don't deserve to."
"Sephiroth, listen to me," she pleaded. "It doesn't matter what you did in the past. You were lied to then, by everyone, by yourself. You reacted with vengeance because in the beginning, you truly believed you were right. It's in your nature to fight for good."
"Then why didn't I?" he asked, sounding almost amused.
"You made a mistake. A big one at that, but it was still a mistake, caused by all the lies that had accumulated as facts in your mind."
"Then why, when I learned I was wrong, did I keep killing?"
"I can't get into your head, Sephiroth," she told him. "You have to tell me that part."
"Why should I?" he demanded. "You seem to be doing well enough on your own."
"I think it'll help."
"I never said I wanted your help."
"You don't have to."
Sephiroth stared at her as though seeing her for the first time. "...why do you insist on helping everyone at your own expense?"
She smiled almost sheepishly. "It's in my nature, I guess. Cloud... would be so angry with what I'm doing now. 'It's too dangerous,' he'd say. 'Sephiroth was the one who killed you, remember?'" She shook her head, her smile rueful.
"...you miss him, don't you?"
Aeris nodded. "But, he's wrong. Cloud is so wrong about you. He lets his emotions cloud his judgment."
"And you don't?"
She looked up. "Hmm?"
"Your concern for everything makes you do stupid things. You aid others with no regard for your own life. Why?"
"Back to this again? Why do you have so much trouble understanding it? You've done it before."
Sephiroth blinked. "I have?"
"You traded yourself for me, only days ago. Why did you do such a thing? You could have saved yourself so much suffering."
"Shut up," he whispered, shutting his eyes for a moment, his face half-hidden behind his knees. He said nothing else for so long she nearly risked prompting an answer, but at last he raised his head to look at her steadily. "I... I did it because I did not want them to take you away."
"Why not?"
He shifted uneasily, as though trying to shrink farther into his corner, and did not answer.
"And why did you stay behind when you rescued me and my mother from the lab? You could've easily come with us, but you didn't."
"I was trying to..." He stopped and tried a different approach. "I thought that if I stayed in the lab, then that would be good enough for Hojo, and he would not search for you."
"Do you see now? You've made yourself suffer to save me twice when you didn't have to. You should understand what makes me do it."
He studied her carefully. "...do you love everyone, Aeris?"
Her heart skipped a beat. No, he couldn't mean that. She could easily say she loved her friends, couldn't she? "Mostly," she answered with a sheepish smile, hoping her hesitation hadn't given him the wrong impression.
Sephiroth nodded slowly. "I see." He got to his feet, and she followed him a few steps behind as he walked to the center of the room. He stood there a moment, then turned to face her. She could not read his expression. "You wanted to know... why I did not stop killing when I found out the truth, didn't you?"
"Yes."
He did not hold her gaze as he answered. "Jenova was pushing me to continue. She told me that what I had learned was only a bunch of lies. And I, so eager to think that I was still right, believed her. I could not stand the thought that I had killed so many innocent people, so I told myself I hadn't and kept fighting."
Her heart ached for him, but she knew not what to say. Hope flickered in his eyes as he continued, like a flame struggling to start from little kindling.
"But when I killed you, I began to doubt it, and that doubt grew. In the end, I could not believe my own lies anymore. I gave up. Jenova had some control over me, but not enough." He looked down and went on quietly, "Had I chosen to fight, Cloud could not have killed me."
"I can believe that..."
He shook his head regretfully. "I may be powerful, but I am such a weakling when it comes to my mind. I could not accept that I was wrong, that I was a murderer."
"You've accepted it now."
"What good does that do?" he asked bitterly. "It does not change anything."
"No, nothing can change the past," Aeris conceded, "but hating yourself won't change it either."
"Then what am I supposed to do? Everyone hates me, and I still want to kill them. Hell, I would kill you even, could I make a pretty death of it."
"I can't believe that for a second. You could do it now, easily I'm sure. I'm not very strong."
Sephiroth ignored her words, his eyes shining with that emerald fire. "Tell me, Cetra, why do I have such a bloodlust? You know everything, so tell me that!"
"I don't have all the answers," she replied softly. "I can only speak from experience, and I... I've never killed anyone."
He held her gaze for a moment, and she nearly expected him to refute everything she had said thus far, but he shook his head and said, "No, of course you wouldn't have. Not you."
"Sephiroth," Aeris began hesitantly, "can you... tell me how it feels? Then maybe I can figure out why you seem to like it."
"It is better for you not to know," he said quickly.
"But I want to help you. I can't if you don't tell me anything."
"You do not need to help me. You do not need to know."
She frowned. "Don't spare me the detail. I'm not that pure, am I?"
"Compared to me, yes, you are." He sighed and confessed, "But, that is not why I want to spare you from it."
"Oh?"
"I know you are already afraid of me. If I told you what it is like, you would fear me more."
"I'm not afraid anymore," she said boldly.
Sephiroth looked back at her, favoring her with a faint smile, as though she were a child. "Yes, you are," he stated. "You fear me because I cannot understand myself, because I killed you without reason, because I am a freak, an abomination."
She could not deny that. Instead she told him, "You are whatever you choose to be."
"Meaning? If I choose to be a freak, then that is what I shall become?" The idea seemed to amuse him, and he shook his head. "But how am I supposed to become human?"
"Well, what do you consider human? Some of them can be quite cruel."
"Not as cruel as me."
"That's not true, and you know it."
"Of course it's true," he scoffed, but he did not sound like he believed it.
"Then why do you bother to listen to me? Why haven't you killed me yet? You know you can."
"Aeris, I..." His face contorted into a snarl. "Shut up."
The Cetra blinked and took an involuntary step back.
Sephiroth noticed and frowned apologetically. "I am sorry... Jenova, she..." He shook his head and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, staring at his feet. "None of it matters anyway. Even if I never kill another soul, I am yet incapable of caring for anyone. Is friendship not what so much of human life is based upon?"
"What are you talking about, Sephiroth? You care for people."
He glanced up at her uncertainly. "I killed you..."
She moved to sit down beside him, holding his gaze. "You didn't answer me before. Why not kill me again?"
"Don't make me answer that, please. I do not want to make you suffer."
She saw that his eyes were blue before he dropped his gaze, and she could not help thinking of Cloud for a brief moment. "What makes you think the answer will hurt me?"
"You do not need me in your life."
"Why do you think I came here?" she asked gently.
"Your friends, they... You wanted to save them."
"Only them?"
"Minerva as well?" he asked. He seemed to know what she meant, but could not fathom the possibility.
"Yes, I suppose," she replied, smiling, "but I came for you, too. Why do you think I asked my friends to help in the first place?"
"To get rid of Hojo," he answered without hesitation.
Aeris shook her head. "That was never my priority. Getting you out of here always came first."
He regarded her with a strange sort of half-smile. "How is it that you always know what to say?"
"I don't know. Really, I don't; I just... try to understand how you feel, and sometimes I can guess from there." She hesitated. "Do you believe me now?"
"Yes," Sephiroth answered in a whisper. "I've always believed you. I just... couldn't disprove my own assumptions so easily."
"I hope I haven't sent your world spinning."
He looked sure of himself for the first time since they had parted as children, and his eyes were still that beautiful shade of blue. They're lighter than Cloud's though. "Quite the contrary--I feel as though I've finally found my way again."
"Are you going to get yourself out of here then?"
He smiled slightly. "Not just myself, remember? You don't plan on staying, do you?"
She laughed, shaking her head. "Of course not."
Sephiroth's smile faded and he glanced down at his hands. "You will probably end up doing most of the work, though, as Minerva does not know how to block your powers."
Aeris looked down at the bloodstains from where her wounds had been. "What about when you healed me? How do you explain that?"
He shrugged. "A momentary lapse in Minerva's spell? How should I know?"
"Somehow I don't think she would be that careless." Aeris regarded him critically, but came up with no answers. "Anyway, will you be all right when we get her out of here and you have your powers back again?"
"...I think I can control myself, yes," he confirmed. "Although in truth, I might prefer having Minerva keep them locked away from me. I don't trust myself."
"Do you still think you're a... a freak?" she asked uncertainly.
He looked away. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to stop hating yourself, Aeris? To forgive yourself after you've done so many wrongs?" He sighed and looked back at her. "Yes, I do still think I am a freak. But there are things that I must set right; Jenova and Hojo still live, and once I am finally confident of myself, I should kill them. And then..."
"Then what?" Aeris prompted, not liking what she heard in his tone.
"I'm not yet certain. The proper thing to do would be to kill myself, thus ending the line of Jenova, but I've died twice before and..." He trailed off and shook his head helplessly.
"Jenova herself may be a danger to the Planet, but that doesn't mean you are."
"Have you asked it?"
"No..."
"Then do not attempt to give me any false hope. I can live without it. My only goal now is to keep myself sane long enough to complete my duties. I only wish... that Jenova would leave me in peace."
Aeris frowned. "Is she talking to you now?"
"Yes," he answered, and though his posture did not change, he seemed as though he were hiding. "She is cursing you for helping me. Of course, she does not put it that way."
She put her arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry..."
Sephiroth started, pulling away. "Aeris, what are you doing?"
"It's called a hug," she replied.
"It's... been so long since anyone bothered."
She couldn't resist a laugh and tapped his shoulder armor. "Maybe this is your problem."
"Uncomfortable?" he queried with a smile.
"Very."
"I don't suppose I need it..."
Aeris's eyes widened. "You mean you'd actually take it off just so I could comfortably lay my head on your shoulder?"
"It really does not inconvenience me."
"If you insist," she said, lifting up her hands.
Sephiroth unbuckled the shoulder guards and tossed them carelessly to the floor. He seemed much more... natural... without them. Maybe when they returned to Cosmo Canyon she could persuade him to buy some more casual attire. "Better?" he asked.
Aeris snuggled up against him. It wouldn't do me any harm to be held either, she thought. "Much."
He sat there tensely, apparently not knowing what to do; either that, or he was too unused to physical contact to be able to return it. "Thank you for everything," he said finally. "I needed someone to say something that made sense."
"What about Minerva? She couldn't help you?"
"No. She is too much like me, I think. Neither of us is any good at comforting anyone."
"Poor things," she murmured into his chest. "Growing up in a place like this is no life at all."
"She can still be saved. She would be able to manage quite well in your world with a little help, I think. Perhaps Katrina could help her..."
Aeris glanced up at him. "How old is she?"
"Seventeen."
She nodded in agreement and moved a little closer. "You make it sound like you can't be saved."
"Perhaps I can, but what difference would it make? Who would ever accept me save you?"
"Many people, I'm sure. Some already do."
He scoffed quietly. "Do you even know how unique you are?"
She closed her eyes. "I try not to think about it. I'd rather not be."
Sephiroth shifted uncomfortably. "In any case, we should be trying to escape before the others attempt to come back for you."
Aeris sat up, smiling. "That's just like Cloud, always trying to be the hero."
"He loves you, does he not?" the swordsman asked, sounding confused as to how any other reason could apply.
She nodded and glanced at him. "You said before that you didn't know what it was like... but I'm beginning to wonder if that's really true."
He met her gaze incredulously. "Me? Love? It is a ridiculous proposal."
"I don't think so."
Uncertain blue-green eyes glanced sideways at her. "...why not?"
"Your actions and expressions say you've loved before."
Sephiroth stood abruptly and walked to the door. "We shouldn't waste any more time talking," he said brusquely. "Help me with this."
Aeris followed him to the door, looking up at him. She had one final question. "Have you ever asked anyone for help before, Sephiroth?"
He had to think before he could answer. "I do not believe so."
"Then I'm glad that, the first time you do, you'll get the help you need." She smiled and was pleasantly surprised when he returned the smile, tentatively. "You should smile more often," she told him before she bent to inspect the lock.
Author's Notes
This particular Aeris/Sephiroth scene has to be one of my favorites. Writing Sephiroth as mentally unbalanced and quick to lash out is a lot more fun than a cool, collected Sephiroth. Although I don't feel he ought to be written that way without reason, because Sephiroth generally is cool and collected.
Anyway, in the original, Sephiroth did try to explain to Aeris how it felt to kill, but I wanted to make him more guarded in this, less willing to share anything with her.