Tifa watched Cloud uncertainly as he stepped inside. He was frowning faintly, but any other emotions he did his best to hide. He often looked that way when something was troubling him, but she wasn't always sure what to tell him. "How did it go?" she asked.
He stopped and turned to her. "He's sane all right, but... I still don't like it. Aeris being with him, I mean. What if he snaps again, and she gets hurt?"
"Why don't you talk to her?" she suggested.
Cloud shook his head. "I'd try, but she'd just end up convincing me that everything's all right. I'd feel better for a while, but..."
"I'm sure Aeris knows what she's doing."
"I can still remember the last time I saw her, before she... died. 'Let me handle Sephiroth,' she said. And then he killed her. I should have been there to protect her. If I... If all of us had been there, it never would've happened. I can't let that happen again, Tifa. What if she's alone with him, and he...?"
"She's not a child, Cloud," Tifa stated. "And she's proven that she can take care of herself now."
"Tifa, he's a killer, and she doesn't seem to see that. I..."
Tifa laid a hand on his shoulder. "She should know it better than anyone. She was one of his victims. She died by his hand. And if she's seen him worthy of forgiveness, that's her decision."
He sighed in defeat, but worry still creased his face. "I guess you're right..."
"If you want," she went on, "I'll talk to her about it. I've been meaning to anyway. Even if it is safe for her to be around him, I can't understand why she would want to."
"He said she wanted to help him somehow," Cloud muttered, shaking his head.
Tifa peered into his face. "So I'll ask her about it, and see what's going on. Is that all right?"
He looked up and nodded.
She put on her best smile and said with mock reproach, "Now you had better get on down to the bridge. Cid must be getting pretty impatient with you, and I know the others are anxious to leave here."
"Right," he said, hesitating only a moment longer before heading down the steps to the bridge.
Tifa watched him go, then made her way to Aeris's quarters, knocking softly on the door.
A cheerful "Come in!" answered her, and she turned the knob. Aeris was sitting on the bed, and she looked up with a smile. "Hi, Tifa."
"Hi, Aeris," she replied, smiling back and hesitantly closing the door behind her.
The Cetra tilted her head curiously. "What's on your mind?" she asked, sensing Tifa's anxiety.
"I wanted to talk to you about Sephiroth," she said. "I... A lot of us are worried about you."
Aeris nodded, and her expression grew serious. "Sit down then," she invited, patting the mattress beside her.
Tifa sat, frowning as she wondered how best to go about this. "Well... You seem to be around him a lot lately, and, given his reputation, you can understand why we're concerned..."
"I'll be all right," the Cetra assured her. "Sephiroth's changed--or, rather, he's like he was before Nibelheim, just with a lot more baggage."
She shook her head. "But I... I can understand why people followed him as a leader then, but his personality never attracted any friends. He's so cold. I can't understand why you would want to be around him, even if you knew he wouldn't hurt you."
Aeris shook her head. "You don't know him, Tifa. He only pretends to be cold so others will leave him alone."
"If he wants to be left alone, why are you bothering him?" Tifa asked in confusion.
Her friend sighed. "He doesn't want to be left alone. It's just that he never learned how to deal with people, so he always pushes them away. It's his way of protecting them. But whatever he says, I know he wants friends, and that he cares about people more than he's willing to let on."
"I haven't seen any evidence of that," Tifa said doubtfully.
The Cetra was looking down at her lap with a faint smile on her face. "You should've seen him when Minerva first captured me. No matter what I said to dissuade him, he wouldn't let them take me away. He didn't want me to suffer in the lab; even though he hated it so much, he went back to it to ensure my freedom. You're telling me that's not even kindness?"
"Aeris..."
Aeris met her gaze, her voice more confident now. "But he hates himself for what he's done, and he wants desperately to make up for it, though he doesn't think he can. He doesn't think anyone else will ever forgive him either. I can't just leave him like that. Not when I can help him."
Tifa nodded. "You've always been like that. I just never thought Sephiroth was capable of... well, caring. Even when he was sane, he didn't seem to see people as anything more than tools."
"He was trained follow logic, not emotion," Aeris reminded her. "He seems to think that showing emotion is showing weakness, so he avoids it. When I think about all the things he's been deprived of... it nearly makes me cry."
She looked at Aeris uncertainly. "You care about him a lot, don't you?"
The Cetra nodded without hesitation. "And he cares about me, too, as absurd as that may sound to you."
She could hardly believe what she was hearing. Was Aeris falling in love with Sephiroth? No, she would say the same of any member of their group, wouldn't she? Surely she only thought of him as a friend, but... Something about her tone of voice startled Tifa, and the thought was alarming.
Aeris glanced at her, laughter on the edge of her voice. "Is it really that hard to believe, that Sephiroth cares about someone?"
Tifa shook her head and quickly composed herself. "No, that's not it. I'm just..." She took a deep breath. "The way you're talking, it sounds like you might be... well, more than friends."
Her friend actually did laugh now. "No, don't get the wrong impression. It's just friendship. I admit, I feel very close to him, and I may be the only friend he's ever had, but it's nothing more than that."
"All right," Tifa said slowly, watching Aeris's face closely. Was it just her imagination, or did Aeris seem just a little unsure of herself? No, you're definitely imagining things.
"Anyway," she went on, still smiling, "enough about that. How are you and Cloud getting on?"
Tifa looked away. "He says he loves me, and I know we're closer than we used to be, but... I'm still not sure."
"Cloud's always done his best to guard his emotions," Aeris said, trying to reassure her.
She shook her head. "No, he's still holding on to you."
Aeris sighed and lowered her head. "I'm sorry."
"No, that's all right, Aeris. It's not your fault. None of it." She smiled to hide her own insecurity. "I don't know why I should be so unhappy about it. We're the best of friends, and we're married, for goodness' sake!"
The Cetra met her gaze, the pretense not fooling her for an instant. "I'd tell you to forget about me," she said, "but we're friends, right?"
Tifa nodded. "Yes, of course. And even if you did tell me to, I couldn't forget you. Anyway, I should be the one to ask you... How are you doing, without Cloud?"
"I'm all right," she said, and Tifa thought she sounded very convincing. "I seem to have no shortage of things to do, and so I don't really have time to think about him. I still miss him sometimes, but I don't wish for his arms around me anymore, and... I think it's fading. I can let him go in time."
She nodded and flopped back, putting her hands behind her head. "We'll have to find you someone else," she said, trying to hide a playful grin behind a thoughtful expression. "That'd help you move on, wouldn't it?"
"Don't tell me you want to play matchmaker..."
"Sure," Tifa replied. "Now, let's see... Who do we know that's interested in you?"
"Tifa," Aeris said, blushing faintly.
"What?" she asked innocently.
"No offense, but if I'm going to find a boyfriend, I'd rather do it on my own." Her own words seemed to amuse her, and she shook her head. "Besides, I've got enough to do right now without throwing love into it. I'd rather wait until things settle down a bit."
"What do you mean, 'you've got enough to do'?" Tifa asked her, sitting up.
Aeris hesitated. "Well... First, Jenova's still alive. Sephiroth and I have to find her and kill her for good. And then, there's Sephiroth himself. Mending his wounds is going to take a lot of time and work." She thought for a moment. "There are still people I need to see again, too, and I haven't had much time to talk to all of you and catch up on what's happened these past five years."
Tifa nodded. "I see." She frowned. "You and Sephiroth are facing Jenova alone?"
"Yes. Well, Minerva will probably want to help, but I don't expect anyone else to come unless they want to. It was hard enough on all of us defeating Hojo."
"When Cloud hears about this, he'll want to help," she stated. "And anywhere he goes, I go."
Aeris smiled. "Thank you."
"Well," she said, reluctantly getting to her feet, "I'm going to head off to the bridge; Cloud's probably wondering what's become of me." She paused near the door and looked back. "And you get some rest. You look a little tired."
Aeris nodded. "I will in a little while."
She smiled. "See you."
"Bye."
Tifa left, closing the door behind her, and her smile faded. Aeris and Sephiroth as friends... While it seemed perfectly safe, and Aeris adamantly supported their friendship--if that's what it was--Sephiroth made her uneasy. She could not forget what he had done in Nibelheim, and she wondered if she ought to try talking to the man herself, but after a moment she shook her head.
Aeris is an adult, she chided herself. Moreover, she's a Cetra. She doesn't need everyone trying to protect her when she can take care of herself just fine. Besides, Cloud already talked to him.
This made her feel a little better, and she nodded to herself, readying her smile as she walked onto the bridge. The others greeted her warmly, and she took her place beside Cloud at the front of the ship.
It was not long before Aeris returned to join him, as he had known she would, and he did not return her gaze as she came to stand beside him. His gaze remained on the horizon. They were passing over the ocean now, but Midgar was still visible in the distance, a faint glow illuminating the sky behind it where the sun had gone down.
"It's a lovely view, isn't it?" Aeris asked him.
Sephiroth only nodded slightly.
"Ever since I first saw it in Junon, I always wanted to ride this airship," she continued, "but I never thought I would, even though Cloud promised to take me."
He glanced at her briefly.
"And I never thought I'd be riding it with you," she added more softly.
At that he turned away.
"I'm sorry," she said. "You don't feel like talking?"
Sephiroth hesitated, then shook his head. "No, I don't mind. I merely have nothing to say."
"You could ask me some questions," she suggested. "It seems like I've been asking all the questions, and I haven't told you much about myself."
"I don't need anything from you, Aeris. I know who you are."
She placed her hands on her hips. "Oh, really?"
He did not reply. In truth, he still did not understand her, could not fathom why she kept coming back to him, but to ask her for an answer felt like intruding on something precious.
"Well, if you know all about me, then I guess you know what I see in you, too."
Sephiroth shook his head. "No. I still don't understand that."
"Aha. Then you must have questions for me."
He looked down at his hands and said quietly, "I don't want to talk about that any longer. I'll never see through your eyes; there is no point in trying."
Aeris fell silent. For once she seemed not to know what to say, and he wondered if she had something weighing on her mind that prevented her from finding the right words.
"All right," he said at length. "Tell me about yourself then, if that's what you want. What happened to you after you escaped the lab?"
"You mean, after you helped us escape," she corrected with a smile, though it was a sad sort of smile. He waited, and she went on, "We must have ended up a ways west of Midgar. I remember the earth seemed so barren, and there were a lot of monsters roaming about. Mom managed to fend them off somehow, and she led me along by the hand, all the way to Sector 7, but..."
He studied her uncertainly. "But what? Is that where...?"
"Yes, that's where my mother died. She was no fighter; she kept the monsters away from me, but she was hurt very badly. I was so frightened, and... and ashamed, because I didn't know any spells strong enough to help her."
"You were only a child," he reminded her gently.
"I was seven," she confirmed, glancing up at him. "But you could have managed on your own by then, couldn't you?"
"That's different," he said, looking away from her. "I had to learn, else I would have... Never mind. Go on. You did not have to continue on alone, did you?"
"No. We made it as far as the train station, and there was a woman there, Elmyra Gainsborough, who came to help us. Mom asked her to take me somewhere safe, before she died, and from then on Elmyra looked after me like her own daughter."
"I wondered why you changed your name," Sephiroth remarked.
Aeris glanced at him and shook her head. "I didn't know about Professor Gast until recently. I've... never used his name. It would feel awkward now, after all these years."
He looked thoughtfully out over the ocean. "I suppose you had a father then, too."
"No. Mom's husband--Elmyra's, that is--was in SOLDIER, and they sent him to the front. Actually, Elmyra was at the train station because he was supposed to come home on leave, but he never did. I never even met him. When I had been living with Elmyra for a few years, he died. I knew before she did, of course, because I felt him returning to the Planet. So I told her, because I thought she would understand..."
"But she didn't, did she?"
Aeris shook her head. "She was very kind to me, but she didn't believe me until we got the first notice from Shinra, and she certainly never understood me. I was so confused at first. You told me, I think, but I didn't realize I was so different until the other children started taunting me because of the things I would say. I used to run home to Mom in tears, and she would comfort me, even though she didn't understand any more than they did... By the time I thought to hide it, the damage had been done. I was only ever a freak to them."
Sephiroth watched her with a frown, knowing full well what that kind of regard felt like. "Were you lonely, Aeris?" he asked her.
She nodded, not meeting his gaze. "You know what that's like, don't you?"
"I do," he replied. "And I am sorry that you had to go through that."
"It wasn't your fault at all, and once I learned to deal with it, it wasn't so bad. I just didn't have many friends for a while. The first person who bothered to get to know me was Tseng... He was older than me, but if he noticed I was different, he never mentioned it, and it didn't bother him."
She sighed, leaning forward across the railing. "Of course, he got a job with Shinra, and I didn't see him again until he was with the Turks. He was very polite, and he never used force, but he was always so cold. It was as though we'd never known each other."
"He was a Turk," Sephiroth stated. "It was not his job to care."
"I guess," she agreed reluctantly. "After Tseng left, I was alone again except for Mom. Money was getting tight since Shinra stopped paying her pension, so I started selling flowers to make ends meet."
"Flowers?" he interrupted incredulously. Had he heard her wrong?
"That's right," she said. "People said you couldn't grow them in Midgar, but somehow I managed it. Still, it was hard to get people to buy them in the slums. I went up to the plate whenever I could, and that was when I met Zack. We ran into each other more and more often, and I don't think it was by accident, and eventually, he asked me out."
Here she paused to steal a glance at him, but he chose not to comment. Instead he tried to recall if Zack had ever mentioned her.
"I'd gotten very good at hiding things by then," Aeris went on, "and he wasn't very perceptive, so I'm not even sure he noticed that I was different. He was a real ladies' man, and immature at times, but... he was nicer to me than anyone in Midgar, except Mom. I was happy with him for a while, but then... he got promoted to First Class, and he started going on more serious missions. One day he went off to Nibelheim, and he never came back."
"Sorry," Sephiroth muttered, remembering how severely he had wounded Zack. "You must have been worried."
"You don't need to apologize," she told him. "At least, not to me. We were never very serious."
He glanced at her. "Please don't lie to me, Aeris."
She gave a start and met his gaze with some surprise. "What do you mean?"
"'Never very serious'? You were with him for two years, weren't you? It had to be more than puppy love."
Aeris looked down. "I guess so. It's been a long time, and I've done my best to forget him. I think... I've almost gotten to the point where I believe myself when I say it was nothing."
"You should not go so far."
"Hm. But, how did you know that we...?"
He avoided her gaze when she looked up. "I knew Zack. I suppose I could almost call him a friend. Anyway, I'm sure you know how much he liked to talk."
She nodded, smiling faintly.
"Anyway, continue. You were seventeen then, yes?"
"That's right. That was about when Shinra started really hunting for me, after you died. Tseng had been promoted, so usually they sent Reno instead, but... he's a strange one when it comes to girls. He started coming by when he was off duty, saying he just wanted to talk. I was scared to death, but he was always honest with me. I guess you could say we were friends, though he still had to put up a pretense and try to capture me when he was on duty. I think we both knew, though, that that couldn't last.
"Luckily, the day he had to get serious about it was also the day Cloud came crashing through the roof of my church. I asked him to help me out, but when he got me home, I found out he needed to get back to Sector 7." She smiled sheepishly as she added, "And you know how I like to help people."
"So that's how you got involved?"
She nodded. "But you know... When I first met him, he reminded me so much of Zack. He was more serious and guarded, but... they shared a lot of the same mannerisms, and the same eyes. I think that's why I insisted on going with him. But he's different, I learned. I was actually able to tell him things, because he was able and willing to listen." She looked down at her hands, frowning. "But, even Cloud never understood me very well..."
Sephiroth laid a tentative hand on her shoulder, and she blinked in surprise, lifting her head to look at him. He met her gaze uncertainly and released her, looking away. She reached out to take his retreating hand and held it fast, smiling.
"Thank you," she said. "That was hard for you to do, wasn't it?"
He looked down wonderingly at their joined hands and nodded slightly. "But... I am not the only one who needs the comfort, am I?"
She shook her head. "The others don't usually notice, though. And I... I never thought I wanted them to."
He met her gaze. This part of her, he knew very well. He knew these emotions. "And yet," he said, "you always wanted them to know. You wanted to let your guard down, if only for a moment, and let them help you."
Aeris nodded, a little smile of release, of gratitude, on her face. There were tears in her eyes, though, and he thought perhaps he had said something wrong. She let go his hand and, much to his startlement, slipped her arms around him. He was too stunned to protest, and by the time he gave any thought to it, she had buried her face in his chest, and he could feel her tears on his skin.
He did not know what to do; surely she did not need comfort from him, and yet... hadn't she hinted that he understood her better than anyone had before? But he was... Hells, he had killed her, and she... No. If she wanted his comfort, the least he could do was give her what he had. He owed her for all that she had given him.
So he folded his arms around her and held her close, feeling her arms tighten around him. It was a strangely pleasant feeling, he thought. For the first time since he could remember, he did not feel awkward in such an embrace.
At length she pulled back slightly, hiccuping. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I just..."
"I don't mind," he told her, keeping one hand at her waist and carefully brushing away her tears with the other. She looked up, and he suddenly found himself staring down into a pair of shining green eyes. Before he knew what he was doing, he cupped her face and leaned down to kiss her, pulling her back against him. He felt her slip her arms around his neck as if to pull him closer, and suddenly he realized what he had done and released her, hurriedly taking her hands from his neck.
"I... I am sorry," he mumbled, quickly turning away so she would not see his blush and hastening inside almost at a run.
All thought had left her, and she could only stare after him, absently lifting a finger to touch her lip. Only when the door swung shut did she really realize what had happened. She gave a start and lowered her hand, feeling the blush on her face for the first time. Sephiroth...!
She started after him at a run, but she did not see him anywhere; he must have gone inside one of the rooms. She paused at the top of the stairs, looking around desperately. What was he thinking? What was he telling himself now? That she didn't love him? He wouldn't have run from her otherwise.
But do you love him?
I don't know, I don't know, oh gods, I don't know...
Aeris started down the stairs, head turning this way and that as though he would appear suddenly out of nowhere. Where was he hiding? She could not think straight, could not seem to come up with an answer. All she knew was that she had to find him and talk to him before he...
She turned towards the bridge unknowingly and stood awkwardly in the doorway, her eyes scanning it for Sephiroth without really seeing those who were actually there.
Cloud was not the first to notice her, but when he did, concern spread across his face, and he started towards her immediately. "Aeris, are you all right? What happened?"
She shook her head dismissively, realizing belatedly that it was obvious she had been crying. "I'm fine," she lied. "Got something stuck in my eye is all. Have you... Have you seen Sephiroth?"
He shook his head slowly, her question only deepening his worry. "No, not since I talked to him before... Why?"
"I just wanted to talk to him."
Nanaki padded over to sit at her feet. "Perhaps he is with one of the others," he considered.
She looked down at him helplessly. "Oh? Who, do you think...?"
"Minerva, perhaps?"
Thank you, Nanaki. Logic... It's failing me at the moment. She bowed her head in silent thanks and turned back out the door, trying not to appear as though she were hurrying. She reached Minerva's door and paused in front of it, shifting from foot to foot and at last knocking softly.
The door opened a crack, and Minerva stood behind it, eyebrow arched. "Yes?"
"...is Sephiroth there?" she asked, trying to see past her.
"What do you want?"
"I just... I want to talk to him."
The girl shook her head. "He said he needed time to think without you distracting him. Perhaps later."
"Please," Aeris begged. "I need to talk to him."
"He told me to turn you away. I am sorry."
She sighed miserably and looked down at her feet. After a moment she looked back up at Minerva. "Can you at least tell him something for me?"
The girl hesitated, then nodded.
"Tell him... that he didn't do anything wrong, except to run away."
"All right," she replied. "I will tell him." With that, she shut the door.
Aeris shut her eyes and leaned against the wall. Of all the times for him to push her away, this... She felt Nanaki rub his face against her leg, and she started a little; she hadn't realized he had followed her.
"You are fooling no one in saying there is nothing wrong," he said. "Something has upset you."
She managed a smile and crouched down to stroke his mane. "It's nothing for you to worry about, Nanaki. I'm fine."
"No, you are not," he insisted. "What's wrong?"
"I... can't talk to you about it. It's silly, really. Just... something I didn't mean to do." Something Sephiroth didn't mean to do, she corrected mentally, but if she told him that, he would only worry more.
He studied her uncertainly and nodded slowly. "All right, Aeris." He paused. "You should get some rest," he said. "You look like you need it."
"Right," she agreed, standing up and straightening her skirt. She gave him a parting smile before she returned to her room, closing the door softly and leaning back against it. Oh, Sephiroth... I don't mind either.
Minerva closed the door softly and turned to face Sephiroth, who sat on her bed with shoulders slumped and eyes staring unseeing at his hands.
"Tell me again why you do not wish to speak to her...?" she said, studying him with a frown.
"I... I shouldn't be near her," he murmured, scarcely seeming to notice her. "I did not mean to... but I... I could not stop myself."
"What did you do?"
He closed his eyes, and his head sunk lower. He did not reply.
She walked over to sit down near him. "Were you the one who made her cry?"
"Yes, but that's... I..."
"That is not what you are confused about," she finished for him.
He nodded.
"You heard what she said. That the only thing you did wrong was to run away."
Sephiroth shook his head slowly, opening his eyes to glance at the door where Aeris had stood a moment earlier. "How can she say that? I should not have... She does not need me complicating things, so why did I have to...?"
Minerva watched him uncertainly. Whatever he had done had left him in a such state of discomposure that she did not know what to say. "I can give you no answers if you do not tell me what you did," she said.
"I cannot tell you," he stated, and with that decision some assurance returned to him. "I am... sorry that I bothered you with this. But I cannot face her now. Not after... what I did."
"Then stay here for now and sort through your feelings," she told him, sure only that he needed time to pull himself together. "I do believe, however, that whatever has happened, she can help you better than you can help yourself."
He shook his head firmly. "I can't."
With a sigh, Minerva stretched out on the bed with her back to him. "I am going to sleep. If someone knocks, wake me that I may answer it."
Author's Notes
Aaand at this point the central pairing of the fic becomes obvious. P A lot of people find it weird, even disturbing, but whenever I have them in the same fic, they seem to act of their own accord. I didn't intend for this to happen when I started this story; it just did. But when you think about it, they both have that same sense of other-ness and isolation. Aeris acts cheerful, but she doesn't share things easily, and no one seems to understand her. With Sephiroth it's a little more obvious. Neither of them is human. Maybe they're not the same, but I think that other-ness can draw them together, given the right circumstances.
Also, minor detail here, but this is something that really bugs me. People always seem confused when, in the game, Aeris says that she knew Tseng when they were little. Mostly because of the scenes when he comes to her house as a Turk and she still looks very young. But, really, the characters don't seem to get adult sprites (or polygon figures... um...) until they're fifteen. So technically Aeris could've been fourteen and Tseng fifteen in that scene. Personally I tend to go with the idea that Tseng is something like four years older. They could've been friends as children, but he'd be old enough to join the Turks when Aeris was still young. Phew.