Though many were still fast asleep, most of the people of Cosmo Canyon had already gotten back to their routines. A pair of children chased each other around near the Candle, stopping only to greet one of the Elders who sat nearby conversing with another woman. The shops were back to business as usual, and though they had fewer customers this morning, a newcomer to the village would not have seen anything out of the ordinary.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lucrecia come to join him at the walkway's rail. "What did Sephiroth want?" he asked of her.
"He had some questions about Hojo," she replied. "It might have done you some good to hear them, but he probably wouldn't have been so open with you nearby, considering..."
"I see."
His curt reply seemed to make her uncomfortable, and it took her a moment to find something else to say. "I think she's falling for him, Vincent."
"Aeris?"
She nodded. "Did you see her blush?" she asked with a soft smile. "And I could see it in her face, every time she looked at him. Of course, I'm not sure she realizes it yet."
"And what of Sephiroth?"
"Oh, he loves her, certainly. He seems so... at ease, around her. He finds comfort in her presence, and he seems quite devoted to her."
Vincent looked to where the pair sat by the Candle, their hands joined. "Yes, he does. He needs her healing power... but what could she possibly need from him?"
Lucrecia leaned against him. "Someone to confide in?"
"Why Sephiroth?"
"...because he wants to help her in the same way that she helps him. From the way she acts, you wouldn't think she needed it, but a person can't keep giving and giving; they have to get something back."
"She must hide it because she does not want to be a burden to anyone as they are to her."
"But Sephiroth is willing."
He nodded. "I suppose so."
"Vincent?"
"Yes?"
"...yes."
He gave a start and turned to look at her. "You really...?" Realizing he had no reason to doubt her answer, he stopped himself and asked instead, "Then... when?"
"Once we get settled, I think. A small affair, of course. We've no need of anything showy."
Vincent nodded. "I suppose we'll live in the mansion?" he wondered.
"Yes, I think so. We'll have our work cut out for us, and it's too big for just the two of us, but we'll just have to have a lot of visitors."
Another nod, and then he had to ask, "Did you really want that many children?"
Lucrecia looked up at him with a laugh. "What, six? No, no... But I think I want one or two--if it's all right with you, that is."
"If it makes you happy, my love, then I don't mind."
The flames danced brilliantly before his eyes, reminding him again of Nibelheim. He recalled all-too-vividly how he had set fire to the town, how effortlessly and thoughtlessly he had slain those in his way. Without that haze of madness, his memory of that day was probably clearer now than it had been then.
But now the bonfire also reminded him of something else, much more recent. Had it only been a week since he had found Aeris here alone? What had drawn him to sit near her then, he did not know. Perhaps without his memory, he had not felt so guilty as he did now. Still, he should have known that she was afraid of him and let her be. Instead he had gone to her, and she had offered him words of solace in spite of her fear.
Sephiroth glanced at her, then down at their joined hands, then back at the fire. Part of him maintained relentlessly that he did not deserve her, that she had healed him as much as he needed, and that he ought to break from her before he hurt her. He held this in check with the knowledge that she valued his friendship nearly as much as Cloud's and that separation would not only hurt him, but she would suffer, too.
But didn't he bring her enough pain, if she could feel his every emotion?
No. He was helping her, wasn't he? She found comfort in his presence, as he did in hers. He understood her, he could help her, and though he was so steeped in blood and guilt that he had difficulty even smiling for her, he would keep trying, for her.
But what could he do about everyone else, who only saw him as a murderer and were unable to see what Aeris saw? He could not convince all of them, could he? Then again, his talk with Cloud earlier had done some good, hadn't it? Slow and painful process though it was, if he could convince Cloud that he had changed, then perhaps something could be done about the others. And, he reflected, there were many who had come to trust him without any effort on his part--Minerva, Lucrecia, Vincent, Katrina, Yuffie, Nanaki...
Wondering at this, he remarked aloud to Aeris, "The people who love me have the most reasons to hate me, the people who believe in me, the most reasons to fear me, and the people who confide in me, the most reasons to mistrust me."
"You think so?" she wondered.
Sephiroth nodded. "And I do not understand it in the slightest."
Aeris smiled gently, though her eyes remained on the bonfire. "There are hundreds of reasons that bring a person to respond the way they do," she said. "Maybe some of us act on a belief that even killers should be given a second chance. Maybe some of us could not comprehend how anyone could do what you did, so, rather than deny you a soul, we wanted to understand what it was that drove you to do such things. Maybe we were just curious; maybe 'evil' wasn't enough for us, and we wanted to know if you were like the rest of us, with logic and emotions, vulnerability and strength, breaking points and breaking."
She fell silent for a moment, but he sensed that she had not finished, so he waited. "And some of us," she went on softly, "thought we caught a glimpse of good somewhere in you, in some instant when the fire faded from your eyes and your voice went on as if reading some practiced script. You sat slumped and weary, reminding me of a boy, a boy I met a long time ago when he seemed older and younger at the same time, and it hurt to find that boy gone, replaced by this man who seemed at the same time a heartless killer and an empty shell searching for some long-forgotten haven."
Sephiroth brushed away the lone tear that had begun a slow journey down her cheek, surprised to feel it with his bare fingers. He nearly recoiled at the thought of tainting her, but her words echoed in his mind: These hands are clean, these hands are clean. "You saw all that?" he asked.
"I saw it, yes," she answered, at last meeting his gaze. "But it's not the sort of thing that registers, consciously I mean. It was only a feeling then, and I couldn't grasp it, and you never wavered for long, so I forgot about it, like a dream, until now."
He looked away, lowering his hand to his lap. "Is that why you were smiling when you died?"
"Maybe," she said. "I thought that there must be something of you left, to make you hesitate like that. Even so, I knew you would go through with it. But I had to stop you, to show you I wasn't afraid, to make it clear to you how wrong you were. Some part of me knew you'd kill me. I thought... I was ready."
"But you wanted to live," he stated.
"Yes. I wanted to live, I wanted to see Cloud again, I wanted... everything any normal person wants. But I pushed all that out of my mind until I saw him standing there in front of me. And then you..."
"I'm sorry," he murmured, hanging his head. "If I had waited one moment longer, I might have chosen not to jump. I might have realized there was no point in killing you if you had already succeeded. I... I'm sorry..."
"You don't need to apologize. You know I've forgiven you."
Sephiroth shook his head slowly. "But I need to apologize to myself, too. To that part of myself that I did not heed, the part that felt that to kill you would be to kill whatever was left of myself. That part of me has not forgiven me, and I don't know if it ever will. Gods, Aeris, I just want to be able to forgive myself..."
"Should that be so hard?" Aeris wondered. "Maybe you killed me, but if you hadn't... would we be here now, talking like this?"
"Don't tell me you'd rather have lost five years and be with me than have lived and gone with Cloud."
"I'm beginning to think it's better this way. Tifa needs him, I don't. You, though... maybe I need you to heal me, like I've done for you."
He did not reply.
"Well!" she said, forcing a smile. "I think you know my reasons for befriending you. Who were you really confused about?"
"Nanaki and especially Yuffie," he said, shaking his head.
"Hmm," Aeris mused. "Well, Nanaki is easy enough. He kept on with Cloud because he wanted to defend the Planet. It had nothing to do with revenge until my death, and even then I'm not sure he could've really hated you. He knew Hojo almost as well I did, after all, and more than that, he's always been very understanding, wise beyond his years, but still innocent and eager to accept your change of heart."
"And Yuffie? She certainly had revenge to exact."
"For destroying the Wutai she knew as a child? I guess so. But, I've seen how she's welcomed you. Maybe she's decided to give you a chance to make up for your actions."
"Why should she be one to give me another chance?"
"Why not? I think, maybe, that she learned that from us. Even though she stole from us from the first, we lent her our trust. And even when she betrayed that, we accepted her apology and let her come with us to redeem herself. We did the same for Cait Sith."
"And so she is willing to do the same for me? To allow the man who should have her deepest hatred the chance to gain her forgiveness?"
"Why withhold that kindness from others when she knows what it's like to have it for herself?"
Sephiroth nodded thoughtfully. "Perhaps we should go to Wutai then, to help her rebuild."
Aeris raised her eyebrows. "Do you really mean that?"
He shrugged. "It's a thought."
"Well, I guess we'll put Wutai back on our list of possibilities anyway."
He glanced at her with a smirk. "Not much help at narrowing it down, am I?"
"Not really," she admitted. "But that's all right." After a pause, she said, "Say, I wanted to talk to Minerva before we left. Do you mind?"
"Not at all; I'm sure it won't take long. What did you want to talk to her about?"
She smiled. "Oh, it's about Reno, mostly. And besides, I'd like to get to know your family."
Sephiroth regarded her with some amusement. "Perhaps I should talk to Reno then...?"
"Yes, maybe you should," Aeris agreed. "I'm sure it'd do you both good, especially because Reno seems a little protective of me himself. Not nearly as much as Cloud, but still--he'd probably feel more at ease if he knew you."
"All right," he replied, getting to his feet and ignoring his reluctance. "I'll go find them."
"I'll look, too," she said, standing with him.
He shook his head. "No; I'm the one with no social skills, aren't I? If you get caught spying on them or interrupt their conversation, they won't be pleased, but it's expected of me."
She laughed. "Oh, all right. Go find them and then report back to me, okay?"
"Yes, ma'am," Sephiroth replied, hopping down from the Candle to find the pair.
"How did you become a Turk?" Minerva was asking. She stood against the wall of the stairs opposite him, more comfortable in its shade than in the warm sun where he stood.
"You think they should've rejected me?" Reno asked with a grin, taking it as a joke.
She shook her head and elaborated patiently, "No, I mean, what were the circumstances, and why did you agree to do such things as are commonplace for a Turk?"
"Well, you know it was Tseng who found me. It was in a bar in Sector 6. I was stone drunk at the time 'cause I'd just lost a job, and royally pissed off, and then in comes Tseng. Come to think of it, he must've been visiting Aeris or something, 'cause they used to be friends, but anyway, I'm told I picked a fight with him, gods know why. He whooped my ass pretty good, but he thought he saw something he liked, so he had me detained until I'd sobered up and then offered me a job with Shinra."
"And you took it?"
He shrugged. "I was a kid, young and stupid, and moreover, I was a slums kid; I couldn't resist the prospect of that kind o' money. So I got trained to be a cold-blooded killing machine."
"How could you bear it?"
"I couldn't really quit once I got sick of it. I mean, Turks get trusted with a lot of Shinra's secrets, so it's not like they'd've let me go alive. So mostly I just paid more and more frequent trips to Midgar's various bars."
"Did you ever disobey your orders?" she wondered.
"Yeah, sorta," he replied. "Not straight-out, but I didn't exactly perform to the best of my abilities."
"What was the circumstance?"
"Shinra wanted me to capture the last surviving Ancient, and you know Aeris. Once I saw her, bent over her flowers in that church of hers--ah, hell, how was I supposed to capture her?" He started when he realized what he had said and chanced a look at Minerva. "Sorry, Min," he said, though she did not look bothered.
"What are you apologizing for?"
"Talking about Aeris like that in front of you."
Minerva shrugged. "Talk about her however you want. You should not have to lie to me."
"Right, right, it's just that, well... I guess I expected you to care when I talk about other women." He grinned sheepishly. "Most women hurt me when I do that."
"What for? I'd much rather you be honest with me."
Reno could only shake his head. "You're really one of a kind, Min."
She folded her arms in discomfort and prompted, "So what did you do rather than capture her?"
"Every now and then I made a pretend effort to catch her, but I always let her get away. I wasn't about to turn her over to Hojo, and the more I got to know her, the surer I was about that decision."
"How did you get to know her when your orders were to capture her if you saw her?"
"Unlike you, I got off-duty time, so I didn't always have to act on those orders. Shinra expected its Turks to do it anyway, but they couldn't really do anything to me if I didn't. Not like for you; even the slightest breaking of the rules meant pain for you, didn't it?"
"I should have been able to bear it."
"You shouldn't've had to try."
"But circumstances dictated that I had to, and I was too weak to do it."
"Nobody can be impervious to pain, Min."
She broke his gaze. "But I should have been able to--and yet, I did not want to. I would rather hurt others than face pain myself. How is that all right?"
"You tried," he insisted. "You did your best."
Minerva shook her head. "No, I didn't. I would not have had to take it for long. I... could have brought you to the door and born the pain until I passed out. I could have done it then, had I really tried. I could have--"
"Min, it's okay," he interrupted, moving closer to her. "Everything turned out fine. We pulled through, you fought your demons, and you won't have to face that anymore. It's all okay."
"No, it isn't. My mother is dead, Jenova yet lives, and you are falling in love with me. What are you doing, Reno? I am nothing to fall in love with. I have nothing to give you--no healing words, no entertaining stories, nothing. What are you doing?"
"Exactly what I should be doing," he answered, wrapping his arms around her. Somehow she seemed so small, so vulnerable, in his arms. "You're more than what you say; you should know that."
"I do," she conceded. "But I am considerably less than what you think me to be."
"Nah."
"I'm afraid you will be disappointed."
He held her closer. "I doubt it."
"And if you are?"
"I'll get over it. It's not like I haven't already been in a million failed relationships."
"I would rather not make it a million and one."
"That's sweet, Min, but if you're trying to make me leave you alone, it won't work. I like you, and I'm not giving up on you without a fight."
Minerva did not reply. Instead she pulled away from him, trying to step back but finding the wall just behind her. She pressed back into it anyway, trying to get as far from him as she could, and folded her arms in front of her for protection.
"What is it?" Reno asked, stepping back to give her the space she wanted. "Did I say something wrong?"
She shook her head. "I only felt..." She frowned and did not finish.
"Felt what?"
"It doesn't matter."
He sighed, but decided to leave her be. She could tell him in her own time. "Anyway," he said, trying to find a lighter topic. "What're you gonna do after Jenova's dead?"
"Don't know," she clipped with a shrug. After a moment she managed, "Where do you plan on going?"
Reno put his hands behind his head and leaned against the wall beside her. "If I go back to Junon with Rude, Reeve, and Elena, will you come with?"
"I suppose. I've nowhere else to go."
"Where do you think Sephiroth will go?" he asked, figuring the two of them had some sort of bond.
"Wherever Aeris goes," she replied, straightening and letting her hands fall to her sides.
"You going somewhere?" Reno asked at the abrupt motion.
"Off by myself," she answered with a glance at him.
"Oh," he said, disappointed but not particularly surprised. "I guess I'll see you around then."
Minerva strode off without replying. He watched her go, then sighed and closed his eyes. She had almost let her guard down, almost, but then she had backed away. Was she afraid of being so open to him? Afraid of admitting that she actually did need someone around, that she couldn't be as strong as she wanted? He didn't doubt her strength, but if she kept herself distant from everyone, eventually she'd break. He didn't want her to break.
The sounds of the village filtered through his thoughts; people were making their rounds of the nearby shops, buying the essentials and the occasional trinket or long-desired item. By now probably some of them had seated themselves at the Candle and were talking quietly, adding to the soft murmur of voices.
Minerva didn't seem to fit in this kind of place. She was much too self-contained. These people took speaking to one another as a daily, thoughtless action. Minerva found it an awkward, serious affair, rare and always with some purpose.
Maybe he could ask Aeris about all this. After all, she'd figured out how to make Sephiroth comfortable in this sort of world, hadn't she? And maybe she could help Reno sort out some of his own feelings, ones he wasn't quite confident enough to discuss with Minerva. And, of course, he really had to ask her about whatever was going on between her and Sephiroth. Totally weird.
With that purpose in mind, Reno opened his eyes and pushed off from the wall.
"I see you have taken a liking to my sister."
Startled, he whirled around to see Sephiroth perched on the stairs above him. It seemed someone had been thinking along the same lines as he had. Well, he decided, it was probably better he talk to Sephiroth anyway. He'd be a lot more comfortable if he had some epithet besides 'homicidal maniac' for the swordsman. "And now I have to deal with the protective older brother?" he wondered.
Sephiroth hopped down and regarded him with some amusement. "Minerva can take care of herself. I am merely curious."
"So how long were you up there?"
"Not long."
He nodded slightly, hoping that meant the swordsman hadn't seen him holding Minerva. "So, what do you want?"
"To know you."
"So you can see if I'm good enough for her?"
Sephiroth shook his head. "No. So that her life won't be foreign to me."
"Now that you have family, you want to be close to them?"
"Something like that."
"How is she your sister anyway? Don't you guys have different parents?"
He shrugged. "It does not matter if she is or not; I will continue to think of her that way."
"Okay," Reno said. He leaned back against the wall, studying the swordsman with curiosity and some wariness. "So how's it goin' with Aeris?"
"We get along well, if that is what you mean," the swordsman said uncertainly.
"No, I mean, how well do you know her?"
"Better than most."
The redhead arched an eyebrow. "Even Cloud?" he wondered.
Sephiroth scoffed. "Perhaps Cloud cared, but he did not know her."
"Kissed her yet?"
He started, his cool demeanor flaking. "What?"
"Have you kissed her yet?"
"What business is it of yours?" the swordsman asked angrily.
Reno smirked. "I'll take that as a yes."
Sephiroth frowned, but he did not deny it. "What difference does it make to you, anyway?"
"I was just curious about how far your relationship's gotten. I never got around to kissing her, you see. And I'm usually pretty quick to jump into that, so I figure you've gotta be really close to her to think you can kiss her without feeling like you're violating her somehow."
The swordsman shifted uncomfortably.
He raised his eyebrows. "What, you felt like that anyway?"
"When you hate yourself, it is hard not to."
"You hate yourself?"
"It has softened to a strong dislike by now," Sephiroth answered.
Reno smirked again. "So anyway, what did you want? Some dirt on me an' Min or something? Sorry to disappoint--I haven't kissed her yet."
"Of course you haven't," the swordsman replied. "She would never let you close enough for that so soon."
"You're right about that. But I'm not even sure she knows what a kiss is."
"She does. She asked me about it."
He laughed, finding this particularly hilarious. "Now, that's like a little sister to do. 'Hey, Seph, what's a kiss?' And then maybe you'd freak if you'd just kissed Aeris, and she'd look at you weird, and--" He stopped when he realized that Sephiroth was laughing softly. "What's so funny?"
"I think I can see why they let you into the Turks," he said. "Despite your attitude, you are quite bright."
Reno looked at him askance. "I'm not sure whether that's a compliment or an insult."
The swordsman smirked. "Take it as a compliment. I don't tell people they are bright unless they really are."
"And where do you rank yourself on the intelligence scale?"
"Fairly low, actually. Believing Hojo's lies and going mad lost me some points."
He nodded in sage agreement. "Yeah, disregarding logic does indicate low intelligence. But you're making up for it, I guess. Who knows? Maybe someday you'll be as smart as me."
Sephiroth scoffed. "Actually I thought that I would surpass you again soon enough."
"Did you have that opinion before or after you decided I was bright?"
"After."
"Oh. Well, screw you."
"Interesting. When all else fails, you resort to crude language."
"Law of the slums," Reno told him. "What else've you learned about me?"
"When you're not trying to be a bastard, you can be quite amicable. I can see why Minerva likes you."
"Crude language and all?"
"Yes."
"Cool. Can you explain it to me?"
"Take it up with her. It is better that way."
Reno ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, yeah. It's one of the few things she has told me."
"Give her time."
"You think you know her better than I do?"
Sephiroth shrugged. "Perhaps. But I do know what growing up as a laboratory specimen does to a person."
The redhead frowned skeptically. "Minerva'd probably say you've been through more than her, but I doubt you were as neglected as lonely as you'd like to think."
"Why would I want to think myself neglected?"
"To get other people's sympathy. I mean, I can't blame you for wanting something like that with how everybody hates you, but really, you've had two or three 'mom''s, you had thousands of people who really looked up to you, you had the position, the fame, the money, the freedom--everything. So what's the big deal?"
There was a warning in Sephiroth's green eyes. "Money had little worth for me, I detested the fame, and I held the position only because it was the only thing I was ever any good at. You speak of freedom, but when you know no other life, it does not seem as though you've anywhere else to go."
"But it's your fault if you never reached out."
"I did not think I needed anyone."
Reno sighed in exasperation. "You thought you were strong enough to make it alone?"
"Yes."
"What is it with you two and this need to be strong?" he demanded.
"Those who lack any real strength need any illusion of it they can find," Sephiroth said, his tone cool though his eyes still shone emerald, "whether it is to take pride in their isolation or to pretend they are superior to those who refuse to actually know them."
"But Minerva is strong," Reno insisted. "What does she need an illusion for?"
"She does not think herself to be strong. She still believes that she cannot trust, let alone rely on, anyone, so she pushes you away. I suppose she considers it better for the both of you."
"Neither of us gets hurt," he concluded flatly.
"That is the idea anyway," Sephiroth agreed.
"Do you do that, too?"
The swordsman shrugged and looked away. "I used to."
"Did Aeris get you to stop?"
He nodded. "She would not let me be alone."
"Figures. Oh, by the way, where are you going after, you know, we kill Jenova?"
"Wherever Aeris goes," Sephiroth replied with a smirk, reminding Reno that he had been listening before. "We haven't decided yet."
"But you are sticking together, huh?"
"Of course."
"Must be kinda tough with your reputation," the redhead remarked, realizing that wherever the swordsman went, he would be known as a murderer. Turks were murderers, too, but only their uniform had been recognizable. Too, it occurred to him that, though the destruction of Sector 7 made Reno responsible for nearly as many deaths as the swordsman, Sephiroth had killed far more of his victims personally. He could probably recall hundreds of faces--a much harder thing to live with.
Sephiroth nodded in acknowledgment. "Here, people know I have changed. A few of them I might even call friends. But this is one of the few places I did not touch. Others will not be so forgiving."
"How do you plan on getting by?" Reno wondered. "I seriously doubt anyone would hire you, but I don't recommend freeloading; that tends to come with a lot of threats about kicking you out."
The swordsman ignored his jest. "I suppose we'll figure something out. If I were on my own it would not matter, but Aeris has needs that I do not."
"Well, however you do it, just take care of her. She seems to like you." With that, Reno grinned and gave the taller man a clap on the shoulder just for the hell of it, freezing for an instant when he saw Sephiroth's hand jerk up instinctively. His expression had gone cold.
The redhead stepped back, grinned an apology, and walked off. He wondered if he was lucky that Sephiroth had managed to restrain himself. He wondered, too, what it was like to have that kind of instinct. He couldn't imagine being so wary of being touched. Sure, in a battle, he would be, but that was just that. For battles. Sephiroth and Minerva seemed to be that way all the time. Was life just one big fight, and everyone started off as an enemy, rather than a potential ally?
No wonder they pushed everyone away, if they automatically assumed that everyone wanted to hurt them. And no wonder Minerva called him kind. In all her experience, he might as well have been the most gentle person she had ever known. And that was sad.
But at least she didn't have to deal with the hatred and fear that Sephiroth did. Maybe for him, everyone really was an enemy at first. Maybe he did have it harder than Minerva. And maybe Reno would have to ask her to apologize for him. He'd been kind of a bastard to Sephiroth, and that wasn't exactly smart. (Who really knew how stable the guy was nowadays?)
He guessed that acting like that was his own way of pushing people away. He was scared of people getting too close, too. It had started off as a fear of losing someone, but by now he was just so unused to anyone really knowing him that he only avoided it out of discomfort.
But he wasn't afraid of Minerva, and he was determined to make sure she was at ease with him--which probably meant he had to slow down. Fewer hugs, and definitely no kissing, not for a while. After all, she'd never had a friend before, much less a boyfriend. And Reno wanted to be her first, and--with a little luck--her only.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you," Aeris said as she sat down. She took a moment to situate herself and looked down at the village. "Sephiroth comes up here a lot, doesn't he?"
Minerva nodded, watching the Cetra out of the corner of her eye and noticing her uncertainty. "You came to ask me something," she stated. "Go ahead and be blunt."
Aeris smiled gratefully. "I wanted to talk to you about Reno, actually. Sometimes he'll do or say things that he shouldn't."
"Why don't you talk to him? Isn't he your friend?"
She shook her head. "He is, but I don't think he'd answer seriously if I asked him. I'd rather get it from your point of view anyway. I know you won't twist anything."
Minerva frowned slightly, but she supposed this was true enough. Reno did seem to think that being able to talk honestly was something special. "He has proved to be a good friend," she responded finally, if a bit guardedly.
"He's not moving too fast for you?"
"No," she lied. She could handle Reno herself. "But are you moving too slowly for Sephiroth?"
Aeris blinked, caught off-guard. "What do you mean?"
"He needs an answer. He may act as though he does not mind, but he is debating it in his mind."
Her expression fell. "...debating whether or not he's worthy of it, and whether I'm just being kind in saying I'm not sure, or if I really don't know."
"He needs to know."
She sighed. "I know, I know... I need to know, too." She shook her head and looked up with a smile. "But that's my problem. How have you been getting along? All of this must be very strange to you."
"It is," Minerva agreed, wondering how Aeris could be so good at helping others solve their problems if she would scarcely even admit to her own. Did she think that, unlike those she helped, she could figure them out on her own? Minerva doubted it. Aeris just didn't think discussing it with her would help. "Reno and Sephiroth have been helping me to understand," she went on.
The Cetra smiled fondly. "That's good. Sephiroth seems so much more confident than before. It's wonderful that he feels he can help others, even those he doesn't like."
"You have done a great deal for him," the girl said. "But I confess I find it strange that you should have wanted to try in the first place."
"Actually, he approached me, although he didn't say anything at first. Me, I only spoke first because the silence scared me."
"But you did not leave."
"No, I didn't. And I'm glad. He's proved a wonderful friend. He understands me better than Cloud ever did."
"And yet you do not love him," Minerva said harshly.
"I never said that!" Aeris exclaimed. "I just..."
"You aren't sure. But you were sure with Cloud."
She shook her head. "No, I wasn't sure with Cloud. Not until..."
"Until it was too late to tell him? Do you plan to wait that long with Sephiroth then?"
The Cetra looked miserable at the accusation, and Minerva almost regretted saying it. Almost. "Of course I don't. But I... I don't want to tell him something that I'm not sure is true."
"Then find out, please," the girl urged her in a gentler tone. "I do not want him to suffer any more than he already has."
"I'll try," Aeris answered. "I know he deserves it, even if he doesn't think so."
Minerva nodded, momentarily satisfied, and turned her gaze to the village. She had nothing more to say.
After a moment, Aeris said suddenly, "Oh, by the way, do you know when Sephiroth's birthday is?"
She blinked in surprise. "Why would it even matter?"
Aeris laughed, seemingly aware of how irrelevant the question sounded to Minerva. "Because I'd like to be able to throw him a birthday party or something. I know he never had any growing up."
Shaking her head, Minerva answered, "It is January 19th, I believe."
"Thanks," the Cetra said, bowing her head and then getting to her feet. "Well, that's all I wanted to bother you with... But Minerva, if you ever need someone to talk to..."
"Then I can come to you," she finished. "You offer your counsel to everyone, Aeris, but who do you run to when your own mind is in turmoil?"
She smiled. "Don't worry about me. I find myself when I'm finding others. I can't help them if I don't even understand myself."
"What about Sephiroth?" the girl prompted.
Aeris understood, of course, and she shook her head. "It's just that... I've never fallen so quickly before. It's disorienting."
"You will find your bearings again."
"I think you've helped a little, actually, but I still need some time to think."
Minerva nodded and watched her as she smiled a goodbye and disappeared down the ladder. Once Aeris had gone, she turned her gaze back to the village, frowning minutely. Everything would be so much simpler if this inexplicable feeling called 'love' did not exist. But then, wouldn't its absence make everything unbearably dull?
Even so, she did not think she wanted to get caught up in it. That Reno seemed to be falling in love with her worried her greatly. What was she supposed to do with someone who loved her? What if she found herself incapable of loving him back? After all, what did she know of emotion?
She could see how it was tormenting Sephiroth. She did not want the same to happen to Reno. But what could she do to stop it? Pull away? And yet, she found that she did not want to.
Jenova sat in the snow at the top of a slope, watching the children playing below her. She had taken on a human appearance so she could come here without much notice. Her skin was pale, her hair a silken brown very close to black, and her eyes, though no one noticed them, remained a pale pink. She had wrapped herself in a heavy coat, more for the sake of appearance than because she was cold.
Fragile little human things, she thought as her gaze followed the children below. Their thick garments made them look stiff and their limbs unwieldy. They were building a snowman--to what purpose, she had no idea. Why weren't these infants learning what they could as Sephiroth had done? As the children of her own race had done? This play was useless.
And yet, they seemed to take such great pleasure at the accomplishment. Was that, then, the only purpose? To make them happy? She had never understood activities meant solely for bringing joy. Knowledge brought joy, power brought joy, purpose brought joy. And these little humans--they had none of it. They were content without it.
How in hell could they be so blithe?
They put so much value in 'friendship,' in 'understanding,' in 'love.' But human emotions were so shallow, so fickle. They never really understood each other, only cared about each other because the other's presence amused them, only loved out of a combination of that so-called friendship and a base physical attraction. It was so obvious, so why couldn't Sephiroth see it?
He had too much human in him. He was too caught up in their emotions and pretty ideas. Only, she thought, perhaps he was truly capable of those emotions. Not some pretension like the humans made, but a sincere feeling, and that was what truly galled her. That he might really and truly love the Cetra. And what of this Aeris creature? Was she, too, capable of being what the humans only pretended?
Perhaps that was why Sephiroth was so taken with her.
But the Cetra she had known, they had been just like the humans. So how could this Aeris girl be so far superior? Or had Gast managed to produce another as brilliant as Sephiroth?
However it had happened, both brilliant minds believed that the humans were as deep as they claimed to be. And all of them condemned her. All of them labeled her as evil without a single thought as to her motives. Couldn't they see what hypocrites they were? To pretend to be so accepting, and still shun her? To cast her away without hope of forgiveness, even though she was really no worse than Sephiroth? Couldn't they comprehend that she, too, had thought she was justified in killing such a petty race?
...not that she wanted or needed their forgiveness. She had gotten on fine without it. She only wished that Sephiroth would realize his mistake and come back to her. She rather missed being able to talk civilly to someone. Minerva had been a pain from the start, always so stubborn.
Perhaps if she pretended to be 'human,' then Sephiroth would take her back.
He take her back? What was she thinking? He was lucky that she was still willing to take him back. Still, she was terribly fond of the boy. Or at least, she enjoyed the company of his thoughts. Even now, his responses were not so cruel as Minerva's. Sometimes he was actually willing to listen, almost like he wanted to understand her, as Aeris seemed to understand him.
But he hated her. He had said it many times and in many ways. She thought perhaps she knew now why he valued acceptance so highly--the hatred hurt. With anyone else it was tolerable, but to have Sephiroth hate her did hurt. Unlike him, however, she was not going to change just for him.
Or was she?
Even if she changed, though, they would still come to kill her. 'Sorry,' they'd say, 'but this is for the good of the Planet. You've lived long enough, haven't you?' As a parasite on the Planet, if she lived, it would eventually die. If she died, then the Planet would live, but she would have no place on it. Or was all that just a lie? Who could tell anyway?
But the speculation no longer mattered. She could die; she knew that. Sephiroth knew that.
So she was going to die, and those whom she cared about most were going to kill her. It was a depressing thought. She wrapped her arms around her knees, a gesture that she had seen Sephiroth make many times, when he was feeling vulnerable.
Part of her was very tired, tired of the suspicion, the hatred, tired of being doubted, of being alone. Sephiroth was all she had, and he hated her. But wasn't loneliness a human idea? Or had her kind simply never thought of it because their very physical nature would never allow them to be alone?
It's over, Jenova. Yes, it was over. But she wasn't about to go without a fight. And she wanted to go in her own way.
Author's Notes
I don't think the Vincent/Lucrecia scene originally occurred until a full chapter later... which makes no sense whatsoever, considering it takes place just after the scene where Seph asks about his father. --;; A perfect example of LFA's lack of chronology, I guess.
Also, I don't know why, but I'm almost obsessively fascinated by that brief scene where they confront Sephiroth in the room of murals--you know, when they find him sitting slumped by the altar and he slowly gets to his feet. I think I've referenced it in every one of my AeriSeph fics where it applies, because I love it that much. Anyway, this AeriSeph scene used to be longer because it had a bunch of stuff about the Lifestream in it which I felt was necessary to tie off some loose ends. But... really it wasn't, so I've cut most of it, and worked the few relevent parts into other scenes. Hooray.