I have been thinking as you told me to, Jenova said quite suddenly.
Sephiroth blinked in surprise. Have you?
Yes. And I think that you only hate me because you believe the humans' pretenses. You think they really are what they say. They think they really are what they say.
Then who is to say they aren't?
They try to analyze themselves, come up with reasons for everything, and then accept them. They act on instinct and then rationalize that to themselves.
Sephiroth shrugged. Isn't instinct the process of thought too fast for the conscious mind to register?
Perhaps, but they make too much of it. They complicated it when it is really quite simple. They think their emotions are so deep and pure, and their thoughts so profound.
Then you think love is simply sexual attraction, and comprehension only the accepting of lies?
You still don't get it, do you?
Apparently not. But do go on. This is more amusing than your usual vein.
Amusing! she cried indignantly. I suppose it is for you, isn't it? You like to refute my words, whatever they are. It's only a game to you, and I am nothing more than this damned voice in your head. I wish you would even think of me as you thought of Hojo! You're capable of understanding, and you figured him out. Or do I have to die for you to be willing?
You want me to understand you? Then why don't you show me what really happened with the Cetra?
She did not reply.
You don't want to, do you?
But I'm certain you can make something even out of my silence, Jenova said, and then added dryly, So could Aeris, I suppose.
Aeris cannot talk to you. But you want me to? Fine. Your refusal to speak for any length on that topic indicates that you've been lying about it for a long time, and also that the experience did hurt you. You don't want to talk about it, and you don't want anyone to know what really happened. Perhaps you're even ashamed of it now.
I am not ashamed, she muttered.
Denial, he commented simply.
Annoyed, she changed the topic. How do you intend to find me tomorrow so your little band can kill me?
I have a fair guess at where you are now, and perhaps I know your mind well enough to guess where you might go from there. You cannot move as quickly as I can.
I may not be able to teleport like you, but I can move very quickly when I need to.
He knew it was true; she had, after all, managed to keep up with him when he had made his own jumps from place to place. So with the warning his mind would give her by concentrating for the spell, she could easily be far gone by the time he got there. She would always know where he was headed and have enough time to get away. He frowned in frustration.
Quite a difficulty, isn't it? Jenova asked, sounding self-satisfied.
You cannot run forever.
Oh, I think I can. You'll tire out long before I do; I feed off the Planet, and you don't, remember? I suppose that also means that the longer you keep up the chase, the more energy I take from the Planet. How interesting.
A plan lay half-formed in his mind, and he shoved it into a remote corner of thought before Jenova could see it. He frowned again, partly because of her mockery and partly because of what he might have to do.
Ah, my dear boy. It would be so much simpler if you just came back to me...
Simpler perhaps, but not right.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Minerva sit down on the steps beside him. "Are you arguing with her also?" she asked.
He nodded slightly.
That's right; you find the harder path more noble. Nothing is allowed to be black and white.
Because nothing is black and white. I've learned that well by now. Now shut up. I want to talk to Minerva.
Fine, fine. Speak to your daughter.
Sephiroth started. Daughter? he repeated, but Jenova gave him no reply. He glanced at Minerva, who sat silently beside him, waiting until he had cleared Jenova from his mind. With a frown he turned his attention to the Candle below.
Did it change anything if she was his daughter? Was he now obligated to treat her as one? Do fathers normally hug their children, too? he remembered her asking. So she knew--of course she knew. But what was a father supposed to do? He had no example to follow. He knew only how to be a friend to her, and that would have to be enough for now.
"You should stop pushing him away," he said finally, not looking at her. "Any pain he brings you will be worth it in the end."
"So you have spoken to him," she concluded with a glance in his direction.
"Yes."
She scoffed, turning away again. "It is my decision whether or not to let him close."
"He wants to be close to you, and I think you want him close also, but you are afraid it might hurt you--whether it be your pride or your heart."
"My pride?" she queried.
Sephiroth looked at her, trying to draw her gaze. "You seem to think that having a relationship will make you appear weak, as though you need to rely on someone."
She only shrugged.
"You should know you are the only one who cares about that. If you don't have to be alone, don't."
Minerva sighed and lowered her head. "I thought for the longest time that in loving someone, one had to deal with their failings, but you share everything, don't you? So that your combined strengths can dispel your combined weaknesses."
"Something like that," he agreed softly.
"Even Aeris is afraid to take that final step, I think," Minerva remarked, studying him thoughtfully. "She cannot bare herself entirely. Indeed, it seems that you are the bravest of us all."
He shook his head. "Hardly. I still keep things from her. I--"
"You would answer any question she asked of you," the girl interrupted, "do anything she wanted you to. I think that is as open as one can be." She closed her eyes. "Me, I have secrets to keep."
"Secrets can be shared amongst a select few. Often, it is easier to bear them that way; you share the weight of them, and your confidant can mend you if the keeping of them caused you pain."
Minerva shook her head as she looked up. "But I want mine to die with me."
"Reno can keep secrets, to his death if need be. Yet some things you do not have to confide; people will figure them out on their own." He looked at her pointedly.
"So you know that much," she said, catching his meaning. "Perhaps you will figure out the rest, but I have no desire to tell you myself."
They sat in silence for a moment, Sephiroth weighing something in his mind. "There is something I need to do," he said at last. "You will understand it soon enough. Explain it to Aeris if she does not. And... I want to show you something in case I do not get another chance."
Minerva tilted her head. "What is it?"
"A memory of mine that should be of some importance to you," he answered, closing his eyes and waiting until he sensed Minerva's consent to push the moment into her mind.
Talya lay slumped against a control panel, her tangled red hair falling into her face and fluttering with each ragged breath she drew. Blood had splattered her face, some of it her own, her clothes were soaked black with it, and a stray feather clung to a thin stream of blood that had made its way down her arm.
Not far away were Vincent and Nanaki, but neither could afford to pay her any attention after Vincent's struggle with Chaos. So it was only Sephiroth who came to crouch down before her, a frown set on his face.
"I am sorry about all this," he said quietly, looking over her wounds.
"It's... all right," she replied with considerable effort. "And I know... what you're thinking--don't bother..."
He shook his head. "But if I don't heal you, you will die."
"I know."
"You want to die?"
"You think it's... selfish of me? Fine. If you want me... to live, go ahead. You're... the only one... who cares."
"That's not true. Minerva will care. Vincent will care. Why do you want to die?"
She shut her eyes. "Maybe you can... live through each day... remembering how you hurt the people you--love... because you're strong like that... but I can't."
"Talya..."
"I know I... screwed you up. Can you even bear... to be touched now?"
"I know you did what you could. I forgive you for what you were forced to do, and I am sure that Minerva can do the same once she comes to understand you."
"Minerva... doesn't give a damn. I let her down. Should've... run off when I had the chance. Taken you with me..."
"She cares. Otherwise your actions wouldn't hurt her so much. So please, Talya--I can't keep you alive if you don't want to live."
She opened her eyes and tried to grin, but it looked more like a grimace. "Sorry, Seph. I'm too weak, just like Min always thought. Tell Valentine... Tell Vincent... that I'm sorry I never tried... to help him out. And... if you ever see your mom... tell her I'm sorry... I didn't do a better job. Take care of Aeris... like you always tried to. Oh, gods, and tell Min I love her..."
"I will," he answered. "And I am sorry, too. For so long, you were my only friend, and I've been so cruel to you."
"Don't worry about it, Seph... I love you anyway. It's hard to hate you... when you see what you've... been through."
"I wish everyone could see it that way," he murmured.
"Aw, come on... you'd be surprised." She took a shuddering breath and let it out. "Could you... do me one favor?"
"Anything."
"Smile for me? Don't think I've... ever seen you smile... except in mockery..."
The request surprised him, but he tried for her, to smile. The attempt felt awkward and false, but she grinned a little anyway.
"Thanks..."
"Goodbye, Talya..."
"Bye, Seph."
He let the memory fade and looked at Minerva, but she kept her gaze lowered.
"Why didn't you show me before?" she asked.
"You weren't ready to see it," Sephiroth replied.
She nodded. "I suppose not," she said, getting slowly to her feet as though she wanted to find someplace to think. "I thank you. That... changes things."
Sephiroth stood with her. "One more thing," he said, and after a moment's hesitation, he put his arms around her in an awkward embrace. He was surprised when she returned it.
As he stepped back, she looked up at him steadily. "You have nothing to apologize for; you did not even know I existed. And... I think I would prefer it if we continued as brother and sister. No one needs to know, unless one of us chooses to share the secret."
"Agreed."
"Now go spend whatever time you have left with Aeris. Stay the night here, with her, if you can."
"I will," he answered. "Do you know where I can find her?"
"Try the observatory," Minerva replied, motioning behind her with a toss of her head.
Sephiroth nodded and turned to walk up the stairs and into the canyon.
It was strange to feel close to the Planet here, with its surface far below her, a metal balcony beneath her feet, and the hum of machinery behind her. But this machine had been made to hear the Planet's cries, and it ran by the power of the wind, not by sucking life from the Planet. It was a strange thing, built by human hands--Shinra hands, no less--and yet it did no harm. It had found a place here.
"Planet?" Aeris whispered softly, leaning against the observatory's railing and looking far out over the canyon. When she felt its attention, she went on. "I wanted to ask you if... if Sephiroth could live and do you no harm."
His life hurts me not. Only the Crisis from the Sky pains me.
"Are you glad that he's going to kill her?"
Very. Knew he would redeem himself.
"So you've forgiven him?"
I have.
"But I suppose the Cetra haven't," Aeris sighed.
Do not worry, child. All will settle in time. Some have forgiven him already. You bore one of the greatest accusations of all, yet you chose not to use it against him.
"That would be cruel, to shoot him down when he was so eager to change."
But, daughter, it takes a strong heart not to carry such grudges. I do not quite comprehend your emotions, but I can watch. Very few can do as you have done.
Aeris smiled. "What do you make of him, Planet?"
She felt a soft laughter spread through her, like a breeze over tall grasses and wildflowers. Such a beautiful thing, this love. He has a good soul. Scarred, but true. I myself will do what I can for him.
The response seemed strange, but she nodded as though she understood. "Thank you," she said.
The Planet's presence left her, and she stood silently at the rail, looking out at the stretch of red canyon before her and the clear afternoon sky that met it at the horizon. What was it that the Planet had hinted at? she wondered. Despite its tone--if that was the word for it--its words made her slightly uneasy.
"Do you mind if I join you?"
She started and turned to look at Sephiroth, who had just stepped out onto the balcony with her and stood uncertainly with one hand still on the door. She smiled, abandoning her anxious train of thought, and motioned him over. "Not at all."
He came to stand beside her, but not too close, and looked out at the view, saying nothing.
"We still haven't figured out where to go," Aeris said after a moment. "I've been thinking, and the places you could do the most good would be Midgar and Wutai."
Sephiroth nodded. "Midgar is completely in shambles... I wonder what they would make of my aiding them, as I was the one who caused the disaster to begin with?"
"They'll consider it only proper," she decided. "You made the mess, so you ought to clean it up."
"I suppose so. But... If we went to Wutai..." He frowned. "Yuffie may be willing to give me another chance, but the rest won't be. Apologies will mean nothing to them; words do not make up for the grief I caused. They may not even allow me to aid them. They won't trust me. I suppose anywhere I go, I will have to face hateful gazes, but in Wutai especially."
"And why is that?" Aeris asked. "They may hold a grudge against you for being an efficient general, but they'll have to agree that it was war. People died on both sides; you were just trying to keep that loss of life from being heaviest among your troops."
"It was war," he agreed, "but I was on the wrong side. I should have seen that."
"How could you have?"
"I had a clear enough view of what Shinra did, Aeris. Perhaps I had forgotten how they had treated me, but I could still see what they did to others. What good did I do, protecting that?"
"I seem to remember that it wasn't until you came along that there were any clear victories. Without you, the war would have gone on a lot longer, with many more lives lost on both sides. Maybe you were fighting for the wrong side, but it was Shinra's management that was corrupt, not its soldiers. The quicker Wutai was defeated, the sooner your men could go home. It was either strangers who would die, or men who trusted you."
"I could have ended the war just the same if I had fought for Wutai as I should have."
Aeris frowned thoughtfully. "What would've happened to Midgar, if Wutai had won? What would have happened if Shinra had collapsed? Thousands would have lost their jobs. The people on the plate would have panicked, with their means of defense and support gone. The Mako reactors would have stopped running, and for the people in the slums, that would have meant darkness, starvation, even more crime than before, and who knows how long it would have been before someone unlocked the gates to let them out? Maybe Wutai was right, but you could have seen it and still fought for Shinra."
"...and yet something worse than that happened anyway, because of me. Both Wutai and Midgar fell in the end."
She turned towards him, peering into his face and hoping he would look at her. He didn't. "You didn't know that would happen when you fought for Shinra," she said.
"I was cold, Aeris," he deadpanned. "What did I care for either side?"
"Don't say that. How could their indifference hurt you if you didn't care about them?"
He did not reply for a long moment, then at last he shook his head and smiled faintly. "There is no use arguing with you when you have all the answers."
She laughed softly. "I only wish that were true."
His smile faded, and he glanced at her. "I told you before; I don't mind. You should stop worrying about it."
"I can't stop, Sephiroth. It's tearing at me, too."
He studied her thoughtfully. "Is that why you came up here?"
She nodded.
"Should I go?" he asked, already turning away from the rail.
Aeris caught his arm. "No. Stay. I... I want you to stay."
With a nod, Sephiroth stepped back to the railing. "Then I will."
"Back then," she said softly, "I would never have thought you could be so devoted."
"What did you think of me then?"
She looked out at the horizon. "You know, I never really thought of you as working for Shinra... I guess, to me, you were just Midgar's protector, and that was all there was to it. Of course, most girls my age gave more thought to your looks."
The swordsman shook his head. "I always hated that."
"Well, you are handsome," she laughed, "but I decided to be sensible and concede that you were out of my reach. Mom didn't like SOLDIERs much anyway."
"Hmm," was all he said.
"I'll have to introduce the two of you," Aeris told him, watching him closely.
"At least you haven't got an older brother," he replied.
"Oh, I think Cloud's bad enough, isn't he?"
Sephiroth smirked. "Yes, I suppose so."
"But he should know by now that I care about you. So he'll just have to get used to it."
The swordsman leaned forward over the railing. "I think he will always hate me. He is only civil with me for your sake."
"What about you?" she asked.
"I... have a lingering dislike for him, but I've very few reasons to hate the man. He was right, after all."
She sighed. "Please don't tell me you still hate yourself."
"It isn't hate," he said. "It is no longer strong enough to be called hate, but..."
Aeris laid a hand atop one of his. "And don't you ever tell yourself you aren't worthy of me, or that I would be better off without you, because neither is true."
"You've no idea how reassuring it is to hear you say that."
She smiled and squeezed his hand, and in the contented pause, she felt her stomach grumble and flushed in embarrassment.
"Hungry?" Sephiroth inquired, the expression on his face turning to amusement.
"I guess so," she answered. "Why don't we go get something to eat?"
He shook his head. "I don't need anything."
"Maybe, but you can eat just for the taste of the food, can't you?"
He only shrugged.
"Well, will you at least come keep me company then? If you don't mind, that is, because I'm sure watching someone eat is pretty boring."
"Nothing you do could ever bore me," he replied, releasing the railing and coming with her as she headed down to the inn.
"I wonder if they'll still give me a free meal," she mused as they approached the entrance. "They've been very generous to me the whole time I've been here. I think it's Nanaki's doing."
"Possibly. But the villagers really seem to love you. It might have been their own idea."
"You think so?"
He nodded.
"I'll have to thank them before we leave."
"We both shall have to thank them."
She glanced up at him, and they entered the common room in silence. It was busy this time of day, it being early evening, not long before sunset, but Aeris managed to find them seats at one of the tables, though they shared it with several villagers. She apologized for intruding, but they told her it was all right and welcomed the both of them with smiles before returning to their meals and their conversation. Sephiroth sat beside Aeris with reluctance and remained perfectly silent. His gaze was on the women nearby, and it seemed almost wary. She offered him a smile of reassurance, but he did not manage to return it.
The waitress seemed a little surprised upon finding the swordsman and the Cetra there, and she stumbled over some of her words as she asked what they would like. Aeris replied politely, but Sephiroth asked for nothing. The girl bobbed her head and hurried off to the kitchen.
Aeris shook her head. "It's surprising how nervous she was," she observed.
"Not really," Sephiroth said. "You're practically a celebrity here, and I am... well, me."
"I don't think she was afraid of you. Just nervous."
"Then it is surprising," he decided.
"Oh, come now," she said, "you don't look very threatening with that posture."
The swordsman, sitting slightly slumped with chin in hand, quirked an eyebrow at her. "I don't?"
"That must be a terrible blow to your pride," she remarked, stifling a giggle.
"Not really," he replied lightly. "You forget that you're biased."
"Maybe. But if you want to pretend you still look all big and bad, that's fine with me."
Sephiroth only smirked.
Not long after, the serving girl returned with her food, and Aeris ate quickly, noticing Sephiroth's growing discomfort at being here. With everyone so animated around him, he seemed even more withdrawn than usual. He kept his mouth shut unless she spoke to him, and even then his responses were generally monosyllabic. His eyes roamed the room and found no safe haven.
As soon as she had finished, then, she got up to find the waitress with the swordsman as her shadow. "Excuse me," she said, catching the girl by the arm. "How much...?"
"Oh, no," she said in surprise. "We could never charge you, Miss Aeris."
"But--"
"Please, your meals are on the house, as are many of your friends.' It's the least we can do."
Aeris accepted this reluctantly and bowed her head in thanks. She and Sephiroth left the inn together and started slowly back up to the observatory.
"Thank you," Sephiroth said quietly as they walked.
She nodded, but glanced at him curiously. "Why was that so stifling for you? Hardly anyone so much as cast you a glare."
He shook his head slightly. "I have never felt at ease in a crowd. Even amidst so many people, I am still separate."
"That could change if you wanted it to," she said softly.
"Perhaps someday. But for now," he went on, feeling for her hand and cautiously taking it, "this is more than enough."
The gesture astonished her, but her shock quickly dissolved into a smile, and she let him lead her up to the ledge where he often sat alone.
"The sun's already set," she realized as she sat down.
Sephiroth sat down by her side, regarding her with some confusion. "The sun sets every day."
"But that doesn't make it any less beautiful."
"You don't think that you would ever tire of it?"
She shook her head. "It's never the same, really; each time, it feels like I'm seeing it for the first time. Maybe it's because I spent so many years under Midgar's plate, but I don't know."
"I once felt that way as a child, but now... It is hard to feel awe for simple things anymore."
"...I'll have to get you back your other wing, then, so you can fly again," Aeris murmured absently.
He blinked and looked at her. "What?"
She gave a start, not realizing that she had said that aloud. "I... um..." She quickly shook her head and looked away. "I had a dream, once, where you had only one wing. More of a nightmare, really, but..."
He turned away. "You had a nightmare about me?"
"No, no," she amended quickly, "that's not what I meant. It wasn't... Well... You died, and everyone said that I'd done it."
"Oh." The swordsman hesitated, lifting his eyes to the darkening sky. "I wonder what it feels like, to be blamed for a death and not actually to have done it."
"Not nearly as bad as having killed someone, I'm sure," Aeris reasoned, reluctantly. "At least you can still believe in yourself, even if no one else does."
"But for the murderers, who do they have, if not themselves?" He glanced at her. "I am lucky to have you to trust me, Aeris."
She looked down at her hands. "You wouldn't have really broken, without me... would you?"
"I don't know. But I could not have healed either. Once I had done what I could to make amends, I probably would have killed myself."
"Oh, Sephiroth," she sighed, leaning against his shoulder and looking up at the sky, in which a few stars were beginning to appear. "I'm so glad I got caught up in all this. If I hadn't... I'd still be looking for someplace to belong."
"Any of your friends would readily take you in."
"But I'm not sure I'd belong with them. I never did, really. I was a good friend maybe, but an enigma to them all the same. Us, though, we can understand each other. My place is with you."
He did not reply.
After a time, she shifted to look up at him. "Is something wrong?"
Sephiroth shook his head. "I just... don't know what I can say to that."
"Oh," she said, and though something told her that that wasn't all, she named the feeling doubt and quickly dismissed it. She felt so comfortable here at his side, so safe, so content. Was this love? It seemed like it. And yet something still kept her from drawing that conclusion. Some fleeting thought that left her with this inexplicable doubt.
She felt a light touch on her arm, and when she made no protest, the touch strengthened to a firm but gentle arm around her, drawing her close. Aeris smiled and closed her eyes. She could stay like this forever, she thought. Here, she felt no warning in her heart, no need to hide anything, not even the discomfort of a friend's closed gaze of accepted misunderstanding. The Planet's anguish was but a dim pang in the deep recesses of her soul, and its hopeful song for the coming battle swelled in her heart.
And in this deep silence, with only the muted voices of the villagers far below, there were no weighted questions, no words to drown out her own, no hateful shouts to counter.
In this warmth, there was no cold machinery, no rough and uncaring hands, no black caress of lonely death.
There was only Sephiroth.
Unwanted thoughts reminded her that this peace was incomplete, that she still had not found her answer, that the past she shared with this man spoke of cold and solitude, that the Planet's gentle hum still held a note of worry. But she wanted to forget, just for a time, all those cares that bore down on her so heavily. Here in his arms, she had the freedom to do so. He would hold reality and duty at bay while she stepped free of them to explore this world of hopes and bring him back words of comfort.
Surely this undivided faith in him, this joy and hope for a future with him... wasn't this love? She thought of Cloud, and what that had felt like--the barely-suppressed excitement when he said her name, the comfort she had taken from his slightest smile, the fondness she had felt for even his annoying habits. Cloud, who had tried so hard to be a leader and been so boyish underneath. They had shared so much, and yet she hadn't known him nearly as well as she knew Sephiroth now.
Some of those feelings still remained, but she could not build this second life around him. Especially not when she wanted to build it around Sephiroth. Was this love? She would have answered yes quite readily had there not been that wordless question that she could not pin down, that nagging worry that begged her to wait, wanted her to be dead certain. It had something to do with what he had said to her that night on the Highwind, but whenever she brought it to mind, all she could think of was his kiss.
They sat together like this as the evening drew on towards night, and when weariness at last touched her lids, Aeris asked him if he would stay with her, hoping he would keep the nightmares at bay. Sephiroth agreed, and she fell asleep listening to the steady beating of his heart.
Across from her in sat a woman clothed in shades of blue, pale-faced and dark-haired, her accusing eyes a pale pink. She had never seen this woman before, but she knew her. This woman had the aura of one who had once considered her a rival, but had accepted defeat and come with the intention of apologizing--the intention, yes, but the old feelings persisted.
"Why did you make him hate me?" the woman demanded. Her voice was unfamiliar, but Aeris recognized it at once, and knew exactly what she meant.
She spoke as through a clear haze. "Why do you blame me for it? You could have told him the truth."
"And tell him that I murdered my own friends?" Somehow the woman's straightforwardness did not surprise her.
"They were your friends? Why did you kill them?"
"I had enemies, too, among that race. Those who did not understand. How was I to know my virus would spread through them to my allies?"
"And yet when they asked you why, you attacked rather than explained?"
"My friends were dead. What did I care about those who remained?"
"You just didn't want to admit that you made a mistake, and so you blamed the Cetra for it instead. Your intent was malevolent to begin with. Did you even care about your 'friends,' really?"
The woman turned her head away in aversion. "You are kind to everyone, and yet so harsh to me."
"It's true, though, isn't it? Why should I lie to comfort you?"
"You comfort Sephiroth, and he has killed just as many as I have."
"But he knows he was wrong--he's always known--and he accepts that. He's willing to make amends. You still refuse to take blame because you've no excuses, no cushion of 'I thought I was right.' Not like Sephiroth. But he would accept the blame if he were in your place. I know he would."
"I will accept the punishment, if he does as well."
Aeris felt herself fading. "He's punished himself enough..."
"You just want to keep him for yourself," the woman said spitefully.
I'm being selfish? He wants to be with me."
"Does he?" There was pain in her eyes. The only one she had actually...
"Surely you've noticed it. I'm not forcing him to stay."
"But he may feel obligated to." ...fiercely and protectively...
"He loves me," Aeris said, "and I love him. Please don't take him from me. Go alone. You can go alone, can't you? Can't you do something with your own strength alone?"
But suddenly she found herself speaking to no one. Briefly, she felt a sense of loss, of failure, and then her awareness faded, and she lost all memory of this strange visitor in the night.
"Morning," he murmured, sensing that Aeris had awakened.
She shifted to sit up and twisted to look at him with an expression of disorientation, as though she had just woken from a dream. When she found his gaze, she smiled, though some unease seemed to linger in her eyes. "Good morning," she replied.
He had to look away.
"What's wrong?" she asked, concern replacing her smile.
"Aeris, there is... something I must do. You will hate me for it, but I can see no other way."
"I could never hate you, Sephiroth," she said, though uncertainty threaded her voice.
He shook his head and released her, slowly climbing to his feet. "Maybe you won't, but the others..."
"What are you talking about?" Aeris demanded anxiously, climbing hurriedly to her feet.
The swordsman turned to look at her, carefully steeling his expression. "Minerva will understand. I've not told her of my plans, but she will understand soon enough. I can only hope that I am strong enough. If I am not, she will know. Please do not endanger yourself by going with her if that happens."
She shook her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I cannot explain. Even what I say now is..."
Aeris reached up to touch his face, her eyes pleading. "Sephiroth, please don't leave me out of this. Whatever you're doing, let me come with you."
"That is the last thing that I can do," he said, carefully taking her hand from his face. "Perhaps I was wrong before to say it was dangerous for you to be near me, but now it is a certainty." He held onto her hand for a moment longer before releasing it and turning to go.
"Please, don't go," she whispered.
He did not turn around, but paused, head lowered. "She is waiting for me there. I have to."
Her eyes widened. "If you go," she said, as though echoing something she had heard a long time ago, "you may never come back."
Sephiroth turned back to her and smiled apologetically. "I may yet. Aeris... I love you."
She stared back at him with tears in her eyes. She could not seem to say anything. "I... I..."
His smile faded, and he shook his head minutely. "It's all right, Aeris. I don't mind. I am not worthy of you anyway, even if you say I am. Forget me, and find someone who can give you what you need."
She shook her head, but still no words came. A tear escaped her eye and slipped down her cheek.
Sephiroth stepped back towards her, wiping it away with a gloved finger. "What are you crying for? This isn't the end."
"You... make it seem like it is," she managed in a whisper. "I'm scared. I don't know what you're doing, but it feels like you won't come back. Please, don't go..."
He regarded her for a moment in silence, then leaned down and kissed her softly on the cheek. "If you wish it," he said, "I will return. I promise."
Aeris put a hand around his neck to hold him close as she returned the kiss. "I'll hold you to that."
The swordsman nodded, then straightened and turned to leave. He expected--no, wanted--her to come running after him, to beg him again to stay, but no footsteps followed him as he made his way down the canyon. He quickened his pace, afraid that he might begin to imagine such footsteps and falter in his resolve, and did not stop until he was certain he was alone. Here, he leaned against a wall and bowed his head.
He hadn't wanted to make her cry, but he had had to tell her something. It wasn't in him to leave her without some kind of goodbye, without telling her that he...
She had not said anything. Did that mean she did not love him? He did not know why it hurt so much. He had never expected her to, always thought it better for her that she didn't, and now, when he was certain of it, it hurt?
He inhaled shakily, and then gave a start. Lifting a finger to his eye and pulling it away, he felt damp through his glove. Was he crying? Frowning, he wiped roughly at what tears there were and pushed away from the wall, heading resolutely down the next set of stairs.
"Hey, Seph!"
He paused at the bottom, belatedly noticing Yuffie at the weapons shop. "Hello, Yuffie," he replied carefully.
Surprisingly, she looked concerned. Nanaki, sitting by her feet, regarded him with a similar expression. "What's wrong?" she asked.
The swordsman shook his head. "Nothing."
"You are leaving, aren't you?" Nanaki asked.
He nodded, looking down.
"Without Aeris?" Yuffie wondered. "Did you just tell her that? I mean, I guess I can understand you wanting to fight her alone. It's your fight, after all, but..."
"Yes," he cut in, "I am going alone. I... I do not want her in danger."
The ninja shook her head, but her expression was sober as she walked closer to him, head bent so that she appeared even tinier next to him. She paused just before him, took his hand, and placed in it a crimson orb. She looked up into his face, a strength in her dark grey eyes. "May the water god Leviathan watch over you in the battle to come," she said softly. "Wutai places its faith in you to destroy the Crisis from the Sky and save the Planet from the grip of death." She closed his fingers over the materia, took a step back, and bowed gracefully.
"Yuffie..." Sephiroth began, shaking his head.
"I believe in you. You just make sure you come back. Aeris'll kill you if you don't."
"If not, we will do it for her," Nanaki added with a slight grin.
"Right," the ninja confirmed.
The swordsman smiled faintly, halfheartedly, and bowed his head. "Thank you both for your support. I will try to make myself worthy of your friendship." He paused and glanced back towards where he had left Aeris. "And if I do not return, take care of her."
"We will," Nanaki answered, "but we would rather not have to."
"I know," he said, turning to go.
"Good luck, Seph!" Yuffie called after him.
"May you return to us, the Planet willing," Nanaki added. He thought he heard the ninja giggle at her friend's formality, and he felt a pang in his heart at their cheerful farewell. They had no idea what he was about to do.
Jenova, are you listening? he called as he started down the steps towards the gate.
Oh, yes, Sephiroth. I am here, she replied, sounding pleased. Perhaps she had sensed something from his unease. What do you want of me? Are you finally coming to your senses?
Does your offer still stand? he asked. If I... If I join you, you will let me spare Aeris and her friends?
Yes, of course!
He nodded to himself. Then I've made my decision.
You are coming back to me then?
Yes, he answered. I... I do not want Aeris to die. She means too much to me.
It figures that you would go against her wishes to protect her. Even so, I know you are a clever one. I cannot believe this change of heart so readily, no matter how much I want to.
I did not think so. What would you like me to do to prove my intentions?
How about you behead that man there?
Sephiroth looked up to see that he was nearing the gate, and standing to one side was the gatekeeper, Ira, his watchful gaze directed outwards and not suspecting an attack from behind, not even with such a murderer in the village. Sephiroth closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath. Aeris, forgive me.
The Masamune sang as it arched through the air and severed Ira's head from his body. His head fell to the ground, bounced, rolled a few inches, and his body toppled over a moment later. Sephiroth strode on without hesitation, his eyes straight ahead of him.
Very good, my son, Jenova laughed. Very good indeed.
He only frowned slightly and quickened his step to put some distance between himself and the village. It would not do to have Cloud discover his betrayal and set out after him again. It would happen eventually, but he wanted to be far from here when it did.
What is it? Did that man's murder make you uncomfortable? Well, don't worry. You will soon get used to it again.
Sephiroth lifted his gaze to the northern horizon. Mother, where are you?
Oh, it is wonderful to hear you call me that again! You have finally admitted that that woman is not your mother?
Perhaps she is, he replied evenly, but she was never there for me. Your cells brought her life again, and yet she did nothing for me. You were trapped, so of course you could do nothing--but you cared, didn't you?
Yes. And I still do, my son.
Where are you? I want to see you again.
Now, now, don't be so hasty. You've said many cruel things to me. Do you apologize?
He pushed his disgust far back into a corner of his mind. I am sorry, Mother. I was only angry that you wanted me to kill Aeris again, but that is past us now. I wish I could take back what I said, but I know I cannot. Can you forgive me?
How could I deny my son his wishes? Of course I forgive you. As for where I am, your first guess was not wrong, but I would have left had you come here intending to kill me. I will wait for you here.
Sephiroth nodded. It had begun there, and now it would--begin again. He shook his head. What was he thinking? No, no, it would not end there. He focused his thoughts, bringing up the familiar image of the Northern Crater as he last remembered it. Darkness flickered around him and then drew back to reveal the crater.
"All right, Mother," he said aloud. "I am here."
Author's Notes
So... do you believe it?