"...and only with you do I feel whole. Where in your eyes, did I lose my...?"
Aeris looked up, her soft murmur of song trailing off. A ways up the path, she could hear laughter. At first the voices failed to register, but then she nodded to herself, remembering that they were expecting visitors today. She stood, carefully stepping out of the flower bed and onto the path.
"Hi, Aeris!" Katrina called as she came into view around the shell house, Delphine beside her waving one arm broadly and Nanaki at their heels.
The Cetra smiled softly, brushed the dirt from her hands, and waved back.
Nanaki bounded up ahead of the others, rubbing his face against her leg then sitting back on his haunches to look up at her. "Aeris, it is good to see you. You are well, I hope?"
She nodded, knelt down to scratch him behind the ears, and noticed the four feathers in his mane. A replacement and another mark of honor for fighting Jenova, she guessed. "Yes, Nanaki, I'm doing fine." She ran her fingers along one of the feathers. "You didn't have these two last I saw you."
He tossed his head. "That was months ago. They had not yet had time for the ceremony then. I'm sure you know what they are for."
She smiled and got to her feet as the two girls joined them. "Hello, Katrina, Delphine. Glad to see each other as always?"
"Of course," Delphine replied. "I can't wait 'til my parents let me move to Cosmo Canyon."
"But we're glad to see you, too, Aeris," Katrina added, giving her friend a look.
The Cetra laughed. "Well, come on. I'm sure Reno and Minerva will want to know you're here." She led them down the path to the shell house and opened the door to what was now their living room. "They're here, guys," she announced.
Minerva and Reno looked up from where they sat on the couch as the four entered. "Hey, everyone," the redhead greeted.
"Hi, Reno," Delphine replied. "Hey, Minerva."
She and Katrina walked over to sit down on the other side of Reno. Minerva shifted uncomfortably and moved to perch on the arm of the couch, giving the other three more room. Nanaki lay down at their feet, and Aeris remained in the doorway, watching the others for a moment as though she could not join them, only watch, silent and invisible.
Reno waved her over. "C'mon, Aeris. We can make room for you."
She gave a start and smiled sheepishly as she joined them at the couch, sitting down beside Nanaki on the floor. "So, Katrina, how are things going?" she asked. "Have you got your own place yet?"
"Yeah," the girl answered eagerly. "I bought a little cliffside hut about a month ago. Haven't paid for it in full yet, but I'm getting there. It's pretty high up so it's got a nice view of the canyon."
"Sounds cozy."
"How big is it?" Delphine wanted to know.
"One room. I don't really need any more space than that. I've got a mattress, a set of shelves, and a view, and that's good enough for me. The neighbors are nice, too."
"And everyone remembers you very fondly, Aeris," Nanaki added, sitting up and glancing behind him at Katrina. "Actually, we brought something for you from all of them..."
The girl started. "Oh! Right." She passed a hand-bound book down to the Cetra, who took it carefully, blinking in mute surprise.
"It is a compilation of various writings and drawings from around the village," Nanaki explained. "Some are simply thank you notes, others stories, ink sketches..."
"This is really too much," Aeris breathed.
"Hardly," the feline disagreed. "We kept getting suggestions from the villagers for various ways to thank you until finally Miera came up with this idea. Katrina helped the Elders to collect and combine the works."
"And I'm sure you had something to do with it, too," she replied, running her fingers over the thin wooden cover and gingerly opening the book. "I thank you both. Will you tell everyone how much I appreciate this?"
"Of course."
Aeris nodded gratefully, gently closing the book and looking out the window. Minerva had helped her install it only a month ago; it faced north, and further down the path, just before it wove into the mountain caverns, she could see a great, sharp-spined structure shining bone-white in the sun. She always found it disconcerting and fascinating at the same time.
"Has Elena come to visit you yet?" Nanaki asked of Reno. "I recall she was quite upset with your decision to come here."
"Nah," the redhead replied. "She writes, but she hasn't come up here yet. Maybe she's waiting for summer or something so she can take a long vacation, I dunno."
"Perhaps she is merely being stubborn," Minerva suggested. "After all, you have not visited her either, and I doubt you even write as often as she."
Reno laughed sheepishly. "Think I should go down for a few days?"
"Yeah, you probably should," Katrina chimed in. "I think she'd appreciate it."
"You wanna come, too, Min?"
"That depends. Will Aeris be coming...?"
Aeris twisted to glance at them and shook her head, smiling faintly. "No, that's all right. I think I'd rather stay here, but I can take care of myself for a few days."
Minerva nodded. "Of course. I only wanted to be sure you would not mind our absence."
"I won't," the Cetra assured her.
"She probably can't wait to be rid of us," Reno joked. "After all, we're here every day, invading her privacy and calling it 'cheering her up.'"
Aeris laughed, settling back down to look out the window again. "Oh, but it does cheer me up. Who knows what I'd be like without you two here?"
"Morbid and taciturn, no doubt," Minerva said wryly.
Reno snorted. "Morbid old Aeris. Sure."
The Cetra smiled. "No, I guess I wouldn't be that bad."
"What time is it?" Delphine asked abruptly.
"Just past noon," Minerva answered.
Aeris glanced up at Delphine. "I'm guessing you asked because you're hungry?"
The girl nodded, grinning sheepishly. "Yeah. I hope I'm not the only one..."
"I'm hungry, too," Katrina said.
"Me, three," Reno added.
The Cetra set her book down on the floor and got to her feet. "I'll go fix something. I'll be back in a little while."
"But you always do the cooking," Delphine pointed out. "Why doesn't Reno make lunch for a change?"
"Dear, have you ever tasted Reno's cooking?" Aeris asked of her.
Minerva made a face, and Reno grinned proudly.
"I guess not," the girl conceded. "All right, go ahead."
The Cetra smiled, leaving the room and heading for the kitchen area they had added on to the upper part of the shell house. It seemed a bit strange to have it just past the bedroom, but, lacking a dining room, they ate in the bedroom as often as in the living room.
She glanced at the third of the beds as she past it, grateful that they had since moved Sephiroth's body into a make-shift room just below. It was still fresh in her mind that he had been here, but she knew that soon enough she would not think of him when walking through this room. At the very least she would not have to see him when she could not bear it.
Pushing even these thoughts of him out of her mind, Aeris continued on into the kitchen and brought a cheerful hum to her throat.
Shera leaned against him, laughing, as they headed home. "Oh, come on, Cid... You know you teased them at their wedding, too. I don't see what you're so angry about."
He snorted. "Aw, Shera, you know I'm not really mad. I just never thought that spiky-headed kid would have the nerve to--"
"Hush," she interrupted, moving to stand in front of him and gesturing towards their house. "You're supposed to carry me across the threshold, you know."
Cid ran a hand through his hair and looked at her imploringly. "What, and I have to kick the fu--er, damn door down, too? Hard to open it with no hands free."
She laughed again. God, it was a beautiful sound. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her this happy.
Or this gorgeous. Normally she'd wear drab-colored blouses and pants, but her wedding dress was a pale blue and close-fitting enough to accentuate her petite figure. Her hair, which she rarely brushed and kept tied back in a loose pony tail, she had left down, with the tresses around her face pulled back into the hairpiece from which her veil hung.
Of course, he probably looked a lot better than usual, too, considering he never gave a damn about his appearance, but the suit was making him uncomfortable.
Shera put her hands on her hips and tilted her head, a timid smirk on her face. "Well?"
"Aw, fuck it," he muttered, taking her by the waist and tossing her unceremoniously over his shoulder as she cried out in surprise.
"This is not what I meant!" she squeaked indignantly.
"Too bad, hon," he replied, fitting his key to the lock and opening his door. He set her down once inside and turned to close the door behind them as Shera straightened her skirts.
"That was... uncalled for," she told him.
Cid turned back to her, grinning when he saw the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Come on, you know you liked it."
She kept up the frown for a second longer before bursting into giggles. "Oh, you're incorrigible."
He chuckled and started taking off his jacket and tie. "I'm never wearin' a suit again," he declared, tossing the distasteful articles of clothing across the room.
"Not even for me?" Shera asked, fingers working to take off the veil and let down her hair. "You looked so handsome."
The pilot snorted. "Handsome, my ass."
She set the veil down on the kitchen table and went to retrieve the jacket and tie where they had landed on the couch. "Well, I thought so. And you even shaved!"
"Probably not gonna happen again," he told her.
"It's a good thing Yuffie took some pictures then."
"Whatever," Cid muttered. "Want some tea?"
"Tea sounds lovely," Shera said. "Oh! But I'd like to change first. I've been afraid of spilling something on this pretty dress all day."
"Go ahead," he told her, setting some water on the stove to heat.
She came back in some minutes later, dressed in her nightgown, and stretched her arms over her head as he poured her a cup. "Mm," she murmured, sitting down and taking a sip. "Mr. and Mrs. Highwind..."
"Husband and wife," Cid said as he sat down, just as awed. "Who'd've thunk it?"
"Your friends," Shera reminded him with a tiny smirk. "They all thought it was about time."
He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, well, nobody ever said I was quick."
"I didn't think it would happen either," she admitted, "but I'm glad they persuaded you otherwise." She sighed contentedly and looked around the house. "Now this really is home."
"What d'ya mean? You've been livin' here."
"Yes, but not as your wife. I've been living here as 'that mechanic Shera,' not as Mrs. Highwind."
"I guess you're right," Cid agreed. "Sorry I took so long."
Shera got up and went to kiss him lightly. "It's all right, Cid. I would have waited forever if it meant being your wife."
"You really mean that?"
"Yes."
He pulled her into his lap with a grin. "But I bet you're glad you didn't have to wait forever."
"Exactly."
"Ah! Aeris, there you are! Trying to hide, were you?"
The Cetra started and got to her feet. "No, I just... saw your garden and..." She shook her head. "Did you want to kn--"
"Oh, no," Lucrecia interrupted. "No, I don't want to ask you about that. If you knew anything more, I'm sure you'd tell me."
Aeris smiled faintly, stepping out onto the path and ruefully brushing some dirt from her dress. "Probably ruined it," she murmured. "Well then, what did you want?"
"To thank you. I don't think I've ever sufficiently expressed my gratitude, and you've done so much for me..."
"You don't have to say anything," Aeris told her, shaking her head. "It's gratifying enough to see you and Vincent so happy together."
"Still, if there's anything that I can do, don't hesitate to ask."
"I'm getting on well enough, but I'll keep that in mind."
"At least you aren't blaming yourself," Lucrecia said softly. "That's what Sephiroth would have done had he been in your place."
"He probably will anyway, when he gets back." She sighed and looked down. "I miss him a lot these days. I'd give anything just to hear his voice, look in his eyes..."
"I know the feeling. Don't let yourself become too isolated. It'll drive you crazy, and no one seems to see enough of you as it is."
"I just don't want to be a burden to anyone. I can't pretend as well as before, and..."
"Your mood affects others, and you don't want them to be sad," Lucrecia finished.
Nodding faintly, the Cetra let her gaze wander back to the flowers which had caught her attention earlier. "It will be a beautiful garden in a few years," she said. "You've done a lovely job."
"Thank you, but I'm sure this is awfully plain compared to what you could do."
Aeris shook her head. "There is beauty in simplicity. This looks far better than my own garden anyway."
"But I imagine you don't have much to work with so far north," Lucrecia remarked. "I should like to see what you can do with it."
"Not much with how I'm feeling, I'm afraid--but never mind that." She finally met Lucrecia's gaze. "Congratulations. You must be so happy today, Mrs. Valentine." She managed a smile and went on, "Now, go on back to your wedding. I don't want to spoil anything."
"Won't you come back with me?"
Aeris hesitated, looking around the sparse garden. "I think... I'll stay here just a little longer. I'll come back when I'm certain I can smile without it seeming so transparent."
"I understand," Lucrecia replied, "but if you stay too long, I'll come looking for you again."
"All right." The Cetra watched Lucrecia disappear around the back of the mansion, then walked to the front gate and leaned on it, looking out. This was where Sephiroth had grown up, she mused. If only it had been as loving a household as it would be from now on. She wondered if he had even set foot beyond this gate. Had Hojo even let him outside? Had he even felt the sunlight on his skin before he escaped?
A desire to show him how this place had changed welled up inside her, and she had to close her eyes for a moment to calm it. It had only been eight months. It would be a while yet before she could see him. She could take that, couldn't she?
Aeris opened her eyes and glanced backwards. She took a deep breath, exhaled, and smiled. Yes, she could do this. She could keep up a convincing pretense for just a little longer. Letting go of the gate and the memories it brought, she turned to walk along the path and join the party in the back yard.
Delphine did not take off her coat before she sat down, but hugged it closer to herself. "Gods, it's hardly any warmer in here than outside!" she exclaimed. "How do you guys stand it?"
"There's a big difference between the temperature in here and the temp out there," Reno told her. "You'll notice it when you walk outside again."
"But not when I walk in," she added dryly. "Anyway, where's Minerva? She upstairs?"
He shook his head. "Nah, she's out somewhere."
"In this cold? She's gotta be insane."
Reno shrugged. "At least she was wearing a jacket for once. But, I mean, you know she doesn't mind extreme cold. She just gets hot easily."
Delphine smirked. "Which probably works out great for you, huh?"
"Hardly more than a year and how well you know me!" he laughed.
"Does she do this often? She's usually here when I come over."
"You don't usually come so early in the morning," Reno reminded her. "Min'll go out at night when she doesn't feel like sleeping. Aeris, too, sometimes. Min, I can understand, but it's hard to figure out why Aeris would want to go out in the middle of the night, especially in the winter."
"Maybe she has trouble sleeping?" Delphine suggested.
"I guess," the redhead sighed, shaking his head. "She worries me sometimes."
"Only sometimes?"
"I can't think about her all the time; I've got Minerva."
Delphine shrugged. "By the way, have any of you even started looking for jobs? I mean, whatever gil you brought with you can't last much longer."
"We don't need the money, really."
"You don't?" she asked in puzzlement. "How do you even plan to feed yourselves?"
"Min hunts," he explained simply.
Delphine blinked, staring at him uncomprehendingly. "She hunts," she repeated.
"Yeah. She's pretty good with those knives of hers. Skins 'em and cuts 'em up and everything. And then we--"
"That's nice," the girl interrupted. "I don't need a description."
Reno grinned pleasantly.
She frowned at him dubiously. "I suppose she scavenges, too?" she queried skeptically. "And what about bread and stuff?"
"Have you ever seen us eat bread?" he asked her.
"Well, no," she admitted.
"Then there you go. She did do some scavenging our first winter, but we've got a vegetable garden now. Aeris can make it grow year round, which is pretty neat."
"It's because she's a Cetra, right?"
"Yeah. Unless you know someone else who can get flowers to bloom in freezing temperatures?"
"Nope."
Reno leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. "So, what are you doing here so early anyway? It's not even eight o'clock yet."
Delphine shrugged. "I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. I got bored after a while, so I decided I'd come over and hope nobody minded."
"Nah, no one minds. We're all early risers or all-nighters here."
"I wouldn't have thought you'd be an early riser, Reno," she remarked doubtfully.
"Hey!" he exclaimed, pretending to look offended. "Just 'cause I look like I just got out of bed doesn't mean it's true."
"...but you always look like you just got out of bed," she stated flatly. "Do you even know how to use a comb?"
"Not my fault I have unruly hair," he muttered defensively.
Delphine laughed.
"What is so amusing?" Minerva asked, stepping into the room and looking to Reno for an answer.
"She's making fun of my hair," he explained with a whine to his voice.
The silver-haired girl rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Reno, what does it matter?"
"It doesn't, really, so long as you like it."
"It does suit you," Minerva granted, sitting down on the other side of him and only then acknowledging the other girl. "Good morning, Delphine. You're here earlier than usual."
She nodded. "That's what Reno was saying. Oh! I forgot to ask; where's Aeris?"
"Where do you think she is?" Reno asked.
"Upstairs?"
The couple exchanged glances.
"She is with Sephiroth," Minerva informed her.
"Oh." An awkward pause. "Still nothing, huh?"
"Nothing."
"So, anyway... What's new with you guys?"
"You know how it is. Same old, same old..."
Yuffie played with the violet-tipped feather in her hands, twirling it, tossing it and letting it drift slowly down to land again in her palms. Her face was set in a frown. Feelings like these for another human or someone close to human would have been easy to explain. She could have easily called it love.
She let the feather flutter to the floor in front of her folded legs.
But what did you do when you felt love just as deep for a member of another species entirely? It seemed ridiculous. A human and a... sapient cat? How could she have feelings for someone so vastly different? But she did. She loved Nanaki for his personality and his spirit. But humans expressed love physically.
Yuffie took up the feather again. So what? she thought defiantly. I don't have to follow convention when what I'm feeling is so unconventional.
But that wasn't her only problem; she didn't know if Nanaki even thought of her that way. We view things differently from humans, he often said. He'd never seemed to grasp the concept of love, either, always giving her puzzled looks or turning instead to his knowledge of friendships. So maybe it was just a human thing, and Yuffie was just crazy.
But then, most humans didn't understand it either, not until they actually felt it. So maybe Nanaki was just clueless like the rest of them.
Whatever the case, she decided she had to tell him. At the very least, she knew he'd never laugh. The real question was, how was she supposed to put it?
She wished she could talk to Aeris about it; Aeris would know how to deal with this, but Yuffie couldn't bother her with it. The Cetra had always dealt with other people's problems on top of her own, and Yuffie wasn't about to let that pattern continue. She could figure this out on her own... couldn't she?
Letting out a moan of frustration, she tossed the feather up into the air and fell backwards, sprawling across her futon--which was now a satisfying shade of midnight blue. The feather drifted erratically downward, back and forth, only to land in her open palm. Yuffie shut her eyes.
Just call him up. Your PHS is inches from your fingertips. Call Nanaki.
And say what? 'Hi, Red. Guess what? I'm in love with you! Isn't that great?'
No, that was stupid. She struggled with the wording. 'Nanaki, I wanna tell you something: I love you.'
"Rrgh." No, that was even worse. Yuffie sat up, snatching up her PHS and dialing his number before she could waste another minute fretting over it. She'd say it however it came out, and that'd be that.
"(Hello?)" Nanaki's familiar gravelly voice came over the line after a single ring.
"Hi, Red," she greeted, trying to sound as casual as she usually did. "What's up?"
"(Not much, really,)" he answered. "(How about with you?)"
She took a deep breath to steady herself. "I've been thinking. And I've come to a conclusion that... pleases me, frustrates me, and scares me..."
"(Yuffie?)"
"It's pretty crazy, I guess, but... I think I've finally figured out what it's like to be in love."
Nanaki hesitated. "(...d-dare I ask if this crazy feeling is directed toward... me?)"
The eagerness in his voice made her heart leap. "Yeah," she said weakly. "I love you, Nanaki."
A relieved sigh. "(As I love you, Yuffie.)"
"Hontou ni?" she asked, slipping into Wutain. Really?
"(Hai. Gomen nasai.)" Yes. I'm so sorry.
"Doushite?" Why?
"(Boku wa...)" I... Nanaki faltered. "(I should have told you a long time ago. Or maybe I should have taken Aeris up on her offer to tell you for me, but I thought I could do it on my own.)"
"Baka," she chided teasingly. "You're lucky I worked up the courage to tell you."
"(Indeed I am.)"
Yuffie ran her fingers through her hair. "Isn't it weird, though? We're so different..."
"(Physically, perhaps. But otherwise, I would not say so. We may have numerous differences, but we have far more similarities.)"
"You're prob'ly right. Still... not many interspecies relationships, are there?"
"(Does it matter?)" Nanaki asked.
She sighed. "Aside from the ridicule I'm gonna get once people find out, no, it doesn't."
"(I am sorry for that.)"
"What could you do about it? It's not your fault at all. And I guess... This doesn't change a whole lot, does it?"
"(I would not say that. It is a relief not to have to worry whether or not you feel as I do.)"
Yuffie nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I guess so. Now we know we're both crazy. Great, isn't it?" she asked, grinning and without sarcasm.
Nanaki snorted. "(Crazy indeed. It does not seem like hearts care anything for physical forms, even if your instinct tells you the other person is your enemy.)"
The ninja's smile faded; she knew who he was referring to. "Do you really think Aeris's body was telling her to stay away from Seph because he had Jenova in him?"
"(Possibly. With a link that strong to the Planet, and with Jenova being a parasite on it...)" He trailed off. "(You were up there most recently,)" he went on. "(How is she doing?)"
She thought for a second. "It's always hard to tell with Aeris. She seemed like she was doing pretty well, considering it's been a year and a half, and she's still got no word from the Planet. But there were a few moments when she got this faraway look in her eyes that was kinda worrying."
"(I suppose we cannot expect too much of her...)"
"Mm," Yuffie agreed. "If it wasn't for Sephiroth, I'd've gone to her for advice about, well, you, but I doubt she's stable enough to get involved in other people's problems, even if she acts like it."
"(At least we don't have to suffer through the uncertainty and sorrow that she and Sephiroth have.)"
She grinned ruefully as she lay back and looked up at the ceiling. "Yeah. Even if the Planet could solve our little species problem--sorta like it's doing with Seph--I don't think I'd agree to it if it meant one of us would be waiting like Aeris is."
There was a startled pause. "(I had not thought of that at all. But I suppose you are right. It is not worth waiting years even for that. I would not want you to suffer that wait, and it would not be fair for you to be the one changed.)"
"My dad'd be horrified," Yuffie considered with a laugh. "The villagers, too. At first it might be kinda fun to see what they'd think of a feline ruling Wutai, but I know it'd be too much."
"(And you wouldn't quite be you anymore,)" Nanaki added softly.
"Nn..." She happened to catch sight of her clock and frowned upon seeing the time. She sighed and sat up. "I'm sorry, Red, but I should be going. I've got work to do, and Shake'll think I've slept in or something. He gives me enough trouble as it is."
"(I understand,)" he replied. "(I will hear from you later then.)"
"Love ya," she said, grinning. "Bye."
"(Suki,)" he replied. "(Ja ne.)" I love you. Later.
"Ja ne," Yuffie laughed, turning off the PHS. Later...
The sun was sinking in the west, melting into the darkening ocean and setting the sky afire. Elena could never stop herself from watching a sunset from Junon's harbor. The sight always drew her to a walkway above the docks, just outside of where Rufus Shinra had once held command. The place still reeked of Shinra, despite the seven years that had passed, but for all that, the view was no less entrancing.
When the last sliver of molten orange finally slipped behind the horizon, Elena turned away from the ocean and headed home.
She, Rude, and Reeve lived in one of the ubiquitous apartment complexes in the upper city. Technically, Elena owned one apartment, and Reeve the one next to it, but they were joined by a door between them, and so nobody ever paid attention to what room belonged to who.
Now that Reno was away in the City of the Ancients, Elena had a bedroom to herself. At first she'd thought it a blessing to have her privacy, but by now she kind of missed the bickering. You couldn't argue with Rude--he answered in monosyllables or not at all--nor could you argue with Reeve, who was generally pretty agreeable and pleasant. She never thought she'd come to miss that kind of banter.
She often wondered what it would be like to have their whole group together again. Reno, Rude, Reeve, herself, and, of course, Tseng. Elena had come so close, so very close, to getting them back together. Sephiroth had said he would try to bring Tseng back, but with him dead, too... After over two years, she was starting to doubt, but she reminded herself that it had taken him five years to come back before. Who was to say the Planet could do it any faster?
But, another three years just to see if it was possible for Tseng to be resurrected? She hadn't even known him as well as the others, and one of her biggest fears was that he wasn't at all like she remembered. Her other was that he didn't--couldn't--like her that way.
Elena opened the door to her apartment and stepped inside, greeted by the smell of food. She closed the door, replacing her keys in her pocket, and headed for the kitchen. "Hi, Reeve," she greeted; he was the only one of the four--Reno included--who knew how to use anything besides a microwave, so they had unanimously assigned him cooking duty.
"Welcome home, Elena," Reeve said with a glance and a smile in her direction.
"Dinner gonna be ready soon?" she asked.
"In about five minutes."
Elena nodded. "Rude's home already, I'm guessing."
Reeve gestured towards the living room with a spoon. "He's reading the paper, I think."
"Right." She moved on into the living room, which also housed the fairly small table at which they ate. Sure enough, Rude sat relaxed at the table, reading The Aurora. It had been an underground newspaper back in Shinra's day, but now it was well-read and circulated planetwide.
"Anything interesting?" she asked.
Rude glanced at her, removed one of the pages, and wordlessly handed it to her. It took her a minute to find the headline 'Frequent Visitors Spark Interest in Forgotten City.'
Her eyes widened. "Is this--are they talking about the City of the Ancients?"
He nodded. "It looks like Aeris may have some very curious scientists to deal with."
Elena grimaced. "Not fun. What do you think she'll tell them?"
Rude shrugged. "I've no idea, but she'll figure something out."
"Probably," the blond agreed. "But then, Reno says she hasn't been her usual knowing self lately. Maybe she won't know how to deal with them."
"She will," he said firmly.
She handed him back the paper and sank down into a chair with a sigh. After a moment, she asked, "It's entirely too quiet, don't you think?"
Rude raised an eyebrow. "Thinking of writing another letter asking Reno to come back?"
Elena shot him a glare. "No, I am not."
"Of course you aren't," he replied evenly.
She sighed, giving up all pretense. "Oh, come on, you miss him, too, don't you?"
He nodded. "But I'm not going to ask him to do things he doesn't want to do."
"You're saying I'm being selfish?"
Rude nodded again.
She threw up her hands. "Oh, whatever. But... First we lost Tseng, and now Reno. It feels like I'm slowly losing all of you."
"Relax, Elena," Reeve said, walking in and setting a plate down in front of her and another before Rude. "Neither of us is going anywhere anytime soon. And Reno will come back eventually."
Frowning, she snatched up her fork. "I know. But eventually should be sooner."
"I'll agree with you there," he replied, offering a sympathetic smile before returning to the kitchen to get his own plate.
She waited at the exit to the Forest, coaxing it to let the group of humans through. This one time, she would let strangers come so close to her home, because she had to speak with them, and she did not wish to leave this place. She belonged in it, and not one step beyond. Not until she had Sephiroth back.
The party of bright-eyed scientists, historians, and archaeologists stepped out of the Forest, only a few catching sight of her right off, despite her black coat which must have contrasted harshly with the pale rock upon which she sat.
"Please, don't go any farther," she bade them, and all eyes turned to her.
"Why not?" one of them asked.
"This is my City, my home, and I'd rather not have so many visitors."
"This city belonged to the Ancients," another began, rather indignantly.
"No, it belonged to the Cetra," Aeris corrected, "and if you're thinking that I have no claim over it, you're quite wrong because I am the last of the Cetra. I won't have you swarming all over my home when I came here for solitude." Her eyes shifted to a young man who might have been a scientist. "And I won't have you whisking me off to some laboratory either."
"Ah..." a kindly-looking woman began hesitantly. "Miss, I think you misunderstand. We don't mean to intrude. If you show us where you live, we'll be sure never to bother you."
"No, you misunderstand. This is my refuge, and you can't come in uninvited to disturb it."
"Disturb what?"
"The dead who have found rest here, the memories which have found haven, and myself. You say you won't bother me, but I know better. You'll ask for explanations, and these I will not give."
"I still don't understand why we can't be allowed to have a look."
"Because I haven't invited you," Aeris said. "Besides, you'll only get the wrong impressions and draw the wrong conclusions from whatever you find."
The woman spoke up again. "Can't you allow anything, Miss?"
She faltered. "There is a girl from Bone Village who is a friend of mine. She comes here fairly regularly, and she may be willing to tell you what she's learned from me. I'll mention you to her. Otherwise, you'll learn more if you travel to Cosmo Canyon."
"Cosmo Canyon...?"
The Cetra nodded. "Out of all peoples, they have come the closest to understanding the Cetra. Now, go back to your homes and leave mine be. If you come back a second time, perhaps I'll be kind enough to let you through the Forest again, but not a third time."
"You control the Forest?"
"No, but it seems to like me."
"Can you at least tell us your name before we go?"
"Aeris," she answered quietly.
"Thank you."
And they turned their backs on her and went back the way they had come. It surprised her that they would follow her commands with so little protest and accept her words without argument. Could it be that she still carried herself that convincingly? Could she still manage to say just the right thing?
She closed her eyes. She wasn't sure whether she really cared if they scoured the City for clues on the 'Ancients' or not. But she thought that Sephiroth would have. For him, the place had held a special reverence, and she wanted to preserve that, for him. For Aeris, though, everything was dull without him.
This place really was enchanting; its spires stood black-roofed, built from a pale umber stone, perfectly smooth and curved. A thin mist lay on the violet-tinted water into which all the perfect towers sank, and from which a path of pillars led across to an altar whose broken railing stood as the only testament to neglect. Shards of glass encircled the place, and a crystalline stairway curved away upwards.
Beyond the glass, there was nothing but void. Minerva had to wonder where exactly this place was, and how it could exist. It was certainly an enigma.
She sat on the roof of the tallest spire, where Sephiroth had lain in wait for Aeris. It was an easy leap from here down through the encircling golden glass of the altar itself and onto the platform. Minerva knew that Aeris came here at night, too, whenever she had trouble sleeping. The Cetra would even kneel on the altar, hands clasped, eyes closed, as though she expected Sephiroth to come down and claim her life as he had seven years ago. Minerva did not know what to make of it.
She herself only came to this place in particular because Reno and Delphine did not know about it. She sought solitude in coming here--not that she disliked their company, but she was not used to it. She needed time away from them every now and then, just to think.
Her thoughts on this occasion kept drifting to Sephiroth and, ultimately, to Aeris's death, despite her attempts to guide them elsewhere. She thought she knew what was bothering her: she had watched it through Sephiroth's eyes, and seen the materia that had fallen from Aeris's hair and into the water. Its loss had gone unnoticed by Cloud's friends, and she had to wonder if it still remained. Surely if it did, Aeris would like to have it.
Minerva shifted, leaning forward to peer into the water below, but the mist obscured her view, and so she got to her feet and dove. She slid into the water by the altar with hardly a sound, only the mists parting to show her entrance. She swam down to the bottom, scanning the rocky ground and ignoring the dancing light from the surface.
It did not take her long to find what she sought, nestled in a little niche in the rock not far from one of the pillars. She grasped the tiny orb, enfolding it safely in her palm, and swam to the lowest platform, where she pulled herself from the water.
A simple air spell dried her soaking hair and clothes and skin, and Minerva opened her hand to inspect her find. It was truly white now, and while it did not glow, it did catch the light and glitter a little. Strange, she thought, how something so small could summon something so great as Holy.
She ascended from the isolated altar and made her way back to the shell house in which Aeris and Reno chose to sleep. There, she slowed to dead silence, not wanting to wake them. A turn of the knob, a climb up the ladder, and a few steps took her to Aeris's bedside. The Cetra lay on her side, half curled up with her hands loosely clasped near her face.
Hesitating, Minerva bent down to slip the White Materia into her hands. That done, she turned from the room and crept outside to wait for daylight.
The only sound she could hear was that of rushing water to her right, strangely muted despite her close proximity to the fall. Aeris glanced towards the viewing platform where, when it was working, a tiny crystalline sphere set into the pedestal would project an image onto the screen of falling water. She had never seen it work, but Cloud had told her about it some years ago...
Or had it been only a few months? It was getting hard to tell. She thought for a moment and decided on years. Two, probably. This was her fourth winter here. On recalling that, she noticed the cold for the first time and shivered, pulling her coat more tightly about herself.
At least the winters were getting a bit warmer, she thought. That first winter, she would hardly have gone outside for pleasure. Or, rather, to seek solitude, for what kind of pleasure was this?
She looked around the empty hall with its stonework arches and its staircases, its curving walls. What had this room been used for? Some sort of council? Aeris closed her eyes, and she could imagine a gathering of Cetra here, with a few up on this protrusion into the center where she sat. And whenever their ancestors had something to show them, they would all crowd onto the viewing platform to watch.
Perhaps, she thought, it worked like the portal in the Temple of the Ancients. That part of her life seemed so vivid compared to now, a memory eight years old easier to recall than yesterday. She did not even need to close her eyes to picture what her ancestors had shown her in the Temple, images of Sephiroth attacking Tseng, laughing madly, raving about becoming one with the Planet...
Although, that was not what she remembered most about that moment. She wondered if the others had felt it, his presence just behind them, as though he was looking over her shoulder, breathing down her neck. Had they seen that passing glance, that look of amusement? Had they seen that afterimage of him sinking into the still-glowing pool? Had they seen the sadness in his eyes behind the madness?
No, of course not. How could they, blinded by anger, have seen or felt such things as those? And, she thought, perhaps he had meant those glimpses for her alone. She liked to think that he had.
Three years, four months, six days, Aeris thought absently, and then she gave a little start. Today would have been his birthday, she realized.
She leaned back on her hands, forgetting the cold. He would have been thirty-eight. And me? How old am I? Nearly thirty? She had to laugh at herself. "Oh, Aeris, you're so old now. Imagine, thirty!"
Her smile faded. She felt even older, though. How long would she wait? How many more years?
Reno and Minerva had finally left a few months ago. Gone back to Junon where their friends were waiting. She was glad they had decided to get on with their lives. Delphine had left with them, intending to join her friend Katrina in Cosmo Canyon.
And now Aeris was truly alone. She only kept track of the days now so that she would remember those birthdays and anniversaries she knew... and so that she would know how long she had been waiting, though why it mattered, she wasn't sure.
"Oh, Planet," she sighed, "I wish I could talk to you, my friend. Ask you how Sephiroth is doing. Ask you how you're doing. Is the weather really warming? Is it because you're finally healing yourself? Will the snow in the Knowlespole finally melt come spring...?"
Silence to answer her, as always.
"No wonder it was worried," Aeris went on softly. "I didn't think I had come to rely on its presence that much. How did I ever manage in Midgar, with all those other voices drowning it out? With me trying not to hear it, trying to be normal? Hmph. Who knows?"
She sat up, drawing her legs up against her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "And now I'm talking to myself... Sephiroth, you had better come back soon, or I'll be stark raving mad by the time you get here!"
There was no reply to her threat; she hadn't expected one.
Aeris laughed softly. "I should head home," she told herself. "It won't do to be out in the cold for so long; I don't want to be sick on top of everything else."
Slowly, she got to her feet and turned to walk back along the stone pathway out of the City's center. Here, the buildings were still nothing but ruins, but once she stepped out from under the great roof and onto the path of stone discs that stretched like a skeleton across the ground, she saw beauty lying dormant. The houses were well-kept, though worn by the wind, most with doors and some with newly-set round windows.
Flower beds lay around them with drooping plants, their leaves curled up against the cold. Some looked dead, and there were bare patches of near-frozen earth, but Aeris knew in the spring, the City would burst with budding flowers and green shoots. She had even planted a few young trees, not yet half as tall as the buildings by which they stood.
Perhaps she could have made all this blossom in the winter, too, but she felt too despondent to maintain anything beyond her vegetable garden. How could she help things grow when she herself was dying inside?
As she continued slowly along the path, she started humming a sad tune to herself, barely realizing it. She opened the door to her house, closing it behind her with a muted but satisfying slam. It was just warm enough inside that she could take off her coat, though never did she really feel warm.
Aeris hesitated, then opened the door to Sephiroth's room and stood on the threshold, studying his pale face. Come back, she prayed silently. Please...
She knelt beside the bed, elbows on the mattress, propping her head up. Her green eyes were dull, but not sightless; their gaze was fixed on the man lying lifeless before her. He lay atop the covers, hands folded across his chest, silver hair just a little tangled. If she blurred her vision a little, she could ignore the fact that his chest did not rise and fall and imagine that he was only sleeping.
Aeris shook her head, rousing herself from the fantasy that he would wake any moment. A part of her had long since accepted that she would never again see him open his eyes, never again hear his voice, never again feel his arms around her. Only slight changes--or lack thereof--kept her ever hopeful.
After all, if he was truly just a corpse now, wouldn't his body begin to decay at last? And what about the wounds that he had sustained? Not even scars now remained.
She struggled to remember what date it was. November... 29th? No, 30th. 2056. So it had been over four years now, that she'd been waiting. She felt ghostlike--the sole inhabitant of this City, carrying on a shallow imitation of life. But hadn't she always pretended? What was a little longer? What further harm could one more day do to her?
If only for him, she had to carry on. She did not want to give up on him, for what would he do if he awoke to find her dead? Could he manage to bring her back a second time?
She lowered her head to rest it on the mattress, looking sideways at Sephiroth. Would he still remember her? Would he even want her? Even if he did, what would he make of the shell she had become?
Kneeling here in this lonely house, Aeris did not feel as though she could return to what she had been. She had given her heart to a dead man, her soul she had lost in waiting for him, and the cold solitude had numbed her mind. She had nothing but a tattered, silly, impossible hope that he would come back, and that his return would somehow restore her.
"Sephiroth..." The name came out in a faint murmur, scarcely more than a whisper. She barely recognized the voice as her own. "Where are you now? Has the Lifestream swallowed you? Have bits of your soul been joined with others to make a new soul; are you part of someone else now?"
Aeris lifted her head, and her voice rose with it. "Or dare I hope that you're still vaguely conscious, maybe even thinking of me now? Will you wake tomorrow? Will you call my name? Oh, gods, just to hear your voice..."
Her lashes lowered to hide her eyes. "If only I could call you back myself. If only they had all found it in themselves to forgive you. How? How could they have been so cruel? Didn't they see how good your soul was? Didn't they see how sincere your guilt was? Hadn't you already suffered enough?"
Her voice dropped again. "...haven't I suffered enough? Planet, what did I do wrong? What words did they need to hear that I forgot to say? Why...?"
Years ago, this kind of pain would have made her cry. It would have brought tears to her eyes, racked her body with stifled sobs.
But Aeris had made a vow not to cry, not until Sephiroth returned. And now it seemed that that promise would hold her forever. No more tears. It was bad enough that her friends had to see her like this. They did not need to see her cry.
She wondered how long it had been since anyone had last come to visit. Was anyone supposed to visit soon? Would she have to struggle even harder with her pretenses, put on the mask and costume of the cheerful little flower girl from all those years ago?
She sat up slowly to give her appearance a cursory glance. Dishevelled hair, dirt-smeared clothing... She had forgotten to bathe recently, it seemed. The dress, at least, was forgivable; she wore it while gardening, and the dirt was to be expected.
So tired...
Aeris gave a start, hardly daring to trust her senses. Her heart fluttered, and her eyes went immediately to Sephiroth's face. "Planet?" she breathed.
Healed, healed, but tired. So tired. Call sleep? Want sleep. Cannot. But so tired...
"Healed, Planet?" she asked, trying not to sound as anxious as she felt; the Planet's attention was slipping away from her.
Me. Healed. Blessed feeling.
"And Sephiroth?" she persisted hopefully. Ever hopeful.
Tired. Give rest. Moment...
Its presence faded, leaving her uncertain. She struggled to comprehend its clipped words. The Planet had healed itself; that much she could understand immediately, and she wished she could feel happy for it. She knew how marvelous it had to feel after having an open, bleeding wound for so long.
But what about Sephiroth? It wanted rest. Maybe... maybe it meant that she should give it a 'moment' to rest before it focused its attention on him? Only a 'moment,' and she would have him back? But... how long was a moment, from the Planet's perspective? Normally it would use that term to convey exactly what a moment meant to Aeris, but if it was so tired that it could barely form intelligible thoughts, it may have reverted to thinking in its own terms.
Meaning a 'moment' could be years. Decades at most. The thought filled her with despair. The hope which had flared so brightly was now little more than an ember.
Aeris grasped at it, knowing that hope was all that kept her going, and that even this empty life was too precious to abandon.
What if the Planet truly meant a moment? Even if it was longer than Aeris's definition, she knew she could wait for it. An hour was a moment to her anyway. A day would come and go and be forgotten all too easily. A week, she could do. A month, she could wait. A year, she could endure. A decade, she...
No, perhaps not a decade, she conceded. But she knew she would try if she had to.
Hours passed, her mind paying no attention to the hungry protests of her stomach, her eyes fixed on Sephiroth's face, waiting for that instant when his would open, oblivious to how long she had been sitting here, how many meals she had missed, how close morning was to coming around again.
Finally, however, she nodded off, sinking into a heavy sleep with her arms draped across the bed, one hand laid on Sephiroth's and her cheek resting on the mattress.
Author's Notes
The very first line is from a song Minerva wrote for Aeris in the original. I decided to cut it from this version 'cause... well, it's kind of bad. But I still like this line. The whole verse is "Now you stand tall/and only with you do I feel whole./Where in your eyes/did I lose my soul?" OMG it rhymes! le gasp! You know, honestly I'd forgotten that.
The title is a reference to the nightmare Aeris had in the previous chapter. Also, as you've hopefully figured out, this chapter spans roughly four years. It's a little choppy, but there are some events that I wanted to write, and of course I had to check up on Aeris every now and then to show her slipping into this depression.
I did cut a couple scenes from this. In one of them, Nanaki asked advice of Miera on how to handle his feelings for Yuffie... which was kind of silly considering he didn't really follow it. XP There was also a scene with Yuffie and Nanaki in Wutai in the fall. It had a lot of pretty imagery, but not much else.