"Oh my god Mulder. It's beautiful."
The lazy morning sunlight danced in patches of golden glitter on the lake's rippling surface. Ancient pines from the surrounding forest reflected in the clear water to create swirls of emerald and azure that gently lolled back and forth in the light breeze. The air carried a sweet freshness of spruce and pine and spring honeysuckle. No sounds of man or technology interrupted nature's peaceful respite—only the calling of birds among the trees and the whisper of the water could be heard in the stillness.
Mulder had not slipped any clues of their destination until they arrived at Lake Ninevah in Okemo, Vermont, when Scully was finally able to see it for herself. He had shown her the quaint oak cabin first before strolling down the hill to the lakeshore. This was one of Mulder's favorite places. He had been to Ninevah several times, but seeing it again always managed to take his breath away. His family vacationed here once when he was about ten, and since then he'd returned on his own to think, soul search, and connect with nature. He longed to share his secret place with Scully, to make it "theirs" instead of just "his".
"Let's go back to the cabin and unpack, and we can make some sandwiches for an early lunch. And after that, how about hiking? I'll show you the trails."
"Sure," she murmured, still in awe.
Mulder rummaged through the drawers in the tiny kitchen for a spoon large enough to stir the salmon vodka sauce. It was a well-known fact that when Mulder threatened to cook, anyone in a one mile vicinity should run quickly in the opposite direction. However, there were a few selected dishes he had perfected over the years out of the necessity to impress, and they all happened to be various pastas. As he prepared to test a noodle by sticking it to the wall, Scully emerged from her bedroom clad in a nice pair of jeans and a low-cut, black V-neck blouse. They had had a long day of hiking (without much conversation other than congenial small talk) and she had insisted on a shower before dinner. Her damp hair fell in loose waves above her shoulders, and her eyes, cheeks, and lips were naturally made up with earthy tones. Mulder realized he had frozen in his ministrations to admire her, but he quickly got back to work so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. She smiled and shyly dropped her eyes at his gaze.
"It smells good Mulder. I'm sorry to admit that I'm surprised."
"You're going to love this Scully. I promise. And there's another surprise-look in the fridge."
She raised a curious eyebrow as she opened the refrigerator door and then gasped when she lifted the bottle.
"St. Emilion Red Bordeaux? This wine is incredibly expensive, Mulder."
"That's why I don't have it that often."
"You didn't have to do this."
He smiled. "I know."
"So really, Mulder, what's all this about?" she said with her mouth partially full.
He took a sip of wine and regarded her innocently across the round pine dining table. "What's what about?"
"This trip, this delicious dinner, the wine…"
"Only the best for you Scully. I want you to have a relaxing vacation. And…and I really enjoy spending time with you when we're not working on a case. I love just talking with you—really talking. We hardly ever do that."
"I know…we should do it more."
Mulder dabbed vodka sauce off of the corners of his mouth, dropped his cloth napkin on his plate, and pushed his chair back from the table and stood. "Let's go night swimming—when you're finished. The weather's beautiful, and you can't find better stargazing anywhere."
"Swimming? Mulder I don't know. I didn't bring a bathing suit."
"Are you afraid to let me see your underwear? Come on, it's no big deal."
"I just took a shower."
Mulder gave her the puppy eyes. She never said no to the puppy eyes.
"Sure…why not?"
"Is it cold?" Scully stood on the grassy shore with a towel wrapped around her. She felt oddly self-conscious at the prospect of swimming with him in her bra and panties. He had seen her naked before-once in quarantine and once in Antarctica. But this felt incredibly intimate, and Scully tended to run from situations in which she felt that she was baring too much of herself, so to speak. I trust him. I want to let go.
"No, it's warm. Jump in Scully, it feels nice."
She sighed, threw the towel behind her before she could change her mind, and tentatively stepped into the shimmering moonlit lake. The water was surprisingly warm and relaxing as it flowed and caressed over her tense body. She leisurely treaded toward Mulder, who proceeded to splash playfully, wetting her hair.
"Cut it out!" She cried between fits of giggles. She splashed back, turning it into a game of dodge-the-wave. He surrendered first, letting her triumph, and did a backstroke to the center of the small lake. He floated on his back, looking up, and suddenly appeared serious and contemplative.
"There's the Big Dipper. The bright one in the western sky is Jupiter. And directly overhead—that's Cassiopeia—can you see her chair?"
Scully strained her neck to look up and nodded.
"Try floating on your back and looking up. All you can see is the sky. It's almost like peeking through a curtain into another world."
"I can't float on my back. It makes me feel like I'm falling and I always sort of panic and flip over when I try."
"Come here Scully."
She did a breast stroke over to where he floated as he maneuvered himself to standing. The water was too deep for Scully when she reached the center of the lake, so she was forced to tread. Mulder swam to meet her and gently wrapped one arm around her back and placed the other behind her knees so that he was carrying her weightless body.
"Just lay back. It's okay. I've got you," he said softly.
Scully leaned back until she was laying flat with Mulder's arms beneath her. She sighed with contentment and gazed into the infinite heavens, the water lapping gently around her.
"When I take time to really look at the stars, I always wonder what's on the other side looking back. I'm not talking about aliens—I can almost feel the creative presence out there somewhere...As far as my spirituality is concerned, I've always jumped between atheism and agnosticism. It used to make perfect sense to me that existence in itself is arbitrary. That the elements to create life happened to exist on this planet, and by that definition we have also come to exist. And the others, wherever they come from, just happened to go through a similar evolutionary process. But now—I have come to believe that there is a greater plan. Something is out there that's bigger than us or them. Something started this…we're here for a reason…and I can find peace in that, even though I can't find the truth…the answers…Do you believe in God, Scully?"
"Well, it's what I was raised to believe, and when I was younger I would have said yes without question. I've always been so afraid of death…I wanted to believe that there was Heaven and salvation, so that if I died or lost a loved one, we could all be together again in the end—our existence and our bonds would continue. But now I'm not so sure. I've seen so many horrible things in the profession I've chosen, and I wonder, would God let this happen? I used to carry a lot of guilt …when Melissa died, I felt responsible. And I guess I was, indirectly at least. I used to have nightmares where I would hear her screaming and asking me why I had done this to her. Then when I got cancer and the ability to have children was stolen from me and when Emily…I thought it was God's way of punishing me for Melissa… But now I know that what happened to her wasn't my fault, and she doesn't blame me. Wherever she is, I know she doesn't blame me. She loves me and I will always love her. So…God? I don't know. I just don't know."
They shared a powerful silence, and as they did so often, connected without words. Mulder slowly walked through the lake, still holding Scully as she floated.
"What made you start to fear death?" he asked softly. "Did you lose someone when you were young?"
"I remember the exact moment. I was four years old, and my mother was reading me Charlotte's Web. When she got to the end, to the part where Charlotte-the spider- dies, I burst into tears. I looked up at my mom and said "Mommy, am I going to die?" And she said "Yes." That was the first time I really got it. How temporary our lives are—and it scared me. I suppose it still does."
"That's why you don't like people to get too close to you. You're afraid of loss," he said.
"Maybe. I've always held back with people. I don't know if I've ever really been in love in any relationship that I've had."
"Love is a risk."
"I'm not going to do it anymore—hold back, I mean."
The partners shared another contemplative silence until Mulder spoke.
"Are you about ready to go in? We can dry off in front of the fire."
"Sure."
Mulder positioned her so that she was treading water upright once more. She wrapped her arms around his neck and his arm was still on her waist while he swam to a shallow area where she was able to stand. Scully retrieved her towel from the grass at a leisurely pace, having a sudden desire for Mulder to notice her body.
Mulder started the gas in the small hearth, and the tiny fire crackled and bathed the room in a comforting orange glow. He silently turned to watch Scully and saw the reflection of the flame flicker in her eyes and shine in her wet auburn hair. The towel was wrapped around her like a Greek goddess. Suddenly, she broke the silence.
"Have you ever been in love? In any relationship you've had?"
He ran a hand through his hair, spiking it unintentionally, and thought for a moment before he answered.
"Yes…I loved Phoebe. I was young and trusting and idealistic, and I let myself fall in love. It was all a game to her. I was serious and she was playing, so of course she broke my heart. I didn't love anyone I dated after that. My relationship with Diana was the most serious one after Phoebe, well of all three people I've dated since Phoebe, but I didn't love her. I cared for her, but I never loved her."
He wanted to add—I've never loved anyone like I love you and my feelings for you are so intense it scares me—but of course, he didn't. She must have seen that response in his eyes, though, because she moved across the rug and silently touched his face with her palms, tracing her fingers over the line of his brow and the sharp contour of his nose and then lovingly cupping his cheeks. Their eyes locked and they just knew: "I love you" hung in the air between them.
They leaned in at the same moment and their lips met in a series of delicate, fluttering kisses that slowly built in passion and intensity. The contact became an exploration of lips and teeth and tongues that left them breathless. Mulder broke the kiss and lightly trailed his lips and tongue down her neck to reverently kiss the bullet scar. She traced her fingers down his torso, her nails scratching slightly, causing him to shiver with sensation. Her hands reached the elastic of his boxers and she looked into his eyes for permission, and he nodded. They both stood as she removed his only barrier, and he rejoiced in sharing his body with his soul mate as her eyes traveled down the length of him. He wanted to see her then—to luxuriate in the feeling of her bare skin against his.
Scully let the towel fall to the floor with a whisper so that she stood in her cream-colored bra and red panties. Her eyes never left his as she moved her arm to her back to unhook the tiny clasp, and she easily shrugged the garment off. She hooked her thumbs around her panties, let them slide down her legs, and kicked them off when they reached her feet. She opened her arms to him to share the most intimate embrace With her arms around his neck, he lifted her off of the floor as their lips met once more and delicately set her down on the table. His breath was heavy and his mind was racing, hardly able to believe this was really happening and wanting nothing more.
"Are you sure?" he asked huskily.
"Make love to me Fox…" she whispered.
And he did.