Title: You're Mine
Disclaimer: Nope! Wait, let me check again...yep! I'm definitely not the owner of Harry Potter or anything affiliated with such a person.
Author's Note: I will be posting more of Wishcraft in the next few days. This is a story I wrote MONTHS ago, just never got the guts to post it until now.
Summary: One-shot. Post OOTP. "I want Sirius to be our baby's godfather, James." His eyes narrowed. "Absolutely not, Lily! You don't know him like I do! For him to be responsible for...NO!" A piece of conversation that happens before this story even begins. Everyone only assumed it was James who wished for his best friend to be his son's godfather. Everyone was mistaken.
"You're mine!
"I don't think anyone ever realized it...except for Lily.
"Did you know that she was the one who insisted I be your godfather? It certainly wasn't James. You see, James knew me intimately. He knew what havoc I could reek. So did she, to an extent, but James knew much more of my darker side. It went far beyond the pranks that were visible to the public eye. He even tried to talk her out of it, insisting that Peter or Remus would make a better godfather as they were much more level headed. We may have been the best of friends, but that didn't change his views on my high levels of immaturity (whereas his had toned down greatly) and my hidden darkness.
"She demanded it be me, still. She even went so far as to kick James out of the delivery room and demand my presence there. The healers complied, of course, and I was the very first person to hold you. Well, that is to say, after the healer. You were so small and tiny. You didn't have the green eyes you own now. You had blue. Your skin was pink and your hair was as untidy then as it is now. You were also silent almost immediately after you were placed in my arms. It must have been my imagination, but you had looked so solemn in those first few moments that my humor at Lily actually demanding I be your godfather faded so completely that I vowed right there to do right by you.
"I failed you for a great many years.
"James was immensely jealous and angry. Lily had done everything behind James's back to ensure that I was listed as your godfather. She even bound me magically to you, a practice not used for over two centuries. Even after that day in the hospital was not enough. She had me over nearly everyday, teaching me how to care for you properly. She filled me in on the execution of James and her wills regarding you as well, along with the morals and ideals she wished for you to possess. She did all of this during a temporary leave she had arranged for me to have, without my knowledge beforehand.
"She didn't do the same for James.
"It was when you were three months old when I found out why she did what she did. It was Halloween. She was sitting in your nursery simply stroking your cheek as you slept in your crib."
"James and I are going to die soon. In a year from this day."
"You don't know what those words did to me. My stomach was sent into knots while it felt as though it were stabbed repeatedly. Lily was the rare sort of seer that saw the definite future in clarity, though she very rarely did, to my knowledge. Whenever it would happen, though, she would never stop it from happening, no matter how horrible."
"Both you and he will suffer alone for over a decade."
"She was crying as she spoke. I think she knew exactly what that decade held for both of us. For you, it was the Dursleys and for me it was Azkaban. I think she also realized that if she prevented it in any way that she would be damning the world for a far worse future. It's sad to think that if we had been happy together, a far worse outcome would have been shaped. I think it's because both our experiences shaped us."
"Even then, you will suffer and I can do nothing of it. But by then, you can be there to pass on words of wisdom."
"That was all that it seemed I would be able to do for you after Pettigrew escaped from our clutches, thirteen years after those words. All I could do was give you a few meaningless words on a few pieces of parchment. The time we actually spent together was far too little for something so precious, and yet it seems so wasted."
"I know he's yours Sirius, but I do wish he could be mine."
"She had lifted you out of your crib then, when you had begun to stir, and placed you right into my arms. You were wide awake, then, as she gave you a small kiss on the forehead and walked out of your nursery to her room.
"Mine.
"You were mine.
"You are mine!
"It was so hard to understand then. I stood there for what seemed like hours, processing her words, but was only moments in reality. James was standing in the doorway, leaning against the jamb. His face was scowling at me, just as it had been since you had been born."
"If she's right, you'd better take care of my son! You'd better protect him with your life!"
"He stormed off then. We didn't see him for a week, but when he returned, I had my best friend back and you had the best damn father available that anyone could ask for. He and I didn't speak of my being your godfather between us, but that didn't stop me from being there for you. I didn't care. I had my best friend back. Pettigrew wasn't around that much, and neither was Remus. Both had very different reasons. My place in the Order got busier and busier, but for the most mundane reasons. I think that Dumbledore had long suspected me of being the traitor.
"You know the story that follows. Voldemort killed your parents because of Pettigrew's betrayal. I was stupid and went after the rat. Azkaban and the Dursleys followed. I then escaped in your third year. It was hard to see the person that you had become. I had built you up to be just like James, but with Lily's sense thrown in. I had that image in my head for thirteen years. When we finally met and were able to talk to one another, I discovered a completely different person than the one I had imagined. Sure, some of it was the same, but so much of it was different. I found myself unconsciously comparing you to James, realizing only far too late that it was you and I that were more alike, sharing the same hidden darkness. I compared you because I thought I knew you. I was disappointed every time because I realized that I didn't know you at all. People mistook all of that, especially Molly, for me deluding myself into thinking you were James, or for me wanting you to be just like him. They were wrong! They thought Azkaban had made me a bit loony. No. Azkaban only made me hate the years that took me away from you and preventing me from knowing you.
"You were supposed to be mine! Even Lily said so.
"I fell through the veil only a few short and long months later. I did what James had wanted me to do. I protected you with my life. I don't think James thought me capable of anything but self-preservation. I think that was why he didn't want me to be your godfather. This is a revelation I have only come by recently.
"I don't think you realize it yet, but I think Lily even saw this. Do you remember the words I told you she said? "Even then, you will suffer and I can do nothing of it. But by then, you can be there to pass on words of wisdom." It is only now I find that I am able to fulfill these words. I am now nothing but an invisible shadow to the world, held here by my link to you. It is the very same link that Lily had used magic to bind us together with. Still, your heart listens to my rambling soliloquies."
Sirius reached over to smooth over Harry's furrowed brow. Unconsciously, Harry leaned in to the ghostly touch of his godfather. He was asleep, and thus unaware of his actions. If he had been awake, he wouldn't have even been aware of the touch.
"I know you can hear me, kiddo. I've done a lot of growing up and a lot of thinking since I fell thru that curtain. I know that only your heart can hear me, but I'll keep giving you advice for as long as I stand beside you, even if you refuse to follow it. A lot of it is what Lily wanted me to pass on to you. I know I never told you, but I love you, Harry. I'll always be here for you. Do you know why?"
"Yours."
"Exactly."
: )