Chapter 22

"Sometimes it's hard when you're so deep inside

To see all you could lose in the blink of an eye

Dreams could be shattered; you could be gone

How would I survive; cause you're where I belong

My soul believer, without you I don't know who I would be

Oh, you're everything I know… so how could I let you go?"

-Jessica Simpson, "Underneath"

Erik awoke with an incredible feeling of tightness in his chest, as if he were about to burst with happiness, true joyous happiness, and he didn't want to open his eyes yet, for fear that this wonderful feeling would vanish into thin air. Then he felt the warmth of her breath caressing his skin, and he couldn't help but open his eyes. To his utter surprise, Julianna's vibrant green eyes were inches away from his own, gazing at him lovingly.

He couldn't help but smile at her, his own beautiful angel. She smiled back and caressed his handsome face tenderly, remembering how incredible last night had been. Julianna closed her eyes, absolutely overwhelmed with irrepressible happiness. "'Morning," she said, sleepily.

He smiled, relieved that there seemed to be no traces of regret etched on her face. Just happiness. He was delighted at his accomplishment. He'd been able to make a woman happy… but not just any woman. He was able to make his beautiful Julianna happy. He searched her face for any sign unhappiness, but found none. Just happiness…and something else, something not dissimilar to love. In fact, it very much resembled love… a restrained love, though. Does she love me? he asked himself. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but wonder what was holding back her love?

"Good morning," he said, pressing his lips against hers gently. He yawned and stretched his tired muscles sleepily. He'd never felt so relaxed, so perfect, in all of his life. He just hoped the feeling would last.

"Poor Erik," Julianna said, rubbing his bare chest. "He overexerted himself last night."

"You wish," he said, pulling her on top of him roughly and softly growling. Julianna gasped at his animalistic behavior. It was making her want him all over again. Erik pressed his lips to hers more forcefully, pleased when a soft moan escaped her lips. He was too damn tired to do anything else, so he settled on letting her rest on top of him, face buried in his neck.

"Erik…" she breathed, kissing the tender flesh of his neck. "Do you have any idea how incredibly sexy you are?" She couldn't help herself. His warm body, and the memory of last night was more than she could stand.

"Yes, actually, I think I am very sexy," he joked, enjoying the warm feeling of her perfect naked body on top of his. He was just starting to believe that there was a God out there somewhere. How else could he have met this remarkable woman, who cared for him, showed him the many pleasures of life, and treated him like a man…an actual man, not the monster that he truly was? It could only be fate.

"You are," she said, kissing his chest tenderly. God, she hoped she could lay here with him forever and never have to get up.

"Hmpfh!" he snorted. She couldn't really be serious, could she? Unless I've changed since I met her, I'm far from being sexy, he thought. But maybe I have changed… on the inside. I don't feel any different…just happier.

She frowned. "You don't believe me, do you?" she accused, stroking his cheek. When he neglected to answer her, she continued. "Erik, if I had to choose between you and any other man on Earth, you know I would choose you."

"No, you wouldn't," he said, voice devoid of all emotion.

"Yes, I would," she said, sliding her body up so that she could kiss his lips roughly. Then more gently, she kissed the ravaged skin of his deformity, several times to get her point across. "I would…" she repeated, whispering.

He took a slow, deep breath, realizing that she was speaking the truth. "Julianna…" he asked, cautiously. "Do you… love me?"

She bit her lip and tried her best not to tremble. Did she love him? She didn't know for sure… but who couldn't love Erik? He was practically perfect. He was indeed perfect in her eyes. But could she really admit her deepest feelings to him? She'd only known him for a few days. Is that enough time to know if you love someone? But more importantly, she wondered, does he feel the same? "Erik," she asked, taking a deep breath. "Would you be pleased if I answered 'yes'?"

"Yes…" he whispered. "I would be pleased. But I want you to tell me the truth." His heart leaped at her words. Was she going to answer 'yes'? What if she loved him, what then? He looked deep into his heart and soul, trying to find the answer to one very important question. Did he love her? "Please don't lie to me."

"You know I wouldn't…" she said, resting her cheek on his warm chest, trying to decide what she was going to say to him. "The truth is, I don't know. I want to… love you. But I don't even know if I'm capable of love anymore. Everyone I ever loved died … because of me, one way or another."

Everyone she loved died? That couldn't be, he thought. But if so, then that's probably why she's restraining her love. She doesn't want me to get hurt. "Tell me," he said gently. "How many people have you loved?"

"Three," she said, somberly. "My father, my best friend, Emily, and a man that I was engaged to a long time ago."

"See, they couldn't all have died because of you," Erik said. "Your father… he died in battle, no?"

"Yes, but only because I wasn't there fighting by his side!" Julianna said, angrily. "I was in a bar somewhere getting drunk… when I could have been saving his life!"

"That's not your fault," Erik said, gently massaging the smooth skin of her back. "You couldn't have known." He understood how she felt. She blamed herself for the death of a loved one. But only God knows whether she really could have saved him or not… or whether she would have died too fighting by his side.

"I should have been there…" she said, glumly.

"Still, it's not your fault," Erik said tenderly. "Don't blame yourself for what you had nothing to do with." She opened her mouth to object, but he quickly hushed her and continued. "So what happened to your friend, Emily?"

"She got in the way of a bullet aimed for me," Julianna sobbed. "She saved my life… but gave up her own in return." Erik gently put his arms around her, trying to offer some comfort. Her best friend had died for her. How could she not feel guilty?

"A true friend," Erik said, kissing her head softly. "I truly doubt any of my friends would do that for me."

Julianna kissed him gently. "I would…" she whispered.

"No!" he nearly cried. "If you died, because of me, I would never forgive myself." She was willing to die for him? Just the thought made his heart swell with love. No one had ever been willing to do that before. Why die just that so a repulsive, monstrous fiend could live? It wouldn't be a fitting death for someone as beautiful and precious as his Julianna. "Please don't ever do that…" he begged.

"That's exactly how I felt when Emily died," Julianna said. "I still haven't forgiven myself. I told you about Emily, remember? We used to haunt the forest together… scare innocent people out of their minds. Luckily though, we didn't scare any of them to death." Julianna grimaced. "She was shot right through the heart. Died within seconds. There was little or no pain, at least."

Erik sat up, with Julianna still in his arms, and held her tightly to his bare chest. "So what about the man you were engaged to… you fiancé?" he whispered, voice barely audible. "How did he die?"

"That's the worst one of all," she said, not able to prevent the tears that flowed from her eyes. "I had to kill him with my own two hands."

Erik's heart instantly broke for her. "You killed the man you loved?" he asked in disbelief. How can you murder someone you love? That man must have done something completely horrible for her to have to resort to murder.

"I had to," she sobbed, while Erik wiped tears from her face. "He was a good man," she continued. "He was only doing what was right." Erik gently encouraged her to continue, so she did. "He somehow found out that my father was a pirate… but he didn't know he was my father then, and he didn't know that I was a pirate either." She closed her eyes in pain. "God, I was willing to give up everything, including my life as a pirate, for that man."

Erik kissed her forehead. "You should never have to give up any part of who you are for a man," he said, gently. "Never." God, he knew he could never make her give up anything. He adored her just the way she was… pirate and all. She just wouldn't be the same amazing person that she is…

She just shook her head. "I loved him… He was the only man I ever loved. But he was going to turn my father in. My father would have been hung … in public, and then his body left to rot. A proper burial wasn't allowed." More tears flowed from her eyes. "I had to chose between saving the life of my father or saving the life of my fiancé."

"You chose your father," Erik said, silently wishing there was some way he could take away her pain. He couldn't stand to see her like this. Her life was filled with pain, and he could easily relate to that. Not that there wasn't any happy times, but overall the suffering outweighed the happiness. Erik knew what that felt like, and he knew that this beautiful woman did not deserve any such suffering. No one deserved that.

"Yes," she said, pressing her cheek to his chest. "So I had to kill the man I loved. And I couldn't even use a gun. Too noisy. I had to strangle him to death."

Erik kissed her. "You're a very strong woman, very brave. I don't think I could have done it."

"God, the look on his face as I stole away his last breath of life," she breathed, and Erik could feel her trembling against him. "When I killed him, I think I killed a part of me as well … a part of my spirit, my soul. I no longer lived; I just existed. I was truly dead."

"But you're not now," he insisted, kissing her tenderly on the shoulder. "You must have recovered that part of your soul that you lost when he died, am I right?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, I have."

"How?" he asked. It could be useful to know how to gain back your spirit when you are dead to those around you. He'd been like that before. In the prison, before she came. He desperately wanted for death to take him… and end his suffering. He'd lost the woman he loved; he'd lost his home; he'd lost everything. What more was there to live for?

"You," she whispered, kissing his chest tenderly. "You saved me from my never-ending hell. The second I met you, it's like I could finally breathe again. I don't know what it was… but I know that you helped me. You gave me back my life. And I'm eternally grateful for that."

"And you saved my life as well… you saved me from being hung, my dear," Erik said, gently caressing her cheek. "You have no debt to repay me."

"Erik…" Julianna said, kissing his neck tenderly. She realized that only one thing could have made her spirit whole again, and he gave that to her the day they met. Before they even knew each other. Julianna hardly believed in love at first sight, and she knew perfectly well that they weren't in love when they first met. Love has to grow, over time. And even though she hadn't known Erik for all that long, she did feel it. Oh my God! she thought suddenly. I think I love him. I think I love Erik. And then she remembered how everyone she ever loved died. "I don't want you to get hurt," she said, tenderly.

"Why would I get hurt?" Erik asked, confused. She wasn't implying what he thought she was, was she? She didn't want him to get hurt, like all the people she loved got hurt. Did that mean she loved him? His heartbeat quickened rapidly, just at the thought that she might love him. No one had ever loved him before. No friends, no family, no woman had ever truly loved him.

"Because I lied…" she began. "I think… I do love you."

"You… love me?" he stammered, as if he couldn't quite believe her. Who could love him? Ugly, deformed Erik… a monster, a Phantom. He was immediately flooded with inexpressible feelings. He felt so much all at once, he couldn't tell exactly what he was feeling. His heart felt like it was about to burst… with love. The happiness he was feeling was just so overpowering. His heartbeat quickened even more as another thought came to his mind. Could they be in love?

"Yes," she whispered into his ear. "I love you, Erik."

He could have fainted right then. He could feel the pure joy, bliss, and love rushing through his veins, like a drug. He smiled widely, unable to contain the rush of emotions. "I love you, too," he whispered, voice hoarse from all the emotions he was feeling.

She pulled him into her arms, and kissed his face wherever she could, hardly believing his words. Beautiful Erik loved her? Loved her? She stopped showering him with affectionate kisses as a thought came into her mind. Christine. Erik loved Christine, not her. Perhaps, he did have feelings for her … but maybe it was just hormones, his sex drive. She'd given him one of the things he'd never been able to have in all his life. Maybe, he loved her for that. But he didn't really love her. How could he possibly love her, when she knew for a fact that his heart belonged to Christine?

She loosened her grip on him and closed her eyes tightly. "No… you don't, Erik…" she said, pulling away from his gentle embrace. Why does he do this to me? Confess his love to me, when I know perfectly well that it cannot be true, she thought.

He touched her arm gently. Oh, God, she was shaking. Did she honestly not believe that he loved her? God, didn't she know he would do anything for her … die for her? He caressed her arm lovingly, trying desperately to stop her trembling. Was she afraid of him? he wondered. Was she afraid of his love?

He let a tear slip from his eye as she turned away from him. Could she not stand the sight of him anymore? Did she not want him? So many questions sprung up in his head, and he couldn't help but think that he was going to be denied the love of this woman … just as he was denied the love of his Christine.

Erik put his graceful hands timidly on Julianna's shoulder. He was relieved when she didn't move, didn't reject his touch, and he kissed her shoulder tenderly. Then he kissed her ear, and felt her shiver in pleasure as his warm breath caressed her neck. "I do…" he whispered into her ear. "I love you."

"But…but…" she stammered, trying to hold back the many tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. "Christine…" she whispered.

"What about Christine?" he asked, firmly. Did she still think that he loved Christine after all the pain she'd put him through. He frowned, and he realized that he did still love Christine. Oh, God, he thought.

"Erik, you love her…" Julianna sobbed, unable to stop the tears that cascaded down her face.

Erik bowed his head, solemnly. "Yes, you're right. I do love Christine…" he said, quietly, as the tears continued to fall from Julianna's eyes. "But I'm not in love with her…"

Julianna turned around, surprised to find tears streaming down Erik's face as well. She looked up at him, expectantly. Could he be in love with her? she dared to wonder.

"I'm in love with you," he whispered, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks. Julianna pulled herself up beside him, and kissed away his tears lovingly, wrapping her slender arms around his warm body. She ceased her kisses only long enough to whisper, "Erik, I'm in love with you too." And then she went back to showering his handsome face with delicate kisses. Eventually, his mouth found hers and they kissed each other tenderly. It wasn't an intense or urgent kiss; it was breathtakingly slow and filled with their love and passion.

When they finally broke apart, all they could do was stare at each other. Neither of them had ever experienced a kiss like that … so full of love and devotion, mixed with their tears… tears of a powerful love. Erik pulled her to his chest, and just held her, gently massaging her back. And she held on to him, hoping he would never let go, realizing that she had never been in love with her fiancé of long ago. She loved him and she might have had a happy life with him, but just as Erik wasn't in love with Christine, Julianna wasn't in love with her ex-fiancé. She'd never been in love with anyone, not until now.

Well, there's Chapter 22. I hope you liked it. By the way, I wrote part of this in a Walmart parking lot, so don't hate me if it sucks. Yeah, I was sitting in my car, when these two people started making out right in front of me. It was so rude… Anyway, please review. I can't believe I only got one review for the last chapter. Come on, you all… review! LOL. :)