The Chapter with the stylish camera phone:

Tommy got in at 10:15. He felt as if every traffic light he had come close to suddenly changed to red. Everything had gone wrong for him that day, and it was not going to get any better. His boss was waiting for him. "Do you know what time it is, Mr. Anderson?"

Tommy knew, but he made a big show of looking at his watch, and looking very surprised.

"Ten fifteen, sir." He replied.

"If I wanted to hire someone short, slow, and to be quite honest, a fucking slimeball, I would have hired a slug. But I don't, so make sure you get your ass here on time tomorrow."

"Yes, sir" Tommy sounded extremely pissed off.

He worked for about two hours in his office. (Well, if you counted looking at nude pictures and videos of women 'work', then, yeah, he worked for two solid hours.) Suddenly there was a knock at his door, so Tommy turned off the screen of his computer, and he called "Come in." It was a delivery boy.

"Mr. Sanderson?"

"Yes."

"I gotta package for you."

"Thanks." Tommy signed the clipboard. He took the package and opened it. Inside was a stylish camera phone. It rang:

"Hello BO."

"Who is this?" Tommy asked. (Now, wouldn't you be puzzled if someone gave you a phone in a package, and you didn't know who phoned, and if you didn't even have an idea of what the phone number of this phone was, you would probably be freaked out.)

"The question is not "Who is this?" but "why is this?""

"What?"

"I am searching for you. So are they."

"Who?"

"Look up." Tommy looked up over his open planned office, and he saw three official looking men.

"Fuck!" he said down the phone.

"If they find you, they will shove a slug up your arse. Run down the row to the furthest office. Keep low. Now!" Not knowing why the hell he was listening to a voice on a mobile number, he ran to the furthest office down the row.

"Now go to the women's toilets. Also, just a small point. I know about what you are thinking, and it isn't going to happen." The voice said.

Tommy wondered how the voice at the end of the line knew about his favourite fantasy (which I cannot really say, because I cannot put anything that is NC-17 on but he burst into the toilets.

"Now climb onto the sinks, and wash that dog crap off your left shoe. You stepped in it on the way into work."

"Bloody hell!" He looked at his left show, and, surprisingly, there was some dog crap on his left shoe.

"Now open the window. You will see some scaffolding. You will have to do a triple back flip with a half twist off it."

"Piss off!"

"Fine. Throw the phone out of the window. I will find you, BO. Goodbye, BO."

Tommy lobbed the phone out of the window. He heard it smash in the car park one story below. Tommy hoped that he had done the right thing. The suddenly, the door burst open. Abent Whiff and two other Abents stood in the doorway.

"Mr Sanderson!"

The nest thing Tommy knew, he was sitting in a room with Abent Whiff and a thick file in front of him.

"Mr Sanderson, you are accused of every Spam email offence known to Man. How do you plead?"

"How about, I give you the fingers," he then put the middle finger of his left hand up, then the middle finger of his right, then he made a 'V' with his left and then a 'V' with his right, then started flashing them all to the three Abents in the room. "And you give me a phone call."

"What is the point of a phone call, when you're mobile phone battery is dead?"

As Tommy looked, he saw his mobile battery, which was fully charged drop.

"Snail him." Said Abent Whiff.