Title: "Remember (Part One)"
Authoress: Mistress Vamp
Pairing: Harry/Severus
Summary: Always remember.
Rating: R (M)
Warnings: Mention of Mpreg, Character Death, Attempted Suicide, OOCness
Disclaimer: I'm not JKR. I wish I were, though. I am merely using the characters for my own twisted and perverted pleasures. Inspired by Josh Groban's "Remember Me" from the Troy soundtrack. Mary Elizabeth Frye wrote and owns the poem used at the top. No copyright infringement intended. I needed it for my story.
Authoress Notes: This is for Katie (quixotichope) who requested Harry/Severus; hurt/comfort/first time; Harry is insecure and he needs someone (Severus) to show him that he's worth something. Rating anywhere from pg-13 to nc-17. Thank you for answering my 'FmNbLe' song lyric challenge, love. I hope you like this.
Beta: Shannon (shannon730 on LJ)
Word Count: 994 ((Does not include -0-0- symbols or 'The End'))
Written on: August 1, 2005/August 5, 2005/August 8, 2005
Special Note: POV's change between each -0-0-0-0- breaker.
Special Thank You Note: A very special thank you to my beta, Shannon, who read through this little three-part fic in its entirety and help me piece it together to make sense. I hope you all enjoy this version better than the last!
Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.
I am not there. I did not die.
by: Mary Elizabeth Frye
-0-0-0-0-
((Italics are flashback))
Six months had passed since Harry Potter tried to take his own life. Many believed he would have succeeded if not for the stubborn man that watched over him like a hawk day in and day out. No one had dared to question the man about how he had kept Harry safe, but no one would have believed the truth anyway.
-0-0-0-0-
I don't know why you did it. I don't know why you even tried. I knew things were complicated, but never did I believe you would sink this low. You were a Gryffindor. You still are a Gryffindor, even if you have other traits inside of you. Why? Why did you feel as though you needed to take such drastic measure? I knew you had missed them, but to do this? I would have thought more of you, Mister Potter. People die everyday and sometimes, it's unfair. Live with it. Everyone else does.
-0-0-0-0-
Exactly two months after his first attempt, he had made another attempt and it was this time that he realized just how close to death he truly was. It was then he realized just how much he really wished death had taken him...it was so much better than realizing the truth behind the reason he couldn't leave.
-0-0-0-0-
I know you watch me. I can feel the weight of your black eyes boring into me. You believe I am ignorant for my choice, but that's what it was. MY choice. It was something no one could take from me, yet you tried. You selfish bastard. It wasn't your right, but mine. They were not your friends, but mine. They were my rock, my lifelines, and they were there for me when all others failed. You dare to judge my actions when they have nothing to do with you? Life might be worth living for you, but for me, I only want death.
-0-0-0-0-
As Harry had lain on the floor in front of the fireplace, he had cried the tears that he had wanted to let out since the moment his life had changed. He wanted to join them in the after life. One person had kept him here on Earth and for some reason, he couldn't fathom possible, when he felt his own blood seeping through his veins and onto the floor, he regretted it. He regretted taking his own life, but perhaps, in the afterlife, he would be forgiven.
-0-0-0-0-
I should have known the moment my back was turned that you would try to finish what you started. Do you have any idea what kind of pain you caused? Not done only to yourself, but also to those around you...those that would gladly give their lives for your safety? I will not leave you alone again, Potter. For that you can be sure. I was entrusted with your care, even if I do not wish it upon myself, but I will keep my word to Professor Dumbledore. I, unlike you, want this war to end and if that means I alone will drag your stubborn Gryffindor body out to the battlefield to face the Dark Lord, do not put it past me, Mister Potter. I will do it.
-0-0-0-0-
His body had started growing cold and his consciousness had disappeared, feeling as though he was falling. Falling fast and hard into sweet abyss, and just as he was about to touch the floor of the black hole, he felt a hand on his arm and he was being pulled to safety. Never before would he have believed that the person he would soon come to trust more than himself would be the one to save him from falling.
-0-0-0-0-
"Why won't you just let me die?"
"Because I won't. And because I can't."
-0-0-0-0-
One month later, they had come together, not as friends, but as companions. Most times they would just sit in silence as each did their own activity. One would read and one would mark essays that needed to be done. Dinner would be a quiet event where they would talk softly of the day's events. Neither would look the other in the eye, each keeping their gazes upon their own food or a spot in the wall.
Three months passed since that unfortunate night Harry tried to take his life. Smiles were starting to form on his lips, even if they were just soft twitches of his lips. His companion was still a sarcastic man, but it was something that he was starting to accept. The moments his companion was not in his element, Harry had been honored to be the one to see those very rare moments. Soft touches had also started, but not from him. Those had come from his companion.
Five months since that night, he came to a decision. After two months of dreaming, wishing, and wanting his onyx-eyed companion, he planned an evening of seduction. All had gone according to his wants, all except the one thing he never expected...he had truly fallen in love with his once Potions Master, Severus Snape. The first kiss had felt as if he was flying higher than he ever did on his broom. The first sensual touch had felt as if he was being shocked all over. The first time he felt Severus, his first and only lover, slide into him with gentleness, he felt as if he was falling into a sweet abyss. It had been the most perfect of nights.
Now, on the night of their six-month anniversary, Harry had something to tell his mate, hoping that it would not change things between them too deeply. He knew changes would have to be made, but hoping beyond all hope that he would not lose his love, Harry prayed to Merlin and Aphrodite that his mate would still love him. After all, Harry Potter had had no idea what could happen.
Little did he know, that despite his fears, his beloved Severus would truly be accepting.
To be Continued...