The Fall

Written: 9-18-05

The howling, mournful cry of the wind fell to deaf ears. Hina trudged through the icy expanses of snow, clad only in a thin white slip that was normally worn under her kimono. Her feet were bare and numb. She stared straight forward, yet did not see. Did not care to see so long as she reached her destination.

The landscape around her was brilliantly white, smooth like silk and skin and knives. Cold as the eyes that froze her as she stood dumbly amidst her sisters' stares. Hina briefly imagined herself as a glass doll, quiet and docile even as she fell to the ground and shattered. The thought made her giddy, and she played it over and over in her mind.

She wondered what it would be like to fall…

She had lost her balance only once when she was a small child. It happened so suddenly. One minute she had been carrying a tray to her mother and aunt, and the next thing Hina knew she was on the floor, spluttering and helpless as cups exploded around her with a sound loud enough to make the entire village cringe. The whole concept of the fall had startled Hina like nothing else. Amazed her. Enthralled her. And it was in this state of wonder that her mother had found her as she sat amidst broken cups and spilled wine.

She had been slapped for her carelessness, as was the customary method of discipline in the village. But Hina remembered the incident as the only time in which she'd actually felt the sting.

So of course Rui had been the one to whom she had cried. Hina had always been a scared and confused child, alone in her discoveries of life, but she had taken comfort in Rui's listening ear. Hina remembered sneaking over to her friend's house after everyone else had fallen asleep to talk with her about every odd thought that had crossed her mind that day, from the helpless freedom that tripping had brought to wonderings of the world outside the glacial village. Rui, quiet and sensible, had sat patiently as she spoke. Sometimes she would nod and agree with Hina, saying that the world was indeed a crazy place; it was never Hina who was crazy.

The one time Hina had been contradicted during these talks was when she had informed Rui of her untimely pregnancy. And even then it had been so small: just a single gasp of "No!" and then silence. Acceptance of the fact that her friend had broken the one rule that every single member of the ice clan obeyed, if only out of fear.

That was the difference between Rui and her, Hina thought dimly as she continued to traipse across the ice-caked plain. Rui accepted things as they were, knowing enough to feel dissatisfied but enduring all the same. Hina did not have that strength, that will power. She could not endure. Especially not now.

Tears welled up in Hina's eyes for what seemed like the thousandth time since that horrible day. She opened her mouth, expecting to release an ear-shattering scream of agony, but all that crawled past her lips were words she had repeated so many times: "My son…my baby…my boy,"

Rui ran.

She had no idea where she was going or what she hoped to find. The icy wind stung her eyes and screamed in her ears. Her hair, normally bound into a ponytail on the top of her head, was loose and whipped around her like a separate entity. She stumbled, but caught herself and ran on.

"Hina! Hina!" she called, more for the assurance of her own presence then that of her friend.

"Hi-na!"

They hadn't talked since the day she had dropped the boy. Rui couldn't bring herself to even begin to explain her actions. What could she say, what could she do to make up for killing a child? No, he's not dead. He can't be. He'll live if only for revenge. Rui assured herself with a shiver. But her stomach dropped as she realized that it did not matter, not to Hina. Hina could not live with the fact her closest, dearest friend had bowed to the will of the elders and performed the ultimate act of betrayal. The fact that her son might survive made no difference. He still had fallen.

Rui's fingers were numb, and she could feel the blueness in her lips. Had it always been this cold? She wondered absurdly. She had never felt it.

Hina had been the first to bring the temperature to her attention, though. Rui took a moment to catch her breath and reminisce on the night that Hina had snuck into her room and proclaimed, "Rui…it's cold."

Rui had sat up in bed and pondered this. She had always known, in the back of her mind, that the temperature could not be called pleasant. But it was just a fact of life to which she had grown impervious. Hina always made her think about things like that.

"What should we do?" Hina had wondered aloud.

Rui had shaken her head slowly. "I don't know, Hina. Maybe nothing. We can't change the temperature, or where we live."

Looking back on it now, Rui realized that her resignation might have been what caused Hina to finally snap and sneak away from the village. Pain tightened around her chest, and she walked on, tearing her mind away from the memories.

Rui continued to search the horizon for her friend, turning her head this way and that, until she realized that she had come to the edge of the floating island. The wind was calmer and the snow didn't come down quite as hard, instead floating tenderly to the ground. Rui felt almost peaceful until her eyes fell on the large spear of land that jutted out into the sky. A ghostly figure stood atop it, silhouetted against the dark clouds.

"Hina!"

She turned, but there was no recognition in her stare. Panting after her long run, Rui begged, "Don't do it. Please, Hina, don't…"

Hina leaned back, but Rui was already dashing toward her, grabbing her wrist to prevent her from tumbling over the edge of the island. "Hina!" Rui was close to hysterical. "Please…!"

Her friend gazed at her with bloodshot eyes, brimming with moisture and yet showing no sign of life. Rui had never seen anybody look that dead in her existence. It was as though the only parts of Hina that remained were her grief and her tears.

The two stood in that position for a long time, snow drifting around them with a silence that seemed impenetrable . Rui could feel tears gather in her eyes as she realized the truth of the situation. She could not keep Hina here, in this frozen, hard place. It would be worse than death to her. And anything that had been left to Hina after her son was dropped was not worth enduring, not worth keeping.

Rui swallowed, closing her eyes, and let Hina fall.