Meg stumbled in to the room clicking the light on and stared in awe at the large baby room filled with toys and his crib, blue everywhere. "Alright," Meg whispered laying him down on the changing table, "You're smelly. Very smelly." She sighed unhooking his diaper, "Oh--!" She winced pulling her face away in disgust and tossed the diaper in to the bin, holding her nose. "You smell worse than I did," she joked. She wiped his bottom as he looked up at her quietly. She began putting on his diaper and gave a sigh of relief stroking his hair, "That wasn't so bad," she whispered, "John." She grabbed him by the waist and sat him in front of her looking in his eyes sadly. "I'm sorry I don't know you," she whispered, "I want to be around more. I'm going to try… okay? I don't know what's going to happen. Your grandma and grandpa might not take me back home. But I promise I'll try to stay here to see you grow. Don't ever be like me when you grow up."
"Meg, can you bring John down?" Beth called from the distance.
"Let's go, kid," Meg whispered holding him in her arms. Meg emerged in the kitchen with him in her arms as Beth took him, "Thanks," she replied.
"Is he always that still when you change him?" asked Meg.
"No," she replied with hesitation, "He only does that to--" she looked over to Meg saddened, "—well, to people he doesn't really know."
"Oh," replied Meg sadly.
"Sorry," Beth shrugged walking off.
"See you later, Meg," JJ waved walking off. They walked out together to the driveway as JJ gave a look of discontent. "Why did you do that?" asked JJ.
"I didn't do anything," Beth argued.
"Telling her he doesn't know her?" asked JJ, "That's not true."
"It is true," Beth replied.
"You didn't have to tell her like that," JJ replied.
"Don't worry about," Beth insisted, "It will give her something to think about."
"I'll see you later," JJ sighed.
"I probably won't be home until later if you get home before I do," Beth warned.
"Okay," he replied pulling out of the driveway, "Bye, John." JJ drove through the city that day still pretty angry at Beth's insistence on mental games with Meg, and placed it in the back of his mind as "Under my Thumb" blared on his car radio that afternoon. As he drove up to the front of the store, he could see Henry tending to customer's in the store and furrowed a brow as he stepped out from his car walking inside. Henry looked over at JJ with a faint smile and walked over shaking his hand, "Hi, JJ," he said.
"Hey, Henry."
"How's the son?" he asked.
"He's alright," JJ replied, "I came for the television--"
"—Right," he nodded, "It's back there, but I should talk to you about something."
"Where's my dad?" asked JJ.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Henry explained.
"Wha—is he alright?" asked JJ.
"He's just fine," Henry assured him pulling him aside, "He came to work three hours ago, but he's been in the stock room sitting there in the dark ever since."
"What's wrong with him?" asked JJ.
"I don't know," he replied, "He told me something about the news, and he just keeps staring off. Maybe you can snap him out of it."
JJ sighed nodding silently, "I'll try," he replied, "Thanks, Henry." JJ walked through the store as Henry went back to the customers. He stepped in to the stock room and looked over by the boxes as Jack sat in the dark silently.
"Dad?" JJ asked, "Is that you?"
"Yeah," he replied surprised, "Hi."
"What are you doing here in the dark?" he asked.
"Nothing," replied Jack, "Just…"
"What's wrong?" asked JJ, "Did you and mom have a fight or something?"
"No," he replied, "JJ, maybe you should sit down."
JJ furrowed his brows confused and sat down next to him patting his back, "What's wrong?" he asked.
"I was--" he sighed, "--I was watching the news last night, and they said Chris was killed last month." JJ gave a slight gasp growing wide-eyed as Jack continued, "And your mom… she… I think Meg is dead." JJ became speechless lowering his head and sighed, "Oh… dad… I…"
"It's not definite," he replied teary eyed, "But, I just know… I…"
"Dad," JJ said, "I think there's something you should know."
"What?" he asked giving a heavy sigh.
"It's about Meg," JJ declared.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"She's not dead," he replied.
"Wha—what?" Jack asked confused, "How do you know? Did she call you?"
"Yeah," JJ replied with a nod.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, "Are you sure it was her?"
"Dad, Meg is home," JJ replied. Jack was still confused looking over at him wide-eyed and struggled to speak, "Home?" he asked, "What do you--?"
"She's at my house," JJ replied.
"Explain," Jack blurted.
"Last week, I received a call in the middle of the night from Meg," he explained, "She was calling from a bus station. I picked her up and she's been living with us ever since." JJ sighed nodding.
"No," Jack said with a gasp.
"Yes," JJ replied ashamed. Jack darted from the floor rushing up from the room as JJ followed confused. "Henry, can you watch the store for me while I'm gone?" Jack asked.
"Sure," he replied confused.
"Dad?" JJ asked running after him as they ran out of the store, "Dad, stop!"
"Take me to see her," Jack ordered.
"What?" asked JJ.
"Take me," Jack ordered.
"Dad--"
"—Now, JJ!" Jack yelled. JJ shrugged silently and rushed over to driver's seat as Jack sat in the car angrily. JJ quickly started up the car and drove off as Jack sat looking to the window silently. JJ didn't bother to plea his case knowing they would argue, and kept driving until they reached the front of his house.
Before JJ could shut the car off, Jack walked out from the car and looked around anxiously. "Dad, wait," JJ said pulling him back, "Can you at least not storm through the door like a psycho?"
"Fine," Jack argued, "I want to see her for myself."
"Alright," JJ replied. He turned opening the door and walked in to through the door looking over at Meg who sat at the table and stood up confused. She gave a sharp gasp with the widest eyes as she saw Jack walk in through the door. There was a short silence between then as Meg stood still as stone, completely shocked as Jack stepped forward.
"Dad…?" Meg blurted softly.
"Meg?" he asked with slight relief.
"Dad… I can explain," she pleaded. Jack rushed to her grabbing her and gave her a hug as she whimpered putting her arms on his back, "You're alive…" he whispered kissing her on the head repeatedly. "I'm okay," she assured him in a whisper, "I'm okay." He held her in front of him with a slight gleam of relief and held her. JJ stood watching with a heavy sigh of relief as Meg let out a whimper.
"Where do you get off?" Jack yelled, "Huh!"
"Dad--," JJ replied.
"--dad, nothing!" Jack screamed, "Where the hell do you get off pulling something like this? Who do you think you are?"
Jack and JJ stood in the basement standing across each other as JJ nodded at Jack's ranting. "Dad, can you calm down?" JJ asked.
"Don't tell me to calm down!" Jake ordered, "Do you know your mother was worried sick last night thinking she'd died, and you couldn't pick up a phone!" Meg sat in the kitchen listening to the arguing. Beth walked in holding John and heard the yelling below. Her eyes grew wide as Meg looked over to her.
"Is that--?"
"Yes," she replied.
"She couldn't talk to you," JJ argued.
"Why is that?" he asked.
"Because you disowned her," JJ insisted, "She was scared, so she called me. I'm sorry I didn't call you."
"You owe her nothing," Jack declared, "Do you hear me?"
"Yes, sir."
"You had no right, JJ," Jack insisted, "No right!" Jack and JJ's arguing became louder and louder, as Meg listened hanging her head down. Beth sat by her sipping tea as they heard them continue their shouting match for what seemed like an hour.
"Everyday," Meg muttered.
"What?" asked Beth.
"Everyday," Meg explained, "I'm going to regret what I did… everyday." Beth grabbed her hand much to Meg's disbelief, and held it with a slight nod as the yelling finally stopped below.
"She's looks so different," Jack declared.
"I know," replied JJ, "She is different."
"Can you tell me what she was like when you picked her up?" asked Jack.
"She was hungry, cold, and helpless," JJ admitted, "I didn't have to help her, but I did. I just did--"
"—What a good brother would do," Jack declared, "You're a good brother."
"I still can't forgive her," JJ admitted.
"She's a different person to me," Jack said, "I… I don't know what to do anymore, to be honest."
"How come you haven't yelled at her?" asked JJ.
"I want to," Jack confessed with a frown, "I do. A part of me is relieved and thankful she's alive, safe and sound, but… I'm afraid, JJ. I'm afraid if I start yelling, I won't be able to stop."
"She's trying," JJ admitted, "She's trying hard. She didn't call you because you disowned her. She just—I guess, thought you'd kick her out again."
"I'd never do that to any of my children," Jack argued, "I didn't kick her out, she left." Jack slumped down nodding. "What now?" asked JJ, "I'll keep her here longer if you want me to."
"No, no," Jack replied, "I'll… I'll take her home. Helen will be relieved."
"Okay," JJ nodded.
"She has a lot to answer for," Jack declared, "A lot to answer for."
"I know," JJ sighed.
"Mind if I borrow your car?" asked Jack, "I'll bring it back in the morning."
"Okay," JJ replied. Jack and JJ walked in to the kitchen emerging from the basement. Beth and Meg stood up curiously in anticipation as Jack looked over to Meg sadly.
"Hi, Jack," Beth said.
"Beth," Jack nodded. He looked over at Meg who stood in the corner wide eyed and a bit intimidated. He knew he couldn't lose her again.
"Let's go home," Jack declared.
"Okay," Meg replied, walking to the living room. They all stood out in the driveway in front of the car. Meg shoved her small suitcase in to the back seat as Jack stood in front of JJ and Beth.
"I really appreciate what you guys did," Jack admitted.
"It's okay," Beth replied.
"I'm sorry about the arguing," Jack said.
"It's okay, dad," JJ replied, "I know you didn't mean it." Jack gave JJ a hug patting his back and sat in the car as Meg walked over to them. "I know you don't feel the same about me as last time," Meg explained, "But I still love you."
"I love you too, Meg," JJ admitted, "You have a lot of work to do."
"I know," Meg nodded. Meg jumped in to his arms hugging him. JJ stood still unable to embrace her and pat her head as she held him, "I hope you'll forgive me someday," she whispered. She turned looking over at Beth who didn't draw a glance at her and walked off getting in the car.
They pulled out the driveway as Jack gave a wave and drove off. They sped down the freeway, not saying a word to one another. Meg was afraid to initiate the first word, and looked over at him as he stared ahead.
"How did you know I was there?" she asked softly.
"JJ told me," he replied.
"How did…?"
"Last night," Jack explained, "On the news, there was a report about Chris."
"Oh," she replied, "Can I explain…?"
"We'll talk when we get home," Jack declared.
"I regret doing what I did, dad," Meg admitted softly. Jack gave a nod still looking ahead, "Your mom will be happy to see you," Jack explained, "She thought you were dead."
"Can you at least look at me?" she pleaded.
"I can't, Meg," Jack admitted, "Not yet." She lowered her head with a sigh and looked away. They'd finally driven up to the driveway of the house and sat parked by the door. She couldn't bring herself to get out as she looked over by the door. Jack looked over at her and opened the door standing by the car. "Come on, Meg," Jack said with a nod. Meg walked out of the car and walked beside Jack who stepped in through the door.
Jack closed the door behind Meg and looked around for Helen. Meg couldn't believe how much the house had changed, yet still looked like the home she grew up in. Standing at the doorway, she couldn't help feel a sense of sadness at how much she'd missed. As the silence became deafening Jack walked in to the kitchen with Helen who took a look at Meg at the doorway and with a whimper of relief embraced her. As they looked in to each other's eyes, Meg could see Helen's face which was weathered, worn, and her eyes puffy from the obvious mourning she'd did that night, and then drew a tear crying in her arms as Patty and Will walked in much to their shock.
"You're okay," Helen cried hugging her tightly. She kissed her caressed her face as Meg cried, "Are you hungry or tired--?"
"—No," Meg whimpered, "I'm okay."
"Good," she whimpered hugging her. That night, as they hugged and kissed, and embraced each other, they were all finally able to settle down and talk. It was a tough dilemma attempting to create a catalyst for what they had to talk about with one another. But many long silences and cups of coffee later, Jack, Helen, and Meg sat in the living room talking endlessly airing their grievances and catching up. Helen wasn't as angry as Jack was, and was more concerned that she was home.
Meg could feel a deep sense of sadness looking at her mom who was in near emotional shambles at the prospect of her death, and apologized as much as she could. "We stayed in Minnesota, in a small bungalow by the woods," Meg explained that night, "We lived with five others in the house, and we would go to town for supplies and go to rallies together."
"Did you eat?" asked Helen.
"Yes," she replied, "We slept on the beds there, and every now and then we'd go in to the community. It wasn't that bad, but it was lonely, even with all those people there. When Chris died, I just—felt even more alone."
"Were you considering going with him that night?" asked Jack.
"Yes," she replied, "I almost did, but—there were too many people. About five others who went with him that night, and I stayed behind and slept. The next morning I was told by the police he and four of the others were shot and killed."
"Do you know what could have happened to you if you went along with them?" asked Jack.
"I do now," Meg replied, "Dad, I just—I shouldn't have gone away from either of you--"
"--so you're homeless?" Jack asked.
Meg nodded silently. "No, she's not," Helen argued, "She's staying here."
"Really?" Meg asked gladly.
"Of course," Helen nodded. That night, Jack and Helen prepared for bed and began getting ready to sleep as Helen sat at the edge of the bed.
"How are you feeling?" asked Jack.
"Much better now," Helen sighed, "I'm so thankful she's alive."
"Me too," Jack replied, "We have a lot to talk about with her."
"I know," she replied.
"She could have died," Jack declared.
"But she didn't," Helen argued sternly, "Okay?"
"She has a lot to answer for," Jack insisted.
"She's been apologizing since she walked in through the door," Helen said.
"Then how come you haven't forgiven her, yet?" asked Jack.
"I don't want to talk about this right now," Helen replied, "I just want to appreciate the fact that right now my oldest daughter is alive and well."
"Alright," Jack nodded sitting down.
"How did you find her?" asked Helen.
"JJ," Jack replied, "He found her."
"How?" she asked.
"He told me Meg called him one night and he held her up until we came to get her," Jack explained, "I was so mad at him for not telling us."
"It's good what he did," said Helen, "I don't think I could see her in that condition, cold, hungry, and tired. I would have fallen apart."
"She chose it for herself," Jack declared.
"That she did," Helen sighed lying down, "I just want to sleep. I'm at peace for the first time in nearly two years."
"I have to give JJ his car back in the morning," Jack said lying down beside her, "Good night." She patted his arm silently and dozed off as Jack lay on his side closing his eyes. He opened them again and lay on his back looking up, pondering uncertain that night as Helen slept. "Was it me?" Helen asked. Jack furrowed his brow and looked over at her as she looked up at him, "Do you think it was me?" she asked.
"You didn't do anything," replied Jack.
"Maybe I could have talked to her more," Helen explained, "Maybe… I could have heard her out."
"There was nothing you could have done," Jack assured her.
"I used to think we were close to one another," Helen said.
"We are," Jack declared, "Go to sleep, you're tired." He kissed her and turned on his side dozing off. That night it was peaceful in the Pryor house as Meg slept in the guest room. She was finally at rest, but that night, she couldn't sleep knowing what awaited her in the next day. She stood up and walked to the kitchen clicking the light on and went in to the fridge. She gave a gasp as she saw Will standing at the doorway. "Hi," Will said.
"It's late," Meg explained, "You should get back to bed."
"I couldn't sleep," he replied.
"Me either," she replied with a sigh, "I just came to get some water. What's your excuse?"
"Why did you leave?" Will asked suddenly. She gave a sigh nodding in discomfort and walked over to him as he sat at the table.
"Will, I was only gone for a little while--"
"—You don't have to lie," Will declared softly, "Patty told me you weren't coming back… is that true?"
"I don't know," she replied.
"What do you mean?" asked Will.
"I don't know if I would have come back or not," she explained, "I just felt like I had to leave. But it wasn't a good decision."
"How did you know?" asked Will.
"About a year in, things got bad," she explained, "And I was already thinking about coming back. It was a rotten thing what I did, Will. I hope you never do something that dumb."
"How can you tell what's a good decision and a bad one?" he asked.
"How others feel, you'll understand it when you get older," Meg explained, "What I did I'll regret for the rest of my life. And now I know I made a horrible decision. I just hope everyone forgives me."
"I forgive you," he confessed.
"Really?" she asked with a smile.
"Yeah," he replied, "You came back. I missed you."
"I missed you too, Thrill," she replied with a teary smile, "I'm so sorry." They hugged softly as Thrill gave a smile and walked off back to bed. She sat at the table wiping her eyes and walked back to bed as she finally managed to force herself to sleep that night. The fact that Will forgave her in spite of her misdeeds gave her some hope that she could make everything right again. She knew things would never be the same again, but she was willing to make it appear as such.
"I couldn't bear to store these away," Helen declared, rummaging through Meg's small dresser, "So I kept them."
"Thanks," Meg replied. Helen laid the clothes out on the bed as that morning they tried to get things together. Meg held the clothes up fondly and sat at her bed as Helen dug through her clothes.
"I only need one outfit, mom," Meg declared with a chuckle.
"Okay," she replied, "Well, get dressed."
"Yes, ma'am," she replied. She tore off her nightgown and began getting dressed. She gave a slight frown running her hands through her straight stringy hair as she put on her shoes.
Patty stood by the door watching her fix herself silently. Meg looked over at her giving a grimace and sighed, "Go ahead," Meg declared.
"Go ahead what?" asked Patty.
"Have your turn," Meg replied, "Everyone else has. I deserve it."
"I'm not saying anything," Patty replied.
"Look, Patty, I owe you an explanation," she explained, "And I know I owe you an apology, I just hope you can forgive me for what I did to you."
"Don't hurt mom again," Patty warned.
"I'm not planning on it," Meg assured her.
"I mean it," Patty said, "Mom nearly lost it when you left. So if you're just doing this so you can go and run away again, then leave."
"I'm not leaving," Meg argued, "I'm staying. You can insult me, and yell at me, I can take it, but I'm not leaving. I did a bad thing to them, and I want to make up for it."
"You did a rotten thing to them," Patty declared.
"I know," Meg replied softly.
"I missed you," she admitted.
"I missed you, too," Meg replied, "I missed arguing with you."
"Just don't mess things up this time," Patty declared walking off. She sighed fixing her clothes and turned walking downstairs as Helen prepared breakfast. Helen looked over by Meg with a fond smile as she gave a smirk fixing her clothes. "You look very nice," she declared. It was as if nothing had changed, or at least that's what Helen preferred to think of it as.
"You're not eating breakfast?" Helen asked as Jack made a rush to the door.
"Nope," he replied, "I have to give the car back to JJ."
"Can I go with you?" asked Meg.
"Why?" asked Helen.
"I have to run a few errands," she replied, "You can come with me if you're not sure. I just have to catch up with a few people." Jack thought for a second, "Okay," he replied, "But I come with you."
"Deal," she replied walking out behind him.
"Look after her," Helen whispered holding Jack's arm. He gave a nod as he walked out behind Meg to the car.
"Where do you want to go?" asked Jack.
"I want to see Roxanne," she explained.
"Roxanne?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'll only be twenty minutes," she assured him, "Please?"
"No funny business," he warned.
"I promise," she replied with a half smirk.
"Okay," he replied, as they got in to the car. He started up the motor as she sat beside him, "Meg," Jack said, "I have some bad news about Roxanne."
"What?" Meg asked with wide eyes, "She's okay… right?"
"She's fine," Jack replied, "But it's… about her mother."
"Her mother?" Meg asked, "What about her?"
"She died," he replied.
"What?" Meg asked surprised, "Wha—how?"
"It was a heart attack," Jack explained, "She was working on the apartment and dropped from what Roxanne told me. She died instantly."
"What about Roxanne?" she asked with a quiver.
"She's still living with Luke," he explained, "But she was pretty broken up about it. When you left we… kept in touch with her."
"Oh, god," she said with a sigh, "It's all my fault."
"How is it your fault?" Jack asked, "You didn't cause it."
"I should have been here," she replied, "God, I should have been here." Jack didn't respond to her, but kept driving on as Meg sunk down in her seat with a sad heavy sigh. "She's never going to forgive me," Meg said.
"Well, it's worth a try," replied Jack.
"I hope you can forgive me someday," Meg declared.
"I'll try, kiddo," Jack assured her, "It's not an easy thing."
"I know," she replied, "I don't blame you. I mean not loving me for what I did--"
"—Whoa, I never said I didn't love you," Jack argued, "I'll never stop loving either of you. But you have to understand that sometimes the things you do have an effect on others that just isn't easily forgivable sometimes. Now, I may not be able to forgive you just yet, but I still love you."
"I love you, too," she replied, "I'm so sorry for what I did."
"I know you are," Jack replied with a nod.
"Do I really look different?" asked Meg.
"What do you mean?" asked Jack.
"JJ told me I look different," Meg replied, "Do you think I do?"
"I don't think he meant literally," Jack declared.
"You think we have time to stop by Luke's place?" she asked.
"Yeah," Jack replied looking at his watch, "We have a good half hour." They stopped in front of Luke's building looking over by the doorway of the hall and Meg was frozen in her seat.
"Get a move on," Jack suggested.
"I think I'm going to be sick," Meg groaned.
"You have to face her some time," Jack declared, "Now is as good a time as any." She sighed getting out from the car and walked in to the lobby and began her way up the steps and stopped at the foot as Roxanne was coming down with a bag in her hand. They stopped in their tracks with a surprised gleam, but instantly Roxanne turned away with a sigh. "Meg," Roxanne said coldly.
"You knew I was coming?" she asked.
"Not really," she replied, "I saw your brother's car downstairs. How long are you in town for?"
"For good," she scoffed, "My trip didn't really work out."
"Oh," she replied turning back.
"You're mad at me," Meg said following her up the stairs.
"No," Roxanne replied coldly, "Go home, Meg."
"Wait, Roxanne," Meg pleaded, "I'm trying to make up for what I did."
"And how are you going to do that, exactly?" Roxanne scoffed.
"By apologizing," she explained, "I know I should have been here for you."
"Yes, you should have," Roxanne argued.
"But I'm here, now," she insisted.
"Good for you," she replied walking up the steps.
"What do you want from me, I'm trying to apologize and you won't let me," Meg declared. "Well, why is that?" Roxanne asked, "I was here for you all the time and you abandoned me, you abandoned everyone. And my mom is dead and I really needed you and you didn't even care enough about me to call me and talk to me?"
"I slipped up, but I regret it, okay?" she explained, "Please don't lock me out."
"You were gone for nearly two years," Roxanne declared, "You didn't even call me when you were on the road. When I left I called you as much as I could, but you didn't even call me."
"I know," Meg replied, "I have no excuse, but I'm sorry for what I did… I am."
"No you're not," Roxanne replied near tears, "You're not sorry, you're just guilty. And selfish. You didn't even send me a letter. God, Meg. Just go home." She nodded and stormed off as Meg stood at the steps with a whimper, "Roxanne, please…!" A door slammed in the distance. Meg wiped the tears from her eyes and turned walking back down the steps. It was truly a shattering thing for her that Roxanne had all but left her side, and as she walked down the steps and out the building, she couldn't help wonder if her attempts to seal things up were in vain.
Roxanne stood by the door in their apartment listening to the silence and began to cry as Luke walked over curiously. Jack leaned over by the door and opened it as Meg slowly walked over looking back hesitantly and climbed inside closing the door.
"Didn't go too well, eh?" Jack deduced.
"No," Meg replied with a whimper, "She wouldn't even talk to me."
"I know," Jack sighed.
"I think that's it for us," Meg declared.
"I doubt it," Jack assured her, "She's mad. You have to give her time, kiddo. She'll come around eventually."
"What if she doesn't?" asked Meg.
"I don't know," Jack shrugged hesitantly, "It'll be okay." Jack drove up on the street past the cars. Meg slumped down in her seat wiping her tears.
"She seemed sorry," Luke declared.
"She's not," Roxanne argued.
"How do you know that?" he asked, "She wouldn't have been begging you if she wasn't really sorry."
"I don't care," Roxanne proclaimed, "She deserves to be sad for a little while. Let her see how it feels."
"You don't really believe that," Luke replied, "You want to make up with her as much as she does, or else you wouldn't still be standing by the door." She gave a soft sigh looking away from him, "Just hear her out," Luke asked, "I know you don't want to end such a long friendship."
"I think the mistakes I made are just unforgivable as this point," Meg muttered sitting in the car.
"For some," JJ replied.
"Will forgave me," Meg said with a hint of a smile.
"He doesn't hold a grudge that's for sure," JJ scoffed.
Meg and JJ sat in his car which was parked outside his house that morning. JJ had called in sick from work that day as he walked out in the driveway looking at Meg who sat in the car lower than he'd ever seen her.
"I'm always going to love you," JJ said, "But there are just some things--"
"—I know," she replied, "I would have."
"Would have what?" he asked.
"When you asked me if Chris hadn't died if I would have ever come back… and I would have," she declared.
"Really?" he asked.
"I wasn't happy there," she admitted, "Not a single day." He gave a sigh leaning back patting the wheel. "I have to go in for lunch, you coming?" he asked.
"Can I sit and think for a few more minutes?" she asked.
"Sure," he replied, "Just close the door when you leave."
She was no longer apart of the family, regardless of how much she tried, or would try. She felt it an uphill battle that afternoon as JJ went in to the house and they all sat down for lunch. She could see her father in with them talking and going on, and she felt just as she was: looking from the outside in. And she knew that's how it would be from there on in. Looking from the outside in, they would all look at her differently, they would all give a look at her sight, and they would all eventually talk. Those nights in Minnesota, those cold nights of uncertainty she spent with Chris doing nothing but thinking about her family were torturous and she was at a crossroads when she arrived. Stay in the place where her future was uncertain or go back home where she wouldn't be accepted? She couldn't walk away, she refused to. As she turned on the car radio to "He's So Fine", turning it up, she thought about the road that lay ahead for her.
That night at dinner was one of the longest dinners of her life, unable to eat as she sat among the chatter and hustle and bustle. She was surprised that life had just gone on without her, and she knew she'd missed so much in such a short period of time. You couldn't go home again. It was a lesson she'd been taught by JJ, and it was something she'd learned now. It was saddening to comprehend. That afternoon she'd bumped in to Sam at the store, and they'd given their requisite greetings to one another, and she'd been given the awakening that Sam had moved on as well. Now going on to his senior year, now with a girlfriend, now with a cousin who'd just gone off to war. Though he was as affectionate and welcoming as he always was when they were friends, he was still the different person she'd hoped he wasn't.
"Do you ever… think about us?" Meg braved asking him that day.
"Us?" he asked.
"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we'd had gone together?" she asked. He gave a furrow of his brow and sighed, "I did," he replied, "For nights I did… but when you left with Chris, it felt like time to keep going on." He'd forgiven her as he left the store that day for school, and promised to keep in touch, but there was that brief glance as he left the store, that lingering last stare as he left her that day.
"You didn't eat," Helen observed as everyone left the table.
"I wasn't hungry," Meg replied with a half smile.
"Want to talk?" she asked.
"No," Meg shrugged, "It's just complicated."
"It always is," Helen replied.
"It's just so hard," Meg replied, "I don't think I'll ever be able to fix things."
"Look, honey," Helen said sitting next to her, "I can't tell you things will be okay, because you're not a little girl anymore, but if you really want to fix things, you have to keep at it until you're there."
"I wish it was easier," she scoffed.
"So do I," Helen replied.
"You're still mad at me," she deduced.
"I'm more hurt than mad," Helen explained, "Things can't go back to the way they were, because they're not the same."
"I'm so sorry," Meg declared, "I don't see how you can even talk to me."
"I'm your mother," Helen scoffed, "You'll see someday. You can be mad at your children, but it's hard to stop loving them."
"You still love me?" she asked as tears ran down her eyes.
"I never stopped," she declared, "I don't know if I can forgive you, but I'm going to try. If you're willing to keep trying to make things better, then I'll try to forgive you someday."
"I promise," Meg assured her, "I'm not leaving this time, mom."
"We'll keep working at it, then," Helen assured her kissing and hugging her. She leaned back and looked by the window, "You have a visitor." She sat up and looked by the window as Roxanne came walking down the street.
"Can I go talk to her?" Meg asked quickly standing up.
"Go ahead," Helen scoffed. She rushed through the kitchen and stepped outside meeting Roxanne halfway. She gave a smile as Meg approached her and they stood across from one another.
"Hi," she said meekly.
"I'm glad you're here," Meg boasted.
"Luke convinced me to come and talk to you," Roxanne replied.
"Roxanne I never meant to hurt you," Meg declared, "I was just—confused. The first week I was there all I could think about you and everyone else. I was just so lonely and sad. I was there for so long and I wasn't happy once. If I could take it all back, I would."
"You can't."
"I know," Meg replied, "But I'm not going to stop being your friend even if you stop being mine."
"Promise?" Roxanne smiled. Meg scoffed.
"I love you," Meg replied.
"I love you, too," Roxanne replied, "But I'm still mad at you."
"I know," Meg scoffed.
"You're staying?" she asked.
"Yeah," Meg assured her, "Forever." They hugged one another tight that night. Helen could see them through the window giving a smile as she continued cleaning up. Though the progress was small and brief, Meg took comfort in the fact that she was making baby steps in patching things up with the people she loved.
She kept her promise to everyone she was with from that day on. She never left, she never turned her back on them, and that summer she spent every day working on everyone and attempting to make the wrong things right once for all, and re-connecting with the people she distanced herself from...