More To Life
By: Youkai Dreams
Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning Gravitaion. If that doesn't spell it out for you...then you need help xD
A/N: Hrm, I love "More To Life," by Stacie Orrico, so I wrote a fic to it. It isn't exactly like a regualar fanfic...I just used the verses from the song that really helped. I only used it at the end and beginning. I think you'll like it regardless.
More To Life
I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
...And why can't I let it go...
Tohma sat as his desk, cradling his head in his hands. Why did he feel this way all the time? To many, he had the perfect life; perfect job, perfect wife, perfect- everything...and maybe he did.
With a sigh, he turned around slowly, and gazed out the wide windows before him. It was raining. He looked up, wanting to watch the rain fall. 'Why is the sky always crying,' he often wondered.
He averted his gaze down a bit, and just stared straight in front of him. He and the sky were alike. Both seemed so perfect- so completely perfect, but each was harboring so much; so much pain, so much loss.
They were so close, yet so different also. The sky was so free. When it held more than it could bear, it let it go, without another thought. What was Tohma left with? He could not escape so easily. Crying would make nothing better, so he never did.
He'd never been truly happy in his entire life. He went left and right looking for new ways to satisfy himself, but none worked. He'd associated himself with so many different people, so many different things...but why?
Here he was now, staring out the window, just as he'd done with everything else he'd tried. Something was missing, and he just couldn't find it. He didn't know where to look, and possibly, he was afraid of what he'd find.
Drop. Drop. Drop. He watched every drop fall from the sky. Each drop the sky let go, he caught it, and hide it deep inside himself, just for a little while. Whenever he was ready to let it go, just as the sky was, he found it gathered together with all his tears. An ocean of heartache was buried deep within his soul. Too much to escape. Too much to let go.
So he didn't.
It rained harder, and the ocean grew wider. He raised his hand to the window, and let out a breath. Why was he so unhappy?
Tohma looked down, and turned back to his desk. He gazed at the paperwork needing to be filled, and sighed deeply.
Picking up a midnight blue pen a fan- Kari gave him, he looked over the papers and began to sign them. It rained harder.
He had to ignore the rain for now; he could not afford to let anything distract him. But still...he had to just- no. Not now.
He looked over at the picture of Mika, his more than perfect wife, on his desk. She was always there to bring him back to life. He just had to smile at her.
It was a sad smile. Some people thought he married her just to have an excuse to be closer to Eiri, but that wasn't true. Or maybe it was...he just wasn't sure anymore. The facts were that he began to concern himself less and less with Eiri, and less and less with anyone else. He was so close, yet so far away from reaching anyone.
The ocean only grew deeper.
Tohma looked up as he realized that he'd gone through ten papers without really reading them. No-matter how hard he tried, he couldn't let go. He wouldn't let go.
...Maybe, all this time, he had chances to escape...but he just stood there. Maybe the door was always open, but he just couldn't move.
Perhaps, all this time, he was happy, but was just too blind to see it. What if this whole time, he couldn't find happiness because he was too pre-occupied with what he didn't have, and never considered all the things he did have?
What if this whole time, he was already outside the door, but just never realized it? Had the darkness in his heart converted him to thus? He was lost. So lost. So...
No. He was not lost. He never was lost. He was right where he was suppose to be this whole time, but his selfishness was clouding the way.
Tohma looked up as he realized something. He didn't hear anything...absolutely nothing. He stood up, and turned around. It stopped raining. In fact, nothing was even wet. Peculiar.
He put his head close to the window, and looked around. Nothing even harbored a drizzle of rain.
...Was it possible that the rain was just another illusion blocking his vision?
He turned from the window, and hurried to his door. Unconsciously, he quickened his pace to a jog, and then started running.
He had to get to the door. He had to see if this was real.
After what seemed like an eternity, he arrived at the door, and opened it. Looking around, he discovered that everything remained dry.
Confused, he wandered over to a single flower, and stared in wonder. How could something so beautiful stand being in one place for its entire life? It can go no-where from here, yet it keeps growing, so determined to make something of itself.
He stepped closer to it, and kneeled down. Reaching out his hands, he slowly traced the sides of the flower, and ran his hands over the stems. He lifted his hands, and gazed at them. Tiny droplets of water trailed down his hands, running off his long, slim fingertips.
His eyes grew wider as he noticed he wasn't dry, but completely soaked now, and noticed everything else was also. Thin drops of water raced to the ground from all directions as he looked to the sky.
His face was engulfed in an ocean of water, and his body was being consumed also.
Was it possible that all this time, the rain was only trying to lure him outside, so it could teach him how to let go...teach him to escape, just for a little while?
Tohma smiled. Maybe there was more to life than what he'd expected. Maybe not. He knew he'd probably never stop wondering, but he also knew he'd be happy just where he was...for now.
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
...Than wanting more...
-Stacie Orrico
I know it's short...I'll make it longer later. Please review. ODZY! DON'T CALL ME "BOOBS" IN YOUR STORIES!