Disclaimer: Neither Annie nor Tsu own GW ... if we did it would have been a very different thing. . .
Warning: Mpreg, shounen ai, OOC ness, drunkeness and debauchery.
Remember me? I'm the one you saw bathing - naked - twice. I need to see you again. I will be under the old Maple on the edge of the forest. . . FULLY CLOTHED.
Signed - you know who.
Heero's mouth dried suddenly as his mind recalled every single detail of that wet glistening body and that love perfect, gleaming. . .hair! Heero carefully controlled his breathing. She needed to see him? Perhaps the witches spell was finally working, though the elf did sound a bit ticked in the letter. No matter, he would woo her successfully this time.
Flowers, he needed flowers, all girls like flowers. He rushed out of the room, brushing past the maid that he was supposed to, erm, meet again after being rudely interrupted the last time. He needed to find flowers.
"Your Grace!" The girl whined.
But Heero didn't even hear what was said as he ran into the garden, looking at the veritable varieties available for him to 'harvest'. Heero's eyes alighted on several bright yellow daisies, a flourishing lily and a few deep purple violets. They reminded him of that lovely elven maiden's eyes. Then a smile brightened his normally austere features. Yes, he would bring these to her as a gift. After all, who wouldn't be flattered to have their physical attributes compared to God's creations?
Briefly, the thought of composing poetry for her flittered across his mind, but he was sensible enough to know that he was not gifted in that area. Heero shook his head, he must stay calm and in control. He would impress and woo her successfully this time, there was no turning back for him.
Heero stopped by the kitchen, taking a small basket with cakes and cookies in it and grabbed a bottle of fine wine. No woman could resist chocolate. He headed out, taking long and purposeful strides towards the tree of his destiny.
XxXxX
Duo trudged through the forest, realizing why he used to love leggings so much. In one hand, he had a picnic basket filled with berries and a tall bottle of wine and in the other, he had a fist full of his skirt. He had taken Quatre's idea that in all things that fail, wine could make a monster fall in love. Of course, Quatre hadn't meant that literally, but Duo had decided to take it as such. Right now, he had more problems on his hands, like how to keep his skirt from snagging every little thorn, branch and tree.
One of his breasts kept sagging too, so he needed time to fix that before he reached the maple tree. Perhaps he could get some tree sap and stick the offending droopy hose to his chest more securely. That brought to mind the problem of the ants that practically covered the forest floor.
This seducing thing was really complicated. . . and messy.
Seeing the tree, and no sign of Heero, Duo rushed forward and dropped the basket. Turning around, he began struggling with his makeshift bosom.
"Am I late?"
Duo whirled around, one hand still resting on his breasts and gasped at the sight of the Duke standing before him, a similar basket in his hand and a bunch of flowers in the other. Pulling his hand away he forced a smile. "No, not at all, I've just arrived."
The last thing Heero expected was walking into the clearing and seeing the luscious elf maiden fondling herself so idly. The lump that he had managed to control in his throat was now back, making speech rather difficult. Actually that wasn't the only lump that reappeared and that one was making thinking rather difficult.
Duo saw his eyes lose their focus and smiled, "Would you like to sit down?"
Heero snapped back to attention. "Uh. . .yes, please let me." He set the basket on the ground and the pulled out a thick blanket with one hand. He was about to spread it out when he realised he was still holding the flowers and passed it to the elf rather clumsily. "For you."
He internally cringed. That was so badly done, where had all his finesse gone when it came to the female race? Just what was it about this particular she-elf that got him so confused?
Duo smiled, in what he hoped was a coy fashion and smelled the flowers, for an amateur it wasn't a bad bouquet. Duo sneezed and wrinkled his nose. To his horror, it didn't stop at one. Soon the entire forest echoed with the sound of violent sneezing. Hastily, Duo set the flowers down and walked away, holding in a sneeze, feeling as if his brain would explode.
Heero looked at the flowers and grimaced. Picking them up, he smelled them himself. He felt a tickle in his nasal cavity. His eyes forced themselves closed and his sneezes soon rang harmoniously with his date's. Duo spun around, staring at the sneezing duke. Suddenly, all feelings of discomfort disappeared as he started laughing. Despite the duke being a perverted peeping tom, he was human after all to fall prey to such a simple thing as a lily.
In the middle of his laughter, Duo sneezed again, so loudly that the entire woods seemed to explode around him. He doubled over, trying to feel his face for any unattractive spit. Heero, having seen his date start laughing uproariously quite forgot about his own embarrassment and joined in the merriment. When Duo bent over he squatted next to him, "We are rather silly, aren't we?"
"I don't think silly is quite the right word, how about. . ." Duo looked at the chocolate haired human for a moment and then declared solemnly, "Ridiculous?"
Heero extended a hand. "Truce? I apologize for, ahem, staring at you and you apologize for. . ."
"Letting you?" Duo responded to the warm grip with his own.
Heero grinned awkwardly, "I was gonna say punching me, but that works too."
Duo punched the human in the shoulder playfully, trying furiously to remember just what Trowa had taught him about being feminine. He was increasingly confused as Heero didn't seem to mind him acting differently from those women he saw, fainting and whining. Duo sat down, pondering and stumbling a bit as he tried to sit in the dress. His brother's words about being graceful echoed uselessly in the back of his mind.
Heero's warm hand came around Duo's upper arm and helped him to get more comfortable. Then the duke sat down next to him, busying himself with setting the treats from the basket out. Duo drooled; he had brought cake. All Duo had were berries and nuts, but Heero had brought sugar! Duo smiled and almost laughed, but remembered to stay quiet, as a lady would. Looking around, Duo tried to desperately recall the hints Trowa had given him.
Duo took a deep breath, remembering the first thing about flirting – batting of eyes. He smiled at Heero, catching his attention and started fluttering his eyes rapidly at him, half expecting Heero to swoon almost straight away.
He didn't.
Heero looked at his princess. "Are you alright, my lady? Did some dirt got into your eyes?"
A dark flush spread across Duo's cheeks. Damn it! "No, I'm alright," he muttered, helping himself to a piece of cake to cover up his embarrassment. This wasn't turning out any better than the animal's hints did. He took a large bite of the cake and nearly melted. This wasn't just cake... this was chocolate cake! How could this human be so evil as to prey on his weakness? How could Heero hold him thrall to cocoa beans? How could he have known? Duo moaned in pleasure and put it down. "So. . ."
Heero arranged himself to be sitting a bit closer to Duo. "Tell me, my sweet, what is your name?" Heero asked innocently. Duo froze.
Duo muttered a bit before saying resolutely, "Vielle."
Heero frowned slightly, a little unsure of how to reproduce the word. "Alright... how about... Elle?"
Duo sighed, "Sure, thats fine." He reached for the cake again and took a huge bite. Heero watched Duo in curiousity. Crap, he wasn't nibbling at his food! Trowa had said he was supposed to nibble! Duo feigned a small cough and covered his mouth with his hand as he chewed.
"I was wondering," Heero said cautiously, "Do you have a twin brother?" Duo froze, he had hoped this wouldn't come up.
Duo refused to lie, so instead he said, "I have a brother."
"Oh, I was just wondering because –"
Duo swallowed nervously and decided to forget all plans in the middle and lunged for the final trump card. He pulled out the bottle of wine. "Here, try this, it is supposed to be good for your health." Heero blinked in surprise.
"A – alright," he looked around for glasses and realized he didn't have any. "Do you have any glasses?"
Shoot, Duo thought, "No, but drink from the bottle I don't mind." The next few moments passed as Duo poured the liquor down Heero's throat – literally. Heero would finish and swallow, Duo took a small sip and then gently poured another huge gulp down Heero's throat. They finished Duo's bottle, and Duo looked around. Heero, enjoying it too much to stop gave Duo his own bottle. The process started all over.
Somewhere up above a chipmunk chittered away in a sound that was strangely similar to laughter.
Duo suddenly realised that the man sitting next to him was looking increasingly attractive. "Heeeeey... 'hic' ... y'know sumthin?"
Heero, who held his liquor a little bit better (though his eyes were rather crossed) smiled, "What?"
Duo reached out and traced his finger at the corner of Heero's mouth. "You have some caaaake here." Vaguely, Duo realized he was acting like an idiot but the thought wasn't important enough to stop having so much fun. Duo leaned forward and licked the crumb away.
Heero grinned, "And you have some," he leaned in, "– right here." He kissed Duo's bottom lip gently. Duo's addled brain only registered a brief alarm. Heero's lips tasted like the red wine he'd brought and the chocolate cake they were eating. Then he leaned forward and joined the kiss throwing his arms enthusiastically against Heero and knocked them both over.
XxXxX
Trowa rolled his eyes as his elven lover led him deeper into the forest, giggling like a girl. Quatre was actually skipping. Why did he agree to this again? Making love in a warm room with beds and covers was so much more comfortable than pushing someone against the rough bark of a tree. But Quatre was an elf and particularly attuned to the forest, so maybe. . . he felt more comfortable with dirt and leaves cushioning them.
Trowa shuddered at the thought of a stray worm creeping into crevices he thought of exclusively his. He hoped he didn't have to actually duel a worm, that would not only be remarkably embarrassing but completely ridiculous as well. Trowa felt himself being tugged and smiled, taking the unpleasant thought and dropping it into a 6 foot hole then pouring mud over top, then sand and then filling in the rest with dirt.
"It's over here Tro-Tro," Quatre said, smiling like a schoolboy. 'Tro-Tro?' Trowa winced. The dark-haired prince didn't want to ruin Quatre's lustful mood, but he would have to talk to him about it later. His lover's enjoyment of assigning pet names went a little too far sometimes, and he drew the line at a pet name that defiled his own, noble name.
Quatre had even made one for Trowa to call the blonde, 'little one'. Trowa wasn't entirely certain where that came from for there was nothing little about the blonde prince.
Quatre tugged even harder on Trowa's arm and pulled him forward. They burst into the clearing and Quatre's jubilant cry of "Here it is" faded away into shock. Trowa stared.
Silence reigned for a split second then two voices rang out simultaneously. "What has your brother done to my cousin?" Trowa blurted.
"What has your cousin done to my brother?" Quatre chorused.
They both looked at each other and then after a moments pause, Trowa asked, "Well, what are we gonna do?" Quatre didn't answer, he was already stomping over to where Duo lay naked and entwined with Heero and was yanking him to his feet.
Duo mumbled something akin to, "Drink more wine, Heero." Quatre looked at Heero and then turned away. Even if Duo was a boy now, he was still Quatre's sister. This was wrong. No one should find their sister in this position.
"Your cousin took advantage of my sister. . .brother. . . sister... whatever!" Quatre pointed at the prone duke.
Trowa had appeared next to Heero as well, and had thrown his cloak over him, "Excuse me? Your ... sibling was trying to seduce him all along!" Quatre heaved in anger and looked at Trowa disbelievingly.
"'I need to borrow a dress'" Trowa scowled imitating Duo, "Yeah, it's my cousin's fault."
Quatre plunked his hands on his hips, effectively dropping Duo back onto the sleeping duke, who was also mumbling something about wine and lovely. . .hair. "So he could. . ." He gasped. "HIM! Heero was the one who cursed my sister!"
Whatever else Trowa wanted to say died at the pronouncement. While Quatre glared at Heero, his aqua eyes turned green in their anger.
"Why would Heero curse Duo?" Trowa frowned, "That doesn't make any sense."
Quatre was ignoring Trowa's mumbling and had firmly grabbed Duo and throw his brother over his shoulders. Trowa looked up, "Wait, where are you going?"
"I'm getting Duo away from here and from him," Quatre glared at Trowa and stalked through the woods, carrying Duo easily.
Trowa looked a bit abashed (at least Quatre hadn't called him Tro-Tro again) and then plopped down next to Heero. He glared at his cousin and watched him sleep, finally slapping his cheeks, "Wake up you idiot."
Heero continued to mumble about the perfect shapes of something before turning over and falling asleep again. Trowa sighed. His cousin was absolutely sloshed. He grabbed Heero by the arm and threw the duke over his princely shoulders, taking off towards the castle, fuming all the way.
XxXxX
Duo was aware of being awake for quite awhile, but not completely lucid. Suddenly, a gigantic cold splash of water hit him in the face and he felt instantly revived. . . and annoyed and the constant feeling of a hammer pounding into his head wasn't helping, "Ow."
Shaking his head, he looked around and saw his beloved brother, "Wh-what was that for?"
"What the hell are you doing in the middle of the forest, completely naked, lying half on Trowa's cousin, completely naked, drunk beyond belief, completely naked, with two bottles of wine empty and completely naked?" Quatre yelled at his brother.
"You mentioned the completely naked a few times already," Duo muttered. Then his face suddenly lightened as a thought crossed his mind and he brought his hands up to his chest expectantly and found. . . nothing. "DAMMIT! Why didn't it work?"
Quatre frowned, "Why didn't what work?"
"The sex, I went through all that crap to be turned back and then . . . NOTHING?"
Quatre stepped back before responding, Duo was not safe in this mood. Quatre's eyes started to bulge and the veins in his neck started throbbing. "Sex? Sex? With that. . .that. . .HUMAN?" Quatre seemed blind to the fact that he was also engaging in carnal activities with a human.
"That lying little witch, she told me that if I got him to love me, the spell would be reversed," Duo sputtered in his anger and began pacing the room, his feet stomping so hard the dust shook from the rafters.
"Love you?" Quatre choked, having a hard time following Duo's rambling.
He fell back on the bed with a resounding thump, cradling his head in his hands. "Duo, stop ranting for a minute and let me get this straight. Who told you having sex equates to whoever who had sex with you loves you?"
Duo looked at Quatre, "What?"
Quatre sighed, "You said that Heero loved you because he had sex with you?"
"Yes. . ."
"Who told you that?"
Duo, suddenly uncertain, mumbled something.
"I can't hear you Duo," Quatre said patiently.
"Everyone!" Duo blurted, still not looking at anywhere except his feet. He was getting a really bad feeling about this.
"You didn't ask me, so obviously not everyone," Quatre was actually feeling a mite bit offended.
"Are you telling me you aren't having sex with Trowa?" Duo raised an eyebrow and began to absentmindedly braid his hair.
"Well, I am . . ." Quatre smiled, "but thats not all love is; love is the happiness you feel when you're with someone, the comfort they give you when you're upset, how warm you feel when they call you 'little one'." Duo stared at Quatre.
"You're not little," Duo protested. "You are in fact almost the same height as Trowa. You might be even bulkier than him around the shoulders." Quatre began to look offended, "Why does he call you 'little one'?" Then his eyes dropped to his brother's groin. "Don't tell me..."
Quatre blushed, "It's a term of endearment and no, thats not the reason. So lets get off the topic."
Duo slumped next to his brother. "Animals aren't to be trusted. They lied to me. They said that if Heero manages to mate with me, he would love me," he said, his lower lip trembling with disappointment.
Quatre bit his lip, unsure of what to say. On one hand, he felt like kicking everyone of the animals that gave his poor brother such stupid advice while on the other, he felt like laughing at the absurdity of it.
Duo then tightened his face and glared at Quatre, "You mean I had. . . sex with him for no reason?" Duo continued, "And I can't even remember it!"
Quatre sighed again. "At least you won't have to worry about getting pregnant." He cracked a smile at his older brother.
Far, far away, a little onyx stone snickered softly.
"Oh great, some consolation, I lost my virginity to a man I hate for NO reason." Duo sat back down and felt his sanity slowly slipping away.
XxXxX
Quatre pushed Trowa away after hearing his lover sigh for the fifteenth time in a minute. "We are supposed to be making love. You are not supposed to sound like you are bored and tired of me!" The elf stood and stalked to the other side of the room.
Trowa sighed again. "I'm sorry, love. but Heero is absolutely killing me."
Quatre scoffed his disbelief, crossing his arms in front of him. "Heero? Try Duo."
"Duo is like a madman, he is depressed, he never wants to see Heero again, but he can't go home and I won't let him go into the city, lest Heero recognize him and. . ." He trailed off and then brought a hand to his head, "He – she – he used to be happy go lucky all the time. . . I really miss that." His voice sounded just a tad bit exasperated and annoyed.
Trowa raised an unsympathetic eyebrow, "Heero is dragging me through all hells and back in search of his mysterious 'Elle' and then spends his evening spouting off his speech about why he must find her."
Trowa started to get annoyed. It wasn't as if his lover had the lion's share of problems. "Heero is moody, cranky and always trying to get out of the castle, trying to find that 'elven maiden with the nice hair of hers'. He never used to have such fetishes with hair. He isn't helping me with work at all and he is shirking his duties, while I'm torn between him and my responsibilities."
Quatre growled at Trowa. "At least Heero isn't sick!"
Trowa started, caught off-guard, "What? Sick? Who?"
"Duo is – all this stress – caused by your cousin – is making him sick." Trowa softened his expression a little and just looked at Quatre. Although Trowa hated to admit it, it really was Heero's fault and Trowa tried to keep that in mind every time Heero came to him beseeching for help.
"He gets sick every morning, every time he smells onions and every time the animals fertilize the plants." Quatre stared beseechingly at Trowa. "I think he might be dying. Trowa, please, I don't know what to do."
"Dying?" Trowa barked in surprise, "Is it really that bad?" One look at Quatre's face told him he at least thought it was.
"Let's go back and see him, alright?" Trowa offered a hand to Quatre. He wasn't entirely convinced that Duo was dying, after all, his lover did tend to exaggerate things. . .a lot.
Trowa pulled Quatre closer as they walked the short distance back to their hunting lodge. He hadn't seen Duo in nearly a month, thanks to his currently almost insane and definitely elf obsessed cousin. A woman was just another female. Trowa didn't understand what was so special about this female – who was currently male anyway. It didn't make sense – what was it about them?
Even before they reached the door, Trowa could hear the sound of someone being violently sick. He winced. It sounded horrible. Quatre paled and flew into the cottage. "Duo! are you alright?"
Duo looked up, and then seemed to jump away from a pot on the ground. Weakly, he responded, "Yeah, I'm fine. You're home early." Belatedly he noticed Trowa, his mouth tightened a bit but he said nothing more than, "Hello, nice to see you again." Duo indirectly blamed Trowa for his problems.
Duo swayed on his feet and his eyes crossed, he stumbled towards a chair and fell into it. Trowa looked at Duo and immediately understood Quatre's worry. If not dying, Duo was dangerously ill, his clothes were hanging loosely on his body and his face was gaunt and pale, and he was shaking rather obviously.
Quatre took a step forward, but held himself back. Duo looked at Quatre and asked, "Did you need something?"
"Uh, no. . . did you, uh, eat anything yet?" Quatre said cautiously. Trowa understood, if Duo was anything like Heero, say the wrong thing and you've got a very pissed off person. Heero is the last person you want pissed off too, he wouldn't yell or get angry. Instead he gets quiet. Silence is never so terrifying as from Heero.
Duo turned slightly green at the mere mention of food. He covered his hands over his mouth, half expecting to need the chamber pot again. He lowered his hand to his lap when his stomach decided to cooperate for a while. "Please, don't mention food."
Quatre turned and looked at Trowa meaningfully, "Right, sorry Duo."
There was a long pause before Trowa spoke up, "Actually we lied, Quatre came to get something, so once he gets it we'll leave you be." Quatre looked at him for a moment and Trowa gave him a look, indicating he wanted to talk to Quatre outside, then the elf's eyes widened and he scrambled over to the table and picked up the salt jar. Duo stared at him incredulously as he hustled back to Trowa.
"You're going to leave me alone?" Duo asked panicked, leaping to his feet. He realised that it was a mistake a little too late as the room started spinning around him.
"Duo?" Quatre said, dropping the salt and running to his brother's side, grabbing him by the shoulders as he began to sink to the floor. Duo was panting harshly as he was hoisted not so carefully over his brother's shoulder and hastily placed on the bed. A cold cloth was instantly slapped over his eyes and he heard small sounds of argument. Too bad he felt too exhausted to actually eavesdrop.
"We can't leave him like this," Quatre whispered to Trowa, wringing his hands in worry.
"We need to get a healer or something," Trowa reasoned.
"Duo wouldn't like that." Quatre said, his worry changing briefly into annoyance, "He's so stubborn, he doesn't want anyone to see him like this." Trowa wondered if Quatre meant as a man, by 'like this' or sick; either way he wasn't going to argue.
Trowa grabbed his lover's arm forcefully. "You want to end up seeing him dead?" He hissed and his heart twisted when Quatre flinched. He softened his tone. "We need to get help. This goes beyond what Heero did to him."
"There is something wrong with him, he needs help." Quatre looked back at Duo as if to confirm his previous statement. "Maybe we can just ask? I don't want to make him even more upset. . ."
Trowa rolled his eyes, "Fine, we'll just ask, but if that doesn't work, he'll have to see someone."
Quatre nodded and leaned over Duo. "We are going out for a while. Please rest. I will get some medicine for you to stop the sickness, okay?" Duo moaned and waved his hand at Quatre who took that as an assent.
Trowa took Quatre's hand and tugged gently as he headed towards the door.
XxXxX
Trowa had insisted that it would be better to find a healer from a nearby village instead of the city, so he and Quatre had undertaken a three hour hike away from the cottage. It followed a road and Trowa wished now that he had his horses – they could have made it there in an hour. Consequently, it was getting very late when they arrived at the village.
Whenever Trowa left to go to the hunting lodge, he wore unassuming clothes, not rags, but simple and unadorned so he was able to enter the village without being recognized. Quatre would have been much more noticeable but he had long ago learned that to make it through the city unnoticed you needed a serviceable cloak. The cloak had an added bonus of making Quatre's figure seem imposing as he walked by so smoothly that he seemed to float while his cloak billowed around him. He didn't have trouble when he walked through the city.
There were few people on the street anymore, but Trowa saw an older man near them and he stopped him asking for the local healer. Heading towards the back of the village, they knocked gently on the door of the hut that supposedly belonged to the healer. A muffled 'come in' wafted through the door and they walked in.
The room was warm and cozy, well lit with an assortment of sharp but not unpleasant smelling herbs lining the walls. A woman with heavy thick hair separated into two braids was bent over her desk, examining a small dish.
"Hello, may I help you?" She asked pleasantly, but she eyed Quatre warily.
"Yes," Trowa said after an awkward pause. "We have a question." Again Trowa paused, hoping Quatre would take over, but the hidden elf didn't speak. "A – Well that is – a friend of ours is rather sick, we were hoping you would be able to tell us what was wrong and what we could do about."
"Ask away," she responded pleasantly.
"Well, our friend has been very sick lately, and unable to hold down food or even stand strong smells." Trowa paused, "And our, uh, friend seems to be very weak. . ." Trowa trailed off, unable to provide many more details. He looked at Quatre who nodded. Trowa looked at the healer questioningly.
"Well, I wouldn't worry too much about it." She smiled and looked at Trowa and shook his hand, "Congratulations, you're going be parents." Trowa choked on the air he was breathing. Quatre jerked back in surprise. Sally watched them in good humour and then gingerly pulled her hand from Trowa's.
"Actually, I don't think that that is it," Quatre spoke up finally, pulling back his hood. Sally stared at him for a moment, her eyes flickering around, at first she blushed and then she stopped and her jaw dropped. It wasn't often an elf was seen inside a village. In fact hardly ever.
Gathering her wits about her, Sally hinged her jaw and smiled in humility, "I'm sorry, I just assumed, I mean I couldn't see you – and. . ." She stopped, realizing she was blabbering, "Are you the one who has been sick?"
"No. . ." Quatre said slowly, "And the person who is . . . sick is a man."
"Well now he is," Trowa muttered under his breath.
Both of them froze and looked at each other, Quatre shook his head, "No way, its not possible. . ."
Sally watched them in concern, seeing the color drain from Quatre's pale face, "Is everything alright?"
Trowa swallowed and smiled weakly, "Define alright."
Far, far away, a little onyx stone gave in and burst out laughing.
XxXxX
Annie: Whee! Well, this is probably the fastest I've ever written a story – I don't usually put in so much effort. Tsu is good for me – she plans everything out and then works on it nonstop. Wow. . . not me. . .
Your reviews are ever so greatly appreciated. We love you all. Your reviews are the grass for the cow that is our haphazard writing.
Annie-Tsu