As much as I wish to forget my existence, I can't forget the person I used to be. The image of her ghost haunts me still.
Do I feel different? The girl I've become is so diverse from the other. A wall now separates us from each other, and I can't get her back. I try to remember how I had been before I was exposed to the darker side of life, but that girl is so far away now.
Last year you couldn't have found a soul more content then I. Now I find myself regretting how far I have drifted from loves touch on my own will.
Today is Denise's sixteenth birthday, my birthday.
"Is it a piano?" I asked sliding my dress out from underneath me and placing it on the bench as I carefully sat down. The man gently grabbed my hand as if he was afraid of his own strength and safely guided me to the left side of the bench. "I don't need your help," I said slipping my hand away from his once he had finished the task. I raised my head high with pride. "I can do it myself". The man only cleared his throat as if to question my abilities.
"It's an organ." He answered, The low tone of his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Well how would I know? Have you forgotten the fact that I'm blind?" I growled.
He only sighed.
"Do you play well?" I asked. A slight evidence of playfulness twitched my lips.
"I could demonstrate. What do you wish for me to play?" he asked. A glide of materiel met my ears.
I shrugged.
Although I still have an attitude towards him, somehow a tiny measure of peace is hidden somewhere. The invisible tension that had once been so alive has finally begun to sink. Regardless, it is still present.
"I'm sure you'll enjoy this one," he said beginning to play a familiar piece conducted by a well known man that I didn't know the name of. I sighed and rested my elbow on the side of the organ, placing my chin on my palm in monotony. I wanted to hear his music. The type of music that makes my heart soar and gives my soul wings.
"No! Play your music," I nearly whined.
"Are you willing to hear how far I can bring you? I'm not sure how such a delicate creature such as you could handle it." He said so passionately he nearly whispered. It seemed as if every word he spoke were a song.
I couldn't resist. My curiosity was taking over. I couldn't ignore my craving for his magical touch. "Show me," I pleaded him. With that high keys began ringing softly within the room. The notes hovered in the air. They slowly built volume and then quickly swooped down. The tune felt like the miserable stroke of cold rain and wind beating on my cheeks. He was creating a storm with his music. Not only could I see the image of the storm as clearly as I've ever seen, but I could feel the cold rain dripping down my body and the cruel wind sending shivers down my spine as if to mock me.
Then the music became louder. The tune was terrifying yet at the same caressed my soul. My eyes fluttered carelessly as the music claimed my senses. Carefully, while still playing with his other hand, the man positioned his hand above mine and began playing with my hands. This way, I was able to feel how his hands moved. The man reached from behind me and used both of my hands to play. In this position, I could feel his chest move with every breath on my back. I quickly closed my mouth that was now hanging open, but once I felt his hands gliding mine across the keys it fell open once more. Whenever the volume increased he would lean his entire body into the organ. His shoulders would roll inwards while his fingers dug into the keys. His movements were passionate and slightly sexual. I bit my lip to try and control myself, but he was taking over. I nearly went insane when he leaned down to send his hot breath on my neck. After he had, my mouth dropped open in shock, but my eyes fluttered in pleasure. It no longer mattered to me how madly I was behaving, my soul had already surrendered to his music.
I gave up any struggle within and let my head fall back on his chest slowly rolling it to the right side and closing my eyes in satisfaction.
This went on for so long. He never hesitated to tell me I was too close. As the notes grew softer, and his storm drifted away, I seized my opportunity to discover his mystery.
"Please tell me your name, I'll give you mine." I begged him, turning around so that he could see my face. A short silence introduced his answer.
"I, I don't prefer using my name. My name is a scar that reminds me of my burdens. It was given to me by mistake anyways. "He said softly. I hinted something new in his tone that I hadn't sensed before. I hadn't stopped to think of him ever suffering pain himself, I had been to busy dealing with my own.
"My name is Denise. I could give you a name, a name that only I would call you." I offered. "What name do you believe suits you best?" I asked.
He paused for a moment to consider my question. "Diodore," he answered.
"Diodorus the Greek god of wine, mystery and theater, it suits you." I commented. It was true. He has the power to both drive a woman mad and fill her with desire.
"My real name is Erik, you can call me by this name sometimes, but I'd like it if you wouldn't grow used to it.
I secretly wondered if he would ever allow me to grasp something of his personality. He remains a shadow within my dark world.
"I wish I could see you. I want to see you," I yearned raising a hand in the air to reach for his face. He hesitantly placed my hand in his.
"This is my eye," he said placing my hand on top of a large eyelid. I gently ran a hand down the soft skin and placed my other hand on my own eye to compare sizes. I have been said to have "deep set," or fairly large eyes that most girls would kill for. My eyes were nothing compared to his.
"What color are they?" I asked.
"Green, Emerald green," He said.
"My eyelashes," he said placing his long, thick, tangle of lashes in-between two fingers. I rubbed my fingers together to feel them brush against each other.
"Are they dark?"
"Very, they are as black as my eyebrows and my hair, Ink black."
"My nose," He said resting my hand on a side of his nose and quickly pulling it off. I thought to comment his swiftness, but stopped myself.
He also placed his hand on his ears and allowed me to feel his cheek. His skin was quite rough so I knew he must shave frequently. I slowly bent my fingertips around his cheek and ran them down his face.
"My lips," he said allowing me to feel the huge tender flesh underneath my fingers. A tingling sensation shot from the place I touched his lips through the rest of my body. I slowly ran my hands from his lips to his chin. I couldn't bring myself to stop. My hands slowly discovered the muscles in his neck and brushed the side of his collar. My heart was bursting in my chest and I couldn't bring myself to stop.
"Oh God what am I doing. Who knows how old this man is. He must be twice the size if me. His stern nose, long lashes, and large soft lips, oh God it's driving me insane. What the hell am I doing?" I said to myself. What scares me even more is, I like it.
I quickly pulled my hand away before I lost my will entirely. Every time I'm near him I melt. "Have I forgotten Gian so quickly that I've ran to the first man who can satisfy my lust?" I thought, wanting to beat myself. "No, he's so much more then that. I can't help it anymore."
"Denise?" Erik whispered, slowly laying a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm ok," I reassured him, assuming he was curious why I had stopped.
Author's note: Don't tell me the name is dorky. I don't know that much about Greek mythology, but I think the meaning of the name suits him. Don't worry, she won't be using it that much, but it might come in handy.