"I hate you I hate you I hate you!" shouted Lily Marie Dianna Evans on a bright summery day on the Hogwarts Grounds.

"But EVANS, I looooove you—" began an attractive boy with messy hair and hazel eyes.

"NO!" Lily slapped James Christopher Potter in the face. He stumbled backwards into his best friends, Sirius Orion Big-Dipper Black and Remus John Joseph Romulus Lupin. Peter Willard Pettigrew was eating something somewhere (a/n: I so wish I didn't need to put Petr in this story, he is such a spazz and I hate him! DIE FAT BOY! tee hee. arnt I cute lol lol lol)

"That sucked," pointed out Remus helpfully as Lily turned and flounced off. Remus immediately began to read a book. Was it mentioned that Remus is helpful, quiet, and smart about everything?

"Heh heh, sucked," said Sirius Black, who was constantly making a sexual joke about something since being good-looking obviously means that he is a prostitute.

"One day, one day, my true love will listen to me and come fluttering into my arms!" sobbed James dreamily, staring off into the distance as his cheek turned bright red. Peter continued to eat. Sirius cleared his handsome throat,

"Prongs, Prongsie, James, Jamesie, Jamie, Jimmy, Jimmy Jim Jimbo, Prongso—"

"Yes, Padfoot? Sirius? Siri? Pads? Padders? Padderly MacDougall—"

"Why the hell do we make up such stupid names for each other? We can't make nicknames out of nicknames!" shouted Remus abruptly, uncharacteristically angry.

"And has it occurred to no one that we are teenage boys? I mean, for Christ's sake, this isn't slash you idiots! No straight men call each other 'Pads' and 'Jamie'!" And naturally no one had an answer to this. The author decided to punish Remus for his moment of sense and ignore the previous paragraphs.

Remus slumped over into a boring book, muttering something that sounded like, "Never mind." Peter ate. James and Sirius recovered from an awkward moment; James returning to drooling and Sirius returning to leering at everything in panties.

"Anyway, like I was about to advise you about women because I am so sexy…" said Sirius smugly, because that's what he was, "…Prongs old chap, you'd better let Evans go. She hates you."

"My flower does not hate me!" whined James petulantly, beating his chest with his arms. Peter responded to this by eating some more.

"All I need is one more day to convince her to looooove me—"

"It's the end of sixth year," assisted Remus. And it was.

"Oh damn."

…

Several weeks later…

"WHAT! YOU'RE THE HEAD BOY, YOU BULLYING TOE-RAG—"

"Now now Lils," said James complacently, "why do we always have to exactly rip off J. K. Rowling's description of me? You know I love you!"

"I'm still angry!"

"I've changed for you! I am mature!"

"I don't want to admit it!"

"What?"

"Never you mind!"

The next moment, six people poured into the Head Compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Sirius winked suggestively, Remus read a book, Peter ate. Then there were the other three, who were all girls and Lily's bestest friends ever.

Cameron Summer Mahoney was a spunky blond girl who was an excellent Quidditch player and instrumental in bringing Lily and James together. She was an adorable blond tomboy that no one could resist because she was just that cool, outgoing, and lovely. Her eyes were blue and bright and she thought everyone was hot but Peter Pettigrew.

Marilyn-Elise Beatrix Monrovia was another good friend of Lily's. She was tall and busty and had dated every boy in the school except the Marauders. Marilyn-Elise's hair was often dyed different colors. Today it was a curly purple. Her makeup was perfect and her low-cut robes were the envy of everyone on the train. Obviously, she was not interested in the hottest boy in the school, Sirius Black, who was also not interested in her. Hah.

The final girl was Evelyn Paulette Jameson, a shy but pretty girl whom everyone loved. She loved studying and helping others and being kind to everything that breathed. Evy was less confident than Lily's other friends, but being the most gentle had its uses. Especially when snagging Remus Lupin later—'nuff said.

"Lily, we just wanted to say we loved you, and make fun of you and Potter, and make suggestive motions towards his friends—"

"Except me!" cried out Cammmie (yes, three 'm's) who was eying another hot Gryffindor boy whose name was something like Otto Von Hot-British-Boy, which makes no sense whatsoever.

"Yes, yes," agreed Marilyn-Elise, slowly moving closer to Sirius Black, "but we'll skip it and leave now after asking the Million Dollar Question: Is Potter really so bad?"

"YES!" shouted the very red-haired, green-eyed Lily. Everyone nodded and left.

"Lily," said James in a humble voice. "You dropped your handkerchief, here—"

"Oh James, you have matured!" cried Lily triumphantly, except that this happened days later in the private Head Common Room that is never mentioned in the books.

"Yes, Tiger Lily, Lilyflower, Lils, Lils-a-lot, I have," agreed James, still miraculously humble and shy. They were sitting on a red futon in their own cozy common room. Lily laid her head on James' chest.

"James, I blow at Transfiguration? Teach me?"

"Sure, because I need your help at Charms and because I am not grown-up."

"Excellent," replied Lily, just as Sirius stuck his lipstick-marked face into the room.

"Heh heh. Blow.."

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" asked James, putting his hand through his hair seventy times just to make up for not doing it before now. Sirius stepped into the room, followed by Marilyn-Elise, Cammmie and Otto, Evy and Remus, and Peter and a sandwich.

"We just wanted to tell you that Marilyn-Elise and I unashamedly had sex, and that Remus and Evy are all cuddly and cute now, and that Cammmie and Von Hot-British-Boy are sucking face too!" cried Sirius cheerfully, playing with Marilyn-Elise's platinum blond streaks as she fastened herself to his arm.

"Oh, and Peter is eating a sandwich." Peter squeaked and looked fat. Cammmie stepped forward.

"Lily, James is actually perfect for you. Hook up with him?"

"Oh Cammie, you are brilliant! I am so happy for everyone" cried Lily, leaping right on top of James.

"Hey, guess what?" asked a psychotically jovial Sirius. "Arse!" Everyone stared.

"What…? Just trying to make this thing British…" The friends all nodded knowingly and mouthed "oh". Then Sirius led everyone away and they found separate broom closets, except Peter, who ate.

"Jamiekins, I love you," whispered Lily while gazing into James' hazel eyes.

"Lily Willy, I love you too," agreed James. They kissed. A lot. While snogging, they killed off Peter Pettigrew, who was incidentally eating a sandwich at the time.

The End

I expect I'll be adding in more LJ snarks…this is just one of the overview of almost every LJ story…